February 23rd, 2009 / 9:38 pm
 Mean

‘I Hate This Essay’

passout3

This comment came late to Mike Young’s ‘Magazine Debasers’ essay. I wanted to post it here, because it is cute.

Anonymous comments:

I hate this essay. This is all about the insular world of MFA “writing.” And if the author was at a “top tier” journal, he wouldn’t have written it. But his own journal isn’t even third-tier so he has to come up with this essay to defend it.

Truth is, most journals are full of sloppy writing, soft ideas, poor thinking, and all manner of third-rate junk.

I hate the MFA world. I am an independent: no degree, no connection to universities. I am a writer and I am published.

Here’s my criteria for submitting to a magazine. It’s simple. I just look at how much they pay. That’s number one. Second is the audience. I look at their circulation (if it’s print) or their hits / ad rate (if it’s onine). I’d sacrifice a little pay for more eyeballs, sometimes, but it’s all about the money.

In other words, 95% of those “journals” are immediate nos for me, since they don’t pay squat.

But that’s how writing should be. It’s how it used to be. If more writers went independent, and avoided the MFA schoolteacher CV “credit” world completely, then there would be less of these lame journals and maybe more real outlets that paid.

Remember, a magazine pays its writers because the magazine is professional, the writers who work for them are pros, and above all they have *readers*. These lamebrain unpaying journals don’t have any of that. Who want them? Not me.

Hooray!

Tags: , ,

70 Comments

  1. February 24th, 2009 / 1:40 am Ryan Call—

      you were at that party?

  2. February 23rd, 2009 / 9:40 pm pr—

      I saw this.

  3. February 23rd, 2009 / 9:40 pm Ryan Call—

      you were at that party?

  4. February 24th, 2009 / 1:42 am barry—

      what a douche

  5. February 23rd, 2009 / 9:42 pm pr—

      noo! the comment…
      oh my god..the pic…i’m laughing so hard…..
      dude, that and the hand… you are beyond brilliant. you and justin get the bet pics…
      the shaved part of his butt? i’m dying…

  6. February 23rd, 2009 / 9:42 pm barry—

      what a douche

  7. February 24th, 2009 / 1:43 am Ryan Call—

      anonymous because of his ‘career’

  8. February 23rd, 2009 / 9:43 pm Ryan Call—

      anonymous because of his ‘career’

  9. February 23rd, 2009 / 9:43 pm pr—

      i feel like reposting my comment about getting paid and short stories from that other post…but i am laughing too hard….

  10. February 23rd, 2009 / 9:45 pm pr—

      i’m self conscious that i am anon. it’s not all bad people…right? holy fuck. shaved smile on booty…what did you google for that….

  11. February 24th, 2009 / 1:47 am Ryan Call—

      you arent that anonymous.

      he trolled.

      you do not.

  12. February 23rd, 2009 / 9:47 pm Ryan Call—

      you arent that anonymous.

      he trolled.

      you do not.

  13. February 23rd, 2009 / 9:51 pm pr—

      being anon enabled me to create the character ‘pr”. I am not against anon. i am against anon and outright hostility…i don’t think i ever did that…not sure. hope not. the internet is wierd.

      what did you google to get that dudes butt. or were you at that party…oh shit, i’m laughing again…

  14. February 24th, 2009 / 1:55 am Ryan Call—

      i googled ‘pass out’ in the images.

  15. February 23rd, 2009 / 9:55 pm Ryan Call—

      i googled ‘pass out’ in the images.

  16. February 23rd, 2009 / 9:57 pm pr—

      you didn’t google “pass out, shaved eyeballs on butt”?

  17. February 23rd, 2009 / 9:58 pm pr—

      i got that hairy naked man lady from googling “breastfeeding” in images….

  18. February 24th, 2009 / 2:14 am Lincoln—

      I’m definitly curious to hear an explanation for how less MFA programs would equal more literary magazines that pay their writers.

