November 2008

things that inspire me more than most literary journals

here is a short, halfway conceived list of things that inspire me more than most literary journals:

1. The Musicmart, State Street, Chicago, Illinois.  the music mart is sort of an indoor mall where symphonies play music during the fall and winter.  i like to go there and sit down at a table and listen to the music and write down things that will later be called juvenile or silly.  feel free to visit me anytime at the music mart and i will buy you a small fountain drink from sbarro.  later, i will ask you to have “dibs” on the refill.  email me in advance if you’d like to do this because finding me at the musicmart is a game of “where’s waldo” since i have been told numerous times, by different people, that i resemble a homeless man.

2.  Evander Holyfield and Boxing in General.  evander holyfield seems to have more power than anyone else on earth.  sometimes when i am writing something, i think, “would this beat up evander holyfield or would he bounce left then right and uppercut the shit out of me?”  also, i saw a match between lennox lewis and oliver mc call the other day in which mc call had a nervous breakdown in the middle of the fight.  i felt really weird watching it but also inspired.  find the video and watch it, he starts crying in the middle of the fight.  i feel like this is how i feel when i know i am writing something entertaining.  all i do lately is type and watch boxing.

3.    The Blue Line, Chicago, Illinois and The Surgeon.   sometimes i just ride the blue line around until it gets somewhere i don’t know and then i get out and walk around.  i do the same thing with the bus.  which brings me to The Surgeon.  The Surgeon is a man who rides the blue line.  i often see him sleeping in the back.  every once in a while he wakes up quickly and starts doing this sawing motion with his hand.  no one is going to cry when he dies.  i am at home with people who will not be remembered.

4.  A Video I Saw on Chicago Public TV Yesterday.  there was a video on public access tv yesterday where an old lady was sitting next to her son.  the son was in a wheelchair.  the old lady kept saying, “this is my maurice and he is not right because someone gave him a cigarette mixed with formaldehyde.  maurice wants you to never do drugs because drugs have ruined my maurice.”  then maurice would just groan and sigh and his mom would say, “yes maurice, i love you.”  i want a group hug between me, The Surgeon and Maurice.

this post will not receive 85 comments because it does not take a stance on a literary issue and then attempt to dismantle other arguments ultimately resulting in nothing.  i do not have any opinions on literary matters that extend beyond myself.  you are all silly.  j/k everyone, it’s mean monday.  i don’t mean any of this.

Random / 199 Comments
November 24th, 2008 / 3:57 pm

Mean Mondays: Semantic Help

A lot of terms get thrown around in this literary world, and people get confused. The following guide shall clarify once and for all the meaning of these terms.

“Sell out” vs. “Sold out”

‘Sold out’ means that the inventory of a book has been depleted, which is generally considered a good thing. It means that ‘the public’ likes you, and that your voice is ‘evocative’ and perhaps even ‘consequentially irrevocable.’ If you make 3 chapbooks and they ‘sold out’ to your mom, roommate, and best friend, your voice is not consequentially irrevocable, but a faint whine in the distance. ‘Sell out’ is a word less successful people use to denote someone who has experienced more success. This term implicates that the ‘sell out’ is a morally deficient person who, instead of the noble march towards truth (i.e. incomprehensible manuscripts), has opted to reap the rewards of a populist/philistine mentality (i.e. comprehensible manuscripts).

“Friends” vs. “Real Friends”

‘Friends’ is what you call somebody you don’t know who has contacted you by email, instant message, or via blog comments. The hyper-mediated ‘online’ experience of these friendships often feel better than real friendships, because in the latter, one has to deal with body odor, dandruff, and other aggravating physiological vicinities. It’s like porn vs. actual sex. Online friends are photoshopped, a blank canvas of fantasy.

“Upload” vs. “Load”

‘Upload’ is to save a file (jpeg, gif, doc, mpeg, etc) onto a server so that others can retrieve it either by ‘downloading’ it, or simply viewing it as an embedded file in a browser. “Load” functions as a prefix or suffix, as in ‘load of shit’ or ‘you are such a fat load’ (respectively). Keep in mind, overlaps do happen: A ‘fat load of shit’ often ‘uploads’ word docs into submission engines while emo music plays in the background. There is no hope for you.

