December 15th, 2010 / 4:14 pm
Craft Notes

Actually I Like That Bulgakov Book With the Dog But No One Comments Unless Things Are Contentious


What is the most exciting non-human creature in your novel? Mine is a capybara. If you say “dog” or “adorable dog” or “talking dog” then you are everything that’s wrong with contemporary literature.

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77 Comments

  1. drew kalbach

      mine is a bird. too many birds to count.

  2. drew kalbach

      mine is a bird. too many birds to count.

  3. drew kalbach

      mine is a bird. too many birds to count.

  4. adam m.
  5. drew kalbach

      actually i hate birds. i prefer dinosaurs. and lazers. and rocketships.

  6. drew kalbach

      actually i hate birds. i prefer dinosaurs. and lazers. and rocketships.

  7. Lukewarmresolve

      a snipe.

  8. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      “something more primordial” than Aphrodite (Aphrodite being, in this instance, an impulse and set of capabilities more than a concrete being) that manifests as a manipulative British soap opera vixen in tailored suits and pumps. This is a young adult novel.

  9. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      What died in your Annalemma story? A fish? I like that story.

  10. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      My mom can’t stop talking about THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN, and I’m like, Really? She just read and disliked FREEDOM, said she couldn’t remember a single character’s name one week later. My current plan is to give her Kyle Minor’s IN THE DEVIL’S TERRITORY for Christmas.

  11. Ryan Call

      oh i was confused. i still like birds.

  12. Ryan Call

      oh i was confused. i still like birds.

  13. Ryan Call

      parakeet did. other pets did too probably. hamster?

  14. Ryan Call

      parakeet did. other pets did too probably. hamster?

  15. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      I do remember multiples.

  16. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      I do remember multiples.

  17. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      Me too!

  18. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      Me too!

  19. Sean

      A talking dog is right up there with suicide. So, for me, a story needs a talking dog or suicide, or both, like a dog talking about its own suicide.

  20. Sean

      A talking dog is right up there with suicide. So, for me, a story needs a talking dog or suicide, or both, like a dog talking about its own suicide.

  21. Sean

      A talking dog is right up there with suicide. So, for me, a story needs a talking dog or suicide, or both, like a dog talking about its own suicide.

  22. Sean

      A talking dog is right up there with suicide. So, for me, a story needs a talking dog or suicide, or both, like a dog talking about its own suicide.

  23. sgj

      a chupacabra

  24. Mike Young

      yes, i actually always get capybaras and chupacabras confused. i try to remember: one is real, one should be real. that is what i tell myself about myself too, so i end up just getting extra confused.

  25. Mike Meginnis

      Oh man, didn’t know he had a book on the way. I will try to remember that. Maybe I can manage a review.

  26. C. Mittens

      Talking/adorable dog.

  27. Blake Butler

      i like when Mike and Ryan try to act snippy, it’s like watching a woobly little spaniel pup jostle around a stuffed pink mouse chew toy

  28. Mike Young

      another good idea for a comment for this post would be a poem called “Michael Vick Would Someday Like To Own a Dog Again” / background material: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=5922161 / actually i will buy a used tambourine off ebay and send it to anyone who writes a really good poem called “Michael Vick Would Someday Like To Own a Dog Again” and posts it in the comments section of this post / it is important to foster community

  29. Owen Kaelin

      When I was in college I used to write about capybaras, armadillos and ospreys. The armadillo in one of my stories was the Armadillo God[ess]. She met the hero under Egg Tree Hill, after he dreamt of an enormous fork penetrating a desert, and ultimately introduced him the Book to End All Books.

      …I was a silly boy, when I was in college.

      I no longer write about weird animals. Now I only write about weird people.

  30. Matthew Simmons

      An end to the dog narrator! Forever!

  31. drewkalbach

      mine is a bird. too many birds to count.

  32. adam m.
  33. Ryan Call

      i like birds too. and insects.

  34. drewkalbach

      actually i hate birds. i prefer dinosaurs. and lazers. and rocketships.

  35. Jeremy Bauer

      chupacabra’s good.
      i had a chapbook dedicated to but largely excluding jackalopes. when i saw a stuffed one in a gun shop as a kid, my step-dad told they were real out west.
      the weasel family’s appealing.

  36. Lukewarmresolve

      a snipe.

  37. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      “something more primordial” than Aphrodite (Aphrodite being, in this instance, an impulse and set of capabilities more than a concrete being) that manifests as a manipulative British soap opera vixen in tailored suits and pumps. This is a young adult novel.

  38. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      What died in your Annalemma story? A fish? I like that story.

