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Black Warrior Review Fifth-Ever Contest

Brian Oliu — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 23:30:08 +0000

BWR is awesome and you know it. Extra bonus, check out those judges! Sexxxy!!! (with three xs and three !s)

Guest Judges this year are Larissa Szporluk (poetry) and Brian Evenson (fiction).

Send your entry to:
Fiction Contest OR Poetry Contest
Black Warrior Review
Box 862936
Tuscaloosa, AL 35486

The Reading Fee is $15 per short story (up to 7500 words) and $15 per
group of up to 3 poems.

Winners in each genre will receive $1,000 and publication in the Spring/Summer 2010 issue.

Finalists in each category will receive notation in the Spring/Summer 2010
issue, and are also considered for publication.

Contestants will receive a complimentary one-year subscription.

All entries must be postmarked by October 1, 2009.

For more details and guidelines, please visit:
http://www.bwr.ua.edu

Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up.

Brian Oliu — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 23:47:50 +0000

Hey do you remember ska? I do! It was SO GOOD. My parents were all like ‘don’t listen to that razzamatazz!’ and I was like ‘but mom there are HORNS in there!’ and she’s like ‘well, can’t argue with a good horn section…’ and then this gave her the opportunity to make me listen to Herb Alpert’s Tijuana Brass and then I saw the album cover and my eyes were all like ‘boinnnnng!’

I started listening to ska because Melissa Napoleon (happy Bastille Day btw) had a patch on her Jansport that covered up the Jansport that said ‘SKA’ on it! At first I thought it meant SKATE or POLSKA but nope! So I went to the Princeton Record Exchange and bought three albums! Skankin’ Pickle – The Green Album! Fugazi – Repeater +3 Songs! Gorilla Biscuits – Start Today! Two of them changed my life! One of them did not!

Either way, we can all laugh about it now! (Literary Ska-Band Names: David Foster Skalas, The National Books Critic’s Circle Skaward, One Hundred Years of Ska-litude)

Except for SOMEONE WE KNOW. Yes, Pitchfork Media, the Internet equivalent to that one friend who is kind of a douche but sometimes suggests decent stuff except when they went on that art-noise kick (ew!) had a layout change a few months ago. In this giant html htmlgiant-like facelift, they did a little bit of housekeeping, including eliminating the 9.5 review they gave of Save Ferris’ debut album ‘It Means Everything’. A 9.5! Wha! You remember those guys! They were famous for being mis-identified as No Doubt when you downloaded their feel-good cover of ‘Come On Eileen’ off of Napster! They had a song called ‘Spam’ that was about ‘Spam’ the meat not ‘Spam’ the email! 9.5!

Seriously…the review exists (it was one of the super short ones way back when) and is absolutely nowhere to be found on the Interwebs; a link from Wikipedia is dead. We at Le Giant are no stranger to unpublishing and the risks of publication online, but this is a conspiracy like that conspiracy movie! If you can find this review it needs to be saved 4ever! SAVE SAVE FERRIS

Poetry! In MOTION!

Brian Oliu — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 17:00:32 +0000

Hey nerds! Guess what I did this weekend? I played BASKETBALL which is a sport! Also, I watched SOCCER which is also a sport! Also I watched GOLF which may or may not be a sport! but it probably is a sport!

Which got me thinkin about WASHINGTON WIZARDS POWERFORWARDS! Mostly Oleksiy Pecherov but also Etan Thomas! He has a book of poetry called ‘More Than an Athlete‘ which I can totally relate to because while I am a WRITER I am MORE Than a Writer! I am also a man who can make an occasional lay-up (that is when you shoot the basketball from very close range off of the backboard and it goes through the hoop and then you get a high five!) and an occasional grilled cheese sandwich!

Other favorite books of poetry by athletes:

Mike Tyson – Heartsongs
Charles Barkley – Every Angel is Turrible
Tiger Woods – Dare Thy Fearful Symmetry: Poems About Augusta
Darryl Strawberry – Strawberries in Heaven: Translations from Grzegorz Musial

Nice work gentlemen! If only Lauren Conrad could hoop it up; she’d be the ultimate TRIPLE THREAT!

