December 16th, 2008 / 9:24 pm
Behind the Scenes

Bob Ross, Avant-Garde Artist

bob-ross

Someone offered Margaret Atwood a machine that would allow her to sign books from her home. It was like a little robot hand with a pen. And it would do what she was doing. She would sign her name, and the robot hand would follow her hand’s motion and sign a book for a fan who came to a robot hand book signing. Atwood would stay home, and the hand would travel around the country. Someone would approach the hand—which would be sitting on a table—and put a book down under the pen. And Margaret Atwood would—somewhere in Cananda, sitting at her coffee table—sign a piece of paper and the robot hand would sign the book.

Before this innovation, though, a painter named Bob Ross would go on public television and tell people how to paint outdoor scenes. He would paint things, and the people at home would follow his hand with their very own hands, and they would make his painting fr themselves.

In this way, Bob Ross got his paintings into many homes.

Thomas Kinkade gets his horrible paintings into homes by scanning them and printing them and having a bunch of people in a factory put daubs of paint on the printed canvases. He’s in more homes than any other artist, but he’s still a punk. Bob Ross, on the other hand, made everyone else’s hands his own hand. He multiplied his work by outsourcing. His aesthetic ideas spread around like a virus. Kinkade is just a sleezebag with a photocopier. Bob Ross was an avant-garde artist.

Look for “Night Owl” by Brandon Scott Gorrell.

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23 Comments

  1. Ken Baumann

      Matthew, Cindrella story, coming out of nowhere, and…

      BAM! OH HE NAILED THAT ONE.

  2. Ken Baumann

      Matthew, Cindrella story, coming out of nowhere, and…

      BAM! OH HE NAILED THAT ONE.

  3. Jereme Dean

      HAPPY CLOUDS

  4. Jereme Dean

      HAPPY CLOUDS

  5. barry

      that tree needs a little friend, lets put him right here…

      bob ross is the shit.

      i live on the same street, a half a mile away, from the official thomas kincade museum. ive been in there a few times. what a crock of shit.

  6. barry

      that tree needs a little friend, lets put him right here…

      bob ross is the shit.

      i live on the same street, a half a mile away, from the official thomas kincade museum. ive been in there a few times. what a crock of shit.

  7. Shya

      I love you, Matthew.

  8. Shya

      I love you, Matthew.

  9. KevinS

      Matthew’s cat, Emmett, dabbed its paws in a multitude of paint and danced around the canvas. He rolled on his back and did messy snow cat angels in a precise manner. Emmett created a portrait of Jack Sikma this way.
      He made cat sounds into the night air and other cats painted pictures of their favorite basketball players from years gone by. That is how Emmett influenced the paintings of cats all over.

  10. KevinS

      Matthew’s cat, Emmett, dabbed its paws in a multitude of paint and danced around the canvas. He rolled on his back and did messy snow cat angels in a precise manner. Emmett created a portrait of Jack Sikma this way.
      He made cat sounds into the night air and other cats painted pictures of their favorite basketball players from years gone by. That is how Emmett influenced the paintings of cats all over.

  11. KevinO

      whoa.

  12. KevinO

      whoa.

  13. andre

      Margaret Atwood is co-inventor of that machine, I don’t think it was offered to her, she came up with the concept I think!!!

  14. andre

      Margaret Atwood is co-inventor of that machine, I don’t think it was offered to her, she came up with the concept I think!!!

  15. matthew simmons

      Thanks, everyone. Sorry I haven’t posted in a while.

      And, according to the LongPen site, Atwood invented it.

      But, then, this?

  16. matthew simmons

      Thanks, everyone. Sorry I haven’t posted in a while.

      And, according to the LongPen site, Atwood invented it.

      But, then, this?

  17. daniel bailey

      bob ross filmed his show here in muncie, in.

  18. daniel bailey

      bob ross filmed his show here in muncie, in.

  19. Matthew Simmons

      Muncie, Indiana is the center of the avant garde art universe.

  20. Matthew Simmons

      Muncie, Indiana is the center of the avant garde art universe.

  21. KevinS

      I wonder if you could get that thing to give you a Margaret Atwood handjob. Sam Pink–will you write a story about that?

  22. KevinS

      I wonder if you could get that thing to give you a Margaret Atwood handjob. Sam Pink–will you write a story about that?

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