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“I was thinking – to keep your left hand going – after I die – why not then – just pretend I’m still around…” — Excerpts from Dear Dawn: Wuornos in Her Own Words

On Thursday, we talked about Dear Dawn: Wuornos in Her Own Words, a collection of letters that Aileen Wuornos wrote from prison to her childhood friend Dawn Botskins. As a follow up to that post, which includes a conversation between editors Lisa Kester and Daphne Gottlieb, we’d like to show you some of the letters in the book. Our selection spans from the early 90s to the early 00s. Enjoy.

7-5-92
Dear Dawn,

“Can you remember time!” Do you remember the fight me an greasy haired Penny Dole and I had at the front steps of troy Union Grade School . . . Do you remember when Lori, + Ducky got in that car accident . . . Do you remember a guy with real long jet black hair. Named “Black sheep” at the high school.? Well one day. Him and I went under neath a stair well near the new section they built that had swinging doors that head outside. Once you hit the bottom of the steps. Well he had a 4 finger lid of “Acapolco Gold” . . . we went under there to roll a big one and smoke it there. We heard footsteps coming down. But we figured that was just another kid on his way out to somewheres. So we finished rolling it. And started to lite it. And Low and Behold. It was the Principle. He looked at us both and said “Report to my office now” . . . . . Black sheep. Gave me the lid. And he started up the stairs. I said to the Principle. Bullshit! I aint reportin now where. Matter of fact. I quit school. Right now. He said. Then you get off of these school grounds right now wuornos. And if I ever see you on them again Ill call the police. You understand. ha ha ha! I walked out the double doors with the pot. And that was the day I quit school. What was really strange was that the principle knew I wasn’t living at home. But in the woods. I guess he admired me, for having the guts to still go to school, as a runaway, and living in the woods near your house. A trip huh!

Well last page. Gotta close er up. Take Care Dawn . . . I’m still surviven. A little crazy but still comin through. 4-now Love Lee

2-10-93
Dear Dawn,

. . . The real Aileen wouldnt hurt not one soul . . . But getting WILD, DRUNK, HOMOSEXUAL, AND PROSTUTING. These sins, were rolling up to 7 great sins . . . Although there were 100s of “Good times”, with MEN, there WAS plenty of BAD TIMES . . . When I left Michigan at 16. I faced alot of assaults and rapes by men for 4 years up to 20 while I lived on the road crossing Americas 24/7 for 4 years never settled really any where for longer then 30 or 60 days. Then lewie’s bull at 20. left devorced, back on my own . . . when Toni (I met in Key Largo) told me she was a lezzbian and interested in tieing up with me. I said . . . Maybe after all I can find someone who loves, and will be compatible. For after all women are “Compassionate Sensitive caring, and full of beauty and love!” . . . Well, then I wound up in trouble . . . over the forgery charge trying to get the bucks my boss owed me . . . So I reverted to hooken as I did as a kid hitchikin accross America, And then thee “Male abuse” again began in intervols . . . Well, in 5 ½ years of hookin, the final year, became to much . . .

So you see! I never wanted to “KILL” . . . I was gonna use the gun as a scare . . . But [Satan] had me run into “Mallory” . . .

Although I’m guilty of killing 7. I weigh my sins on the MALE DOMINATE SOCIETY, They will threat a women, girls, teens, don’t matter, like shit. And never think twice about what they’ve done . . . As if females are not human. Just Automations for their pleasures and commands . . . Letter no 3 on the way.

4-now See ya Soon Love Lee

8-27-94
Dear Dawn,

. . . In a bit my beloved friend, we shall see each other again, for the second time in 4 years since my arrest, and the second time since some 20 years ago. Its really a blessing, to me!, . . . Seeing you brings back the 70(s) . . . Remember stealing gas from the rich neighborhood near your house for Loris Big Black Crysler Newport. Ha Ha . . . We wanted to cruise around. So we did.! . . . Roomy too! The entire neighborhood gang could fit in it. The Troy gang! Owners of the Pits. at least thats how we felt . . .

Tom Case’s Parties! I can still here the stereo playin and see all the Cool lookin black light posters . . . Cant you! . . . Boy them guys didn’t like me! at all! I was Soooo Protective of Lori. Wasn’t I though! But that was because some guys we all/knew threatened me they would Rape her . . . Guys! “DO NOT” repeat DO NOT care about girls . . . the basic majority would rape a girl if they could . . . Well time to get ready for our Visit . . . LOVE AILEEN . . .

