1. THE DICKINSON

Instructions:
* Never leave the house.

The downsides:
* Psychic fracture (this could happen at Cornell too)
* Your boo marries your brother (this could happen at Cornell too)

The upsides:
* Hot letters
* Yellow ribbon

2. THE WHITMAN

Instructions:
* Read those classics
* Work as journalist (or litblogger)
* Have cool and talented friends
* Self-publish

The downsides:
* Vested interest in defending self-publishing on litblogs
* People all up in your business (this could happen at Iowa too)
* Dealing with Thoreau’s bullshit

The upsides:
* There’s no cure like travel
* Sex (this could happen at Iowa too)

3. MY METHOD

Instructions:
* Work at a company, factory, or farm that provides tuition reimbursement
* Attend a city university or public college that only charges ~1,000 per class (at my city university I’ve studied with Marilyn Hacker twice, Elaine Equi thrice, Suzanne Gardinier, David Groff, among others)
* Only take the number of classes per semester that your tuition reimbursement covers (in my case, one)
* Graduate in ~10 years.

The downsides:
* You never form a poetry clique
* You still have to live in “the real world”
* You’ll probably never be a professor

The upsides:
* You never form a poetry clique
* You still have to live in “the real world”
* You’ll probably never be a professor

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