“Editor” vs. “Dickwad”

I am an avid (rabid?) submitter. Once I write a story (often before proof-reading) I ‘blast’ it out to six or so journals. This is the result of a rare mixture of shamelessness, boredom, and narcissism. Now and then, 3 months later, an ‘editor’ writes back and says things like “the story doesn’t go anywhere, you are a mere stylist,” or worse, “thank you for your submission, but due to the large amount of submissions we get, we only had time to write this cruel and condescending letter.” A ‘dickwad’ is a ‘wad’ of something (usually semen-saturated toilet paper) which is dry-crusted to said ‘dick’ in a non-aesthetically compelling fashion. It is often difficult to distinguish an ‘editor’ and a ‘dickwad.’

“Bio” vs. “Autobiography”

A ‘bio’ should be about 2 or 3 lines. It should include five or less publications, the geographic location of the writer, and a link to a website. It is okay, however uninteresting, to include the names of children, pets, and spouses. An ‘autobiography’ is about 400 pages, detailing every small minutia of your desperate-for-fame life. When you include your ‘bio’ with a submission or publication, be sure to include your ‘bio’ and not your ‘autobiography.’

“Nepotism” vs. “Networking”

‘Nepotism’ is when your father or uncle (it’s a patriarchal term, hence the gender bias) uses his leverage within an institution to either secure a position or procure a benefit/material to you within said institution. For example, that Trump Jr. is the Vice President of Trump Corporation is an example of nepotism. Paris Hilton, while her funds are derived from the Hilton Enterprise, is not a nepotist as much as a cunt. ‘Networking’ is contemporary nepotism without the genealogy. For example, that I am a contributing writer for this pale green blog is an example of ‘networking.’

Mean / 18 Comments
November 24th, 2008 / 2:08 pm

HTMLGIANT is Secret Santa

Dear Readers,

We are pleased to announce our First Annual Secret Santa Gift Exchange to support independent literature.

Here’s how it works:

1) If you want to participate, email your name and mailing address to htmlgiant@gmail.com with the subject line: SECRET SANTA. The due date for this is Midnight on Friday, December 5th.

2) As soon as possible, we email you the name and address of your assigned gift recipient.

3) We assign your name and address to another Secret Santa.

4) By Christmas, you purchase for your gift recipient a wonderful gift and email us to let us know what you got him or her.

5) You simultaneously enjoy the gift that you receive from your own Secret Santa.

 

Frequently Asked Questions:

So why a Secret Santa gift exchange?

We at HTMLGIANT enjoy two things: promoting independent literature and surprising people. We figured a Secret Santa thing might allow us to do both. We hope that by doing this we can get independent literature into everyone’s faces, but in a way that would expose those faces to new, unheard of things. That’s the surprise part.

So what should I buy for my gift recipient?

Well sure, we have some suggestions. Buy a subscription to your favorite independent journal. Or buy a subscription to an independent journal you’ve heard good things about. Buy a book from one of the many small presses around the scene. Buy a book by an independent author. Buy a book in translation. Buy an anthology of work published by one of the many online literary journals. We can’t make you do any of this, really, but you should know that we certainly hope you’ll consider something of the sort. That was our intention. Maybe we’ll come up with a list of suggestions?

When should I buy and send my gift?

We don’t really know. We’re not very good at logistical problems. If you’re buying a subscription online, you could technically wait until Christmas Eve to pull out the credit card. But then your gift recipient wouldn’t have anything in hand to read and enjoy that morning. In this case, it might be worthwhile to send him or her an email and say, “Hey, guess what? I’m your Secret Santa and I just bought you a year’s subscription to such and such magazine.” If you’re buying him or her a book, maybe you should purchase it a week or two ahead and have the press/journal mail it directly. If you’re planning to mail it on your own, don’t wait until the last minute. There’s really no excuse not to. You have all you need to send the gift: a name and a mailing address. And remember, a late gift is better than no gift at all.

How do I learn the identity of my Secret Santa so that I can thank him or her?