  39. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      My mom can’t stop talking about THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN, and I’m like, Really? She just read and disliked FREEDOM, said she couldn’t remember a single character’s name one week later. My current plan is to give her Kyle Minor’s IN THE DEVIL’S TERRITORY for Christmas.

  40. mjm

      a fish that turned into a person, then back into a half manfish. there’s also the roach that tapped danced and sang o happy day sarcastically in this one long poem i did when i thought long poems were the shit.

  41. Ryan Call

      oh i was confused. i still like birds.

  42. Ryan Call

      parakeet did. other pets did too probably. hamster?

  43. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      I do remember multiples.

  44. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      Me too!

  45. Ty
  46. Jeremy Bauer
  47. Jack Boettcher
  48. Sean

      A talking dog is right up there with suicide. So, for me, a story needs a talking dog or suicide, or both, like a dog talking about its own suicide.

  49. Mike Young

      wow

  50. Jeremy Bauer

      that motherfucker freaks me out. that’s almost as bad as a horse becoming immortal.

  51. Owen Kaelin

      Oh, yeah, I’ve also written about a talking dog. But this one was an “origami dog” and it required petting before it would agree to talk. [rolls eyes]

  52. Mike Meginnis

      I have some malformed pig babies in mine that I like pretty well.

  53. Mike Meginnis

      Holy shit how did I not know about this. Jack do you have a newsletter to which I can subscribe?

  54. Guest

      don’t know if jack has a newsletter (he should), but pretty soon you’ll be able to order his book (which is totally amazing) from here: http://bluesquarepress.com/books

  55. Mike Meginnis

      Oh man, didn’t know he had a book on the way. I will try to remember that. Maybe I can manage a review.

  56. cameron pierce

      My newest book, The Pickled Apocalypse of Pancake Island, is about a depressed pickle who falls in love with a pancake. That one also features a creature-thing called the cuddlywumpus.

      My first book is about a world overrun by flying sharks and a guy who can turn anything into a mannequin form of itself.

      I think there are non-human characters in most of the things I’ve written.

  57. wackomet

      michael vick would someday like to own a dog again

      michael vick
      would like to chase angels
      through the windows of prague
      would like to
      fill libraries
      with
      stacks of losing lotterry tickets
      scratched bare years ago
      would like to
      elect bearded men to public office
      walk under ladders
      saunter into churches
      and put out all the candles
      with a damp rag
      michael vick would like to be young again
      would like his mistakes
      ahead of him, again, please
      would like to reenact the plot of
      old yeller
      or even just
      marley and me
      michael vick would like to own a dog again
      someday

  58. M Kitchell

      minotaurs, snakes & eels, & air

  59. Owen Kaelin

      Oh, yeah, I’ve also written about a talking dog. But this one was an “origami dog” and it required petting before it would agree to talk. [rolls eyes]

  60. Jack Boettcher

      Ha, I wish I had a newsletter of general curiosities. Good idea.

  61. Mike Young

      email me your mailing address for your free tambourine mr. wackomet: mikeayoung at gmail dot com

  62. Janey Smith

      microwave chicken

  63. deadgod

      Mr Hooker is the entertaining and intelligent, though not exactly “exciting”, narrator and co-protagonist of Shakespeare’s Dog.

      [A reasonable perception of being “everything wrong” might be one of Leon Rooke’s ambitions.]

  64. Mike Young

      jackalopes are definitely real, and you can make stew out of them

  65. Owen Kaelin

      Come to think of it: I’ve never written about Gullyflugs, before. Perhaps, some day, I will.

      …But, were I someone else, I wouldn’t count on it.

  66. alan

      I think you should exempt Kafka’s “Investigations of a Dog” here too.

  67. wackomet

      thanks man

  68. Steve

      A lion. His name is Jerome.

  69. Jeremy Bauer

      the antlers would make a good belt buckle

  70. Jeremy Bauer
  71. TFD

      Mike, have you read Sandra Beasley’s “Capybara” in the latest Best American Poetry annual? It’s quite an amazing piece.

  72. Mike Young

      i haven’t, but i’ll check it out! UPDATE: i’m guessing you mean “Unit of Measure,” which i just found on the internet. i like it. all love is either lovelier or not lovelier than a capybara.

  73. Steve
  74. TFD

      That’s the one.

  75. David
  76. David

      I mean, doesn’t just looking at it depress you?

  77. Owen Kaelin

      Nice lettering in the header, though. I might not’ve been able to take my eyes off it if it weren’t for the ugly fish just beneath it.