February 21st, 2011 / 2:22 pm

Dear Evelyn you forgot to sign out of your computer in the computer lab…

Hello Evelyn. How are you? I haven’t seen you in a few days. The other day I saw someone and we talked about you and how you like to play settlers of catan. That’s a really good game. I used to play with my roommates, but they would always beat me. Anyway, I was wondering if you could post something on HTMLGIANT for me? It’s a story I wrote for a website called Urlesque. The story is about Emma Watson. Everything in the story is non-fiction except for the title. I feel kind of dirty asking you to post a link to my story because the reason I want you to post a link is purely monetary. The editor of Urlesque said if the story gets a lot of views then I will make more money. I don’t want to want to make a lot of money but it is tough not to want to make money so I’m asking you for a favor to help me make money. If you don’t want to post a link then that’s fine. I understand. I am sort of using you for my own personal gain. The idea of using your name to help me make AOL pay me is not something that feels good (p.s. Urlesque is a subsidiary of AOL). In my head I have this distorted vision that by doing this I am taking my first step up the corporate ladder. I am sort of scared of the idea that AOL now controls a segment of my brain and can make me do cocaine even though I’d rather not do cocaine. Anyway, here’s a link to the story: my date with emma watson.



  1. stephen

      there’s an expansion pack, too, seafarers of catan, you can like venture out in the ocean and colonize islands and shit, just putting that out there

  2. Gargantua

      Is all of your syntax / colloquial speech lifted from popular culture, or just what you post on the Internet? Are there people in your life who are entertained by your prolonged adolescence?

  3. stephen

      I definitely absorb from many things, Gargy. And yes, there are people in my life who are entertained by me and me by them. I wonder, if one is capable of switching from sophisticated speech to “childish internet speech” effortlessly anytime or based on swiftly shifting mood, and if one has what would likely be judged reasonably sophisticated thoughts on a regular basis alongside many zany non-sequiturs and bored vulgarisms, then is one to be judged as living out a prolonged adolescence? Is it possible there’s more to it than “grow up, kid”? Of course there is, Gargy. Acting or speaking in a childlike or flamboyant or otherwise outrageous manner is a performance, a creative enterprise, an artform, a distraction, a mystery, a personality spasm, a community-builder, the outgrowth of an unsettled mind, a longing for freedom, and other things, too. Nothing is so simple, Gargy, I mean that both ways ;)

  4. stephen

      In the future, everyone will be a child.

  5. shaun gannon

      is gargantua just here to needle stephen or something

  6. Gargantua
  7. Gargantua

      If that is true all the parents will be dead. Have you ever read Lord of the Flies? Awful vision of the future.

      Pls gro up lolzcatz in the language u opasdfoisdf(*&U(*& son.

  8. stephen

      sup shaun

      god gargantua…
      totes fuckin up my recess bro
      mayj buzzkill

  9. Gargantua


      the hits keep comin’!

      keep it up little fella!

  10. stephen

      Gargantua, do you read everything at face-value? Do you have any sense of humor? Have you read Oscar Wilde? That line is a play on an Andy Warhol quote, and I made it up on the spot, and it has several possible meanings. We are not alike. That is fine. You do whatever it is you do, and I’ll do what I do.

  11. Gargantua

      The thing you do is akin to masturbation, and like masturbation, it would be kinder to everyone else if you would do it in private.

  12. herocious

      linked. connection made. marketing successful. i liked the part about him walking across america.

  13. shaun gannon

      what do you call what you do
      “tellin it like it is”





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  17. Gfvgh


  18. reynard

      earlier i had the idea to make a book that is actually just a brown paper bag full of pieces of paper with bits of writing on them and like receipts and stuff, a bud or two, whatever might happen to make its way in there, and call them ‘book bags’ or something and sell them for a lot of money, what do you think

  19. Freddy McMann

      once, AOL made me do cocaine. PLEASE STOP MAKING ME DO ALL THIS COCAINE, i said through a drip of blood, but AOL just shoved my head into the suitcase of cocaine and so i kept doing the cocaine and i ended up here, in heaven. guess what? it’s no different. AOL can still make you do cocaine. also, it has sex with your wife.

  20. Hvhgv