March 6th, 2009 / 7:23 pm
Contests & Presses

Muumuu House ‘Care’ Package and a Contest

100_3042

not ryan call

I received today in the mail a ‘care’ package from Muumuu House and in that package were several books: you are a little bit happier than i am by Tao Lin and Distortions by Ann Beattie and three copies of Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs by Ellen Kennedy. Thank you, Muumuu House, for the ‘care’ package.

And last night a friend and I found a bar in Houston that has ping-pong tables, and we played ping-pong for three or four hours, and I defeated him twice. He did not defeat me. The rest of the time we just hit the ball back and forth and impressed ourselves with our amazing skills. I think I am very good at ping-pong. I think it is the one thing I’m allowed to be good at, maybe. That and washing dishes. I think there is something very satisfying about hitting a ping-pong ball just so, having it do exactly what you want it to do.

To celebrate our finding this bar with ping-pong tables, I would like to offer two copies of Sometimes My Heart Pushes Against My Ribs by Ellen Kennedy, which, sadly, has no poems/stories in it about ping-pong.

Please post your poems/stories about ping-pong in the comments section to be eligible for a copy of Sometimes My Heart Pushes Against My Ribs by Ellen Kennedy. Be sure to include a real email address in the field where it asks for an email address, so I can email you if your poem/story wins. If you are shy, you may also email a poem/story about ping-pong to htmlgiant [at] gmail [dot] com, but if I select your poem/story, then I will post it for everyone to see. This contest is open until 2:00pm CST, Saturday the 7th.

Good work, Muumuu House and Ellen Kennedy, on your first book. I enjoyed reading it.

UPDATE: Winners of the two Muumuu House books are Miles and Darby Larson. Miles and Darby please email your mailing addresses to HTMLGIANT so I can send you your prize.

Thank you to everyone who emailed and posted ping-pong stories/poems.

Tags: ,

147 Comments

  1. tao

      thank you ryan

      i feel afraid of jereme

      will there be a jereme comment

      i feel excited to a degree

      weird

      am i afraid or excited

      jereme

      hehe

  2. tao

      thank you ryan

      i feel afraid of jereme

      will there be a jereme comment

      i feel excited to a degree

      weird

      am i afraid or excited

      jereme

      hehe

  3. tao

      thank you ryan

      i feel afraid of jereme

      will there be a jereme comment

      i feel excited to a degree

      weird

      am i afraid or excited

      jereme

      hehe

  4. tao

      NEW POEM

      i asked you when you were going to post the blog post and you said fifteen minutes and i thought ‘yes’ in moderately intense tone

      i keep thinking ‘i feel problems’
      i keep fantasizing about certain girls i can ‘run into’
      while walking with certain other girls for maximum effect
      just had an image of shitting on my face
      from where i’m sitting
      the shit flying up
      i’m laughing, feeling suicidal
      i believe profits can be made pretty easily
      just typed in gmail chat ‘the world is yours zachary,
      poop, read comments, whatever, just don’t hold back’
      then thought ‘i’m going to kill myself’
      3-5 times in fast succession

  5. tao

      NEW POEM

      i asked you when you were going to post the blog post and you said fifteen minutes and i thought ‘yes’ in moderately intense tone

      i keep thinking ‘i feel problems’
      i keep fantasizing about certain girls i can ‘run into’
      while walking with certain other girls for maximum effect
      just had an image of shitting on my face
      from where i’m sitting
      the shit flying up
      i’m laughing, feeling suicidal
      i believe profits can be made pretty easily
      just typed in gmail chat ‘the world is yours zachary,
      poop, read comments, whatever, just don’t hold back’
      then thought ‘i’m going to kill myself’
      3-5 times in fast succession

  6. tao

      NEW POEM

      i asked you when you were going to post the blog post and you said fifteen minutes and i thought ‘yes’ in moderately intense tone

      i keep thinking ‘i feel problems’
      i keep fantasizing about certain girls i can ‘run into’
      while walking with certain other girls for maximum effect
      just had an image of shitting on my face
      from where i’m sitting
      the shit flying up
      i’m laughing, feeling suicidal
      i believe profits can be made pretty easily
      just typed in gmail chat ‘the world is yours zachary,
      poop, read comments, whatever, just don’t hold back’
      then thought ‘i’m going to kill myself’
      3-5 times in fast succession

  7. tao

      just reread that and very mildly regretted posting it

      almost imperceptibly mildly

      barely feelable

      yet it is there, the regret

      or is it

      i feel okay, it seems okay

  8. tao

      just reread that and very mildly regretted posting it

      almost imperceptibly mildly

      barely feelable

      yet it is there, the regret

      or is it

      i feel okay, it seems okay

  9. tao

      just reread that and very mildly regretted posting it

      almost imperceptibly mildly

      barely feelable

      yet it is there, the regret

      or is it

      i feel okay, it seems okay

  10. tao

      the title of that poem was not in reference to this blog post, i would like to add

      no member of html giant was pressured indirectly or passively to create this blog post

  11. tao

      the title of that poem was not in reference to this blog post, i would like to add

      no member of html giant was pressured indirectly or passively to create this blog post

  12. tao

      the title of that poem was not in reference to this blog post, i would like to add

      no member of html giant was pressured indirectly or passively to create this blog post

  13. Jimmy Chen

      haha remember when i wrote about your vimeo and people freaked because they said you ‘used’ me?

  14. Jimmy Chen

      haha remember when i wrote about your vimeo and people freaked because they said you ‘used’ me?

  15. Jimmy Chen

      haha remember when i wrote about your vimeo and people freaked because they said you ‘used’ me?

