June 11th, 2013 / 7:10 pm
Behind the Scenes

Top Three Suicidal Gods


3. Mercury

Mercury, god of commerce and poetry, discovered that for most of the contemporary world, he was just the basis for a class of comic book superhero who ran fast everywhere and defeated terrible, terrible villains by running fast at them and away from them. Mercury, who like commerce and poetry, was of an erratic personality type, slumped into a despondency and decided it would be best to not be at all. Mercury decided to run himself to death, and so he found a long, flat place, and connected one end of it to the other, and made a twist in the center. It became a möbius strip. Mercury ran and ran and ran, waiting in motion for his legs to buckle and his heart to burst. For the knitted together sections of his heart to expand and contract faster and faster until they pulled themselves away from each other and splatter blood inside his chest.

2. Rán

Goddess of the ocean, Rán, had nine daughters. They were the waves. She was very large and for the most part felt very large. But she spent all her time at the deepest part of the bottom of the ocean, until one day when her daughters convinced her to come up to the surface. When Rán broke through the surface and looked up and saw that as deep as her ocean was, the sky went up way farther, and the universe went on and on way longer than the deepest part of the ocean. And that pissed Rán off, but Rán was the type of goddess who turned all of her anger inward, so she decided she would just let herself drop back down to the deepest part of the ocean and she would cease any respiration until she went empty and was gone. Or at least until one of her daughters checked in on her and got her going again with a, “C’mon, Mom. Don’t do this, Mom. It’s just a thing, Mom. Things are just things, Mom.”

3. God

Meh. God was just lonely because he was the only God or something. I mean, think how lonely that would be? It would probably suck. Poor dude.




  1. Rauan Klassnik

      if the Heat lose to the Spurs and LeBron James (& his all talents), then, turns himself into a God and stabs himself to death on National T.V.– that would be a suicide God i’d worship for a long, long time. my top, top Suicide God.

  2. Matthew Simmons

      That’s a badass Suicide God. I agree.

      Let’s us wish and hope for APOTHEOSIS!

  3. Matthew Simmons

      (Matthew Simmons is the author of HAPPY ROCK, available now from Dark Coast Press.)

  4. Nick Antosca

      Oh shit nice BEGOTTEN shout out re screen-cap!!

  5. Matthew Simmons

      Thanks. I do love BEGOTTEN.

  6. A D Jameson

      I watched BEGOTTEN once and have since FORGOTTEN it. I suppose I should revisit it?

  7. A D Jameson

      Where’s deadgod?

  8. Matthew Simmons
  9. Matthew Simmons

      Oh, dear. I hope he’s okay.

  10. Matthew Simmons
  11. A D Jameson

      Thanks! I remember it having no effect on me when I saw it, but that was like fifteen years ago, and on VHS.

      I was also underwhelmed by Vampires Suck!, or whatever that movie got called. And then I forgot about the guy. But I’m always happy to revisit things, change my mind!

  12. A D Jameson

      I hope he’s not dead.

  13. Matthew Simmons

      I don’t remember caring about The Shadow of the Vampire, either. But BEGOTTEN is just so distressing.