I came across these nice quotes about writing, and since I can’t talk back at my mother, I figure I would talk back at famous writers. I’d rather get a roll in the grave than a slap in the face. All in fun, and much respect to these writers’ ideas on writing, but it kinda annoys me when people tell others “the final word” on writing, or art, or life in general. What makes Faulkner & Orwell (just a random pair) each so awesome is their completely different approach/goal, thus their completely different audience. I think the same applies to politics and religion, and other stuff people like to fight about. Certain arguments or dialogs are futile — writing just is, and I’m grateful to be able to choose what I read and to enjoy it. I’m happy that we all enjoy words, and that’s about it. Check out the linked quotes, some are really special. After the break is just for fun.

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A good title is the title of a successful book. Raymond Chandler

Case in point with Finger Man and Poodle Springs.

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A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction. Virginia Woolf

And she must be “fucking nuts” if she is to write Mrs Dalloway. It also won’t hurt if her half-brother publishes her.

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Books are never finished, they are merely abandoned. Oscar Wilde

You mean The Picture of Dorian Gray is unfinished? I want my money back.

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Everything has been thought of before, but the problem is to think of it again. Goethe

I’m gonna write a book about a depressed guy named “Werther” who likes this girl but is too sensitive to “stick it in.” Then I’m gonna go crazy.

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Writing a novel is a terrible experience, during which the hair often falls out and the teeth decay. Flannery O’Connor

That’s called leprosy.

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Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.  Kurt Vonnegut

Breakfast of Champions was horrible, never mind the cherry on top.

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How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. Henry David Thoreau

All that man-nature stuff is real annoying. Thoreau lived in town and went to Walden on the weekends. The only thing he did standing up was peeing, and he missed.

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Get black on white. Guy deMaupaussant

Now we know who invented the inter-racial gangbang.

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Unless one is a genius, it is best to aim at being intelligible. Anthony Hope Hawkins

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I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead. Samuel Goldwyn

During my funeral I want to have my autobiographer present.

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Vision is the art of seeing things invisible. Jonathan Swift

I thought that was acid.

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Everything that is written merely to please the author is worthless. Blaise Pascal

So you can’t please the author or the reader. Can you please tell me know you’re supposed to please? Please?

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If a young writer can refrain from writing, he shouldn’t hesitate to do so. Andre Gide

If a young writer can refrain from making out with Oscar Wilde, he couldn’t hesitate to do so.

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No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else’s draft. H.G. Wells

I feel sorry for his editor.

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With each book you write you should lose the admirers you gained with the previous one. Andre Gide

I feel sorry for his publisher.

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If a writer has to rob his mother, he will not hesitate. William Faulkner

Would you rob a fish? Just curious.

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Substitute “damn” every time you’re inclined to write “very”;  your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. Mark Twain

Quoting “damn” is so 1880’s.

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There is only one way to make money at writing, and that is to marry a publisher’s daughter. George Orwell

Hasn’t he heard of royalties? If only he could have gotten down with that, instead of going down on that.

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What is written without effort is read without pleasure. Samuel Johnson

Samuel Johnson is indignant!

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If one waits for the right time to come before writing, the right time never comes. James Russell Lowell

The right time to come is not 2 minutes later — just ask my girlfriend.

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When I want to read a novel, I write one. Benjamin Disraeli

When I want to read a novel, I don’t read one by Benjamin Disraeli.

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Read over your compositions, and when you meet a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out. Samuel Johnson

That’s what your mom said.

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The only reason people write is because they are not wonderful men. Anthony Carson

Feminists, he isn’t talking about you.

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Writing is a dog’s life, but the only life worth living. Gustav Flaubert

Mr. Bovary here just wants to smell crotches.

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You write from what you know, but you write in what you don’t know. Grace Paley

Right now I’m writing this in my cubicle, and I don’t know when I’ll be fired.

Tags: writing quotes