Random
Dick in a box
With the new iPhone’s video chat, a second built-in camera faces the user, whose image is shown in the interface as a kind of tiny self-portrait. Of the many narratives instilled in their recent advertising campaign, a women tells her husband that she’s expecting (expectation being Apple’s entire marketing ethos). We the consumer become the husband, experiencing a half-life of their fantasy. In the ad, a perfect hand holds the phone — a model’s, though we accept it as the husband’s, faithful of the narrative.
In Velasquez’s “Las Meninas” (1656), the artist is shown painting a portrait of the Spanish king and queen, who are reflected in a mirror at the end of the room. (It is argued whether the image in the mirror is a reflection of the painted canvas, or the actual king and queen.) What we see is what the king and queen are seeing while posing for their portrait: their daughter in the center and her entourage of helpers. The genius is that the viewer [you], by virtue of witnessing this scene, become the surrogate king and queen. The painting itself — the one you’re looking at — is merely the scene during the painting of the “actual” portrait of the king and queen. The intention of the painting is inverted, incidental. The painting simultaneously functions as a) a self-portrait of Velasquez, b) a portrait of the King’s daughter, c) a portrait of the king and queen, and most importantly, d) a portrait of the viewer.
Sorry for being so pedantic, it’s a tic. As for the mysterious man standing in the doorway, it’s accepted that it’s the Queen’s chamberlain, and his quick departure from the room (though some think he’s entering) suggests that is not all he is. It’s also believed that the man is Velasquez’s brother, which may explain how the artist gained such intimate access to their living quarters.
G-chat refers to the account holder as “me,” turning our lives into a first person account of ourselves, as if one needed to be reminded of exactly who we were. Our inadvertent video chat self-portraits are, in a weird way, a necessary affirmation of self, a Velasquezian trick. In Las Meninas, the viewer becomes fully manifested simply by existing, standing there in front of the painting, embracing the surrogate role of king and queen. From the mirror to the camera 350 years later, the same story is being told: a hopeful couple and their child, deceit outside the frame. The cynical part of me wonders if the child in the iPhone ad is really his, too much Maury Povich for me. Tolstoy once said something about unhappy families, so I’ll say something about unhappy people: I never video chat, can’t stand the sight of some dick in a box.
Tags: iPhone, Las Meninas
yeah, my mom likes to video chat, but i can’t stand to have that little box version of myself. watching myself watching is more me than i can stomach.
yeah, my mom likes to video chat, but i can’t stand to have that little box version of myself. watching myself watching is more me than i can stomach.
Me too, man, that shit drives me crazy. I always drag the thing as small as it can get and still I creep myself out. It’s like some weirdo alternate dimension version of myself is staring in.
Me too, man, that shit drives me crazy. I always drag the thing as small as it can get and still I creep myself out. It’s like some weirdo alternate dimension version of myself is staring in.
http://www.seattlepi.com/business/1700ap_us_tec_apple_iporn.html
I’m a narcissist; mirrors are like crack for me. Consequently, so would my face be, were I to use video chat. How could I hide the quick glances I took at my face again and again?
When I saw the commercial you mentioned, I turned to my wife and said, “If you ever get pregnant, please don’t tell me over the phone, even if it’s video phone. It can wait until I get home from where ever I am.”
i hate those iphone commercials. its hard to watch actors try so hard to act sincere, but the situations feel too sentimentally loaded (even when (some of them) they wouldn’t normally be that much), and the focus is so square on their face, they have no hope but to come off as awkward. i wish they would’ve notched down the sincerity a little and not be afraid to be a little tongue-in-cheek about it, like okay we get that iphones now do this thing that skype does, but apple has a complex where everything they do must be the most meaningful thing ever made to the extent that now all your life events, major and minor, must be contained inside their boxes.
Isn’t it kind of fucked up that Foucault and THE ORDER OF THINGS isn’t mentioned in this post?
This is all going to end up like that passage in Infinite Jest about the evolution of video phone technology. Or maybe it won’t.
I had the exact same reaction (as an iPhone user and technology enthusiast). Patience, sincerity, and discipline trump hyper-connectivity-hologram-lasershow-the future is now-video conferencing.
curious about what you had to say, seems interesting
Yeah. I can understand it’s usage in some instances. Okay, basically, 1. If the guy was a recently deployed soldier or something and won’t be home for a year.
Other than that, I can’t see any reason the recent father-to-be would be gone for so long that the wife couldn’t wait to bake him a cake with a hidden baby spoon or however you’re supposed to say, “I’m preggers.”
someone’s gonna ask for a view from inside, though it would be black
2nded, Darby. If I wanted a phone that oozed sap, I’d cut down a tree.
