Random
Don’t name names.
Sometimes I’ll read through a post here and read the comments, and someone will tell a story about an unnamed authors weird/bad/inappropriate behavior and I’ll think, “Man, who the hell did that?” And I’ll want the commenter or poster to name names. Tell me who did that weird/bad/inappropriate thing.
But names won’t be named. And I’ll think, “Aw, c’mon. Why not? What are you afraid of? Go on. Name the name!”
Someone else will ask for names to be named. Someone will say, “C’mon. Be honest. Just tell us who did that thing. It’s in the interest of open communication!”
And that’s about the time when I realize: bullshit. My desire to have a name named has nothing to do with open communication. It has nothing to do with honesty. I have one—and only one—motivation. I may come up with justifications after the fact, but I have one motivation.
I like gossip. That’s it. And everyone else does, too. We can mask our desire for names to be named in all sorts of higher-seeming justifications. But we just want to gossip.
So, fuck it. Don’t name names. We don’t really have any good reason to want them. And when we pressure you, cajole you, or try to make you feel like a coward for not naming names, remember that we’re completely full of shit. Don’t fall for it.
(Apologies for feeding the troll. Happens often enough, though.)
exactly correct, Matthew, well said. Only a moralist would deny it.
exactly correct, Matthew, well said. Only a moralist would deny it.
seems like the problem with naming names is that most of the time it would just be someone nobody knows. like ok, “Hey everybody, Ricky Orsmob sent us this 800 page ebook about his dog! 600k words all all of the same word! and then he sent us an mp3 of him crying when we rejected it, isn’t that funny?” it’s not really name-specific-interesting gossip, because what are you going to do now, go pick on Ricky Orsmob? no. it’s only the story that is more interesting, in the context of submissions talk, which is hardly that interesting in the first place. no?
i mean, yeah, if Perry Mason or Joey Fatone or Barry Hannah does some weird shit in the submissions department to your magazine, that’d be pretty funny. by all means please share that and include who and when and show me pictures. but otherwise, naming names is just kind of unnecessarily mean. it’s an example, not a public noogie.
seems like the problem with naming names is that most of the time it would just be someone nobody knows. like ok, “Hey everybody, Ricky Orsmob sent us this 800 page ebook about his dog! 600k words all all of the same word! and then he sent us an mp3 of him crying when we rejected it, isn’t that funny?” it’s not really name-specific-interesting gossip, because what are you going to do now, go pick on Ricky Orsmob? no. it’s only the story that is more interesting, in the context of submissions talk, which is hardly that interesting in the first place. no?
i mean, yeah, if Perry Mason or Joey Fatone or Barry Hannah does some weird shit in the submissions department to your magazine, that’d be pretty funny. by all means please share that and include who and when and show me pictures. but otherwise, naming names is just kind of unnecessarily mean. it’s an example, not a public noogie.
i fucking hate Ricky Orsmob.
i fucking hate Ricky Orsmob.
Yeah, he sucks. Let’s give that fucker a public noogie.
Of course the name must be kind of common knowledge to the publishing world. A name more than a few people would recognize. I thought that was understood.
Yeah, he sucks. Let’s give that fucker a public noogie.
Of course the name must be kind of common knowledge to the publishing world. A name more than a few people would recognize. I thought that was understood.
ok, then your begging for the naming of names is almost entirely irrelevant. because mostly none of these people are anyone anyone has heard of.
Ricky is a really nice guy.
Geeez. Thanks a lot,.
ok, then your begging for the naming of names is almost entirely irrelevant. because mostly none of these people are anyone anyone has heard of.
Ricky is a really nice guy.
Geeez. Thanks a lot,.
lol
You’re right, sad as that is, you guys are all talking about nobodies.
lol
You’re right, sad as that is, you guys are all talking about nobodies.
i do remember the one time that Matthew Simmons guy sent me a story about getting his dick pierced. that would have been pretty good to read, except he kept referring to the stench coming out of the piercing hole, and that was really all he’d talk about. i tossed and turned over taking it as some kind of experimental piece, but in the end it ‘just didn’t quite work for ‘us’ please try us again in the near future’ and so i wrote that that’s what it did and then Matthew Simmons hired three large women to come to my house and eat the glass out of my windows. he also continually called my girlfriend at work and told her he was going to get her pregnant with the second son of god, and sent me emails with transcripts of what my girlfriend said back to him with attachments of pictures of the actual dick hole piercing, which was really bloody and rather infected, every hour on the hour until i agreed to publish his dick piercing stench story. it’ll be in the next issue of Lamination Colony.
i do remember the one time that Matthew Simmons guy sent me a story about getting his dick pierced. that would have been pretty good to read, except he kept referring to the stench coming out of the piercing hole, and that was really all he’d talk about. i tossed and turned over taking it as some kind of experimental piece, but in the end it ‘just didn’t quite work for ‘us’ please try us again in the near future’ and so i wrote that that’s what it did and then Matthew Simmons hired three large women to come to my house and eat the glass out of my windows. he also continually called my girlfriend at work and told her he was going to get her pregnant with the second son of god, and sent me emails with transcripts of what my girlfriend said back to him with attachments of pictures of the actual dick hole piercing, which was really bloody and rather infected, every hour on the hour until i agreed to publish his dick piercing stench story. it’ll be in the next issue of Lamination Colony.
