June 22nd, 2011 / 5:45 pm

The Screen on My Phone Broke

Above is the last picture it took before taking on water at work today, from which it would never recover. Luckily I uploaded the captured smorgasbord before it was too late. I replaced the phone at my local Verizon retailer. Now I’ve got a classic Samsung flip-style phone. Feeling pretty retro. Like, déjà vu. This shit happened two years ago. Seriously trippy.

Anyway, yesterday I received a package from out of the country containing three copies of a chapbook titled “Porn” and by “Richard Longfellow.” After some Facebook+Gmail research and hard-thinking, I determined the package to be from Jackson Nieuwland. I haven’t read it yet, but my mother did. She said it was like karaoke. Seems interesting. The chapbooks are pink and have a lot of things. I read a few words from the middle of a poem in the middle of the pamphlet yesterday, but was it like karaoke?

My dog is getting groomed right now. Right outside the house. In a van. The van pulls right up, washes the dog, cuts the dog’s hair, delivers the dog anew. It’s a deal.

I just want to take this moment to shout out to M Kitchell, I been loving David Lynch too. Rewatched Twin Peaks this month too.

And to all you out there thinking about voting for Mitt Romney, I’m just here to say, that’s cool I guess. I mean, I’m not gonna do that, but I’m not here to judge. Just out of curiosity though, are any HTMLGIANT readers Mormon? Does religion influence your vote (I mean anyone, not just Mormons)? Does anyone here even vote?

But really, don’t those hotdogs look good?

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  1. gavin

      That’s an honest tray of food.

  2. leapsloth14

      I don’t eat the wonderful pig but would wrestle glass for those o rings.

  3. leapsloth14

      Or curly fries? Still.

  4. postitbreakup

      I was thinking the same thing,  He’s probably the only HTMLGiant contributor I could enjoy eating with.

  5. postitbreakup

      The first presidential election I was old enough to vote in was the last.  I voted for Obama.  I guess I’ll vote for him again.  I wish he’d get his swagger back, though.  Killing Osama, yeah yeah, but how about finishing your healthcare bill, legalizing (or at least fucking federally decriminalizing) gay marriage, and, oh yeah, getting us the fuck out of Afghanistan/Iraq/Libya.

      I’ve been intrigued by Ron Paul.  He’s probably the only non-Democrat I could see myself voting for.  Today he co-sponsored a bill to federally decriminalize marijuana, and he hates our wars.  If he’d stop there, that’d be terrific, but he doesn’t want the government to do anything, whereas I think it should do a lot more: healthcare, infrastructure, corporate regulation.  

      In my state, Rick Perry is fucking bankrupting the school system.  I really hope he runs for president just so he’ll get the fuck out of Texas.  But that’s risky, because I don’t know if I trust the American people enough not to elect him.

      (I want a mystery chapbook.  Or even a mystery email.  Nice.)

  6. c2k


  7. stephen

      shoutouts Jackson, chestnut lief

  8. lorian long

      i grew up ‘hardcore’ mormon, hence the reason i’m now a sick fuck. mitt romney’s christmas card hangs on my grandparent’s fridge. 

  9. deadgod

      The pretense to or actual practice of spiritual discipline is irrelevant; using the cloak of some particular religiosity to rationalize policies which plainly contradict that religion’s tenets – especially tenets that one admires or agrees with – is plenty relevant.

      To me, who pays for the representation and what the person’s done with it so far seem infinitely more relevant to that person getting a thumb’s-up in their stump for a vote than their catering to the pressure to display “faith”.

      The ‘dogs look tasty enough.  – do you not want bread in every bite?

  10. Trey

      my dad is a mormon.

      and yes, damn. those hotdogs.

  11. David Fishkind

      they were too big for a standard bun. “footlong” style i guess

  12. postitbreakup


  13. deadgod

      well yes

      I’d meant to wonder about (mis)calibrating meat:bread – an industry-wide travesty

  14. Trey

      also, re “does religion influence your vote”

      someone once told me that if any presidential candidate had the balls to come out and say “yes, I’m an honest to god socialist” he would vote for them, not really because he was a big supporter of socialism, but just for the balls. I would do the same if a candidate admitted they didn’t believe in god.

  15. Carolyn DeCarlo

      i like everything about this article especially the food and porn.

  16. c2k

      1 person liked this.

  17. c2k

      I’d vote for a Moron.

  18. Nick Francis

      I read HTML and I’m mormon.  I’ve turned a friend on to HTML too, who is mormon, and he reads/enjoys quite a few of the articles.

      Mitt Romney’s mormonism does not affect my decision not to vote for him.  

  19. c2k

      To clarify: I’d vote for a Moron – but only if I agreed with her/him on the “important issues” of the day.

  20. c2k

      Morons are just like the rest of us.

  21. Andrewworthington

      fuck ron paul

  22. deadgod

      Well, he’s a pleasantly interesting and even entertainingly straightforward guy, but his libertarianism is detestably vacuous.

      A big company that poisons everybody’s water supply (to make more money for a few of its managers, which has proven again and again not to be economically stimulative) IS “government” – and when does government get any “bigger” than cancer??

      – a-and all opportunity and all prosperity in America depend on the construction and maintenance of a thoroughly socialized infrastructure, from R & D (ever use the internet?) to schools, roads, emergency rooms, and so on.

  23. Guestagain

      I’m thinking all these politicians left and right can kiss my ass and radiate. United States of Chimerica. Anybody been to Toronto?

  24. deadgod

      I decline utterly to be impartial as between the fire brigade and the fire.