I know what you all are thinking: Michael Madsen is not a writer! He is a movie star! That is cheating! Right? You think I am cheating. I am not cheating. Madsen has written more books of poetry (that you can check out here on his fabulous website)  than Viggo Mortenson (and he doesn’t show his anus and ballsack, like Viggo did in that Cronenburg movie, and like, made me feel less hot for Viggo, seeing that.  I do like Viggo. Maybe that will be another post.)

 Now, again, you are not going to really believe me here, but I don’t actually really LIKE movies stars, as a general rule. Firstly, I watch very few movies, because hockey doesn’t take place in them often enough. Secondly, once I saw this thing on TV about Russell Crowe and they were showing this “behind the scenes” thing and he was pretending (acting) all tough, and then they said “cut!” and he stopped acting ,and they came and fixed his hair. Like he was some girl, getting his hair fixed. Not sexy to me, acting.

I like Michael’s poems. Not all of them, but I could say that about even really famous fancy-ass poets. I wanted to like his poem about Madrid- I love Madrid, and I love Michael- but it wasn’t his best one. That is OK. Here is a poem of his I did like very much:

Bullshit

Mankind’s refusal to accept the result of their own folly

       The Superego that thinks they know everything

                                                              about everything…

Based on theory, right?

The end of bullshit would be welcome.

 

The empty eyes you see everyday on TV.

And the quest for validation,

But it’s validation of ignorance.

Loss of love,

Loss of reason,

Loss of Leave it to Beaver,

Major Neslon had a Jeannie, but we don’t.

I really, really like that last line. I find it – an inspired line, a little gift that was given to Mikey, that he shared with us. He is published by a small press, found here, called 13 Hands Publications. I like that- he didn’t get no Faber and Faber deal, like Billy Corgan or Harper deal, like Jewel. I guess those are musicians, but you get my point.  Anyay, I like his poems. And well– OK, little confession here– I did like him in The Getaway. I am a HUGE Jim Thompson fan. I like the original The Getaway with Steve McQueen and Ali McGraw, but I really really liked watching Michael Madsen fuck Jennifer Tilly in the remake. I saw it, uh, three times? So, sorry. I do maybe sort of like him due to the movie thing. But, you all have to admit- he’s no glamour puss! Here’s another one of his poems:

Schultz

I was having breakfast

And there was a group of Germans

At the next table.

They were all talking.

One guy looked like Sergeant Shultz

                                     from Hogan’s Heroes

And it seemed like no one liked him

                                     when he spoke.

I saw him around the hotel many

                                      times  after,

But he was always alone.

So, here goes it. Michael, darling, you are my third writer I’d like to fuck! Three is a lucky number. You also are not quite as uxorious as the other writers I want to fuck. Indeed, you are on wife three, or something like that. So, maybe, you  are sort of “easy”? (There is a great PJ Harvey song called “Easy” that is also poetry. Check it.) Like me? Heels that roll back easily or whatnot? A bit of a tramp? Not picky? Sort of let most anyone feel you up after a fifth glass of bourbon? Likes to have sex with people, like how some people like to shake hands? I hope so. Contact me here in the comments section and let me show you my best Jennifer Tilly imitation (although I have no boobs, but I still can do all that hollering and bouncing up and down thing).

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