August 6th, 2009 / 4:03 pm
Random

Deranged Writers

sodini.youtube2A few weeks ago I read The Tunnel by Ernesto Sabato, a novella of the “this is why I am so crazy” genre of first-person fiction. After reading it I decided that when it’s done well these kinds of narratives can be really compelling and I started to wonder what other kinds of stories like this are out there.

Then a real-life one surfaced. You might have heard about this story. A psychopathic man walks into his gym, shuts off the lights and starts shooting. Three women died, many others were critically injured including a pregnant 26-year-old aerobics instructor and her husband. Then he killed himself. Turns out the guy kept a journal and a blog and even posted confessional videos on youtube.

I’ve been going back and forth about whether or not I should even post this here. I decided that I would because as creepy and sad and strange as this edited version of his journal (pdf) is, it’s still perversely interesting. Literature it is not, but somehow it makes the case that “this is why I’m crazy” fiction is only that. Only fiction. The minds of the truly deranged, I think, do not make for good reading.

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27 Comments

  1. sam pink

      awesome post. i disagree with the last line though. look up albert fish’s letters. they are some of the most concisely written horrors ever.

  2. sam pink

      awesome post. i disagree with the last line though. look up albert fish’s letters. they are some of the most concisely written horrors ever.

  3. Janey Smith

      I like the post a lot, too. And I agree with Sam Pink. For example, some of the writing of David Berkowitz is amazing. As is Ian Brady’s book.

  4. Janey Smith

      I like the post a lot, too. And I agree with Sam Pink. For example, some of the writing of David Berkowitz is amazing. As is Ian Brady’s book.

  5. tao

      i watched him talk about loneliness

      i wonder what it was like when he interacted with people

      why couldn’t he get friends

      i wonder if he was nervous or really shy or something

      damn

      interesting

  6. tao

      i watched him talk about loneliness

      i wonder what it was like when he interacted with people

      why couldn’t he get friends

      i wonder if he was nervous or really shy or something

      damn

      interesting

  7. jereme

      yeah i don’t understand the last line either. what do you mean by truly deranged? there are various level of crazy.

      this asshole was angry crazy. suicide is an act of anger. this does not mean he is the only type of crazy.

      i have read albert fish and berkowitz. berkowitz is really really interesting.

  8. jereme

      yeah i don’t understand the last line either. what do you mean by truly deranged? there are various level of crazy.

      this asshole was angry crazy. suicide is an act of anger. this does not mean he is the only type of crazy.

      i have read albert fish and berkowitz. berkowitz is really really interesting.

  9. KevinS

      The unedited actual blog of this guy is here: http://georgesodini.com/20090804.htm
      And apparently there is now video of him at him home now too.
      Strange how these killers usually have some kind of racial angst as well.

  10. KevinS

      The unedited actual blog of this guy is here: http://georgesodini.com/20090804.htm
      And apparently there is now video of him at him home now too.
      Strange how these killers usually have some kind of racial angst as well.

  11. Amelia

      I think that Catherine’s last line is perhaps more of a comment on authorial intent than on the text itself. George Sodini obviously enjoyed the idea that people (scholars?) would be studying his words. He said “Copy this to usenet/newsgroups where my voice will speak forever!” because he assumed that the content he was delivering would be read in exactly the way he fantasized. That’s a common train of thought among this particular strain of crazy, but I agree that it doesn’t make for “good reading” in the sense that it doesn’t achieve anything of what the author intended. Dude comes across like a boring guy, a racist, and a prick; in that way, it’s a real failure of a text.

      Of course, the thought of crawling into a crazy person’s brain and seeing exactly how ugly it is in there is appealing to writers and non-writers alike, and in that way, it’s great reading. I mean in the same way that watching Anna Nicole Smith’s “do you like my baaahdy” tape is great cinema. I’d rather read Lolita or watch Lolita, but there’s something to be said for drawing that spring water from the source.

  12. Amelia

      I think that Catherine’s last line is perhaps more of a comment on authorial intent than on the text itself. George Sodini obviously enjoyed the idea that people (scholars?) would be studying his words. He said “Copy this to usenet/newsgroups where my voice will speak forever!” because he assumed that the content he was delivering would be read in exactly the way he fantasized. That’s a common train of thought among this particular strain of crazy, but I agree that it doesn’t make for “good reading” in the sense that it doesn’t achieve anything of what the author intended. Dude comes across like a boring guy, a racist, and a prick; in that way, it’s a real failure of a text.

      Of course, the thought of crawling into a crazy person’s brain and seeing exactly how ugly it is in there is appealing to writers and non-writers alike, and in that way, it’s great reading. I mean in the same way that watching Anna Nicole Smith’s “do you like my baaahdy” tape is great cinema. I’d rather read Lolita or watch Lolita, but there’s something to be said for drawing that spring water from the source.

  13. Catherine Lacey

      “Dude comes across like a boring guy, a racist, and a prick; in that way, it’s a real failure of a text.”

      That’s what I mean by that last line.

