October 16th, 2009 / 1:57 pm
Random

Friday Frustration

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A while back, Blake Butler posted a brief snippet that said something like, “It’s not okay to like everything,” and I’ve been thinking that statement through since. A series of random events over the past few weeks has me thinking the corollary is also true. It is not okay to hate everything, either. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like everything. I’m not an optimist or a perky individual. I have a bitch streak a mile long. It just seems some people are never happy or satisfied with anything—and those people are completely unwilling or unable to appreciate things that do not fit into the constraints of what they like or think is good [writing, art, design, living, whatever] or have become accustomed to. I’m really burnt out on relentless cynicism and negativity and snarky judgment. When someone either loves or hates everything, I find it hard to take them seriously or give their opinions much credence. Isn’t criticism more effective when used judiciously?

Just to show you I don’t hate everything, here are some things I’m enjoying this week:

Halfway by Mel Bosworth

Portrait of Myself as a Piece of Red Candy in Your Mouth by Mary Biddinger

May This Strap Restrain You, Anne Valente

The Girlfriend Who Got Me Into Mazzy Star, Adrian Slatcher

Diary, Tree Riesener

Helping Hands, David Peak

AM/PM, Amelia Gray

The Balloon Boy

American Salvage, Bonnie Jo Campbell

The Ice Cream and Cake Dance commercial

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64 Comments

  1. Matthew Simmons

      I’m inclined to not really think about stuff I don’t like. Zoloft.

  2. Matthew Simmons

      I’m inclined to not really think about stuff I don’t like. Zoloft.

  3. mike

      you are my new favorite poster on HTMLGiant

  4. mike

      you are my new favorite poster on HTMLGiant

  5. gena

      that girl looks like the posterchild for domestic abuse.

  6. gena

      that girl looks like the posterchild for domestic abuse.

  7. Roxane

      She is not a happy lass.

  8. Roxane

      She is not a happy lass.

  9. david e

      Helping Hands, as one person put it, is like being bricked into a wall. Story made me fell ktfo.

      Good post, should spark some interesting conversation.

  10. david e

      Helping Hands, as one person put it, is like being bricked into a wall. Story made me fell ktfo.

      Good post, should spark some interesting conversation.

  11. joseph

      I thought this girl looked really familiar.

      Then I realized I was thinking of the cover of Angela’s Ashes.

  12. joseph

      I thought this girl looked really familiar.

      Then I realized I was thinking of the cover of Angela’s Ashes.

  13. Roxane

      Dave, that’s exactly how I felt the first time I read it. The story just built and built and built and upon first reading, I was like WTF is this. I was very skeptical and then the story came to the end and I thought, “holy shit” and I realized how good the story was.

  14. Roxane

      Dave, that’s exactly how I felt the first time I read it. The story just built and built and built and upon first reading, I was like WTF is this. I was very skeptical and then the story came to the end and I thought, “holy shit” and I realized how good the story was.

  15. Amber

      I find that the older I get, the more things I stop hating. Not that I plan on becoming Pollyanna or anything–don’t get me wrong, I still hate most things and/or people. Just not all of them.

      Right now, I am enjoying the thought of a bottle of wine when I get home, and watching the 16th installment in my yearly month-long Halloween movie marathon. I think it might be Dracula’s Daughter tonight. Or maybe Frankenstein vs. the Wolfman. Either way…pure bliss.

  16. Amber

      I find that the older I get, the more things I stop hating. Not that I plan on becoming Pollyanna or anything–don’t get me wrong, I still hate most things and/or people. Just not all of them.

      Right now, I am enjoying the thought of a bottle of wine when I get home, and watching the 16th installment in my yearly month-long Halloween movie marathon. I think it might be Dracula’s Daughter tonight. Or maybe Frankenstein vs. the Wolfman. Either way…pure bliss.

  17. Roxane

      I’m much the same way. I used to absolutely hate everything but in the past couple years, I’ve really chilled the fuck out and allowed myself to enjoy a few things. It has done wonders for my quality of life.

  18. Roxane

      Mmmm. Pharmacology.

  19. Roxane

      I’m much the same way. I used to absolutely hate everything but in the past couple years, I’ve really chilled the fuck out and allowed myself to enjoy a few things. It has done wonders for my quality of life.

  20. Roxane

      Mmmm. Pharmacology.

  21. Roxane

      Thanks very much, Mike.

  22. Roxane

      Thanks very much, Mike.

  23. Maurice

      People who hate live much longer than those who don’t.

  24. Maurice

      People who hate live much longer than those who don’t.

