May 1st, 2009 / 2:38 am
Contests
Brandon Gorrell is holding an embarrassing contest at his blog.
from brandon’s blog
here are the contest guidelines:
work must be fiction, 300 – 5000 words
entry deadline is friday may 15, 2009
submit in the body of an email to brandongorrell[at]gmail.com with ‘contest’ in the subject heading
paypal your entry fee/ agree to mail cash or check to mailing address provided at the same time as submitting your story. stories without entry fees will not be considered
I think it’s sort of tacky that Brandon is doing this. I know he just lost his job at the BBQ Café and probably needs money. I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like a worthwhile investment for anybody. Aren’t there are other more concrete things to do with your money? And if you win you get a copy of Brandon’s book? It reminds me of the bratty girls in elementary school who would tell me I could come over to their house after school if I did their homework for them. Like, cool, great, thank you. Do you also want seven dollars?
Tags: brandon gorrell, um, what
i believe the winner gets more than just a copy of the book
this is like people who live together in college and play 10 dollar buy-in games of texas hold em on random tuesday nights but with a judge who decides who has played the best
at the risk of being called brandon scott gorrell’s male lover, i am going to say that i like this idea
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May 1st, 2009 / 8:53 amjames yeh—
the idea you described is a funny idea. i would not like participating in something like that idea. but i do enjoy knowing that that idea exists.
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i think some people are over-estimating their “net worth” and “level of fame” lately.
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May 1st, 2009 / 8:45 amCatherine Lacey—
I agree. I’m all for obscure, writer-people to blog and make literary journals and find other obscure writer-people to work with and read their blogs, but you get your mug in one slightly less obscure magazine and expect the money to roll in? Run the contest, yes, good. Will people enter it? I don’t know. Maybe we’re all just a bunch of assholes and it will be the contest of the century and we’ve all “under-estimated” bsg’s “net worth.”
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May 1st, 2009 / 10:10 ambrandon—
where did i estimate my net worth?
where did i overestimate my net worth?
did i say or make it appear that i expect the money to roll in, where?
“another factor you may want to consider when deciding to enter this contest is that if a very low number of people enter, like 2 or 3, you have a high chance of making a couple of dollars + getting my book for free, or getting my book at almost half the cost”
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May 1st, 2009 / 10:16 amskeptic—
you’re so right brandon
you should be able to live off your writing while everyone else busts their asses at day jobs
you should be able to tell us exactly how many thousands you’re going to make off our stupid asses, and then expect that to be an accelerant in the process
you should be able to take, take, take, give next to nothing back, do a couple readings, do little to improve your writing, mimic the fuck out of better/more original writers than yourself (and not let us take this as an insult to our intelligence)
you should, and you seem to intend to, with all your shallow little heart: so go for it
if you’re afraid of not eating, go out and shoplift. i’m dead serious. at least tao lin has lived some of the antics he writes about. at least he exhibits passion in his own undeniably apathetic way (this is not a contradiction if you understand tao lin, which you seem to only on a surface level–ie, ‘the’ ‘way’ ‘he’ ‘writes’)
you can sit here all day and say this isn’t about money, but i don’t believe you
this is about money
moreover, this is about you not having to earn your money like the rest of us
you and tao have been talking about money non-stop lately
you’re losing your fucking minds
you know, i’m all for not working if you can find a way not to, but don’t make that way something as disrespectful as ‘i’m going to tell you how much money i’m about to make, and i’m also going to hustle my books non-stop, and then, for my true supporters, i’m going to run a contest with all my literary merit behind it’
right now, brandon, i feel like you’re a bad person
so shut the fuck up and let us bitch about it.
May 1st, 2009 / 10:10 amPHM—
Word.
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May 1st, 2009 / 10:25 ambrandon—
it is about money
“while one of my motivations for doing this contest is to gain money, money gained will be relatively little. for example, if 10 people enter, i will make $21, minus a book (retail $12). that is a net profit of $9. that will probably equal $3 an hour or less, considering that i’ll be reading submissions, tracking progress of contest, spending time in front of computer for the sole purpose of running the contest, etc. other motivations for this contest include attracting visitors to my blog, thus potentially increasing book sales, ‘networking’ and/or ‘building relationships’, and giving writers an opportunity to make money off their ‘work’ (rather than working for someone/something else)”
i didn’t say anything about true supporters
the reason for ‘telling you how much money im going to make’ is this: ‘to ensure certain levels of transparency, i will soon create a new link at the top of this blog called ‘contest’ or something. here i will post the rules of and some info about this contest, and the number of people that have joined. this way, a person can decide if he/she wants to join the contest based on the number of people that have joined, and thus the amount of money that could potentially be gained’
i am going to run exactly the same contest on my blog, though this comment will be the only mention of the contest, and the winning entry will be a story i have written myself.
to enter please email chriseast83@gmail.com
thank you
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I would monetise this comment if I could.