You Must Be This Tall To Ride Anthology

Brian Oliu — Wed, 20 May 2009 15:27:08 +0000

Folks,

A new anthology, called ‘You Must Be This Tall To Ride’ is a collection of ‘Coming of Age’ stories (fiction and nonfiction alike) and includes some nuclear writers such as Michael Martone, Aimee Bender, Dan Chaon, Kate Bernheimer, Stuart Dybek, etc etc etc. Furthermore for all you teacher folks out there, each story includes a ‘craft essay’ which explains the process of writing these stories which can prove beneficial to your little aspiring Stephanie Meyers.

In other words, this thing rocks; more info (and submission guidelines for book version 2.0) at http://www.youmustbethistalltoride.net/

Poet Craig Arnold Missing in Japan

Brian Oliu — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 02:05:57 +0000

Hey all. Not exactly an upper, but I received this e-mail from a friend and it seems like an apt place to use our powers for good (!) and get the word out.

The poet Craig Arnold is currently in Japan with the U.S.-Japan Friendship Commission’s U.S.-Japan Creative Artists Exchange Fellowship and has been missing since April 26th (evening Monday April 27th Japanese time).

He is the author of two volumes of poetry: Shells, chosen by W.S. Merwin for the Yale Series of Young Poets in 1999, and of Made Flesh(Ausable, 2008). His poetry has been anthologized in several volumes of the Best American Poetry Series, and his poems, articles, and translations from the Spanish have appeared in such publications as The New Republic, Paris Review, Poetry Magazine, Yale Review, and many more. He is the recipient of numerous awards and honors, including a Fulbright Fellowship, the Joseph Brodsky Rome Prize from the American Academy of Arts and Letters, the Alfred Hodder Fellowship in Humanities from Princeton University, an Amy Lowell Poetry Traveling Scholarship, and a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts. Dr. Arnold did his B.A. at Yale University and received his Ph.D. from the University of Utah. He is presently an Assistant Professor at the University of Wyoming.

THE DETAILS:

Monday April 27th (Japanese time) he arrived with the 2:50 pm municipal ferry from Yakusima on the island of Kuchino-erabu and checked in to the local “Watanabe” inn, the only one on the island. He was with 2 Japanese tourists who had reservations. He did not have one. (They must have helped him check in.) He had traveled to the island to visit the volcano, as he has been working on a book on the subject of volcanoes for some time.

His plan was to stay only one night and leave the next day. (Craig has visited many volcanoes around the world in recent years as is very experienced with visiting them.)

He immediately left his 3 bags at the inn and departed around 3 pm on foot to the next village, taking only his walking sticks. He was wearing black or dark colors: long pants, a dark hat, a nylon jacket. His Japanese iPhone was on his person but has not been reachable due to inconsistent reception on the island. The exclusive provider of IPhone service, Softbank, has been contacted by the police in an attempt to utilize the built-in GPS capabilities of the phone.

At the village, someone with a car drove him to the entrance to the path leading up the mountain to the volcano. There are 4 paths to the volcano which are obvious and in good condition. He was taken to the entrance of a path next to a dam where evidence collected by the police suggests he ascended. His footprints have been found. The police have not found evidence of a return trip along that path. The area is densely forested until reaching the summit area, caldera, of the volcano where there is little vegetation.

The police stated that the path to that area is clear but that finding the path on the descent could pose problems so it is likely that he may not have found his way back to the path he entered by.

When Craig did not return to the inn by 8 pm, the inn staff searched for him by car, driving to the village. Unsuccessful, they returned to the inn and called the local fire brigade at 9 pm who responded immediately and searched until midnight.

Day 2 (Tues, April 28 JT) 5 police officers (under the direction of Mr. Kazuhara) arrived from Yakusima that morning with new assets: cars, search dogs, police persons, a helicopter. 40 total persons now working on this: 30 local fire reserve persons and 10 police persons and officials. They searched the trail he took but did not complete an exhaustive search of all 4 trails. One individual climbed all the way to the top. The area was circled several times by the helicopter and they also flew around the coastline. I contacted them directly at the end of the 2nd search day: 6:30pm. (5:30 am this morning, Wed April 29th U.S. time). They were debriefing and planning for day 3, with a plan to concentrate on the possible alternative paths down from the volcano that he may have taken by mistake and the surrounding area.