  19. February 23rd, 2009 / 10:14 pm Lincoln—

      I’m definitly curious to hear an explanation for how less MFA programs would equal more literary magazines that pay their writers.

  20. February 24th, 2009 / 2:16 am Justin Taylor—

      Twenty bucks says Anon here is in the ULA. Or used to be but quit because they were too “elitist” and bourgeois.

      ANONYMOUS, YOU = INSTANT WINNER. ONE SIZE FITS AWESOME. COME OUT OF THE CLOSET SO WE CAN CROWN YOU BOY-KING OF SPECIAL EVERYTHING. LET’S GO OUT FOR RIBS—ON YOU, CUZ YOU GET PAID BOI, NOT LIKE US CHUMPS. TEACH US! TEACH US! TEACH US WHILE WE EAT RIBS! TEACH US HOW TO EAT RIBS!

  21. February 23rd, 2009 / 10:16 pm Justin Taylor—

      Twenty bucks says Anon here is in the ULA. Or used to be but quit because they were too “elitist” and bourgeois.

      ANONYMOUS, YOU = INSTANT WINNER. ONE SIZE FITS AWESOME. COME OUT OF THE CLOSET SO WE CAN CROWN YOU BOY-KING OF SPECIAL EVERYTHING. LET’S GO OUT FOR RIBS—ON YOU, CUZ YOU GET PAID BOI, NOT LIKE US CHUMPS. TEACH US! TEACH US! TEACH US WHILE WE EAT RIBS! TEACH US HOW TO EAT RIBS!

  22. February 23rd, 2009 / 10:21 pm pr—

      Here’s what i got googling ula-
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Launch_Alliance

      I don’t even know what the ula is. i’m sure it is something great that I should aspire to, if mr “I only get paid” belongs to it. All I know how to do is find hairy boobs from googling “breastfeeding”.

      I love ribs.

  23. February 23rd, 2009 / 10:25 pm pr—

      one more question. why did you google pass out for this post? oh shit…i just can’t stop laughing…

  24. February 24th, 2009 / 2:28 am Justin Taylor—

      pr- If you say their name three times they appear. Let’s not make that mistake (again). But if CAPTAIN SPECIAL doesn’t surface maybe you can lead the rib-eating teach-in.

  25. February 23rd, 2009 / 10:28 pm Justin Taylor—

      pr- If you say their name three times they appear. Let’s not make that mistake (again). But if CAPTAIN SPECIAL doesn’t surface maybe you can lead the rib-eating teach-in.

  26. February 23rd, 2009 / 10:34 pm pr—

      captain special captain special captain special-
      no-he’s who appears?
      ula ula ula-(this is now starting to sound like uvula…) oh boy-
      pay me pay me pay me-
      i ran a ten mile race yesterday morning and have been drinking and smoking pretty much nonstop since then. I love you guys.

  27. February 23rd, 2009 / 10:36 pm pr—

      i am jaguar paw i am jaguar paw i am jaguar paw

      that is from the movie i am watching, name the movie and i’ll send you a bunch of books.

  28. February 24th, 2009 / 2:37 am Justin Taylor—

      i disqualified myself by googling it

  29. February 23rd, 2009 / 10:37 pm Justin Taylor—

      i disqualified myself by googling it

  30. February 23rd, 2009 / 10:39 pm pr—

      oh you

  31. February 24th, 2009 / 2:47 am Ryan Call—

      i think anon thinks that a lack of mfa programs would decrease the number of ‘writers’ flooding the ‘marketplace’ with their ‘work.’

  32. February 23rd, 2009 / 10:47 pm Ryan Call—

      i think anon thinks that a lack of mfa programs would decrease the number of ‘writers’ flooding the ‘marketplace’ with their ‘work.’

  33. February 24th, 2009 / 3:16 am ryan—

      i don’t think there’s anything to say about that anonymous post other than “douche-y” i really don’t get the fervent hatred of mfa programs. there’s nothing wrong with not taking that path, but when you hate on it that hard it just makes me wonder if the person got turned down by a bunch of programs and their holding a grudge.