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Do you think he’ll front me the seven bucks? He can then take it from the rest of the pool if I win.
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May 1st, 2009 / 11:04 ambrandon—
i will front you seven dollars josh
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May 1st, 2009 / 4:26 pmJosh Kleinberg—
Damn it. Now I feel remorse. I suck at being an internet dick.
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‘i’ ‘dont’ ‘know’ ‘what’ ‘i’ ‘feel’ ‘about’ ‘this’ ‘contest’
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May 1st, 2009 / 9:27 amKevin O'Neill—
like.
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May 1st, 2009 / 11:05 amBrad Green—
Funniest thing I’ve read today.
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May 1st, 2009 / 2:18 pmTim Jones-Yelvington—
ha ha ha
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chris, say you’ll at least consider the one i sent you. it’s about a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her
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May 1st, 2009 / 9:58 amchris—
if you film it it will win
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May 1st, 2009 / 11:21 amDavid Erlewine—
shit, someone told me it’s already been filmed. i need to see that movie. supposed to be good. julia brings subtlety.
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“Maybe we’re all just a bunch of assholes and it will be the contest of the century and we’ve all “under-estimated” bsg’s “net worth.””
i like this a lot… only without the “maybe”
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http://unimpressivelinks.blogspot.com/
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May 1st, 2009 / 11:06 amBrad Green—
I looked all through that front page. I kept expecting to find my blog’s link there.
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May 1st, 2009 / 12:38 pmbarry—
i like that link
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Weak Sauce Contest.
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i feel like someone should say “lighten up” or something similar
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Ha, this is such bullshit.
Or, if I was to say it like BSG, that carbon copy Tao Lin, I would say:
this ‘contest’ is ’such’ ‘bullshit’
god im so sick of these fucking self indulgent assholes. i wonder if tao lin is considering his ‘net worth’ in all of this. if i were tao, i’d be worried about all of these assholes aping my style, and making me look like a fucking moron. you know, as much as i enjoy tao’s stuff, the fact that he is indulgent of all of these second tier writers who bite his style is making me actually dislike him now. and that’s in ‘concrete – fucking – reality’
how the fuck is BSG going to be a judge of the quality of anyone’s writing? in fact, if the people who enter the contest are all of those writers who circle around tao like flies on a fresh dog turd, how will he even tell them apart?
anyone who puts their money into this is a moron, period. at least when some fool bids on tao’s fucking myspace account or something they’re buying into what is essentially a warhol-esque comment on identity. I guess. I mean, I think theyre fucking stupid as well, but I think it’s quite funny that Tao is able to support himself from other peoples stupidity. Good for him. Its a moron tax. But to send money to this joker so he can ‘judge’ your writing, and basically take your cash and laugh in your face… well, look, if you enjoy getting fucked in the ass, there are night clubs and craigs list ads all over the place where you can find someone who will gladly do that shit for free.
ugh, these people bore the shit out of me. their writing is fucking anemic and boring, and they are all wannabe petit-bourgeois assholes. *pukes*
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May 1st, 2009 / 11:14 ammatthewsavoca—
can i publish this on my twitter feed? it is a small press now
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May 1st, 2009 / 11:22 amtao—
seems sweet
seems concrete
did brandon not supply comprehensive information
confused
in 2006 i won one story’s short story contest, $15 entry fee, and won i think $300 and they didn’t publish the story
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May 1st, 2009 / 11:25 amtao—
i feel good
eating watermelon
woke up, opened the computer, saw that brandon had done something i feel is funny, saw ‘pretty serious’ shit talking
seems sweet
what else do i need, in the world
so far today seems ‘perfect’
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May 1st, 2009 / 12:15 pmRyan Call—
i already made the single quotes joke.
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May 1st, 2009 / 12:48 pmanthony l—
win!
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May 1st, 2009 / 1:50 pmAaron—
Well said Jimmy, and you’re right: pimpin’ ain’t easy. We all just need to watch out for the sharks and those with outsized conceptions of themselves. or ‘themselves,’ or whatever.
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brandon is sweet
i’m excited he did this
seems so retarded/sweet
this is sweet
i told someone who is close to me to enter
i’m probably going to enter under multiple names
this is sweet
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I think the contest idea is really funny. Go Brandon!
