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My name is Woody Allen. This is the opening scene from Annie Hall where I tell some of my morbid stand-up jokes. If you’re curious about what I said, many years later there will be this thing called youtube so you can check it out here. As for the tan brown color behind me, you’ll notice both my hair and jacket are brown, and I’m just that subtle. Anyways, check out my jokes, I’m really funny. I’m really looking forward to the future.
[30 years later]
I’m really getting sick of this tan brown backdrop. It’s next to impossible getting into a cab with it. I would say ‘Jesus’ but I’m Jewish; I would say ‘God fuck me’ but I’m an atheist heterosexual. This is what I get for being so self-aware. There’s nothing I can scream. Where is my clarinet? Time to blow out some jazzy cries. I wonder if the New Yorker received my latest Shouts & Murmurs submission? Bunch of damn television writers now. Is this what paranoia is? Have I committed patricide on myself? Does Larry David owe me royalties? Yes, yes, yes. Oh, that sounds too much like Ulysses! No, no, no — there, that’s better.