  16. darby

      how does one get a care package? is it on taos blog? why don’t I go to taos blog anymore? I will do it later. I must be gigantic.

      here’s poems:

      poem 1

      serpent and kris
      play ping pong through
      the ghost of carl lewis
      hovering above the piano
      ling lang plays rachmaninoff
      on
      off
      on
      off

      poem 2

      here’s justice
      so let us play
      ping pong and
      then have the
      cows come
      home and
      that will be all

      poem 3

      eat more red
      beets for me
      please then
      save me a
      slice of pep-
      permint tea
      cake you
      made with
      ping pong
      balls for a
      swiss cheese
      effect

  17. darby

      how does one get a care package? is it on taos blog? why don’t I go to taos blog anymore? I will do it later. I must be gigantic.

      here’s poems:

      poem 1

      serpent and kris
      play ping pong through
      the ghost of carl lewis
      hovering above the piano
      ling lang plays rachmaninoff
      on
      off
      on
      off

      poem 2

      here’s justice
      so let us play
      ping pong and
      then have the
      cows come
      home and
      that will be all

      poem 3

      eat more red
      beets for me
      please then
      save me a
      slice of pep-
      permint tea
      cake you
      made with
      ping pong
      balls for a
      swiss cheese
      effect

  18. darby

      how does one get a care package? is it on taos blog? why don’t I go to taos blog anymore? I will do it later. I must be gigantic.

      here’s poems:

      poem 1

      serpent and kris
      play ping pong through
      the ghost of carl lewis
      hovering above the piano
      ling lang plays rachmaninoff
      on
      off
      on
      off

      poem 2

      here’s justice
      so let us play
      ping pong and
      then have the
      cows come
      home and
      that will be all

      poem 3

      eat more red
      beets for me
      please then
      save me a
      slice of pep-
      permint tea
      cake you
      made with
      ping pong
      balls for a
      swiss cheese
      effect

  19. miles

      EVERYONE SUCKS AT PING PONG

      i go to hale and hearty soups
      i buy florentine chicken, a roast beef sandwich, and an izze
      then i see how much it costs
      then i say i want these cookies
      the girl cashier says they are so really good
      i eat them everyday.
      then i go to my office eat
      the sandwich with the soup
      then the soup with the crackers
      then i want the cookies but the soup
      isn’t done i want the cookies
      slowly forcing myself to eat the soup
      this is like ping pong
      it’s like in ping pong when someone spikes it at you
      you don’t move your paddle or anything
      and you feel like you’d be more vulnerable
      than your opponent if there were a surprise sword attack

  20. Jimmy Chen

      Amy Ping wanted to kill herself, Lily Pong wanted to get born again. Such were the disparities of life; that they were touring China together was not a convenience. In Szechuan, Amy chocked on a some tripe, confirming all the more so what she wanted to do at 3:00PM.

      “I’m so going to kill myself at 3:00PM” said Amy.

      “They said there would be Christians here. What the fuck?” said Lily.

      Ping and Pong finished their pho, texted their respective best friends forever, and waited around nervously. “I smell tiger penis,” said Amy.

      “That’s because we’re sitting next to a store that sells them,” replied Lily, who had decided that Ping could not be saved. Perhaps this trip was her personal purgatory.

      The moon rose early that afternoon. The dim dome of the sky blinked twice, then a film of cloud rolled across the surface, absorbing what little pale shadows were left.

      “It’s 2:56PM,” said Amy, taking out her pill bottle.

      “Those are laxatives.”

      “I’ll shit to dea—”

      But before she could finish, a panda came over and sneezed. The hopeless parts of its face look the most human. Ping realized that life, like an irritated sinus cavity, is not perfect. One simply needed to explode the inside of one’s face. Ping sneezed too, causing Pong to sneeze as well.

      Life, they said, would be okay.

  21. Jimmy Chen

      Amy Ping wanted to kill herself, Lily Pong wanted to get born again. Such were the disparities of life; that they were touring China together was not a convenience. In Szechuan, Amy chocked on a some tripe, confirming all the more so what she wanted to do at 3:00PM.

      “I’m so going to kill myself at 3:00PM” said Amy.

      “They said there would be Christians here. What the fuck?” said Lily.

      Ping and Pong finished their pho, texted their respective best friends forever, and waited around nervously. “I smell tiger penis,” said Amy.

      “That’s because we’re sitting next to a store that sells them,” replied Lily, who had decided that Ping could not be saved. Perhaps this trip was her personal purgatory.

      The moon rose early that afternoon. The dim dome of the sky blinked twice, then a film of cloud rolled across the surface, absorbing what little pale shadows were left.

      “It’s 2:56PM,” said Amy, taking out her pill bottle.

      “Those are laxatives.”

      “I’ll shit to dea—”

      But before she could finish, a panda came over and sneezed. The hopeless parts of its face look the most human. Ping realized that life, like an irritated sinus cavity, is not perfect. One simply needed to explode the inside of one’s face. Ping sneezed too, causing Pong to sneeze as well.

      Life, they said, would be okay.

  22. Jimmy Chen

      Amy Ping wanted to kill herself, Lily Pong wanted to get born again. Such were the disparities of life; that they were touring China together was not a convenience. In Szechuan, Amy chocked on a some tripe, confirming all the more so what she wanted to do at 3:00PM.

      “I’m so going to kill myself at 3:00PM” said Amy.

      “They said there would be Christians here. What the fuck?” said Lily.

      Ping and Pong finished their pho, texted their respective best friends forever, and waited around nervously. “I smell tiger penis,” said Amy.