  34. February 23rd, 2009 / 11:16 pm ryan—

      i don’t think there’s anything to say about that anonymous post other than “douche-y” i really don’t get the fervent hatred of mfa programs. there’s nothing wrong with not taking that path, but when you hate on it that hard it just makes me wonder if the person got turned down by a bunch of programs and their holding a grudge.

  35. February 24th, 2009 / 3:34 am daniel bailey—

      when i start a journal i’m going to pay those that i publish with high-fives.

  36. February 23rd, 2009 / 11:34 pm daniel bailey—

      when i start a journal i’m going to pay those that i publish with high-fives.

  37. February 24th, 2009 / 3:59 am Bradley Sands—

      I want to get published by you. I want a high-five.

  38. February 23rd, 2009 / 11:59 pm Bradley Sands—

      I want to get published by you. I want a high-five.

  39. February 24th, 2009 / 4:07 am Lincoln—

      But even that doesn’t equate to more paying journals? Unless he thinks a decrease in MFA programs would lead to some significant increase in readers of literary journals

  40. February 24th, 2009 / 12:07 am Lincoln—

      But even that doesn’t equate to more paying journals? Unless he thinks a decrease in MFA programs would lead to some significant increase in readers of literary journals

  41. February 24th, 2009 / 4:09 am Justin Taylor—

      Mike Young has a great, so-far-unwritten post about anti-MFA bias. Maybe one day he will BRING IT ON.

  42. February 24th, 2009 / 12:09 am Justin Taylor—

      Mike Young has a great, so-far-unwritten post about anti-MFA bias. Maybe one day he will BRING IT ON.

  43. February 24th, 2009 / 4:11 am james yeh—

      this looks like a post from literary rejections on display

      so much negativity and poor thinking on display it’s impossible to take very seriously

      sort of funny, sort of angering

      ultimately funny

      anon, you should submit something to gigantic. unfortunately we don’t pay, so you probably won’t. i’d pay a dollar, i think, to read something of his (or hers).

      send us something i’ll paypal you a dollar

  44. February 24th, 2009 / 12:11 am james yeh—

      this looks like a post from literary rejections on display

      so much negativity and poor thinking on display it’s impossible to take very seriously

      sort of funny, sort of angering

      ultimately funny

      anon, you should submit something to gigantic. unfortunately we don’t pay, so you probably won’t. i’d pay a dollar, i think, to read something of his (or hers).

      send us something i’ll paypal you a dollar

  45. February 24th, 2009 / 4:23 am Gene Morgan—

      I is who want the lamebrain unpaying journals.

  46. February 24th, 2009 / 12:23 am Gene Morgan—

      I is who want the lamebrain unpaying journals.

  47. February 24th, 2009 / 4:54 am Justin Taylor—

      haha, Gene, everybody knows you’re the biggest insider of all. I heard you invented The Inside because you accidentally broke the terrarium in which you had originally intended to “publish” Zachary German and Noah Cicero–TO THE DEATH.

  48. February 24th, 2009 / 12:54 am Justin Taylor—

      haha, Gene, everybody knows you’re the biggest insider of all. I heard you invented The Inside because you accidentally broke the terrarium in which you had originally intended to “publish” Zachary German and Noah Cicero–TO THE DEATH.

  49. February 24th, 2009 / 6:25 am Matt K—

      ha. This is true!

  50. February 24th, 2009 / 2:25 am Matt K—

      ha. This is true!

  51. February 24th, 2009 / 8:32 am daniel bailey—

      you are published no questions asked. i don’t even care if what you send me is good. i just want to high-five some people.

  52. February 24th, 2009 / 4:32 am daniel bailey—

      you are published no questions asked. i don’t even care if what you send me is good. i just want to high-five some people.

  53. February 24th, 2009 / 10:26 am Bradley Sands—

      I hope you’re not one of those people whose high-fives are extremely painful. I don’t like those people.

  54. February 24th, 2009 / 6:26 am Bradley Sands—

      I hope you’re not one of those people whose high-fives are extremely painful. I don’t like those people.