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keep scrolling up and down thinking ‘lol’
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i think people are being too hard on bsg. we all have blogs and we all want to sell books or make money.
there’s an unspoken ‘ethic’ about modesty that bsg has *seemingly* transgressed by running the contest — but to freak out and make such a big deal out of it (and then to say he’s no big deal, or to be indignant at the attention directed towards him) seems contradictory.
the fact that chelsea even posted this indicates that bsg resides in our collected consciousness and the level to which people are taking this ‘personally’ attests to that, and that is a certain level of ’success.’
to judge him on his career goals or path is petty, because we all do things to make money. we should reward people for being ’smart’ about how they make money. would brandon have more ’street cred’ if he stayed working at the bagel place? there’s this really unhealthy romanticism that real artists must toil in obscurity, and the moment someone achieves moderate success, people attack them.
bsg’s move was traditionally tacky, but he’s been completely transparent on his focus on money. the reason why most of us will turn into bitter obscure writers is that we think money is not important.
i’ve chosen the easy route and have a full time job, but i admire any one who has the guts to try to make a living as a writer. this community attack on bsg goes against the ostensible spirit of htmlg, namely, new ideas about writing and publishing. bsg represents, i feel, new ideas about writing and publishing. and i’m not blindly defending him. i would defend anyone put in his shoes today with these comments.
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May 1st, 2009 / 12:13 pmmatthewsavoca—
well said, jimmy
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May 1st, 2009 / 12:16 pmGene Morgan—
Yeah, and he’ll make what, like $30?
People are gonna hate because he’s doing something fun and might be able to take his girlfriend out to Chili’s for dinner as a result?
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May 1st, 2009 / 12:25 pmmatthewsavoca—
haha chili’s
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May 1st, 2009 / 2:26 pmNathan (Nate) Tyree—
I fucking love Chili’s. The bartender there sets my drink (Jack, rocks, double) in front of me before I ask for it. I love her a little.
May 1st, 2009 / 12:17 pmtao—
sweet
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May 1st, 2009 / 12:17 pmPHM—
I’m going AWOL tomorrow. I expect everyone to send daily donations to keep me alive. Publishing contracts are a must. I will be completely transparent about my goal: to live without manual labor or dead time. I will stop reading your writing. I will begin to use the names of famous writers in a gimmicky way. When someone attacks me, Jimmy Chen’s policy of defending anyone put in the shoes of BSG today will rescue me. Thank you; I’ll see you in Canada.
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May 1st, 2009 / 1:07 pmCatherine Lacey—
yay Jimmy.
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as long as Brandon solicits T.C. Boyle or Alice Munro to be the ‘actual winner’ of the contest, and uses the entry fee money both to pay them and to go toward what he somewhere lists as exorbitant costs to upkeep his blog, I will, in light of this contest, label Brandon’s blog ‘Best Blog of the Year’ and ‘the Gold Standard of Blogs’
sorry, had to.
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May 1st, 2009 / 12:28 pmBlake Butler—
‘what would happen if i deleted this thread?’
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May 1st, 2009 / 9:01 pmKen Baumann—
Daddy.
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May 1st, 2009 / 2:28 pmNathan (Nate) Tyree—
That;s great
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Another perspective:
Brandon, like many Americans, is feeling the pinch in this difficult economy. Brandon has started a contest from which he will make a little money. Brandon will spend that money, helping the economy.
Brandon is an American hero.
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Also, Tao Lin’s Myspace account comment:
Feb 27 2009 12:30 AM
thanks for excepting me as a friend!
:)
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May 1st, 2009 / 4:34 pmjames yeh—
man tao has bad grammar
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May 1st, 2009 / 5:02 pmdavidpeak—
if tao was using “excepting” as a play on words, it’s actually really clever. if it wasn’t a play on words than it’s not clever, nor very sweet.
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May 1st, 2009 / 6:59 pmMatthew Simmons—
Not Tao. A myspace friend. I thought it was a clever accident, too.
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why are the people who always say the harshest and shittiest things always doing so under douche bag pseudonums like skeptic and death from above. if you’re too big of a bitch to say something under you a real identity then shut the fuck up. besides, people who ridicule other people are always the bigger losers.
im not personally entering the contest, but i dont care who else does.
good luck to the contest and to the winner and to brandon’s book.
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May 1st, 2009 / 1:00 pmPHM—
I would say that sometimes people feel they can get their point more cleanly across if it is not polluted with whatever preconceptions people have about them.
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May 1st, 2009 / 1:08 pmCatherine Lacey—
faux names make me a little nauseous.