Because HTMLGIANT will know who is paired with whom and what gifts everyone received, we will post a massive list on Christmas morning of all of the exchanges that occurred. Then you can comment on the list and post your thanks. Ultimately, we’d like to give everyone an idea as to how much cool stuff was received, how many independent presses and journals and authors benefited from your goodwill, how many people are into reading independent literature.

What if I already own what my Secret Santa purchased for me?

If you find out that you already own the gift, we encourage you to regift it to someone else. You might also consider commenting on our massive post to say how happy you are to receive such a wonderful gift, but that you already own it and would be willing to set up a trade with someone else. The idea here is to create some chaotic sort of gift exchange. In order to do that, we ask that you embrace the giving spirit of the holidays.

How can I avoid giving someone a gift that they already own?

Good question. We struggled over this one and came up with this: we recommend that you get people things they’d likely not have, such as a subscription to a small magazine you think you’ve discovered on your own, or a book just released by a small press. Check out catalogues to see what books have just come out.

 

 

So, that’s all. We really do hope you’ll consider participating. And spread the word. The more people, the better. If you have any other questions, please email us.

Web Hype / 120 Comments
November 23rd, 2008 / 8:03 pm

David Lynch, annoyed

From the New York Times Magazine

From the New York Times Magazine

I completely envy and despise Deborah Solomon, who does the one-page interviews with influential people in the New York Times Magazine (I know, I know, it’s far from an Independent press; bear with me.) She interviewed David Lynch (ah, there’s the Independent spirit) this week and I loved to see how much he hated her interviewing style. His first answer was an insult to her question, but then again, her question was an ignorant insult to his work. Do you really think he wants someone to watch Blue Velvet on their iPod? I mean, have you seen anything he’s made? Click here to read the interview in full.

“I hear you’re getting married again.
In February. I’m marrying a girl named Emily Stofle.

Is she an actress? Was she in any of your films?
She was just in one, “Inland Empire.”

You’ve been married three times before?
Yeah, it’s real great.

Why would someone who feels so generally blissed out marry so many times?
Well, we live in the field of relativity. Things change.”

Random / 34 Comments
November 23rd, 2008 / 1:50 pm

‘Soft Surrealism’

Johannes Gorannson’s blog Exoskeleton remains one of my favorites, a constant outsource of way-in-from-way-out spittle and barb on everything from piggery to Lynch to babble camps to etc. Even if sometimes it hits the head as heady, you can always count on Johannes to say it like no one else, and say it well.

For those of interest, there has just been posted a manifesto by Johannes and Joyelle McSweeney on the matter of ‘soft surrealism,’ which is spoken, if slightly in tongues, in a way that only they can: somehow combining the Project Pat with the Deleuze and all that leak.

Here’s one of the nodes I liked to like:

9. We think Ron’s got it wrong. The global epidemic of Surrealism derives not from its manifestos and pronouncements, the imperialist/ecumenical instincts of Breton, but because it has traveled with émigrés across borders and oceans, in a flux of disheveled genders, nationalities, and media, in the second-rate garments of sleep, dream, and game.

Yes. I am glad to see Breton for once not getting creditized out of the ass for something he barely seemed to stick a tongue on. I’ve had urinal cakes in my meatloaf for like 150000 weeks.

Johannes’s attitude reminds me of how Nation of Ulysses used to come off: “the serious unserious, the reverent irrevent” etc…

Ian Svenonious used to have some shit to say:

Now he just works for Vice magazine. Pleh.

Author Spotlight & Web Hype / 6 Comments
November 22nd, 2008 / 9:28 pm

MiPOesias ‘Sexy’ Issue 2008

Didi Menendez and co. continue to make incredible use of the Issuu publishing module in lit mags: this issue looks about as good as you can want, and is the ‘sexy’ issue. Which means that it has a ton of hot young male and female writers looking fly and talking words.

This issue has work by Bob Hicok, Sean Kilpatrick, Jamie Iredell, Kim Addonizio, P.F. Potvin, and scads more, with new pictures, poems, mini-interviews and etc. to be imbibed. Have a look.

