May 28th, 2009 / 7:27 pm
Author Spotlight
INTERVIEW WITH DJ BERNDT, EDITOR OF “PANGUR BAN PARTY”
I sent dj berndt some questions. He was really nice and cool and his answers saved the interview. He is the editor of the website PANGUR BAN PARTY. Please submit to the journal.
(interview after break)
HTMLGIANT: explain why you started pangur ban party. what kind of writing do you like. where is it going in terms of projects.
DJB: I started PANGUR BAN PARTY because of bear parade and bearcreekfeed. I really enjoy both of those sites and thought it was really cool how I could read such good poetry and fiction for free on the internet. Then I remembered that I know some good writers and some decent HTML, and figured that I should start my own site like bear parade and bearcreekfeed. Basically I want to be Gene Morgan’s protege. I like writing that is abstract or makes me feel less lonely. For PANGUR BAN PARTY, I like anything that I think other people will enjoy reading. The only concrete plans I have for the future of PANGUR BAN PARTY are to keep posting work that I enjoy, try to increase submissions, and send out free prints whenever I feel like it. Increasing submissions is probably the most important.
HTMLGIANT: what is the coolest aspect of the internet. what is the lamest.
DJB: The coolest aspect of the internet is playing RISK online. The lamest aspect of the internet is jokes that aren’t funny.
HTMLGIANT: if you were a bad guy in a video game, what would be the secret way to kill you.
DJB: If I was a bad guy in a video game, the secret way to kill me would be to sit still for a long time and then wait until I get drunk and die. I think it would be effective because it would require patience and tact. And booze.
HTMLGIANT: what is (if you have one) your most extreme sexual fantasy.
HTMLGIANT: My most extreme sexual fantasy is the missionary position. Just kidding. It’s actually donkey pornography. Just kidding again, it was really the missionary position the whole time.
HTMLGIANT: how many punches in the face would it take to knock you out.
DJB: I don’t know how many punches in the face it would take to knock me out. I’ve never been punched in the face. I have a scar on my eyebrow because I was hit in the face with a baseball, though. It didn’t knock me out. If I had to guess, I would say that it would take two punches to the face to knock me out.
HTMLGIANT: what was the last book you regret buying.
DJB: The last book I regret buying is You Shall Know Our Velocity! by Dave Eggars. It’s a great book, but I bought it at an airport in Detroit and I ended up just falling asleep on the plane instead of reading it. After I read it later, I didn’t regret it anymore.
HTMLGIANT: have you ever loved someone. how did you know you loved him/her.
DJB: I have loved many people. I know that I love someone if we get drunk together and are still friends in the morning. Bonus love if we get drunk again in the morning.
HTMLGIANT: what would be three titles for a book you would like to read or write.
DJB: I would like to read or write books called “The Importance Of Genius: An Analytical Guide To The Movie Kindergarten Cop”, “Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date Your Sister”, and “The Importance Of Analysis: An Analytic Guide To The Book ‘The Importance Of Genius: An Analytical Guide To The Movie Kindergarten Cop’”.
HTMLGIANT: if you were a mortal kombat character, what would your fatality, your animality and your friendship be.
DJB: If I was a character in Mortal Kombat, my fatality would be to continously knock someone out until he or she was on the verge of starving to death, then forcing him or her to eat a bunch of food so that his or her stomach exploded. My animality would be an owl because I took a quiz on the internet just now about what animal I would be and it chose owl. My friendship would be watching the movie Kindergarten Cop.
HTMLGIANT: what is the last thing to ruin your day completely.
DJB: The last thing to ruin my day completely was discovering that I lost the lottery again. This happens every day. Just kidding, I don’t play the lottery. The last thing to ruin my day completely was actually when I realized that I am a poor conversationalist. This happens every day. I’m serious. I’m more serious about not playing the lottery.
HTMLGIANT: what have you learned being an editor for a writing website.
DJB: Being the editor of a writing website has taught me more about HTML, patience, networking, and to never wear a seat belt. Being the editor of a writing website has been a very positive experience for me. I think that PANGUR BAN PARTY is good, and I like where it is going. It has been fun to watch it grow.
HTMLGIANT: what is something in a story/novel/poem that immediately makes you dislike it.
DJB: I immediately dislike a piece of writing if it celebrates being in love.
HTMLGIANT: give me the biography of your face.
DJB: My face (born December 31, 1986) has seen many things and made many shapes. It enjoys blinking, yawning, and rolling its eyes.
Tags: dj berndt, pangur ban party
dj berndt is a kickass person. his last name is also really cool because it has four consonants in a row.
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Why dislike writing that celebrates love? I’m curious.
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May 28th, 2009 / 7:57 pmDJ Berndt—
I think I have trouble identifying with the protagonist if the protagonist is in a loving relationship.
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May 28th, 2009 / 8:06 pmpr—
OK.
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May 28th, 2009 / 8:37 pmpr—
Have you read “Train Dreams” by Denis Johnson? Or The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald? Or Anna Karenina by Tolstoy? I could go on . But those three first came to mind, weirdly, in that order. Love is great. It doesn’t mean there isn’t trouble within that loving relationship. I think it’s a great subject matter.
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May 29th, 2009 / 9:03 amAdam R—
Anna Karenina celebrates being in love? Is this the one by Tolstoy, or is there another one?
May 29th, 2009 / 12:29 pmpr—
I think it does. Anna’s relationship is doomed but it’s countered by the other marriage that stays together…I’, forgetting- let me go look. Tolstoy very much celebrated a mature love, not the irrational kind. my two cents.