  25. Joseph Young

      with so much stuff in the world you can spend time with the stuff you like or the stuff you hate. i mean, you have to spend time with hateful stuff like your friends having cancer, but if you’re talking about books et al. then, well, seems better the former.

  26. Joseph Young

      with so much stuff in the world you can spend time with the stuff you like or the stuff you hate. i mean, you have to spend time with hateful stuff like your friends having cancer, but if you’re talking about books et al. then, well, seems better the former.

  27. Roberta

      The girl looks like she should live in Dogville.

      I don’t think liking everything or hating everything is especially fab. They both sound pretty draining to me.

      I was going to respond that I think I’d be more interested in someone’s views if they hated everything than if they were apathetic about everything. If the hate had some strong arguments behind it, and hey, at least some feeling.
      But actually, when I thought about it, I feel like someone liking everything or someone acting ambivalent about everything actually seem similar. In the end, they both feel pretty flat– it’s just that relentless positivity is versed differently.

      I like actual thought through rationales behind people’s responses to things, and someone who applies the same basic response to everything? The response is likely to end up lacking those things, because they’re getting blind-sighted by a core emotion.

      But yeah. Liking everything sounds saccharine.

      Hating everything sounds exhausting. And just..no. I give compliments when I think they’re due. I’m also really critical, but setting out to be disappointed by/dislike everything is a different ballgame, and one that sounds really depressing.

      There’s definitely a (huge) middle ground.

  28. Roberta

      The girl looks like she should live in Dogville.

      I don’t think liking everything or hating everything is especially fab. They both sound pretty draining to me.

      I was going to respond that I think I’d be more interested in someone’s views if they hated everything than if they were apathetic about everything. If the hate had some strong arguments behind it, and hey, at least some feeling.
      But actually, when I thought about it, I feel like someone liking everything or someone acting ambivalent about everything actually seem similar. In the end, they both feel pretty flat– it’s just that relentless positivity is versed differently.

      I like actual thought through rationales behind people’s responses to things, and someone who applies the same basic response to everything? The response is likely to end up lacking those things, because they’re getting blind-sighted by a core emotion.

      But yeah. Liking everything sounds saccharine.

      Hating everything sounds exhausting. And just..no. I give compliments when I think they’re due. I’m also really critical, but setting out to be disappointed by/dislike everything is a different ballgame, and one that sounds really depressing.

      There’s definitely a (huge) middle ground.

  29. Amber

      I’m all for aging and mellowing…like fine wine.

  30. Amber

      I’m all for aging and mellowing…like fine wine.

  31. Richard

      Some things are made to be loved. Some are made to be hated.

      I’m currently loving:

      AM/PM by Amelia Gray
      Torch Atlas by Blake Butler
      Girl Trouble by Holly Goddard Jones

      Radiohead, in general

      Mercat a la planxa, in the specific. This FANTASTIC tapas restaurant down by the Art Institute, last Saturday eve. One of the BEST meals I’ve ever had. Imagine Top Chef or Iron Chef food, but approachable. The chef there is actually ON the Next Iron Chef show right now. EXAMPLE: Mar I Muntanya slow-cooked shortribs & diver scallops, shaved parmesan artichokes. Menu here, but it does not do it justice: http://chicago.menupages.com/restaurants/mercat-a-la-planxa/menu

  32. Richard

      Some things are made to be loved. Some are made to be hated.

      I’m currently loving:

      AM/PM by Amelia Gray
      Torch Atlas by Blake Butler
      Girl Trouble by Holly Goddard Jones

      Radiohead, in general

      Mercat a la planxa, in the specific. This FANTASTIC tapas restaurant down by the Art Institute, last Saturday eve. One of the BEST meals I’ve ever had. Imagine Top Chef or Iron Chef food, but approachable. The chef there is actually ON the Next Iron Chef show right now. EXAMPLE: Mar I Muntanya slow-cooked shortribs & diver scallops, shaved parmesan artichokes. Menu here, but it does not do it justice: http://chicago.menupages.com/restaurants/mercat-a-la-planxa/menu

  33. Richard
  34. Richard
  35. Ben White
  36. Ben White
  37. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      Plus David Peak is really nice.

  38. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      Plus David Peak is really nice.

  39. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      I too spent many weeks pondering Blake’s post… I spent many years being one of those people who so wanted to please everybody it was difficult to even be aware of what I disliked, so in that sense, I understand where he may have been coming from… liking everything can be totally pathological.

      But I agree w/ you re: judicious criticism. I think I’ve never not been burnt out on relentless cynicism and snarky judgments, I’m too sensitive for that shit, it just ain’t my personality, except maybe from time to time in private facebook chat windows.