Uncategorized / 29 Comments
November 22nd, 2008 / 6:31 pm

Small Press Traffic and other local writing centers

I was clicking around the internet, looked at Beeswax Magazine‘s website and saw that they had a link to something called Small Press Traffic. The name sounded ‘neat’ so I clicked on it and read this:

Since 1974 SPT has been at the heart of the San Francisco Bay Area innovative writing scenes, bringing together independent readers, writers, and presses through publications, conferences, and our influential reading series.

For a lengthy history of the center, read this article by Nikki Thompson.

Small Press Traffic appears to be a literary center in San Francisco that focuses specifically on small presses and independent writing in the Bay area. Reading through their website, I was impressed with their commitment to small presses, to creating a local literary community, and to supporting ‘innovative’ writing. I know many city’s have centers like this, though their focus and mission probably vary from one to another; since moving away from Northern Virginia, I have missed my occasional trips to The Writer’s Center in Bethesda, Maryland to look through their pretty nice library of small literary journals and books by local authors. The Writer’s Center seemed specifically focused on DC-area authors. And I haven’t yet been to InPrint!, the writing center here in Houston, though I’ll probably have a look sometime now that the semester is nearly over to see what’s going on. Based on their website, InPrint! seems to focus on bringing national authors to the city for their reading series. Obviously, both centers do more than that, such as community outreach programs and literary festivals, etc; I think I’m trying to say that each center has a distinct flavor, if that makes sense.

Now, it seems to me that these writing centers tend to be overlooked as possible resources for the online community. I could be wrong on that; I’m basing this on my own experience. So that sentence should maybe be: It seems to me that these writing centers tend to be overlooked by Ryan Call as possible resources. Anyhow, this post is just to say that they might be worth checking out (where ever you live), if only to see how what they’re doing might appeal to you. They also might be good opportunities to do some volunteer work, to get some face-to-face community, something we don’t often have online.

Random / Comments Off on Small Press Traffic and other local writing centers
November 22nd, 2008 / 4:32 pm

talented person makes things that are swell

I just read this post on io9 about Thomas Allen, who is an apparently awesome photographer (though that doesn’t really do justice to the amount of craft that goes into making the things he ultimately photographs) about whom I knew nothing until just now. 

io9 has a small gallery of his work attached to their post, and there’s another (where I’ve been pinching these images from) at the Aperture Foundation page for for his book, Uncovered. 

Oh and he has a blog too.

Author Spotlight / 8 Comments
November 22nd, 2008 / 2:23 pm

Kathy Fish Fellowship now accepting applications

Sorry to bump the Boobs Friday post down, but Friday is nearly over and I’d like to post this before I forget. Also, I ate a really bad hamburger tonight, so I’m in a bad mood. It was one of those patties that are precooked and you just pull it out of the freezer and heat it up in the microwave. See, HEB was giving them away for free at one of their new stores here (they mailed out coupons or something) and I could not resist. I have three more left. I will probably eat those too and complain again. Sorry. I cannot control myself.

Okay, to the important information.

Smokelong has just announced that they are now accepting applications for the 2009 Kathy Fish Fellowship. You can read guidelines at their site, but here’s a nice excerpt:

We want to foster that sort of commitment to new writers, and in that vein, we created the Kathy Fish Fellowship. All writers previously unpublished in SmokeLong Quarterly are eligible to apply.

I like the idea for the fellowship. I wonder if other journals do this? I know The Southern Review has a fellowship (but it’s a little different), and maybe the folks at West Branch too?

Anyhow, the deadline is December 20th, so yeah. Send in your applications, people.

Contests & Web Hype / Comments Off on Kathy Fish Fellowship now accepting applications
November 22nd, 2008 / 12:11 am

Chesticles Friday

Hello Ladies!  It is Chesticles Friday!

Men are being objectified as requested.  This has nothing to do with Indie Lit.

One guy has a band, one guy has a motorcycle.

One guy gets laid, one guy doesn’t.

Both of these knuckleheads are my real life friends.  My death is imminent if they discover I am exploiting their smooth bellies.  I guess that’s how exploitation works though.

Uncategorized / 14 Comments
November 21st, 2008 / 4:27 pm