      Clearly we all love a little crazy in our books, stories, poems, etc…. What I meant by truly deranged is waaaaay off the deep end. In the first paragraph of the pdf the guy goes on talking about how all black men should get a young white hoe because Obama is president now. Yikes!

      Even Nietzsche’s last work, after he had gone really really insane is definatly the lowest point of his writing. There are passages titled “WHY I AM SO GREAT” and “WHY I WRITE SUCH GREAT BOOKS.” There’s a lack of subtly… Of course even Nietzsche’s worst is better than a lot of people’s best.

  14. Catherine Lacey

      “Dude comes across like a boring guy, a racist, and a prick; in that way, it’s a real failure of a text.”

      That’s what I mean by that last line.

      Clearly we all love a little crazy in our books, stories, poems, etc…. What I meant by truly deranged is waaaaay off the deep end. In the first paragraph of the pdf the guy goes on talking about how all black men should get a young white hoe because Obama is president now. Yikes!

      Even Nietzsche’s last work, after he had gone really really insane is definatly the lowest point of his writing. There are passages titled “WHY I AM SO GREAT” and “WHY I WRITE SUCH GREAT BOOKS.” There’s a lack of subtly… Of course even Nietzsche’s worst is better than a lot of people’s best.

  15. sam pink

      oh man i love ECCE HOMO

  16. sam pink

      oh man i love ECCE HOMO

  17. sam pink

      additionally, i didn’t mean to suggest i was arguing, as what i think is good writing and what other people consider good writing is impossible to debate. good post.

  18. sam pink

      additionally, i didn’t mean to suggest i was arguing, as what i think is good writing and what other people consider good writing is impossible to debate. good post.

  19. Catherine Lacey

      Thank You Sam

  20. Catherine Lacey

      Thank You Sam

  21. Nick
  22. Nick
  23. Janey Smith

      Actually, Catherine, not to put too fine a point on it (because I don’t really know how to define literature), but Nietzsche never wrote an essay in Ecce Homo titled “Why I Am So Great”. He did write an essay called “Why I Am So Wise”. And it is more or less a brief autobiography.

      He did write other essays in Ecce Homo: “Why I Am So Clever”; “Why I Write Such Good Books”; and “Why I Am A Destiny”. Each short essay, or collection of essays, is beautifully written. And although some parts of these short essays may be more direct, this does not take away from their subtlety.

      Furthermore, I’m not so sure that Nietzsche “had gone really really insane” by the time he had written Ecce Homo. By Christmas 1888, Nietzsche had finished the preface to his last “book” Nietzsche Contra Wagner. During the first week of January 1889, he collapses in the street, recovers briefly, then loses it. Of course, this is Walter Kaufmann’s “take” on the events–psychological and otherwise–of latter parts of Nietzsche’s life, but I kind of agree with him.

      Now, there are some letters Nietzsche wrote during January 1889 that might better represent NIetzsche’s “lowest point” on his writing. But, they, too, are kind of weirdly charming–and really, really strange.

  24. Janey Smith

      Actually, Catherine, not to put too fine a point on it (because I don’t really know how to define literature), but Nietzsche never wrote an essay in Ecce Homo titled “Why I Am So Great”. He did write an essay called “Why I Am So Wise”. And it is more or less a brief autobiography.

      He did write other essays in Ecce Homo: “Why I Am So Clever”; “Why I Write Such Good Books”; and “Why I Am A Destiny”. Each short essay, or collection of essays, is beautifully written. And although some parts of these short essays may be more direct, this does not take away from their subtlety.

      Furthermore, I’m not so sure that Nietzsche “had gone really really insane” by the time he had written Ecce Homo. By Christmas 1888, Nietzsche had finished the preface to his last “book” Nietzsche Contra Wagner. During the first week of January 1889, he collapses in the street, recovers briefly, then loses it. Of course, this is Walter Kaufmann’s “take” on the events–psychological and otherwise–of latter parts of Nietzsche’s life, but I kind of agree with him.

      Now, there are some letters Nietzsche wrote during January 1889 that might better represent NIetzsche’s “lowest point” on his writing. But, they, too, are kind of weirdly charming–and really, really strange.

  25. mark

      “This is also the point for a general remark about my art of style. To communicate a state, an inward tension of pathos, by means of signs, including the tempo of these these signs — that is the meaning of every style; and considering that the multiplicity of inward states is exceptionally large in my case, I have many stylistic possibilities — the most multifarious art of style that has ever been at the disposal of one man.”

  26. mark

      “This is also the point for a general remark about my art of style. To communicate a state, an inward tension of pathos, by means of signs, including the tempo of these these signs — that is the meaning of every style; and considering that the multiplicity of inward states is exceptionally large in my case, I have many stylistic possibilities — the most multifarious art of style that has ever been at the disposal of one man.”

  27. HTMLGIANT

      […] guy who shot those women at a gym had a website. Catherine linked to it a while back. It shared all his weird, angry thoughts about women. The guy who did this? He has/d a blog. […]