      “That’s because we’re sitting next to a store that sells them,” replied Lily, who had decided that Ping could not be saved. Perhaps this trip was her personal purgatory.

      The moon rose early that afternoon. The dim dome of the sky blinked twice, then a film of cloud rolled across the surface, absorbing what little pale shadows were left.

      “It’s 2:56PM,” said Amy, taking out her pill bottle.

      “Those are laxatives.”

      “I’ll shit to dea—”

      But before she could finish, a panda came over and sneezed. The hopeless parts of its face look the most human. Ping realized that life, like an irritated sinus cavity, is not perfect. One simply needed to explode the inside of one’s face. Ping sneezed too, causing Pong to sneeze as well.

      Life, they said, would be okay.

  23. Adam Robinson

      No entry except to say I will defeat Ryan Call in ping pong any time, any day.

  24. Adam Robinson

      No entry except to say I will defeat Ryan Call in ping pong any time, any day.

  25. Adam Robinson

      No entry except to say I will defeat Ryan Call in ping pong any time, any day.

  26. Ryan Call

      negative

  27. Ryan Call

      negative

  28. Ryan Call

      negative

  29. darby

      poem 4

      I forgive you
      for hitting me
      in the face with
      your paddle
      after I had my
      eyes surgically
      replaced with
      ping pong balls

  30. darby

      poem 4

      I forgive you
      for hitting me
      in the face with
      your paddle
      after I had my
      eyes surgically
      replaced with
      ping pong balls

  31. darby

      poem 4

      I forgive you
      for hitting me
      in the face with
      your paddle
      after I had my
      eyes surgically
      replaced with
      ping pong balls

  32. pr

      Ryan, thank you for this contest and post.

      When we first met, I saw your nose bleed
      And I thought, he does blow, just like me
      then we played ping pong at the lodge.

      As the seasons changed, and the weather
      changed not much, I learned you don’t do blow
      then we played ping pong at the lodge.

      I fell iin love with you in Barcelona
      absinthe in Chinatown, drag queen hookers on the Ramblas
      then we played ping pong at the lodge.

      Twenty five years later, who knew
      you still are a toothless, nose bleeding freak
      and we still play ping pong at the lodge.

      Our sons have your teeth, but their noses don’t bleed
      but what am I to you?
      We still play ping pong at the lodge.

      You never did blow, you had dry nose from the plane
      And yet, we are in love, twenty five years later
      And still play ping pong at the lodge.

      I try to imagine but how can I, or you
      What our future entails, death? well yes,
      but we always will have our time playing ping pong at the lodge.

  33. david miller

      you can puff before a funeral

      you can puff before a funeral especially if you know the kid who died would have wanted you to puff before his funeral

      but you can’t puff a year later when the parents of the kid who died ask if you’ll come over for a ‘remembrance’

      there’s no way

      earlier in the night we’d eaten dinner then watched a video somebody had put together of mike skiing

      the soundtrack was this classical piano music

      “mike used to listen to classical music while he skied,” mike’s dad said

      later we played ping pong down in their basement

      i was the 2nd worst ping pong player

      i felt angry because rich and lonnie kept whipping all these different shots and spins

      i felt angry i wasn’t playing better

      this was mike’s ping pong table

      if i would have puffed i could have played better

      the whole night nobody once had to say ‘snow’ or ‘avalanche’ or ‘recovering’

      we just played ping pong

      then we stopped playing ping pong

      it was time to go

      you could feel mike’s dad about to cry but it was a happy kind of crying

      “having you guys over helps me remember how it felt when mike was here”

  34. david miller

      you can puff before a funeral

      you can puff before a funeral especially if you know the kid who died would have wanted you to puff before his funeral

      but you can’t puff a year later when the parents of the kid who died ask if you’ll come over for a ‘remembrance’

      there’s no way

      earlier in the night we’d eaten dinner then watched a video somebody had put together of mike skiing

      the soundtrack was this classical piano music

      “mike used to listen to classical music while he skied,” mike’s dad said

      later we played ping pong down in their basement

      i was the 2nd worst ping pong player

      i felt angry because rich and lonnie kept whipping all these different shots and spins

      i felt angry i wasn’t playing better

      this was mike’s ping pong table

      if i would have puffed i could have played better

      the whole night nobody once had to say ‘snow’ or ‘avalanche’ or ‘recovering’

      we just played ping pong

      then we stopped playing ping pong

      it was time to go

      you could feel mike’s dad about to cry but it was a happy kind of crying

      “having you guys over helps me remember how it felt when mike was here”

  35. david miller

      you can puff before a funeral

      you can puff before a funeral especially if you know the kid who died would have wanted you to puff before his funeral

      but you can’t puff a year later when the parents of the kid who died ask if you’ll come over for a ‘remembrance’

      there’s no way

      earlier in the night we’d eaten dinner then watched a video somebody had put together of mike skiing

      the soundtrack was this classical piano music

      “mike used to listen to classical music while he skied,” mike’s dad said

      later we played ping pong down in their basement

      i was the 2nd worst ping pong player

      i felt angry because rich and lonnie kept whipping all these different shots and spins

      i felt angry i wasn’t playing better

      this was mike’s ping pong table

      if i would have puffed i could have played better

      the whole night nobody once had to say ‘snow’ or ‘avalanche’ or ‘recovering’

      we just played ping pong

      then we stopped playing ping pong

      it was time to go

      you could feel mike’s dad about to cry but it was a happy kind of crying

      “having you guys over helps me remember how it felt when mike was here”

  36. meg pokrass

      Ping pong is sex

      She didn’t tell me how playing ping pong was very sexy
      so i
      agreed to meet her for coffee, and do whatever made sense
      as though
      paddling little white balls like a child could alter things, like steroids
      or a fake tan,
      yes, she was all the mountain snow I’d never touched, growing up
      easy cactus, ice plant,
      impaired, unprepared I understood her ease, her grin after
      creaming me (I’d cream me too)
      the whacking ball between us and the fact we were fucking.