Day 3, the official required last day of the search, begins tonight. They are only required by law to search for 3 days. Extension procedures must be arranged with Mr. Kawahigashi and may require payment. Other than the helicopter, no higher level assets have been deployed at this time. Since the focus is on a “boots-on-the-ground” search and rescue (the forest makes visibility from the air limited) more people should be deployed immediately to assist.

ENVIRONMENTAL BACKGROUND:

Kuchino-erabusima (various transliterations possible shima, jima):

Volcanic island 14.5 square km. Spring weather conditions, temp drops at night but not to freezing. Has not rained since Craig went missing. Fresh water available.

Reachable by municipal ferry from Yakushima
Police based in Yakushima
Hospital on Yakushima
Airport on Yakushima connects to Kagoshima, major city.

Map:

http://homepage2.nifty.com/erabu/sight.htm

PEOPLE IMMEDIATELY INVOLVED:

The following people only speak Japanese with a thick regional accent:

The search and rescue operation is being led by
Town Officer: Mr. Kawahigashi
cel: 81-(0)90-7162-8404 / office tel: 81-(0)997-49-2100
(last spoke with him 7:05 am NYC time) They were preparing to debrief from
Day 2 of the search and prepare their plan for Day 3.
Day 3 begins tonight, Wednesday April 29. (= morning Thurs, April 30 Japanese time)

The Yakusima police officer on the case: Officer Kuzuhara: 81-(0)997-462110
he is on the neighboring island Yakusima, not the island where Craig is lost.

THEY ARE ONLY REQUIRED BY LAW TO SEARCH FOR 3 DAYS. THERE IS A NATIONAL HOLIDAY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. WE MUST APPLY ALL AVAILABLE PRESSURE TO MAKE THEM CONTINUE THE SEARCH AND TO CONVINCE THE U.S. CONSULATE TO ACTIVATE THE AVAILABLE AMERICAN ASSETS (OKINAWA) TO ASSIST WITH THE SEARCH AND RESCUE OPERATION ON THE GROUND.

The process is currently stalled at the Fukuoka Consulate level with
Mark Baron (cel: 81-90-30143802) working under Margot Carrington
(Fukuoka Consulate office tel: 81-92-751-9331)

The Tokyo Embassy # is 81-(0)3-3224-5000 and the interim Charge d’Affairs is James P. Zumwalt

Local U.S.-Japan Friendship Commission Contact TOKYO:

Christopher Blasdel
Cel: 81-90-9362-9914
Home: 81-3-3309-0403

Executive Director of U.S.-Japan Friendship Commission:
From: Eric Gangloff

Dr. Eric J. Gangloff
Executive Director
Japan-US Friendship Commission
1201 15th Street NW, Suite 330
Washington, DC 20005
(202) 653-9800
(202) 653-9802 fax
www.jusfc.gov

LOCAL AMERICAN ASSETS:

http://www.okinawa.usmc.mil/DoD%20on%20Okinawa/DoD%20on%20Okinawa%20Page.html

Kadena Air Force Base, Okinawa under the command of Pacific Air Force (PACAF)
http://www.kadena.af.mil/

NAVY: Commander Fleet Activities Okinawa:
https://www.cnic.navy.mil/Okinawa/index.htm

Naval hospital:http://www.med.navy.mil/sites/nhoki/Pages/default.aspx

Poetry.com. You know you were a semi-finalist.

Brian Oliu — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 23:33:06 +0000

Did you know that poetry.com‘s database is SEARCHABLE? Well guess what, Internet? IT IS. Welcome to terrordome.

When I was 16 I sent a poem to them through bolt.com (anyone remember bolt.com? Social networking v.08 BETA…I was a bolt.com all-star, FYI…much less success on makeoutclub.com; did not like Coalesce…sad, so sad.) and it was from the point of view of a fortune cookie! But you didn’t KNOW it was a fortune cookie! Whaaaaaaat? I know, right? I was one mysterious poet!

Anyway, I totally was a SEMI-FINALIST and they were going to publish me in their MONTHLY ANTHOLOGY for like $45.00 and I was so psyched! Fortunately my parents did not believe in eCommerce at the time (shout-out to Patricia and Ed) and so I never got to see my poem in its Times New Roman 12-point double-spaced center-justified glory! This is why I write nonfiction today, no matter what Albert Goldbarth sez.