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May 1st, 2009 / 2:29 pmNathan (Nate) Tyree—
I agree with this
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May 1st, 2009 / 2:35 pmSKULL EATER—
Do you know how easily I could kill you, Barry? Do you know how many times I watched you go in and out of that shitty Philly apartment? You are still alive because I have allowed you to live so you show me some GODDAMN RESPECT!
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May 1st, 2009 / 2:58 pmpseudonum—
Skull Eater should post as “sack licker” or “licker of zines printed on sacks.”
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May 1st, 2009 / 4:56 pmbarry—
haha. i haven’t lived in philly in over 20 yrs you goddam moron.
i live in the sticks in michigan.
but nice try though.
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there should be a moratorium on new posts when a hilarious comment stream emerges…
give it half a work day or something…
shit gets pushed down too fast…
“BSG” as douche bag pseudonum of what?
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May 1st, 2009 / 2:25 pmPHM—
I agree about the moratorium.
I disagree that pseudonym is spelled “pseudonum.”
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May 1st, 2009 / 2:56 pmAaron—
here here, more time between posts so we can stew in it.
and skull eater: ease up buddy. i dig your name, it’s gory and punk rock and hilarious, but do recall jimmy’s description of the giant’s intent, man. you might check out a necropheliac osteologist web community, or the jeffrey dahmer memorial blog. we’re talking words.
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May 1st, 2009 / 3:10 pmMatthew Simmons—
Literature continues in earnest, gentlemen. And so must HTMLGiant.
But we apologize for the wear and tear on your wrists caused by constant scrolling.
May 1st, 2009 / 4:58 pmbarry—
bsg isnt the spuedy, i was talking about skeptic and death from above and skull eater…
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I think skull eater was screwing around, quoting from a pretty cool Eastwood movie. i could be wrong.
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May 1st, 2009 / 3:08 pmNathan (Nate) Tyree—
yes. Not a great film, though.
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May 1st, 2009 / 5:48 pmdavid erlewine—
yeah, i’d say a decent movie, in retrospect. did like when he twisted the neck of the minnesota lady. and it had vinnie terranova’s mom in it!
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In the Line of Fire
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May 1st, 2009 / 6:34 pmdavid erlewine—
i like when he shoots the fishermen.
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just copy n’ pasting from barry at 12:50…”pseudonum”…
haven’t heard a “sack” pun in far too long…
john “sack is small” sakkis,
xo,
xo
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May 1st, 2009 / 4:59 pmbarry—
thank you very much for the correct spelling. i would not be able to teach writing everyday without your guidance.
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May 1st, 2009 / 5:00 pmbarry—
ha. i just started laugjing right now john, because i imagine you rereading your comments for spelling and grammar errors before you click submit. hahahaha.
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May 1st, 2009 / 5:04 pmpr—
John didn’t correct your spelling. You’ve misread the comment.
May 1st, 2009 / 7:19 pmSKULL EATER—
i’m going to eat the skulls of your shit-spelling students, bar (“bare”).
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oh btw, i love the shadow whack guy
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who is the shadow whack guy?
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May 1st, 2009 / 3:52 pmAaron—
the smirking spanker in the photo chelsea used for the post. amen — good stuff
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May 1st, 2009 / 3:54 pmpr—
i didn’t notice that until now. I thought it was just a nice photo of Brandon.
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shadow whack guy is king
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got $7. entering contest. think maybe this will piss people off, maybe get me more internet presence. cool.
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May 1st, 2009 / 5:25 pmpr—
You know, I’m thinking of entering it too. Even though Brandon didn’t like my Cheever post eons ago and that made me sad.
Also, I really liked Barry’s rant against the meanies. I’m feeling a little inspired. Might have to submit.
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May 1st, 2009 / 5:31 pmbrandon—
pr, you should
if you are ‘down and out’/ ‘low on cash’ ill front you the money
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May 1st, 2009 / 5:35 pmpr—
Brandon- I married a man with a very good job. But thanks, you’re sweet. I don’t know how to use paypal but my husband does and he’ll be home soon. He does it for me.
madore told john he spelled pseudonym wrong, and john said he was just cut and pasting rom my earlier comment. i did spell it wrong…
either way. im all for everone doing whatver they feel like it. im just trying to help chelsea reach 100 comments. which is the pinnacle of html giant success.
hope this helps chelsea.
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May 1st, 2009 / 5:22 pmpr—
oops. my bad.