  40. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      I too spent many weeks pondering Blake’s post… I spent many years being one of those people who so wanted to please everybody it was difficult to even be aware of what I disliked, so in that sense, I understand where he may have been coming from… liking everything can be totally pathological.

      But I agree w/ you re: judicious criticism. I think I’ve never not been burnt out on relentless cynicism and snarky judgments, I’m too sensitive for that shit, it just ain’t my personality, except maybe from time to time in private facebook chat windows.

  41. Roberta

      With attempting to please everyone, as well as finding it difficult to be aware of what you disliked, wouldn’t it also be difficult to be aware of what you actually liked, at a gut level, as opposed to one of ‘feeling like you should like something?’

      I really try (when I remember) to tread a fine line insofar as I feel like the more one is faithful to their actual likes and dislikes, theoretically, the better. Makes me feel more comfortable in my own skin, anyway — and just more aware of my actual feelings.
      …And some kind of self-censoring in that if I dislike something, I can be offhandedly really acid-tongued, and generally, no-one (…or most people) deserves that.
      In those situations, I sometimes think it’s better to say nothing at all. Just not all the time.

  42. Roberta

      With attempting to please everyone, as well as finding it difficult to be aware of what you disliked, wouldn’t it also be difficult to be aware of what you actually liked, at a gut level, as opposed to one of ‘feeling like you should like something?’

      I really try (when I remember) to tread a fine line insofar as I feel like the more one is faithful to their actual likes and dislikes, theoretically, the better. Makes me feel more comfortable in my own skin, anyway — and just more aware of my actual feelings.
      …And some kind of self-censoring in that if I dislike something, I can be offhandedly really acid-tongued, and generally, no-one (…or most people) deserves that.
      In those situations, I sometimes think it’s better to say nothing at all. Just not all the time.

  43. davidpeak

      Thanks for the mention, Roxane. I am glad the story found a home. And thanks y’all above for your comments. It’s always nice to be mentioned alongside other things I like.

      W/R/T Blake’s comment: I often struggle with holding myself back from “calling someone out” or disagreeing with someone’s taste on message boards. Sometimes I can’t control myself and I say something stupid that I almost immediately regret. I’ve learned by this, sort of. I hope. Now I try to only use my blog and forums like this one to positively reinforce the things I do like. It seems pointless to harp on someone/something. It’s too easy. I just ask myself, “would I insult this person if I met them face to face?” Odds are, no, I wouldn’t. So why should I feel comfortable “saying” it online?

      Lately, I’ve come out of pseudo-meditations on the train or in the shower, realizing that I’d been thinking about the politics of the htmlgiant message board, or on the blogs of writers I like and admire (or sometimes loathe). It’s not really a productive area of thought. Just like in life, there are always going to be people you don’t like. I think it’s best to just accept that and focus your attentions on the ones you do like. That might be why things come out slanted online, like everyone likes everything, or why people only rate books five stars on Goodreads (this is a whole different subtopic from this post, which has already gone on too long).

      I’ll finish by saying that I like to comment vicariously through Jereme Dean, who I’m almost positive is my alter-ego. So that sort of cancels out everything I said above. So I’ve said nothing, really–which is how I’m most comfortable.

  44. davidpeak

      Thanks for the mention, Roxane. I am glad the story found a home. And thanks y’all above for your comments. It’s always nice to be mentioned alongside other things I like.

      W/R/T Blake’s comment: I often struggle with holding myself back from “calling someone out” or disagreeing with someone’s taste on message boards. Sometimes I can’t control myself and I say something stupid that I almost immediately regret. I’ve learned by this, sort of. I hope. Now I try to only use my blog and forums like this one to positively reinforce the things I do like. It seems pointless to harp on someone/something. It’s too easy. I just ask myself, “would I insult this person if I met them face to face?” Odds are, no, I wouldn’t. So why should I feel comfortable “saying” it online?

      Lately, I’ve come out of pseudo-meditations on the train or in the shower, realizing that I’d been thinking about the politics of the htmlgiant message board, or on the blogs of writers I like and admire (or sometimes loathe). It’s not really a productive area of thought. Just like in life, there are always going to be people you don’t like. I think it’s best to just accept that and focus your attentions on the ones you do like. That might be why things come out slanted online, like everyone likes everything, or why people only rate books five stars on Goodreads (this is a whole different subtopic from this post, which has already gone on too long).

