February 24th, 2011 / 6:11 am
Author News & Events & I Like __ A Lot


I wrote an article about editing and some of my past favorite submissions (favorite as in “was this handwritten paper submission composed with human blood? ha ha. wait…no seriously look…this submission REALLY IS written in dried human blood, wash your hands!” or “poem about a snowflake written in the shape of a snowflake just in time for Christmas,” or “story from guy in prison who in his cover letter asks us to mail the money he’ll get if his story is published to the address of a given drug dealer below, explaining that the funds will be an installment payment towards the crack cocaine tab he’d accrued at the time of his incarceration” or even “travel back in time to kill Hitler only to end up falling in love/sexing him, so much sex that he becomes docile and happy, except you then get pregnant with his hitlerspawn who grows up to do exactly what his father would’ve done even though his name is Wilhelm, sometimes the best intentions don’t get the best results” favorite). But also about the pure, kitsch-less favorites as in “this story makes me see Pushcarts rain from the sky.”

Also, I will be reading this Saturday at Elliott Bay Book Company in Seattle at 7pm

Also, I keep trying to quit Taco Bell beef but it’s like that Taylor Dane song “Love Will Lead You Back.” Ain’t that the meximelt truth.


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  1. Janey Smith

      Alissa? Combination burrito.

  2. Frank Tas

      It sounds like a bunch of editors of literary magazines should get together, pick out their craziest submissions, and make a book out of that. I would totally read a bunch of those insane stories.

      On the same topic, I once wrote a short story about a guy who kills his family, goes to prison, and teaches everyone there to love one another by letting them rape the shit out of him. I humbly accept my rejection in advance.

  3. Ashley Ford

      My mother used to play this song so much the last time it came on the radio, I pulled over and cried on the side of the road. My mom isn’t dead or anything. She’s actually in great health. Weird reaction. I bought an iPod adapter for my car.