  55. February 24th, 2009 / 6:29 am Bradley Sands—

      You should call your lit journal The High-Five. It will be awesome. You will have the best guidelines ever.

  56. February 24th, 2009 / 10:29 am Bradley Sands—

      You should call your lit journal The High-Five. It will be awesome. You will have the best guidelines ever.

  57. February 24th, 2009 / 12:58 pm Brian Allen Carr—

      I suspect this poster writes birthday cards and restaurant reviews. Or maybe hand dryer directions for bathrooms I’ve thrown up in. MFA programs probably boost lit. mag. sales, but they also increase market diversity. When musicians say this kind of shit we can automatically assume they’re in outfits like The Backstreet Boys. When writers say it I assume their favorite books are in the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series. Or maybe “The Last Lecture.” Go get paid sweet singer. Say hi to all the 89-year-old christian ladies at you readings for me.

  58. February 24th, 2009 / 8:58 am Brian Allen Carr—

      I suspect this poster writes birthday cards and restaurant reviews. Or maybe hand dryer directions for bathrooms I’ve thrown up in. MFA programs probably boost lit. mag. sales, but they also increase market diversity. When musicians say this kind of shit we can automatically assume they’re in outfits like The Backstreet Boys. When writers say it I assume their favorite books are in the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series. Or maybe “The Last Lecture.” Go get paid sweet singer. Say hi to all the 89-year-old christian ladies at you readings for me.

  59. February 24th, 2009 / 1:33 pm Ryan Call—

      yeah, i dont quite understand the logic…

  60. February 24th, 2009 / 9:33 am Ryan Call—

      yeah, i dont quite understand the logic…

  61. February 24th, 2009 / 2:13 pm André—

      Saying you’re “published” is a dead giveaway. That sounds uber-defensive to me. It’s true that there’s a lot of mediocre stuff out there– but you can say that for anything. I’m willing to bet there’s a shit-ton more mediocre “commercial” writing too. And if you increase the amount of people interested or working towards a common goal… good things happen. How is there anything wrong with that?

      I bought one of those magazines for “Writers” once and it kind of made me throw up a bit, though it was worth seeing. A lot of long hair, unicorn masturbation and contests that were basically ponzi schemes.

  62. February 24th, 2009 / 10:13 am André—

      Saying you’re “published” is a dead giveaway. That sounds uber-defensive to me. It’s true that there’s a lot of mediocre stuff out there– but you can say that for anything. I’m willing to bet there’s a shit-ton more mediocre “commercial” writing too. And if you increase the amount of people interested or working towards a common goal… good things happen. How is there anything wrong with that?

      I bought one of those magazines for “Writers” once and it kind of made me throw up a bit, though it was worth seeing. A lot of long hair, unicorn masturbation and contests that were basically ponzi schemes.

  63. February 24th, 2009 / 4:10 pm Lincoln—

      My guess was pornographic steam-punk fiction, I hear that is the fastest growing consumer literary market.

  64. February 24th, 2009 / 12:10 pm Lincoln—

      My guess was pornographic steam-punk fiction, I hear that is the fastest growing consumer literary market.

  65. February 24th, 2009 / 4:45 pm Justin Taylor—

      Every time you masturbate a unicorn, three wood elves start a game of laser tag.

  66. February 24th, 2009 / 12:45 pm Justin Taylor—

      Every time you masturbate a unicorn, three wood elves start a game of laser tag.

  67. February 24th, 2009 / 10:14 pm ryan—

      i’m gonna have to look into that. what a genre!

  68. February 24th, 2009 / 6:14 pm ryan—

      i’m gonna have to look into that. what a genre!

  69. February 25th, 2009 / 4:53 am Mike—

      Massive busking model is what I want. I’ll write you a poem, you give me a sandwich.

  70. February 25th, 2009 / 12:53 am Mike—

      Massive busking model is what I want. I’ll write you a poem, you give me a sandwich.