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June 14th, 2012 / 2:54 pm
Contests

ToBS R4: Celeb fiction vs. calling anything you write a manuscript

Emma Roberts pees in a jar and massages my imagination. A friend encourages.

[matchup #60 in Tournament of Bookshit]

“Funny how new facts pop up and make you doubt that there’s any goodness in life.”1 An ewer of wisdom. “The first baby of the new year, her arrival had been announced in all the papers as if she were heir to a throne or a fortune instead of the daughter of a sometime fisherman and fulltime gambler, and the best waitress at the Garden Cove Pancake House on U.S. 1.”2 There are times when your connection to humanity is self-evident, joyously overwhelming. “She had to take a shower, like, immediately.”3 Who doesn’t know the bright snap of day, and welcome it? “Most people think about age and experience in terms of years, but it’s really only moments that define us.”4 Could it be any sweeter? “The club will not run out of tequila until I get my hair right. So shut the fuck up.”5 Forms like dew, inevitable as the sun. “One of the things I hate most about this book is that it is all about me.”6 Alas, we are all selecting principles. “Surely this babe would be impressed by his résumé.”7 Alas.

1 James Franco, Palo Alto

2 Pamela Anderson, Star

3 Lauren Conrad, L.A. Candy

4 Glenn Beck, The Overton Window

5 Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, A Shore Thing

6 Macaulay Culkin, Junior

7 Bill O’Reilly, Those Who Trespass

Michael Schiavo

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WINNER: : calling anything you write a manuscript

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