5-30-95
#4
Narrative
Dear Dawn,

So sis. . . . Let me continue in these unfolding narratives of my life that have never been revealed. I walked for years, and years . . . “Alone” . . . As for childhood friends! They interviewed guys who raped me when I was a teen. That is why the boy cried when he heard it was I who accussed of the murders, and stated “We all treated her so bad.” Yeah I guess you did, didnt you ass-hole. God has it all recorded . . .

I remember once counting how many times I crossed country . . . counting up a big 7 that year . . . I was in Love with the Sights I was seeing, and the Socializing of so many different minds I’d pass up with. It all kept me thrilled and this is why I carried on thumbing around as I did . . .

In my teens, beginning around 13. Carl Maddox, Seduced me first into sexual activity. And from there I began to explore it with others. But there were also momments of unwillingness of where you could very well call it coercioned sex . . . These area’s of sexual encounters I assuredly constituted (as) rape, but shoved these events into a closet of my own, unknown to anyone. I was entrapped on many occassions by Clawson, Royal Oak, Uttica, Rochester, Sterling heights, and some troy boys in this ordeal to face. Around 13 to 14 / I was gang raped twice . . . Looking back I can only see that I was because I hung out with the guys. But . . . ! That does not mean I was asking for it . . . Normally we were partying getting drunk stoned or both when this would happen . . . Finding a boy friend from Royal Oak. . . . Bobby Rowland . . . I then thought . . . with him by my side would protect me from any further such events like rape. But wrong I was. The gang rapes where both during the time I was with Bobby parties outside of Detroit. So needless to say . . . I was now very experienced in the field of sexual assualts . . .

This is why I feel a new Nation wide Law for Women of Self-defense should highly be considered. And every women, even adulesent, should learn Self defense, Also carry guns and know how to use them., when reaching a certain age. Like 21 . . .

4-now

Love

Aileen,

5-26-01
Dear Dawn.,

. . . I had no idea what you went through to get all those letters certified. So all over again sis I am truely sorry. Had I of only known what you had to go through, I’d of “NEVER ASKED” you to do this for me “EVER!.” So I’m “SERIOUSLY” sorry about that . . .

Dam Dawn —————— now whats this other thing! you’ve got another lump on your breast Dawn!. This is all getting so so sad —————— . . . And if you’ve got cancer ——————. Hoping and praying to God you – Dont! . . . —————— . feel a need to say I “Wouldnt” go for Kemo. I believe it “induce’s” death. If I remember right., Keith felt it only helped spread this desease . . . If it were me then, I’d just ride through it all as naturally as I could, until it took me out as so. Needless to say – What next!?. . . . I’m wishing you the very best . . .

Say sis . . . I was thinking – to keep your left hand going – after I die – why not then – just pretend I’m still around, and keep on writting to me!. Maybe in spirit I’ll be able to wit it all anyway. It could keep your wrist exercised as it has been while I was around and you were while I was on Death Row. I would if I were you – to keep it from stiffening up.

Whats this – Ty’s girlfriend was ugly!? Ha Ha Ha Ha. Yeah. . . . . and so is Ty . . . A what can I say. I got desperate for compatibility! . . .

Come here. . . . I need to give ya a big hug! . . . now I feel better. And hope you do to.

Until next time

Love

Aileen.,

7 and 7 Ty an I

5-27-01
Dear Dawn,

. . . I was thinking – I bet Dawn always says to herself – God Ty sure was ugly., she wasn’t that great lookin, so what did she see in her. Chuckle. Chuckle . . .

It was basically, because she was sooooo sweet. 90% of her whole behavior was just super sweet and Innocent like regardless that she preferred a gay life . . . Wanting just to reach out and hug her all the time. Just every minute – if I could! Yet it was all in a “sisterly sense” . . . , with no interest in the sex part. No way. It was to against the grain of nature for me and God. So all my Love leaned more towards just pure friendship., extrodinarally tight.

And then of-course – my Magnifide love for her had me really careful then ever before out there thumbing., just to keep myself in one piece for her . . . god only knew when I’d see Ty again – should I of been busted on. So decided to rip off a gun then and risk carrying it “regardless”. . , as I lugged it around in a tote bag for at least 3 months before reaching up with Richard Mallory.

And then Ty and I were running into problems too. People kept messing with us., just because., we were gay., While land lords wound up kicking us out continually for . . .