  37. meg pokrass

      Ping pong is sex

      She didn’t tell me how playing ping pong was very sexy
      so i
      agreed to meet her for coffee, and do whatever made sense
      as though
      paddling little white balls like a child could alter things, like steroids
      or a fake tan,
      yes, she was all the mountain snow I’d never touched, growing up
      easy cactus, ice plant,
      impaired, unprepared I understood her ease, her grin after
      creaming me (I’d cream me too)
      the whacking ball between us and the fact we were fucking.

  38. meg pokrass

      Ping pong is sex

      She didn’t tell me how playing ping pong was very sexy
      so i
      agreed to meet her for coffee, and do whatever made sense
      as though
      paddling little white balls like a child could alter things, like steroids
      or a fake tan,
      yes, she was all the mountain snow I’d never touched, growing up
      easy cactus, ice plant,
      impaired, unprepared I understood her ease, her grin after
      creaming me (I’d cream me too)
      the whacking ball between us and the fact we were fucking.

  39. Steven Trull

      Jimmy, I have some friends who are conjoined twins. Your story is too perfect. I have sent them your story. Even if your story is not about conjoined twins, I think my friends will like it because they like playing ping-pong.

  40. Steven Trull

      Jimmy, I have some friends who are conjoined twins. Your story is too perfect. I have sent them your story. Even if your story is not about conjoined twins, I think my friends will like it because they like playing ping-pong.

  41. Steven Trull

      Jimmy, I have some friends who are conjoined twins. Your story is too perfect. I have sent them your story. Even if your story is not about conjoined twins, I think my friends will like it because they like playing ping-pong.

  42. Steven Trull

      Meg? I wish I was a lesbian and I wish I could play ping-pong. I like you. I am gay.

  43. Steven Trull

      Meg? I wish I was a lesbian and I wish I could play ping-pong. I like you. I am gay.

  44. Steven Trull

      Meg? I wish I was a lesbian and I wish I could play ping-pong. I like you. I am gay.

  45. Steven Trull

      Darby, I have forwarded this poem to Sally Duncan. She has a glass eye and I think she would think that this poem is very funny because she likes to be paddled. Also I am almost done with my story because I haven’t started it yet but when it is done I will submit it too and you can say things about my story.

  46. Steven Trull

      Darby, I have forwarded this poem to Sally Duncan. She has a glass eye and I think she would think that this poem is very funny because she likes to be paddled. Also I am almost done with my story because I haven’t started it yet but when it is done I will submit it too and you can say things about my story.

  47. Steven Trull

      Darby, I have forwarded this poem to Sally Duncan. She has a glass eye and I think she would think that this poem is very funny because she likes to be paddled. Also I am almost done with my story because I haven’t started it yet but when it is done I will submit it too and you can say things about my story.

  48. gena

      i am going to post a stream-of-consciousness poem thing that is shitty:

      when i read the words “ping pong” on this site
      an image of a woman shooting ping pong balls out of her vagina manifested in my mind
      and also the words “beer pong”
      which is something that you can get herpes from, according to the news
      but not really
      life isn’t that rewarding

  49. gena

      i am going to post a stream-of-consciousness poem thing that is shitty:

      when i read the words “ping pong” on this site
      an image of a woman shooting ping pong balls out of her vagina manifested in my mind
      and also the words “beer pong”
      which is something that you can get herpes from, according to the news
      but not really
      life isn’t that rewarding

  50. gena

      i am going to post a stream-of-consciousness poem thing that is shitty:

      when i read the words “ping pong” on this site
      an image of a woman shooting ping pong balls out of her vagina manifested in my mind
      and also the words “beer pong”
      which is something that you can get herpes from, according to the news
      but not really
      life isn’t that rewarding

  51. darby

      poem 5

      There’s tons
      of suns in
      Sears and
      bums on
      walks from
      sides in
      cellophane
      monster
      holes just
      in today
      and last
      spring
      gathering
      coconuts
      in your
      forest we
      played pong
      in, read
      each other
      ping in,
      took a month
      to recover
      from, booked
      a room to
      recover in,
      make love
      in, drink rum
      in, cover
      ourselves in
      cellophane
      and sleep
      from our
      toes and
      elbows on
      and under
      the sun
      before
      heading
      to Sears

  52. darby

      poem 5

      There’s tons
      of suns in
      Sears and
      bums on
      walks from
      sides in
      cellophane
      monster
      holes just
      in today
      and last
      spring
      gathering
      coconuts
      in your
      forest we
      played pong
      in, read
      each other
      ping in,
      took a month
      to recover
      from, booked
      a room to
      recover in,
      make love
      in, drink rum
      in, cover
      ourselves in
      cellophane
      and sleep
      from our
      toes and
      elbows on
      and under
      the sun
      before
      heading
      to Sears

  53. darby

      poem 5

      There’s tons
      of suns in
      Sears and
      bums on
      walks from
      sides in
      cellophane
      monster
      holes just
      in today
      and last
      spring
      gathering
      coconuts
      in your
      forest we
      played pong
      in, read
      each other
      ping in,
      took a month
      to recover
      from, booked
      a room to
      recover in,
      make love
      in, drink rum
      in, cover
      ourselves in
      cellophane
      and sleep
      from our
      toes and
      elbows on
      and under
      the sun
      before
      heading
      to Sears

  54. darby

      thank you

  55. darby

      thank you

  56. darby

      thank you

  57. david hodges

      for sale: ping-pong paddles, never used.