So, yeah, their database is searchable; plug your name in, hold your breath, and hope that you submitted too early for internet-foreverdom. Also, they have ‘POETRY REFERENCE’…’Need Help Rhyming?’ WHY YES I DO! Thanks for asking poetry.com! What rhymes with BLOODY?

Please God, Let This Be Real.

Brian Oliu — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 04:30:13 +0000

Hello. By now you should understand my schtick here on HTMLGIANT (and abroad!) but there is no hyperbole necessary to display to you the awesomeness that is THIS.

It is my job to come up with a SNARKY COMMENT, but…I…can’t.

Okay…just one. I fear posting about this because when I see HTML coding like that, it makes me think of the Heaven’s Gate website (they were webdesigners, you know…I’m being totally serious…THANKS FOR RUINING THE NIKE CORTEZ FOR US APPLEWHITE!) and I’m scared that they’re going to find me and carve a poorly assembled chapbook with no central theme with the exception of ‘SPACE!’ into my chest and how am I going to explain that the next time I am with a woman?

In other words, bodybackground=”#FEFDD6″ FONT-FAMILY: MSCOMICSANS scares the shit out of me.

So enjoy(?)

Bacon Explosion Wins A Book Prize!

Brian Oliu — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 15:55:38 +0000

CONGRATULATIONS PORK!

Yes it is true! The Bacon Explosion has won a BOOK PRIZE which is something that ALL of us want! It just goes to show that BACON > US! I hear that The Bacon Explosion has quite a way with language and its work was called “elegant and lucid, emotionally charged and precisely controlled,” by the National Book Critics Circle! And that’s a circle I don’t want to mess with! Hooray for Bacon Explosion! AND the Bacon Explosion didn’t even have to die of liver failure like Roberto Bolaño to win this award! Because everyone knows that the Bacon Explosion CAN’T DIE! The Bacon Explosion was the inspiration for the modern children’s classic ‘Tuck Everlasting’! It is the perfect example of humanity’s awareness of our own mortality and makes us comprehend our role in the world! It’s so sad at the end of the book when the Bacon Explosion stands over Winnie’s grave! It’s so ironic that we all want to live forever, but then when we do, we’re all like ‘no i don’t want to live forever!’ and then it’s kind of like that BORGES story where Connor MacLeod fights his first battle in the Scottish Highlands in 1536, but fights his greatest battle on the streets of New York City in 1986!

I have yet to read the Bacon Explosion’s book, but I’ve read a few of its short stories in various literary magazines which show its command of plot intricacies and deftness! But I KNOW that the book is AWESOME and has lots of BACON SEX in it! I hope that the Bacon Explosion draws a lot from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE because that’s what GOOD BOOKS DO! Write what you know! It worked for James Frey and Marie-Pier Côté (full circle…BOOK CIRCLE…incroyable!)

I’m going to CHECK IT OUT at my local library and put it on my Book It! list and get a PERSONAL PAN PIZZA!

“Castle” ABC TV Series! It’s about WRITERS and MURDER!

Brian Oliu — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 23:09:30 +0000

I love the television show LOST! (no, really! the show’s title is actually in all-caps! this isn’t part of my MEME or my writerly VOICE which you are trying to STIFLE! what is this an undergraduate poetry workshop?) If you haven’t heard of LOST it’s about people who are LOST on an island! They also might be LOST in their own LIVES, but I’m not sure!

Anyway, during LOST they’ve been showing promos for a new TV show called CASTLE which stars the guy from the last season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer (Sarah Michelle Gellar STAND UP!) and I am sooooooooooo excited for it because another one of my favorite TV shows is HOUSE which is also a show where the main character is also named after a shelter or building that is a dwelling or place for habitation by human beings and is ALSO the name of the show! Wow! I feel at HOME already! LOL (did you get that joke?)

Get this! RICHARD CASTLE is a WRITER who helps solve MURDERS! Whaaaaaat? What do writers know about MURDER? (except for street poet SHYNE, FREE SHYNE Y’ALL SKIDDLY WHOAAAA)

BUT apparently someone is ACTING OUT the murders in RICHARD CASTLE’S NOVELS! Wow! That’s CRAZY! I too like to act out my favorite writer’s creations! There was this one time where I tried to act out the entirety of shattered sonnets love cards and other off and back handed importunite but then I got a NOSEBLEED and I had to stop! Fortunately it was a SEXY nosebleed!

