This is Ezra. He used to try to bite me when I’d go to put his harness on, which made walking him sometimes very precarious, but he recently had a urinary tract infection (an urinary tract infection?), and, well, now he doesn’t try to bite me anymore.

This is Slim. He can be finicky at times — emotionally sensitive and prone to bouts of jealousy regarding his family’s newborn. It’s not uncommon for him to puke from anxiety.

This is Sebastian. He’s actually looking in the direction of “camera right” in this picture but doesn’t it look like he casting an evil glare right at us?

This is Basil. He’s hypoallergenic and has the cleanest teeth of any dog I’ve ever seen.

This is Victor. He doesn’t like loud noises. If we’re walking and he hears a loud noise the walk is, for all intents and purposes, over.

This is Brandy. She will spin around dozens of times before she poops. Dozens.

This is Pearl. You can’t see it in this picture but she has a large black spot on her left side that is as close to a perfect circle as it gets. For this reason, I like to pretend she has latent mystical powers and I’ll often rub her spot for good luck in the morning.

This is Ruby. This isn’t a close up, but isn’t this picture weird?

This is Gizmo. He made a big mess in the kitchen the other day. I’m not terribly happy with him right now.

This is Gunner. He’s on a summer-long vacation upstate. On our last day together he made a big mess, like Gizmo, in the kitchen, although to his credit he was having stomach issues at the time.

This is Mario. He’s roughly the size of a football and likes to be carried like one. I would never do this but sometimes I fantasize about dropping back and throwing Mario in a tight spiral to a receiver running a slant ~15 yards down field. I have the same fantasy when I’m carrying a Nalgene at the library. I don’t even like football that much.