  58. david hodges

      for sale: ping-pong paddles, never used.

  59. david hodges

      for sale: ping-pong paddles, never used.

  60. Steven Trull

      I can’t wait for our date!

  61. Steven Trull

      I can’t wait for our date!

  62. Steven Trull

      I can’t wait for our date!

  63. Ellen Kennedy

      MY COUSIN WHO LIKES GOLF A LOT IS GETTING MARRIED

      one time i hung out with him and his friend.

      his friend’s name was ‘R.E.A.’

      i don’t know how to spell it

      in my head i called him ‘oreo’

      my cousin was wearing a hat that said ‘PING’

      ‘R.E.A.’ took it off his head and said ‘PING, the brother of PONG’

      no one laughed.

      i was afraid to laugh because i felt ‘uncool’.

      in my head i laughed a lot.

      i thought it was ‘genius’.

      at work, there is a chinese girl named ‘Ping’

      when i work with her i sometimes think ‘PING, the brother of PONG’

      and i want to laugh a lot

      so i turn to the soda fountain to hide my face from the customers

      and i grin wildly at my medium cokes.

  64. Ellen Kennedy

      MY COUSIN WHO LIKES GOLF A LOT IS GETTING MARRIED

      one time i hung out with him and his friend.

      his friend’s name was ‘R.E.A.’

      i don’t know how to spell it

      in my head i called him ‘oreo’

      my cousin was wearing a hat that said ‘PING’

      ‘R.E.A.’ took it off his head and said ‘PING, the brother of PONG’

      no one laughed.

      i was afraid to laugh because i felt ‘uncool’.

      in my head i laughed a lot.

      i thought it was ‘genius’.

      at work, there is a chinese girl named ‘Ping’

      when i work with her i sometimes think ‘PING, the brother of PONG’

      and i want to laugh a lot

      so i turn to the soda fountain to hide my face from the customers

      and i grin wildly at my medium cokes.

  65. Ellen Kennedy

      MY COUSIN WHO LIKES GOLF A LOT IS GETTING MARRIED

      one time i hung out with him and his friend.

      his friend’s name was ‘R.E.A.’

      i don’t know how to spell it

      in my head i called him ‘oreo’

      my cousin was wearing a hat that said ‘PING’

      ‘R.E.A.’ took it off his head and said ‘PING, the brother of PONG’

      no one laughed.

      i was afraid to laugh because i felt ‘uncool’.

      in my head i laughed a lot.

      i thought it was ‘genius’.

      at work, there is a chinese girl named ‘Ping’

      when i work with her i sometimes think ‘PING, the brother of PONG’

      and i want to laugh a lot

      so i turn to the soda fountain to hide my face from the customers

      and i grin wildly at my medium cokes.

  66. Steven Trull

      “Wang Liqin”

      One day, Bolly, Nada and Clare were playing the ping-pong in the garage. Suddenly, Bolly saw something strange up in the rafters. Nada also saw something strange up in the rafters. Clare also saw something strange up in the rafters.

      A beautiful, magic ping-pong ball appeared!

      Nobody said anything for a long time. Bolly didn’t say anything. Nada also didn’t say anything. Clare also didn’t say anything.

      This went on for a long time. It went on longer cause nobody said anything. Like, it was all quiet in there.

      Finally, Bolly said something: Look! Sex slaves–
      Clare: I see!
      Nada:

  67. Steven Trull

      “Wang Liqin”

      One day, Bolly, Nada and Clare were playing the ping-pong in the garage. Suddenly, Bolly saw something strange up in the rafters. Nada also saw something strange up in the rafters. Clare also saw something strange up in the rafters.

      A beautiful, magic ping-pong ball appeared!

      Nobody said anything for a long time. Bolly didn’t say anything. Nada also didn’t say anything. Clare also didn’t say anything.

      This went on for a long time. It went on longer cause nobody said anything. Like, it was all quiet in there.

      Finally, Bolly said something: Look! Sex slaves–
      Clare: I see!
      Nada:

  68. Steven Trull

      “Wang Liqin”

      One day, Bolly, Nada and Clare were playing the ping-pong in the garage. Suddenly, Bolly saw something strange up in the rafters. Nada also saw something strange up in the rafters. Clare also saw something strange up in the rafters.

      A beautiful, magic ping-pong ball appeared!

      Nobody said anything for a long time. Bolly didn’t say anything. Nada also didn’t say anything. Clare also didn’t say anything.

      This went on for a long time. It went on longer cause nobody said anything. Like, it was all quiet in there.

      Finally, Bolly said something: Look! Sex slaves–
      Clare: I see!
      Nada:

  69. Steven Trull

      It is also for my friends Mark Ryden, Marion Peck, Nada Gordon, Sandy and Sally Duncan. And for Wang Liqin–thanks, Wang!

  70. Steven Trull

      It is also for my friends Mark Ryden, Marion Peck, Nada Gordon, Sandy and Sally Duncan. And for Wang Liqin–thanks, Wang!

  71. Steven Trull

      It is also for my friends Mark Ryden, Marion Peck, Nada Gordon, Sandy and Sally Duncan. And for Wang Liqin–thanks, Wang!