      I’ll finish by saying that I like to comment vicariously through Jereme Dean, who I’m almost positive is my alter-ego. So that sort of cancels out everything I said above. So I’ve said nothing, really–which is how I’m most comfortable.

  45. Roxane

      That’s interesting David and I do think things come across in weird ways online. In thinking about the stuff I talk about online, there are lots of books and other writing I hate but I’m not going to spend my time talking about them because I’m pretty busy and I choose to use my time differently. Because of that, people can get the impression that I like everything because they don’t see, for example, my private chats where I say, “Can you believe that story in last month’s issue of X? What happened there?”

  46. Roxane

      That’s interesting David and I do think things come across in weird ways online. In thinking about the stuff I talk about online, there are lots of books and other writing I hate but I’m not going to spend my time talking about them because I’m pretty busy and I choose to use my time differently. Because of that, people can get the impression that I like everything because they don’t see, for example, my private chats where I say, “Can you believe that story in last month’s issue of X? What happened there?”

  47. Roxane

      I’ve never seen that commercial but yes, it’s pretty damn incredible.

  48. Roxane

      I’ve never seen that commercial but yes, it’s pretty damn incredible.

  49. davidpeak

      Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. For myself I know it’s not healthy to spend time posting about the things I hate. But there have been a lot of productive conversations here at the Giant and elsewhere that have revolved around the validity of some forms of writing, or whether or not nepotism is endangering the written word as we know it or whatever. I guess it just comes down to whether or not people are putting things down to seem smarter/more elite/hipper-than-thou, or whether or not they want to engage in a productive discussion and help enlighten themselves and others.

  50. davidpeak

      Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. For myself I know it’s not healthy to spend time posting about the things I hate. But there have been a lot of productive conversations here at the Giant and elsewhere that have revolved around the validity of some forms of writing, or whether or not nepotism is endangering the written word as we know it or whatever. I guess it just comes down to whether or not people are putting things down to seem smarter/more elite/hipper-than-thou, or whether or not they want to engage in a productive discussion and help enlighten themselves and others.

  51. michael james

      i’m on zoloft right now. i find its not that i dont think about stuff i dont, because i do, but the deep well of emotions i usually feel in regards to that, the depression, that very negative feelings…. they aren’t there. well they’re there, but buried deeper because of this… pill.

      it confuses me. but i feel lighter. not a ‘high’ but a lightness of carrying around all this stuff for so long and to be lifted from it, however momentary, however fabricated it may be… is a blessing of sorts.

  52. michael james

      i’m on zoloft right now. i find its not that i dont think about stuff i dont, because i do, but the deep well of emotions i usually feel in regards to that, the depression, that very negative feelings…. they aren’t there. well they’re there, but buried deeper because of this… pill.

      it confuses me. but i feel lighter. not a ‘high’ but a lightness of carrying around all this stuff for so long and to be lifted from it, however momentary, however fabricated it may be… is a blessing of sorts.

  53. Andre

      For some reason all of the unanswered comments in this thread made me really sad, you know? I think the internet fosters cynicism because you can never really tell what the people on the other end are thinking. Like, you might like something someone says, but you don’t want to comment fifty times on every post telling each person what your opinions are, because that would be crazy and you’d also seem like an egomaniac. And some posts you might like but it’s hard to think of a response to them. But whoever posted or whatever is just “Hey, can anyone hear me out there?? AM I ALIVE???” Damn!

  54. Andre

      For some reason all of the unanswered comments in this thread made me really sad, you know? I think the internet fosters cynicism because you can never really tell what the people on the other end are thinking. Like, you might like something someone says, but you don’t want to comment fifty times on every post telling each person what your opinions are, because that would be crazy and you’d also seem like an egomaniac. And some posts you might like but it’s hard to think of a response to them. But whoever posted or whatever is just “Hey, can anyone hear me out there?? AM I ALIVE???” Damn!

  55. Roxane

      This is so very true. You are alive. And heard.

  56. Roxane

      Indeed, they do. Known fact.

  57. Roxane

      This is so very true. You are alive. And heard.

  58. Roxane

      Indeed, they do. Known fact.

  59. Roxane

      Absolutely. I’d much rather spend my time with things that are awesome.

  60. Roxane

      Absolutely. I’d much rather spend my time with things that are awesome.

  61. Sean

      Why not like some shit and not like other shit?

  62. Sean

      Why not like some shit and not like other shit?

  63. Adrian Slatcher

      Pleased you liked and mentioned my little story on Everyday-genius.com – thanks.

  64. Adrian Slatcher

      Pleased you liked and mentioned my little story on Everyday-genius.com – thanks.