May 24th, 2009 / 2:16 am
 Massive People

Members Only (that means you)

anniehoofd1

My name is Woody Allen. This is the opening scene from Annie Hall where I tell some of my morbid stand-up jokes. If you’re curious about what I said, many years later there will be this thing called youtube so you can check it out here. As for the tan brown color behind me, you’ll notice both my hair and jacket are brown, and I’m just that subtle. Anyways, check out my jokes, I’m really funny. I’m really looking forward to the future.

[30 years later]

200px-woody_allen1I’m really getting sick of this tan brown backdrop. It’s next to impossible getting into a cab with it. I would say ‘Jesus’ but I’m Jewish; I would say ‘God fuck me’ but I’m an atheist heterosexual. This is what I get for being so self-aware. There’s nothing I can scream. Where is my clarinet? Time to blow out some jazzy cries. I wonder if the New Yorker received my latest Shouts & Murmurs submission? Bunch of damn television writers now. Is this what paranoia is? Have I committed patricide on myself? Does Larry David owe me royalties? Yes, yes, yes. Oh, that sounds too much like Ulysses! No, no, no — there, that’s better.

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9 Comments

  1. May 24th, 2009 / 6:37 am Ken Baumann—

      I like this. Really funny.

  2. May 24th, 2009 / 2:37 am Ken Baumann—

      I like this. Really funny.

  3. May 24th, 2009 / 2:35 pm Jac Jemc—

      This made me happy.

  4. May 24th, 2009 / 6:35 pm Jac Jemc—

      This made me happy.

  5. May 24th, 2009 / 6:36 pm Nathan (Nate) Tyree—

      I love this.

      Wither Woody. Woody informed my youth, my growth in a way few others did. It wasn’t just his films, but his great writing. I think I read all of his books. My favor line ever:

      “Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends”

  6. May 24th, 2009 / 2:36 pm Nathan (Nate) Tyree—

      I love this.

      Wither Woody. Woody informed my youth, my growth in a way few others did. It wasn’t just his films, but his great writing. I think I read all of his books. My favor line ever:

      “Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends”

  7. May 25th, 2009 / 7:37 am michael—

      this is funny.

      is it always better to ask questions?

  8. May 25th, 2009 / 3:37 am michael—

      this is funny.

      is it always better to ask questions?

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