  72. gena

      ellen!

  73. gena

      ellen!

  74. gena

      ellen!

  75. darby

      I am going to forward this story to my friend Kim who is an actual sex slave. I think she will find it wonderful because she is also a magical person and enjoys eating grapefruit in the morning.

  76. darby

      I am going to forward this story to my friend Kim who is an actual sex slave. I think she will find it wonderful because she is also a magical person and enjoys eating grapefruit in the morning.

  77. darby

      I am going to forward this story to my friend Kim who is an actual sex slave. I think she will find it wonderful because she is also a magical person and enjoys eating grapefruit in the morning.

  78. ryanchang

      ping pong poems
      pee pee pee
      it sounds like two fourteen year olds
      with acne
      red freckles
      bad hair
      ac/dc shirts
      playing ‘air ping-pong’ at midnight
      while their older brothers play beer pong
      with the ping pong table
      with attractive girls that
      the fourteen year olds fantasize about
      but their older brothers and everyone else at the party
      downstairs would laugh at them and possibly hurt them
      so they play air ping-pong
      and go ‘pee pee pee’

  79. ryanchang

      ping pong poems
      pee pee pee
      it sounds like two fourteen year olds
      with acne
      red freckles
      bad hair
      ac/dc shirts
      playing ‘air ping-pong’ at midnight
      while their older brothers play beer pong
      with the ping pong table
      with attractive girls that
      the fourteen year olds fantasize about
      but their older brothers and everyone else at the party
      downstairs would laugh at them and possibly hurt them
      so they play air ping-pong
      and go ‘pee pee pee’

  80. ryanchang

      ping pong poems
      pee pee pee
      it sounds like two fourteen year olds
      with acne
      red freckles
      bad hair
      ac/dc shirts
      playing ‘air ping-pong’ at midnight
      while their older brothers play beer pong
      with the ping pong table
      with attractive girls that
      the fourteen year olds fantasize about
      but their older brothers and everyone else at the party
      downstairs would laugh at them and possibly hurt them
      so they play air ping-pong
      and go ‘pee pee pee’

  81. Ani

      like the ping
      pong balls
      when the beer
      is gone balls
      you say hey
      it’s all right
      we’ve got
      paddles
      enjoy
      our night

  82. Ani

      like the ping
      pong balls
      when the beer
      is gone balls
      you say hey
      it’s all right
      we’ve got
      paddles
      enjoy
      our night

  83. Ani

      like the ping
      pong balls
      when the beer
      is gone balls
      you say hey
      it’s all right
      we’ve got
      paddles
      enjoy
      our night

  84. darby
  85. darby
  86. darby
  87. meg pokrass

      oh dear, i am not gay. something is quite wrong with me. I WRITE gay. What’s that all about?

  88. meg pokrass

      oh dear, i am not gay. something is quite wrong with me. I WRITE gay. What’s that all about?

  89. meg pokrass

      oh dear, i am not gay. something is quite wrong with me. I WRITE gay. What’s that all about?

  90. Andrew R. Touhy

      CONTEST

      The ping-pong ball was boiled.
      It wasn’t happy about . . . well, did its happiness count? It was a ping-pong ball, and dented, maybe there was some brain damage, and people needed its right shape back.
      Its right shape was back but it was soft, soft and then as it cooled brittle and then, well, it’s right shape wasn’t totally back.
      It was more oblong than round, yes, an egg and not a ball that bounces high toward a swinging paddle.
      But people needed its right shape back.
      They looked under the table for other correctly shaped balls.
      They looked around the boxes around the garage.
      There was an old bookcase out there, too, filled with cookbooks and a single tin filled with corroded coins. They looked behind there.
      In the past, balls were in the cat box; today there were curls of shit and damp clumps of litter.
      But people needed its right shape back.
      It was game point.
      It was 22 points to 21 points.
      The people couldn’t play with air, could they? They could play without paddles; they played with their hands. The ball bounced funny, off their knuckles, off the meat and hollow of their palms. The ball bounced like a boiled ball would: a right or left turn off the table, suddenly toward or away from a player.
      Hmm.
      People needed the ball’s right shape back?
      The two players—one with 21 points, the other with 22 points—threw their paddles in the pot of water that had held the ball. They turned the burner on high, to boil. The egg-shaped ball was already in one of their hands when they walked to the garage.
      For the record: the ping-pong ball, it got happy.
      Table tennis!

  91. Andrew R. Touhy

      CONTEST

      The ping-pong ball was boiled.
      It wasn’t happy about . . . well, did its happiness count? It was a ping-pong ball, and dented, maybe there was some brain damage, and people needed its right shape back.
      Its right shape was back but it was soft, soft and then as it cooled brittle and then, well, it’s right shape wasn’t totally back.
      It was more oblong than round, yes, an egg and not a ball that bounces high toward a swinging paddle.
      But people needed its right shape back.
      They looked under the table for other correctly shaped balls.
      They looked around the boxes around the garage.
      There was an old bookcase out there, too, filled with cookbooks and a single tin filled with corroded coins. They looked behind there.
      In the past, balls were in the cat box; today there were curls of shit and damp clumps of litter.
      But people needed its right shape back.
      It was game point.
      It was 22 points to 21 points.
      The people couldn’t play with air, could they? They could play without paddles; they played with their hands. The ball bounced funny, off their knuckles, off the meat and hollow of their palms. The ball bounced like a boiled ball would: a right or left turn off the table, suddenly toward or away from a player.
      Hmm.
      People needed the ball’s right shape back?
      The two players—one with 21 points, the other with 22 points—threw their paddles in the pot of water that had held the ball. They turned the burner on high, to boil. The egg-shaped ball was already in one of their hands when they walked to the garage.
      For the record: the ping-pong ball, it got happy.
      Table tennis!

