[Contributor Ryan Call teaches first year composition at University of Houston. He also teaches an introduction to fiction (the reading of/writing about, not the writing of) course as well.]

Great, Ezra Pound has something to say about reading. Lay off the Latin Ezra and we’ll be just fine. And check out the 800-ish page “compact edition” of The Literary Experience. What exactly is a literary experience? Putting suntan lotion on pale Sylvia Plath? Removing lice from Tolstoy’s beard? Or just getting rejected by Paris Review? I need answers. Then there’s Ze “bro”ski, senior faculty at U. of Houston, who wants us to “think through theory,” which is like a kid going downhill on a bike with no brakes frantically writing out “3.1415926535…” And what the hell is Rhetorical Grammar? Would, its; — look some-thing like these? [hyperlink ryancall_asszit.jpeg] I bet Professor Call enjoys teaching Teaching One-to-one one-to-one to all those Sophomore girls one semester past that “not so fresh[man]” feeling.  It must be a good pedagogical life.

Rating: Not

I’m not done. With all that African- and Asian- issue(s) whiny multi-cultural stuff floating around, it’s nice to finally see books on American Issues — like it’s really hard down there in Houston. These people got issues: How much gas do I put in the tank? Do I hit the drive-thru ATM or actually walk into the bank? Is there a hyphen in Wal-mart? What about an apostrophe in Walgreen’s? I hope so; one needs to know how to spell these awesome stores. Do I say “hi” to the Mexican or “hola”? Is it crotch rot or just time for a shower? Ha, Engaging Ideas — I got an idea Ryan: gonna call a blank ream of office paper “Choose Your Own Novel.” Call up those Booker Prize yanks, they’re just dying for a Beckett experience. The best thing Allyn & Bacon can do for writing is get rid of Allyn and give me some lettuce and tomato. I’m making a fucking BLT. That’s an acronym class, go check your handbook.

Rating: Not

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