JC: well, if you don’t know why it’s fucked up, then I suppose it’s not fucked up. foucault’s TOOT begins with a really famous reading of that velasquez painting, which i thought your reading was drawing from…. but it sounds like you’re unfamiliar with it. you should definitely check it out; it’s one of the greatest readings of any painting.
i don’t like them very much, but i think the one with the girl with braces is sort of irresistible.
yeah, my mom likes to video chat, but i can’t stand to have that little box version of myself. watching myself watching is more me than i can stomach.
not familiar with Foucault’s reading on it, but now i’m excited, thanks for letting me know. my reading of the painting came, i think, from Lawrence Weschler’s writing about Velazquez in general.
Me too, man, that shit drives me crazy. I always drag the thing as small as it can get and still I creep myself out. It’s like some weirdo alternate dimension version of myself is staring in.
A visual text rendering of the Foucault/Velazquez blend (by occasional HTMLGiant commenter, Kristin Hayter) can be found here:
http://thediagram.com/9_6/hayter.html
http://www.seattlepi.com/business/1700ap_us_tec_apple_iporn.html
I’m a narcissist; mirrors are like crack for me. Consequently, so would my face be, were I to use video chat. How could I hide the quick glances I took at my face again and again?
When I saw the commercial you mentioned, I turned to my wife and said, “If you ever get pregnant, please don’t tell me over the phone, even if it’s video phone. It can wait until I get home from where ever I am.”
i hate those iphone commercials. its hard to watch actors try so hard to act sincere, but the situations feel too sentimentally loaded (even when (some of them) they wouldn’t normally be that much), and the focus is so square on their face, they have no hope but to come off as awkward. i wish they would’ve notched down the sincerity a little and not be afraid to be a little tongue-in-cheek about it, like okay we get that iphones now do this thing that skype does, but apple has a complex where everything they do must be the most meaningful thing ever made to the extent that now all your life events, major and minor, must be contained inside their boxes.
Isn’t it kind of fucked up that Foucault and THE ORDER OF THINGS isn’t mentioned in this post?
This is all going to end up like that passage in Infinite Jest about the evolution of video phone technology. Or maybe it won’t.
I had the exact same reaction (as an iPhone user and technology enthusiast). Patience, sincerity, and discipline trump hyper-connectivity-hologram-lasershow-the future is now-video conferencing.
curious about what you had to say, seems interesting
Yeah. I can understand it’s usage in some instances. Okay, basically, 1. If the guy was a recently deployed soldier or something and won’t be home for a year.
Other than that, I can’t see any reason the recent father-to-be would be gone for so long that the wife couldn’t wait to bake him a cake with a hidden baby spoon or however you’re supposed to say, “I’m preggers.”
someone’s gonna ask for a view from inside, though it would be black
2nded, Darby. If I wanted a phone that oozed sap, I’d cut down a tree.
JC: well, if you don’t know why it’s fucked up, then I suppose it’s not fucked up. foucault’s TOOT begins with a really famous reading of that velasquez painting, which i thought your reading was drawing from…. but it sounds like you’re unfamiliar with it. you should definitely check it out; it’s one of the greatest readings of any painting.
i don’t like them very much, but i think the one with the girl with braces is sort of irresistible.
not familiar with Foucault’s reading on it, but now i’m excited, thanks for letting me know. my reading of the painting came, i think, from Lawrence Weschler’s writing about Velazquez in general.
A visual text rendering of the Foucault/Velazquez blend (by occasional HTMLGiant commenter, Kristin Hayter) can be found here:
http://thediagram.com/9_6/hayter.html
Maybe I haven’t seen their entire campaign for the new iPhone and all it’s little toys, but the two I have seen primarily deal with men and fathers and extending the family line/generations continuing, etc. I feel like the Velazquez deals with something similar in that the King and Queen (and therefore the viewer) are both looking directly at their golden little child and the little future of Spain. I could probably take this further. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it and iPhone knows that men over a certain age are definitely more than excited about the new iPhone.
Shucks, Tim. Thank you.
Yeah Jimmy, definitely and absolutely check out the Foucault. His dissection of gaze in Las Meninas is so engrossing and wonderful. I think it is my favorite Foucault Nugget.
Las Meninas…what a thing. I am trying to think of another painting that assaults/engages/shifts in a similar mode. I think it might be unparalleled. Arnolfini Wedding? nah.
Maybe I haven’t seen their entire campaign for the new iPhone and all it’s little toys, but the two I have seen primarily deal with men and fathers and extending the family line/generations continuing, etc. I feel like the Velazquez deals with something similar in that the King and Queen (and therefore the viewer) are both looking directly at their golden little child and the little future of Spain. I could probably take this further. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it and iPhone knows that men over a certain age are definitely more than excited about the new iPhone.
Shucks, Tim. Thank you.
Yeah Jimmy, definitely and absolutely check out the Foucault. His dissection of gaze in Las Meninas is so engrossing and wonderful. I think it is my favorite Foucault Nugget.
Las Meninas…what a thing. I am trying to think of another painting that assaults/engages/shifts in a similar mode. I think it might be unparalleled. Arnolfini Wedding? nah.
Is it little toys?
Is it little toys?
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