ToBS R1: Gmail chat people who are always visible vs. People who leave really long comments
[Matchup #21 in Tournament of Bookshit]
Gmail chat people who are always visible
We get it. You are always online and you want the world to know it. You are connected and plugged in and able to immediately respond to every electronic message appearing in your Inbox. You are there, waiting beneath the pale glow of your monitor, to chat and abuse emoticons and the English language typing phrases like i want 2 c u cum. You are the Motel 6 of Gmail—your light is always on, always green. When you’re busy, you do not hesitate to turn on the red light but still, you are there. Never, though, is your light yellow. Never does that light fade to gray. You do not idle. You do not step away from the computer. You do not stop typing. Your fingers are always tap tap tapping away, letting the world know you will not abandon your virtual post. You are the Internet presence. You are the bright e-mail light in the dark, dark night. We see the messages you leave, floating in the screen ether just below your name. You’re writing or you’re reading or you’re promoting the last thing you wrote. More often than not, you are passive aggressively communicating your displeasure about the state of the world or, as is usually the case, the state of your world. You are pithy or bitter or bitterly pithy but at least you are there. You will always be there. The rest of us, lurking silently behind the gray dot of feigned absence, we watch and we wait. Sooner or later, your time will come. Your light too, will go gray.
People who leave really long comments
We get it. You have opinions and your opinions have opinions and they are extensive and incisive and/or derisive. You share your opinions at every opportunity because what is an opinion for if not to be shared? Does an opinion even exist if it is not shared? Rather than tackle these existential questions, you polish and post your comments and preen in the attention you receive. You eagerly hope your comments will be Liked and responded to. Over and over, you fold yourself in half to self-fellate or self-cunnilingate and you think, “Damn, I taste good.” It matters little if the opinions you share offer valuable insight, intelligence, or wit. What matters is that you have shared how you agree or disagree with anything that has ever been said. You are not merely satisfied with sharing your agreement or disagreement; you must also explain why in excruciating, often inscrutable, obfuscated detail. You are the expert and the voice of (moral) authority as you bloviate everywhere but in a venue where such bloviating might be most appropriate—a blog of your own, perhaps, or a locked diary you could keep safely nestled beneath your pillow. Sooner or later, your time will come too. You will share one opinion too many and there will be nowhere left for you to comment because everyone will have you turned you away.
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WINNER: Gmail chat people who are always visible
Tags: gmail chat