I bet you RICHARD CASTLE was nominated for a PUSHCART at some point! Maybe he’s even received a hand-written rejection from The Georgia Review!? (probably not). I also think he’s judging the Saturnalia Book Prize this year!

I have high hopes that RICHARD CASTLE is going to be like a Salaman Rushdie’d David Caruso on CSI: Miami and every show is going to open up with him saying something like ‘Looks like…*takes off pair of Browlines* someone sent a personal rejection’ and then THE WHO will kick in (not that song, the other one!) and it’ll be like CASTLE! And there will be an interesting JUXTAPOSITION between a PEN and a PENKNIFE and a bullet will be shot and hit a body which will turn into an SASE and the wound will resemble a FOREVER stamp! And then you’ll get a commercial and it’ll be like ‘CASTLE! Brought to you by NARRATIVE MAGAZINE!’ and you’ll be like ‘Ugh, not THOSE guys!’

Only on ABC!

Kanye West VH1 Storytellers

Brian Oliu — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 18:49:18 +0000

Man I am so excited for VH1 STORYTELLERS! I am so excited for it I originally typed VH! STORYTELLERS! My uncle was at the MEATLOAF VH1 STORYTELLERS! He said it was awesome because Meatloaf would be all like “Well, I was wanting to do YOU KNOW *audience laughs* with some hot girl and we were in my CAR and she was like ‘No I’m a Catholic girl who likes sex after marriage not BEFORE marriage because of JESUS and you should marry me and love me until the end of time,’ and I was like OKAY because I love baseball and baseball is a metaphor for everything and I wanted to hit a HOMERUN and by HOMERUN I mean, well, you know *audience laughs* and that’s how I came up with the song ‘Objects in the Rearview Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are’ and here we goooooo” PIANO!

But yes! Kanye West is going to be on VH1 Storytellers! I am so excited to hear Kanye TELL STORIES. Don’t be fooled by the outdated google image search photo up there, Kanye now has a MOHAWK! In that photo he was going through an Orlando Magic phase! No one can shoot the deep ball quite like Hedo Turkoglu and KANYE KNEW THIS! Now he’s coppin’ Terrance Hayes’ style circa 2007!

According to the Internets, they’ve had to cut multiple portions of Kanye’s STORYTELLIN’ because they might be considered offensive! At first I was all like ‘Whaaaat?’ and then I was like ‘Oh’ because I remembered that VH1 is the home of Jon Secada and Taylor Dayne and Phil Collins and they’ve never used a curse word a day in their lives, except that one time that they would play Eminem’s ‘Stan’ and I’d be like ‘Wow! VH1!’ and then it was that DIDO song and I knew I should’ve listened to the electronic rain to determine the difference! So stupid, Brian! So stupid!

Among the things that are being cut is about how Kanye thinks Thom Yorke of Radiohead snubbed him at the Oscars, Chris Brown made a simple punching mistake, and OJ Simpson and Michael Phelps are AWESOME!

I couldn’t help but think about that crazy edition of VH1 Storytellers: Joyce Carol Oates where she was saying all sorts of ridiculous stuff such as “When I was back stage at Oprah accepting the Oprah Book Club Award for ‘We Were The Mulvaneys’, Noah Wyle walked right past me and didn’t congratulate me on my prolific writerly life! I always thought he carried himself extremely well as Dr. John Carter and I was so looking forward to his role on the TNT Original Series ‘The Librarian: Quest for the Spear’ but seriously, I’m so glad that Brad Pitt won the 2001 People’s Sexiest Man Alive title from that douche!”

and “I awkwardly love boxing! Ho ho ho! I think more people should be punched in the face! We could call it ‘BOXING EVERYWHERE’! Write that shit down, I’m Joyce Carol Oates!”

and “O.J. Simpson, amazing. Is he not? What he did, when he did, what he did. Was he not amazing though?”

When are they gonna make a VH1 STORYTELLERS: STEPHEN KING!?!? Now THAT guy can tell a story! How did he get the idea of CELLPHONES turning people into ZOMBIES! I mean, wow! I’ve never thought about technology in that way! And KILLER DOGS!