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skull eater is fucking cool
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let’s get this to 100. let’s eat some skulls while we’re at it
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print some zines on some sacks too
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when this post reaches 100, i will delete it
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I deleted my hockey haiku post and sort of regret it- i did it because someone wrote a comment like “the end of the giant” like the “decline of the giant” comments that happen from time to time.
But hockey haiku is a great thing.
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I’m watching Nadal and Verdasco play tennis in Rome. If I pay too much attention to the tennis, I tear up. These men are so beautiful.
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All I have to say anymore is
sweater puppets.
I’m five, seriously.
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Ken Baumann said he’d play tennis with me and someone said he looked like Verdasco.
My older son got into Ithaca College Piano Institute and I’m so proud of him I could cry. Tennis makes me cry, my sons make me cry, mean people make me cry. The other night I drank too much and found this stuffed animal that my dad had as a boy had become decapitated somehow. I cried, “Uncle Wiggly, Uncle Wiggly” (that’s the name of him, he’s a rabbit in a fancy coat) and held him and then passed out.
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May 1st, 2009 / 6:33 pmdavid erlewine—
i cried when kevin curran lost to becker. that was the end of tennis.
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May 1st, 2009 / 6:36 pmpr—
I cry watching tennis with some regularity. Right now, Nadal just went up a break against Verdasco and I love Nadal, but I also really really really love Verdasco and he’s the underdog here and- it’s just so emotional. Also it’s a Mallorcan Catalan- Nadal- against a Madrileno. And, well, I don’t know. I just want Verdasco to win. But he very much most likley won’t. Sigh Sigh Sigh.
Someday, I’m moving to Madrid. I’ll be old and shit but still. A tiny apartment in one of the outskirting nabes. That and a house on Zakynthos for the summers. I’m working on it.
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May 1st, 2009 / 7:59 pmSKULL EATER—
i used to love watching philipousis and sampras play. not. they wouldn’t have rallies more than three hits. boo. that killed tennis. i still think about that pat cash match, where he ran into the stands to hug his dad. or what about the jimmy connors patrick mcenroe rally? holy shit.
May 1st, 2009 / 8:11 pmpr—
fillapussis. that dude got distracted by the ladies. Shame. Sampras had a great career. Connors, McEnroe- all good. But MAN- the playesr now? Nadal? Tennis has never been better.
Right now, Juan Monaco is coming out to play Fernando Gonzalez. Argentina v. Chile. These guys HATE each other. Gonzo will win, which is the second shame of the night (yes, Versdasco lost, waaah…).
But the great thing is it is two uncircumsized dudes, battling away, with their uncircumsized penises. Gonzo is hot, but Chileans are such fucktards. Argentines? Yes, they are a bit proud, but they are not- I repeat NOT- Chileans. Phew.
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May 1st, 2009 / 10:11 pmdavid erlewine—
fillapussis.
fuck, that’s funny.
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I’m wearing a brand new purple striped Aeropostale T-shirt that no 41 one year old woman should wear. I’m ashamed, and yet I’m just at home and no one but my kids and thier one friend whose sleeping over will see me- and my husband. But he thinks I’m fifteen anyway.
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who’s Tao Lin?
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Time
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May 1st, 2009 / 7:02 pmMatthew Simmons—
to
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May 1st, 2009 / 7:03 pmMatthew Simmons—
delete? One more comment, Blake.
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MWAAAA!
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holy shit
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cue the explosion
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fvfdbgb
dvefbebrbrtb vgr
fbfbvr btrgbrb fbrbrbr
vfeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevfrbyhyebgw
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win
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chelsea, congratulations. blake will be mailing you the “100 Club” jacket pretty soon i bet.
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May 1st, 2009 / 10:34 pmbrandon—
sam enter my contest
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May 2nd, 2009 / 3:43 amsam pink—
i have never been able to actually send money using paypal. i have been pursuing the correction of this and yet, to date have found no such correction (the paypal people send polite emails though, for real). i can mail you a book to give away as part of the prize. although i’m having self-esteem issues right now and i feel like i am a shithead for acting like that would make more people want to do the contest more. i keep thinking sports exclamations and then “i’m a shithead” after them. like “touchdown, i’m a shithead.” or, a new one, “from downtown, i’m a shithead.” don’t let people hurt your feelings brandon. people are always trying to hurt feelings.
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mutha fuckah
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I guess I just don’t understand the love ya’ll feel toward this little ear-biter.
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Usually about two in the morning you end up taking advantage of yourself (Tom Waits)
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damn
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Luckily the contest turned out to be honest & good & true
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[...] was a lot of shit that happened during / before / after this competition. i was a part of all [...]