May 29th, 2009 / 12:44 pmpr—
OK. Kitty and Levin are the counterpoint to Anna and Vronsky and even though Tolstoy, in his narration of Anna’s plight is very sympathetic ( because Tolstoy nature as a Christian is to empathize, and even forgive, our sinful natures), the book ends with Levin’s Christian moment of “grace” and his acceptance of who he is and who his wife is. He comes to terms with what real love is, which is also duty.
The Gatsby is doomed love, but it is all about love- not gonna try and defend that one now. Maybe a bad choice.
And lastly, train dreams- man, I wish I could find that. A man’s love for his wife, so gorgeously drawn. I have no fricking idea where that is. I like that story better than Jesus Son these days.
May 29th, 2009 / 12:26 pmjereme—
love has nothing to do with a loving relationship
wtf is a loving relationship
i am completely confused by this statement
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May 29th, 2009 / 2:13 pmJosh Kleinberg—
Not true. Feeling love for another individual does sort of implicitly require ‘relation within space-time’ (should I cite Brandon Gorrell in MLA format?). A loving relationship doesn’t necessarily have to be in the model of Full House. I feel like it can be 1/2 hatred or 1/2 aloofness or whatever and still be categorized as a ‘loving relationship.’
Incidentally, I love you, DJ, and I love you, Sam Pink.
May 29th, 2009 / 6:56 pmjereme—
what on earth are you fucking babbling about
seatbelts are for invalids.
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May 28th, 2009 / 9:06 pmryan—
ha!
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this is good. i’m happy about this. good job, dj.
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i think dj’s original answer was that he doesn’t like writing that celebrates “gloves.” that’s a typo i think. dude just really hates gloves i guess.
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May 29th, 2009 / 7:18 amdavid erlewine—
dude hates gloves more than Chris Darden does
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May 29th, 2009 / 12:30 pmpr—
Now I get it. I’m dumb. Gloves make my hands sweat so I don’t like them either. And then also, no one can see my bling.
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June 1st, 2009 / 1:18 pmandy.riverbed—
i love this.
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who is Dj Berndt?
I am unsure this interview has shed any light on that question..
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May 29th, 2009 / 7:30 amdavid erlewine—
Have to disagree and vehemently. I feel like I’ve know DB my whole life. And SP.
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May 29th, 2009 / 8:55 amchris—
I feel like i know David Erlewine better than I know myself now
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May 29th, 2009 / 9:02 amdavid erlewine—
Ha. If that’s the case … I feel sorry for you, Chris, almost as sorry as I do for my wife and kids.
But also I’m glad. I don’t feel like anyone knows me. I feel like Ben Stiller in that sperm hair movie, where he marvels at Mary knowing his name…something even a lot of his friends didn’t know. I often get down that because I walk the line no one really gives a shit about me or my musings.
May 29th, 2009 / 12:30 pmjereme—
i always thought dj berndt was a pseudonym of ryan manning.
they seem very similar to me at least.
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May 29th, 2009 / 3:22 pmDJ Berndt—
That is funny to me. What made you think that I was Ryan Manning?
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solid q&a
i would appreciate more interviews like this.
i make it a habit to watch kindergarten cop, once a year. the “it’s not a tumor” gets funnier each time i watch it. it also reminds me that watching kids is like being at the ocean – never turn your back. and that little dynamo linda hunt is even sexier than she was in silverado. i do wish the father/grandmother killers hadn’t been so nuanced though…made it harder to root for arnold.
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oh and the female cop’s accent as arnold’s sister! GD why can’t movies emulate that? termination salvation would have been much better if opie’s daughter had pretended to have an Austrian accent.
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I hate to quibble but maybe it’s the lawyer in me. Sam, I get very angry with questions like how many punches would it take to knock you out? I get angrier when respondents fail to ask – by whom? If you’re talking Lyle Alzado (pre-cancer) then I’d say one. Same for Bob Sapp or the Korean gent who just destroyed Canseco. If you’re talking Holly Robinson, maybe three or four. What about punches from a little girl who has the disease Sam had in Unbreakable? Bottom line…Sam, let’s tighten up these questions. And folks lucky enough to get interviewed…demand some fucking accountability. I know that if – excuse me, when – Sam interviews me, I will respond, with vigor but only when I am absolutely sure what the precise question is, and what its perameters are. I can barely type right now. My fingers are full of indignation.
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that’s paramaters you fat sausage fingers.
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first
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i also forgot to ask what mood he was in during the punching. i feel like sometimes if i am already depressed and then somebody punches me, it will easy just to pass out and be done with it.
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May 29th, 2009 / 12:48 pmdavid erlewine—
exactly. my 15-month old daughter has slapped my face a couple of times when I am downtrodden. I have closed my eyes and hoped to pass out. Nothing doing but in a few months, the way she’s getting so strong and precise, she’ll probably knock me the f out.
Also, my four-year-old son jumped off the bed (after watching “Transformers”) and kicked me in the face. That definitely made me woozy and if I hadn’t been happy that night…would have put me to sleep.
I’ve always thought of myself as having a good chin but moments like that make me skeptical.
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May 29th, 2009 / 1:04 pmpr—
I like getting the belt.
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May 29th, 2009 / 2:44 pmdavid erlewine—
i probably would too
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dj berndt and ryan manning aren’t the same person???????
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tao lin #16
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June 1st, 2009 / 1:21 pmandy.riverbed—
oh shit.
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wtg deej
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