April 3rd, 2013 / 4:11 pm
Massive People & Mean & Technology

American Humans Are the Least Specialist Things In the Solar System


At least three times a week, whether I’m sipping Berry Juicy Juice, reciting Chelsey Minnis verse (“most poets don’t have any dick or balls under this their skirts”) or staring dreamily out the window, I think about how terrific it would be if every single boy in Chief Keef’s “I Don’t Like” music video was my boyfriend. Oh, we’d almost surely have a swell time together. We’d engage in the most exquisite activities, like sip Berry Juicy Juice, recite Chelsey Minnis, and stare dreamily out the window. Though, obviously, if the GBE boys and I turned into an item, we might, even in this time period, be subject to racism. America hasn’t exactly been benevolent to those whose skin color resembles not a vanilla milkshake. America has savagely uprooted an entire race, dropped two atomic bombs on another, and averted their eyes from countless non-whitey genocides. Indeed, American human possess a preponderant of bias against those contrasting their skin color, just as, though in different degrees, they are biased against boys who don’t like girls, girls who don’t like boys, and anyone who doesn’t treat the Holocaust as an unspeakable occurrence.

Yes, yes, American humans are prejudiced, and I wish to discuss what these prejudices mean: What is the basis for American humans’ brutal attitude towards others? What are American humans trying to preserve? What characteristics do American humans have that others don’t? What type of society are non-American humans being excluded from?

According to Lana Del Rey, “Money is the reason we exist / Everyone knows it’s a fact / Kiss kiss.” The German boy, Karl Marx, concurs with the pointed girl singer. The laborer, in Karl’s words, “consumes in a two-fold way.” While working, he consumes what’s needed to produce what he’s obligated to, like computers, smartphones, coffee bean grinders, &c. When the laborer is not occupied with his job he spends the money that he earned on subsistence, like meat, middle-class clothes, and an apartment (probably in Bed-Sty [sp?]) that is deplorably deprived of Disney DVDs (though not, unsurprisingly, lubricant and books by 99 percent poets). The worker buys these things since, without them, his labor power value would vault into worthlessness and then he, too, would be worthless.

All worth comes from money. Marx says, “Money brings the relation of commodities into values” since it serves as the “universal equivalent.” Money turns humans into commodities. They sell their labor – themselves – in the way that someone else (Kmart) would sell me, say, a teddy bear. Commodities can be becoming things; yet commodities that are arrogant, that deem themselves superior to other commodities, are utterly unbecoming things. My teddy bear doesn’t torpedo around town twittering of human rights, morals, and equality. My teddy bear is quiet, cute, and cuddly. The American human, however, is a disgraceful commodity. They operate under the belief that they are not commodities at all. American humans talk your ear off about freedom and liberty. But American humans are not independent. American humans are moored to money, for, minus money, American humans would be bereft of an identity, since money — how much money they extract for their labor power as well as the amount they spend in order to surround themselves with commodities of commensurate value, which, in turn, perseveres the appeal of their labor power value – forms the American human’s identity.

Vilely vain, putridly pompous, perceptive as an Allen Ginsberg poem (i.e no perception whatsoever) – American humans, though they cultivated the concept quite considerably, presently abhor the concept of slavery. The repulsion towards slavery reaches nearly all aspects of America, even literary translation theory. In her essay in Deformation Zone, Joyelle McSweeney cites Kathryn Harrison’s review of Lydia Davis’s Madame Bovary in which Harrison praises Davis for being “faithful to the style of the original, but not to the point of slavishness. Davis’s effort is transparent – the reader never senses her presence. For Madame Bovary, hers is the level of mastery required.” For Joyelle, who opposes Harrison’s viewpoint, mastery means good behavior, and good behavior is the antithesis of slavery since slavery is something that American humans aren’t too proud of. But American humans, much like the black humans they exploited, are slaves too. The capitalist owns the American human. He controls their labor, what they produce, and, even when they’re not contractually working, American humans make choices so that their labor power maintains the necessary value so that they can purchase the things needed for 21st c. survival. American humans, as with slaves, might switch masters and duties throughout their lifetime, but, regardless of who buys their labor, they will always be chained to the “universal equivalent” – money. It’s money – not the American human – who’s top doggie. The American human/slave life is readily replaceable. When an American human/slave dies (Steve Jobs), someone is always ready to step in and take over (Tim Cook).

A topsy-turvy critique of values is sort of an accurate definition of racism. American humans get a gander of something – blacks, Japanese, Islamics, &c — external to its “universal equivalent” and, due to American human’s unending self-importance, they immediately assume that this something – again, blacks, Japanese, Islamics, &c — is incapable of, in Harrison’s words, “mastery” of capitalism, and is therefore inferior. The other’s value wasn’t situated in money, so the American human presumes to treat them like lewd leeches: Beatings, bombings, rapes, sadistic prisons, cattle car-like ships – none of this has any affect on  American humans. They possess neither sensations nor sensitivity. American humans don’t kiss someone sweetly and softly on the cheek. An American human adorns his body (commodity) with some Banana Republic-esque clothes (commodity), then he hails a cab (commodity) to a bar (commodity) and buys the typical amount of drinks (commodity) and maybe he meets another American human (commodity) and they return to his apartment (commodity) where they elicit pleasure (commodity) from each other (commodity).

