October 31st, 2011 / 9:18 am

Boo 13!

  1. What’s the most underrated candy? I’m going with Blow Pop. I mean you get to unravel the wrapper and then suck or lick the candy and chomp the gum. And it’s fun to say aloud, Blow Pop. After you eat the Blow Pop, you get a useful little white stick. Blow Pop: It is an affordable and satisfying experience.
  2. I don’t think anyone is frightened by the blank page. People say that, but those people are wrong. The blank page is just there, a blank, white page. Writers just look at it like the rain, an orange crow, or a woman kicking a tree stump. It doesn’t move them; it is something to move upon.


Donat Bobet invited me to his home for the night of Halloween. I came as a pirate, a costume which I assembled out of a bandana and the cardboard spool from a roll of paper towels.

Ah, forget that one. Let’s go with:

In a distant country where the towns had improbable names, a woman looked upon the unmoving form of her newborn baby and refused to see what the midwife saw. This was her son. She had brought him forth in agony, and now he must suck. She pressed his lips to her breast.

But he is dead!” said the midwife.

3. You go to grad school and they have these Halloween parties and people get way too cute in their brains about their costumes: People go as Postmodern, as Realism, etc. It’s a genre in itself, the myopic grad student costume. I went once as a homeless MFA grad and I held a sign that said, WILL EXPLICATE FOR FOOD. That seems tasteless and just sort of stupid to me now. Time and place. Who knows?

4. Why in the fuck does Stephen King want to be more respected by academia? By literary circles (whatever type of circle that is [circle-jerk?]) and the like? Let it go, Mr. King. You are Ok and doing just fine. Go have a sandwich or a seizure or a Blow Pop.

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  1. Todd Colby

      Most underrated candy: Powerbar.

  2. Erik Stinson

      100 Grand,  Stephen King

  3. Erik Stinson


  4. Luke

      Zero bars and Oh Henry!s and whatever happened to Reese’s Cookie Crunch

  5. deadgod


  6. deadgod

      1.  Quisp (. . . so what.)

      (Is it possible to overrate black licorice?)

  7. deadgod

      who underrates this

  8. jubal

      Smarties may be underrated. Also they come in a supersized bigger Smarties format. Smarties!

  9. Madison Langston

      That costume seems rly ‘Tuscaloosa’ so maybe don’t feel bad about it. 

  10. Noah Cicero

      What is academia?  Like, does someone get a doctorate in English and someone calls them on the phone and says, “You are now academia, take shit seriously!” And hangs up.  Is academia like The Law in The Trial?  Is Stephen King that guy standing there who can’t get in?  If a professor reads my book and says it is okay, am I accepted by academia? 

  11. deadgod

      The institution(s) of a scholarly generation of ‘knowledge’.

      Someone who “get[s]” a doctorate has been weeded in; no phone call is necessary.

      No, there is more diversity of experience in academia, though there are self-stymied people who are convinced that their frustration in academia is more “like” interaction with The Law than it is unlike.

      No.  King is “in” academia; if he’s greedy for more or more laudatory attention than he gets, then he’s livin’ tha nightmare.

      In a small way, yes.

  12. kb

      I’m going to go to a party where people are dressing up as concepts or platonic ideas or whatever the shit and I’m going as “stop doing that”.

  13. Leapsloth14

      Academia, to King, means books worthy of being taught after the author is dead. This quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald:

      “An author ought to write for the youth of his own generation, the critics of the next, and the schoolmaster of ever afterwards.”

      He’s hung up on the university’s own hang up with genre and popular fiction. This is an arbitrary stance on their part, but a conditioned one. A convention maybe. Literary. Lit. Literary. What does it mean?

      Why does King care?

  14. snarfblast

      man, this deadgod guy, take a holiday already

  15. Michael

      King can’t be serious in his rants against academia, the same place where, now, people quite often critique popular culture and literature and so-called “high” and “low” brow divides. 

      He obviously doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about if he thinks academics are only discussing Shakespeare and Homer these days. Maybe he should worry about writing good sentences and having good style instead of publishing a novel every six months if he wants to be taken seriously? After all, academics who deal with popular texts still expect the producer to actually care about his work and put forth a decent effort, something King hasn’t done in years.

  16. deadgod

      What do you think about “academia”, snarfblast?  What do you think about Stephen King’s desire for academic recognition, or his desire to change “academia”?

  17. Michael

      Also, not having magical negroes in every other book might help. 

  18. jesusangelgarcia

      Blow Pop. It is fun to say.

  19. William Owen

      Years ago (decade) the roommates and I tried to define what exactly constituted a candy bar. Does a Hersey Bar count? Rolos? What about sweetarts and spree? (Answer – none of them count). We studied them, categorized tested tasted them. The Whachamacallit is by far the worst for you. 34g of fat per bar. One of us claimed his favorite was Crunch bar, so we decided that wasn’t a real candy bar by ruling that Candy bars need 3 components, and this has forever created an unbridgeable cultural divide between Mounds and Almond Joy, very similar to Ladyhawke.

  20. Leapsloth14

      I forgot Spree. Spree are epic.