  92. Andrew R. Touhy

      CONTEST

      The ping-pong ball was boiled.
      It wasn’t happy about . . . well, did its happiness count? It was a ping-pong ball, and dented, maybe there was some brain damage, and people needed its right shape back.
      Its right shape was back but it was soft, soft and then as it cooled brittle and then, well, it’s right shape wasn’t totally back.
      It was more oblong than round, yes, an egg and not a ball that bounces high toward a swinging paddle.
      But people needed its right shape back.
      They looked under the table for other correctly shaped balls.
      They looked around the boxes around the garage.
      There was an old bookcase out there, too, filled with cookbooks and a single tin filled with corroded coins. They looked behind there.
      In the past, balls were in the cat box; today there were curls of shit and damp clumps of litter.
      But people needed its right shape back.
      It was game point.
      It was 22 points to 21 points.
      The people couldn’t play with air, could they? They could play without paddles; they played with their hands. The ball bounced funny, off their knuckles, off the meat and hollow of their palms. The ball bounced like a boiled ball would: a right or left turn off the table, suddenly toward or away from a player.
      Hmm.
      People needed the ball’s right shape back?
      The two players—one with 21 points, the other with 22 points—threw their paddles in the pot of water that had held the ball. They turned the burner on high, to boil. The egg-shaped ball was already in one of their hands when they walked to the garage.
      For the record: the ping-pong ball, it got happy.
      Table tennis!

  93. Steven Trull

      Me, too. Want to go out on a date?

  94. Steven Trull

      Me, too. Want to go out on a date?

  95. Steven Trull

      Me, too. Want to go out on a date?

  96. Steven Trull

      I like you Darby. Grapefruit.

  97. Steven Trull

      I like you Darby. Grapefruit.

  98. Steven Trull

      I like you Darby. Grapefruit.

  99. An Unreliable Witness

      Ping-Pong Tanka

      In idle moments
      I think if ping-pong is an
      Onomatopoeia
      Surely it can’t be, because
      By rights it should be pik-pok

  100. An Unreliable Witness

      Ping-Pong Tanka

      In idle moments
      I think if ping-pong is an
      Onomatopoeia
      Surely it can’t be, because
      By rights it should be pik-pok

  101. An Unreliable Witness

      Ping-Pong Tanka

      In idle moments
      I think if ping-pong is an
      Onomatopoeia
      Surely it can’t be, because
      By rights it should be pik-pok

  102. davidpeak

      Reset

      John McEnroe lost his famous temper
      in heavy traffic,
      careened into a telephone pole. Spike.

      At the hospital, they cut him open,
      saw that
      his brain was swelling:
      “even if he survives,” they said,
      “he’ll be less than he was, a smaller
      man–a ping pong ball to a tennis
      ball.”

      They took out his half his brain–
      they can do that now–
      His left hemisphere.
      They packed the empty space with
      ping pong balls,
      they can do that, you know,
      And stitched him back together.
      “This way he won’t forget,”
      they said. “He’ll always remember
      who he was–in some way.”

      He favored his left leg when he walked,
      temper no longer famous,
      he spoke slowly,
      but his backhand was just as wicked.

  103. davidpeak

      Reset

      John McEnroe lost his famous temper
      in heavy traffic,
      careened into a telephone pole. Spike.

      At the hospital, they cut him open,
      saw that
      his brain was swelling:
      “even if he survives,” they said,
      “he’ll be less than he was, a smaller
      man–a ping pong ball to a tennis
      ball.”

      They took out his half his brain–
      they can do that now–
      His left hemisphere.
      They packed the empty space with
      ping pong balls,
      they can do that, you know,
      And stitched him back together.
      “This way he won’t forget,”
      they said. “He’ll always remember
      who he was–in some way.”

      He favored his left leg when he walked,
      temper no longer famous,
      he spoke slowly,
      but his backhand was just as wicked.

  104. davidpeak

      Reset

      John McEnroe lost his famous temper
      in heavy traffic,
      careened into a telephone pole. Spike.

      At the hospital, they cut him open,
      saw that
      his brain was swelling:
      “even if he survives,” they said,
      “he’ll be less than he was, a smaller
      man–a ping pong ball to a tennis
      ball.”

      They took out his half his brain–
      they can do that now–
      His left hemisphere.
      They packed the empty space with
      ping pong balls,
      they can do that, you know,
      And stitched him back together.
      “This way he won’t forget,”
      they said. “He’ll always remember
      who he was–in some way.”

      He favored his left leg when he walked,
      temper no longer famous,
      he spoke slowly,
      but his backhand was just as wicked.

