January 23rd, 2012 / 6:39 pm
Author Spotlight



38-year-old “ironically”/”prophetically” morbidly obese and visibly jaundiced Tao Lin, author of 9 novels and 2 illegitimate “hapa” children, at Columbia University’s Creative Writing 2021 annual symposium “The Otherness of The Other: Other Ways to View Oneself Besides Boring” panel discussion (seated far left, visibly deflated after answering “seems like…I don’t know” to the three questions he was asked) vaguely “squinting” with left (and only operational) eye at group of semi-anorexic ~22-to-23 year-old recent graduates from Sarah Lawrence now fashion bloggers, all of whom he envisions having non-detached relations with, simultaneously, “on” 2x slow-release 20 mg Ritalin tablets, 3-month-expired NyQuil gel-caps, and a “sex swing” adorned with dried eucalyptus leaves imported from Australia affixed in PPOW gallery installation w/ speakers playing koala bear mating sounds. Lin is heard mumbling something about defunct literary enterprise Muumuu house, “needing only 217 twitter followers until [he] reach[es], like, one million maybe” and something about a pâté smootie moments before MDMA-induced seizure, by which gasps of Diane Williams-esque “odd” and vaguely passive-aggressive NOON worthy dialog followed.


  1. Richard Grayson


  2. tao lin

      my left eye…lol

  3. misskimball

      you look like fat mike

  4. Janey Smith

      koala bear mating sounds

  5. Anonymous


  6. Andrew Colville


  7. Brian M

      damn, amazing parody!

  8. Walter Mackey

      shirts seems ‘way intense’

  9. Cassandra Troyan

      i can’t imagine you with stubble. 

  10. Craig Ronald Marchinkoski

      @richard. rick rubin

  11. Nich Eggert


  12. Anonymous

      There’s no such thing as leftover crack.

  13. Sugar Bear

      well sir authority figure…you’re absolutely correct. A diet consisting of potato chips, boca burger bagelwiches with vegan mayo, unfrosted brown sugar cinnamon poptarts and panera’s black bean soup in a bread bowl (maybe a midnight snack of gardertto’s garlic rye chips) has zero percent possibility of creating excess fats.

  14. Brian M

      Tao, you ever thought of publishing a Jimmy Chen best of TC and HTML articles? I think it would be a classic. Just an idea.

  15. Anonymous

      There was a time when I was a vegan who subsisted primarily on Nutter Butters.

  16. alex crowley

      yeah, “french fry vegans”