With an indelicacy equal to that of Betty Friedan, the American human is a boor, a brute, a sleazy skull who, with the utmost perversity, imposes their own slavish comportment onto others, who, until encountering American humans, may have had their own value system, a system so special that it was invisible, like Casper the Friendly Ghost. But American humans insist that they are the only special things in the solar system. The idea of racism perpetuates this adulterated belief. To be racist, the American human views itself as the best, on a plane that others can’t ever reach. Conversely, to accuse someone of racism reinforces the perception that American humans are the most special in the world and that the only path to specialness is to gain accesses to their system, which is why everyone must be allowed in.

No smart boy buys into this rubbish. They don’t want to exclude or be included. Arthur Rimbaud wanted to blow American humans and their predecessors (relatively civilized Europeans) to smithereens (“What Do We Care, My Heart”). Chief Keef doesn’t want to wander to Africa like Arthur, but he’s not under the impression that he’s an American human. Chief Keef doesn’t fume about freedom and rights. Chief Keef is acute. He’s cognizant that he’s a commodity, which is why he proclaims: “I’m a rich ass nigga, hallelujah.”

As for anti-Semitism, the most famous case is that of Nazi Germany. The Nazis wanted to erase basically every single human from earth (including, as Hannah Arendt points out, Germans with heart problems), and they commenced their killing spree with the Jews. Until Hitler and his boys seized the spotlight the Jews’ lives resembled those of American humans: they dined out, took vacations, ran factories, operated department stores, and practiced medicine, law, and banking. Their value and American human’s value share the same source — money. But then, after some staunch campaigning and relentless political manipulations, a boy named Hitler took charge and discarded this universal equivalent. The system he instituted was devoid of a set formula for determining value. The Nazis were, according to acute Arendt’s description “shapeless.” They were a movement — a chaotic, messy tornado that, for quite some time, swept up everything in its path.

Capitalism, as I’ve tried to explain, consumes the lives of its adherents 24/7. But capitalism is not totalitarianism. Capitalism is empirical, explicit, and conspicuous. There’s little mystery about it since you can see it in labels, receipts, paychecks, tax forms, 401k plans, stock profiles, &c. The foundation of capitalism is, like Betty, very hard. Contrariwise, the origins of totalitarianism are misty. According to Arendt, the totalitarian world “depends entirely on the power of the man who can fabricate it,” and around this man there’s an “impenetrable mystery” and “intangible preponderance” that links his identity to everything. An elusive, omnipresent storyteller – such was Hitler. He created a fairytale that the masses heeded because the other world – the world of American humans and their allies – was super mean to them (the Treaty of Versailles) and had none of the magical magnitude of the führer.

Extracted from their monetized value, the Jews were subject to the type of treatment that non-American humans get on a consistent basis. They were pillaged, uprooted, and destroyed without consequence. Just as Community Organizer Obama is permitted to launch drones at Islamic populations, Hitler was allowed to erase Jewish populations. Each deemed a demographic extinguishable, and each, with varying visibility and intensity, sanctioned actions to terminate that extinguishable demographic. It’s rather acceptable for American humans and their bros to kill, but it’s quite forbidden for others to act similarly. The term attached to this double-dealing is anti-Semitism. Whether they’re 1940s Nazi Germans or 2013 Iranians, anyone who treats a Jew (an American human) the way that American humans treats others is an anti-Semite – someone who doesn’t recognize that Jewish value derives from money, which makes them the most special thing on earth (really, though, one of the most sleazy things on earth).

Last (and perhaps least) are the LGBTQ’s… Oh bother! As the Bambi Muse baby despots pointed out, while Syrians are in such peril that they have to hide in Roman caves, the LGBTQ’s fulminate over money. Apparently, Edith Windsor is one agitated lesbian. If gay marriage were lawful then Edith would be spared paying a $360,000 tax on the property that she inherited from her dead girlfriend. Do you know how many tacky ceramic bowls a lesbian can purchase for $360,000? A lot! The LGBTQ’s are American humans. Though American humans seem to be just now catching on to it, LGBTQ’s derive their value from money. “We’re aspirants to tradition,” says gay Frank Bruni, “communicating shared values and asserting a fundamentally conservative desire, at least among many of us, for families, stability, commitment. What’s so threatening about any of that?” “Duh,” replies Baby Alexander (who figured this out last spring). There seems to be two types of homophobia. The first gainsays LGBTQ’s due to the view that they’re a danger to American humans. This, as Baby Alexander and bulimic Bruni proves, is not so. The second type of homophobia execrates the LGBTQ’s since they aren’t really LGBTQ’s. Really, they, like Jews, are American humans — the least specialist things in the solar system.


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