Then we had other problems., be it., with our pets!. Having acquired within all our 4 ½ years together 3 cats and a dog. The dog being named – Maggie – while the cats were – Zypher, Dusty, Tyler. Eventually to wind up with only Tyler in the end that some guys next door I know kidnapped to kill – only because they found out we were – gay. a gay couple living together. So messin with my beloved pets who were like kids to me – also fueled the fire – within.

And as we moved from “Rutland floridato Ocean Views R.V. resort there in Ormond Beach just above Daytona., we bumped into another situation “Because we were gay” Only then to be told that we were to loud and so had to move out by 24 hours our 18 ft. corsair trailer that we wound up with from Homosassa for 1500 and a mere 50 bucks a month payments for.

Then Ty landed a job as a laundry worker for a Motel called Casa Del Mar . . . only to make 300 every 2 weeks . . . we then moved just a mile down from the park to a motel that’d except pets, only for the bills to skyrocket from 150 a month, to 140 a week.

. . . only to run into another problem. As it was that everytime we went to work – the animals made a mess of the place, and a hell of alot of racket . . . Knowing we were surely gonna get evicted for., and did . . . I headed back out doin the usual – yet knowing now I’d have to make a hell of alot more then ever before!. Like 1500 in 3 days, and that just was’nt going to happen unless clients got rolled.

. . . Then to top things off – we were now in the rainy season! . . . I could only make about 80 a day whenever it did. When on any other given day of a Sunny one I could make 150 to 300. So I told Ty I’d head South and hopefully pull outta it all from down there. Only for me to be back the same day and let her know it was falling everywhere! So needless to say, we were really in a fix . . . I knew for certain I’d wind up rolling a client . . . So headed back on out to spend a couple of days down in Fort Myers, hopefully then I’d beat the rain and not have to jack one.

And then there was another usual I had, of which was “Missing Ty every time I went off to hook.” Missing her by the end of everyday, and just had to get back. So this occurred by the second day that I stayed over in Fort Myers., therefore with that., decided then to head back regardless that I’d wind up stuck thumbin through the night. Knowing the risk in doing so of one of either two things possibly happenin. Be that of it either hard for me to get a ride, or just flat run into trouble. All of which is why in my 5 ½ years of hooken, I only worked from Sun up to Sun down., / did then., and started headin back to Ty., when Richard Mallory picked me up around 10:30 at night on I-4.

And so I’ll end it here. Not willing to go any further into anymore details, that, on 7 different occassions While I thumbed an hooked, we were left in another financial upset, and with the rain still coming down hard. Robbed Then and Killed 7. In the year of 1990

Aileen C. Wuornos
2001

8-19-01
Dear Dawn.,

. . . thank you for all your precious letters ya ever sent . . .

Buttttt – now you should be spending more time with your Mom – then letters to me., so if they start to slack off, it’ll be well understood why . . .

And Remember sis – When its all over – Party Down Man. Cause thats exactly what I’m going to be doin. Hopefully with a leg of lamb and a keg of wine – With Jesus..

And then Dawn – I know I should write all of everything that literally took place between me and the guys I killed., but to be quite honest with you – It would’nt matter!. People dont care today about nothing, and it’d all get twisted around again – one way or another!. Besides the fact that I havent the energy to do such a thing., nor the time now. So let em keep lieing over everything. God will pay em all back in thee end. In the meantime, just do the best you can with what you’ve got. OK . . .

For now.

Love

Aileen,

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4 Comments

  1. Abel Coward

      These are so perfect, they almost seem made up.

  2. Timmy Reed

      i want to read this

  3. ZZZZZIPPP

      O CHRIST READING THESE ZZZZIPP HAD A KIND OF HEART ATTACK WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD THAT PEOPLE WANT TO READ THESE AND ALSO THAT ZZZZIPP THINKS THESE ARE GREAT IN SPITE OF “MORALITY” (MORALITY?) IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR ANYONE HOW ARE YOU EVEN SUPPOSED TO READ THESE ANYWAY IRONICALLY? SINCERELY?

      OH JESUS WHAT IS ANYTHING

      WHERE IS A

      HOW MAY I

      A PHOTON

  4. Tantra Bensko

      It seems good to get her own words out to the public. She was so frustrated by trying to be actually heard directly, without people making presumptions and twisting her words, because those people weren’t educated on how covert harassment and entrapment work.