  105. tao

      yes

  106. tao

      yes

  107. tao

      ryan ordered a lifetime subscription during the ‘free books’ phase of lifetime subscriptions, something like that

  108. tao

      ryan ordered a lifetime subscription during the ‘free books’ phase of lifetime subscriptions, something like that

  109. tao

      yes

  110. tao

      ryan ordered a lifetime subscription during the ‘free books’ phase of lifetime subscriptions, something like that

  111. tao

      surprise sword attack

      ‘damn’

  112. tao

      surprise sword attack

      ‘damn’

  113. tao

      medium cokes, hehe

  114. tao

      medium cokes, hehe

  115. tao

      surprise sword attack

      ‘damn’

  116. tao

      medium cokes, hehe

  117. crispin

      i think maybe darby should win both books
      and also distortions

  118. crispin

      i think maybe darby should win both books
      and also distortions

  119. crispin

      i think maybe darby should win both books
      and also distortions

  120. crispin

      whiff-whaff

  121. crispin

      whiff-whaff

  122. crispin

      whiff-whaff

  123. crispin

      “ping pong ving long”

      there was a boy at my school called ving long
      his brother’s name was ving king
      his other brother’s name was michael

      i’ve known michael since we were 6
      when he was young
      he had very crusty lips

      michael hit my friend in the head with a rollerskate
      one time
      after they finished playing indoor football

      another time
      michael threw eggs down at my other friend
      from the balcony of his flat

      michael is in jail now
      he put someone in a coma

      the last i heard
      his brothers were both doing well
      they both work in computers or something

  124. crispin

      “ping pong ving long”

      there was a boy at my school called ving long
      his brother’s name was ving king
      his other brother’s name was michael

      i’ve known michael since we were 6
      when he was young
      he had very crusty lips

      michael hit my friend in the head with a rollerskate
      one time
      after they finished playing indoor football

      another time
      michael threw eggs down at my other friend
      from the balcony of his flat

      michael is in jail now
      he put someone in a coma

      the last i heard
      his brothers were both doing well
      they both work in computers or something

  125. crispin

      “ping pong ving long”

      there was a boy at my school called ving long
      his brother’s name was ving king
      his other brother’s name was michael

      i’ve known michael since we were 6
      when he was young
      he had very crusty lips

      michael hit my friend in the head with a rollerskate
      one time
      after they finished playing indoor football

      another time
      michael threw eggs down at my other friend
      from the balcony of his flat

      michael is in jail now
      he put someone in a coma

      the last i heard
      his brothers were both doing well
      they both work in computers or something

  126. andré

      My brother and I used to play ping pong all the time. Our family went to Mexico once and my brother and I played ping pong while we waited for the tennis courts to open up. The wait staff kept giving us “virgin” pina coladas, our favourite drink at the time. They just brought them over while we played, and after a while we didn’t have to order them. If we had known that in Mexico we could have got drinks with alcohol easily probably we wouldn’t have cared.

      This girl I had an eye on all week came over while we played on the last day. She was charming. “I’ve never seen you guys before, where you have been?” Ha, playing ping pong, what do you think? It was like the end of a lame high-school movie where this guy spends the whole time trying to impress other people but realises at the end that he just had to be himself. I was maybe thirteen or fourteen. My brother was ten or eleven.

      Later my father built us a ping pong table out by the garage. We lived in the country, there was nothing around us for miles. The table was made out of pressed plywood board and the worst hinges and legs that money can buy. My dad is not especially good at making things, he’s a doctor. Especially after one winter the table had all kinds of slants and weird kinks but it didn’t really matter. We never thought our father was good at anything that counted until he beat us at ping pong. When he was a kid he played at a Ukranian community centre in Toronto. He never told us much about his past but from that point forward I thought he must have been like a nerdy Duddy Kravitz. If you don’t know Mordecai Richler, Duddy Kravitz was a driven Jewish kid from downtown Montreal.

      I almost never see my brother anymore. Drug lords are tearing Mexico apart. A few years ago my parents rented a dumpster and one of the first things they threw in was the rotting wood ping pong table.

  127. meg pokrass

      maybe. maybe not.

  128. meg pokrass

      maybe. maybe not.

  129. meg pokrass

      maybe. maybe not.

  130. tao

      who won

  131. tao

      who won

  132. tao

      who won

  133. darby

      I think i might have won this. Nice! I wonder which one won it?

  134. darby

      I think i might have won this. Nice! I wonder which one won it?

  135. darby

      I think i might have won this. Nice! I wonder which one won it?

  136. david

      I have spent probably 2000 hours of my life playing ping pong and never written word one about it. TONIGHT THAT CHANGES!

  137. david

      I have spent probably 2000 hours of my life playing ping pong and never written word one about it. TONIGHT THAT CHANGES!

  138. david

      I have spent probably 2000 hours of my life playing ping pong and never written word one about it. TONIGHT THAT CHANGES!

  139. David Erlewine

      My next door neighbor travels around DC and Bmore playing PP all the time. He’s like 55 and now I can’t even get over 10 points against him but I can still rise to the occasion against anyone on here. Whenever.

  140. David Erlewine

      My next door neighbor travels around DC and Bmore playing PP all the time. He’s like 55 and now I can’t even get over 10 points against him but I can still rise to the occasion against anyone on here. Whenever.

  141. David Erlewine

      My next door neighbor travels around DC and Bmore playing PP all the time. He’s like 55 and now I can’t even get over 10 points against him but I can still rise to the occasion against anyone on here. Whenever.

  142. David Erlewine

      Chaz’s ping pong paddles smell like ass because he bought them from a guy who bought them from a dude who kept his table in Gacy’s old basement.

  143. David Erlewine

      Chaz’s ping pong paddles smell like ass because he bought them from a guy who bought them from a dude who kept his table in Gacy’s old basement.

  144. David Erlewine

      Chaz’s ping pong paddles smell like ass because he bought them from a guy who bought them from a dude who kept his table in Gacy’s old basement.

  145. thom young

      i know that bar in houston, my only complaint is there is not enough room to play but you can’t beat beer and ping pong

  146. thom young

      i know that bar in houston, my only complaint is there is not enough room to play but you can’t beat beer and ping pong

  147. thom young

      i know that bar in houston, my only complaint is there is not enough room to play but you can’t beat beer and ping pong