…Dad?
Is this the Ricky Orsmob who attended a key party in Coatesville, Pennsylvania in 1978?
If it is, you owe me a puppy, a bike, and a non-alcoholic mother. In that order.
Your move, Orsmob.
…Dad?
Is this the Ricky Orsmob who attended a key party in Coatesville, Pennsylvania in 1978?
If it is, you owe me a puppy, a bike, and a non-alcoholic mother. In that order.
Your move, Orsmob.
at least i’m getting a lot of work done today
at least i’m getting a lot of work done today
Man this has degraded. Formerly it was you Blake who wanted a directory with detailed information about the bad habits of certain writers. Apparently so you could make sure others penalized them for the mistakes they made when they submitted to you.
Man this has degraded. Formerly it was you Blake who wanted a directory with detailed information about the bad habits of certain writers. Apparently so you could make sure others penalized them for the mistakes they made when they submitted to you.
I started a epress just to publish Ricky Orsmob’s ebook. my press is called internet
Ricky Orsmob is just a really really poor disguise for literary scenester Roomy Bricks. I’m fed up of that guy.
I started a epress just to publish Ricky Orsmob’s ebook. my press is called internet
Ricky Orsmob is just a really really poor disguise for literary scenester Roomy Bricks. I’m fed up of that guy.
‘Man this has degraded’ Mather says
Here we go!
‘Man this has degraded’ Mather says
Here we go!
Sorry. Man, this has degraded.
Sorry. Man, this has degraded.
News update: Ricky Orsmob just called me on the phone (no idea how he got the number) and put a gun in his mouth and tried to goad me into ghost writing his autobiography
Ricky’s dead, y’all
i wasn’t correcting your punctuation
News update: Ricky Orsmob just called me on the phone (no idea how he got the number) and put a gun in his mouth and tried to goad me into ghost writing his autobiography
Ricky’s dead, y’all
i wasn’t correcting your punctuation
I know, Blake. It’s crazy that I would say something like that when the whole thing degraded because of me. Shame, shame.
I know, Blake. It’s crazy that I would say something like that when the whole thing degraded because of me. Shame, shame.
fuck yeah. i’m going to make him the next bolano.
fuck yeah. i’m going to make him the next bolano.
Estate sale!
Estate sale!
Those were the good times. Remember all the good times?
Those were the good times. Remember all the good times?
was
was
heh
Are you denying you wanted a directory that named names of writers who didn’t follow the rules?
Are you denying you wanted a directory that named names of writers who didn’t follow the rules?
heh
i think the problem here is that what Mather lacks is ‘intuition’
i think the problem here is that what Mather lacks is ‘intuition’
I think the problem is that Blake can’t answer a simple question.
I think the problem is that Blake can’t answer a simple question.
mather, if you record a video of yourself talking to the htmlgiant audience and upload it to youtube i will post it here. anything you want to say about anyone goes.
mather, if you record a video of yourself talking to the htmlgiant audience and upload it to youtube i will post it here. anything you want to say about anyone goes.
One time Matthew Simmons stole a loaf of bread
One time Matthew Simmons stole a loaf of bread
In my defense, I was stealing bread to feed Gore Vidal’s family.
In my defense, I was stealing bread to feed Gore Vidal’s family.
He house sits for me and always remembers to feed the dog
He house sits for me and always remembers to feed the dog
also, please discuss your childhood, the quality of parenting you received, and what sort of thoughts you think while alone in dark rooms.
also, please discuss your childhood, the quality of parenting you received, and what sort of thoughts you think while alone in dark rooms.
is ricky a brotha? aint no white folks in coatesville, pennsylvania
is ricky a brotha? aint no white folks in coatesville, pennsylvania
one thing at a time, jesus…
one thing at a time, jesus…
I’m still waiting for you to own up to your own post. Seems people complain that thread stray from their original posts too much, so here’s a chance to get it back to square one. What kind of directory were you thinking of if it was not the kind that names names?
I’m still waiting for you to own up to your own post. Seems people complain that thread stray from their original posts too much, so here’s a chance to get it back to square one. What kind of directory were you thinking of if it was not the kind that names names?
ok Mather, i’ll bite. I wasn’t being totally literal when I talked about that directory that you seem bonered over. that seems pretty obvious.
but anyway, just for you i was trying to make a point about how stupid it is to complain about shit like submissions, because really it’s very very trivial, but if you have to whine about it, it might as well be even sided, because writers are just as criticisizable as editors are in this arena, if not more so. in fact, definitely more so. regardless, the idea is obviously not meant to be an actual database of writers who act like jackasses, because that would be huge and pointless, much like the act of whining about the practices of journals run by people who do it out of their volunteered time.
ok?
do you understand now?
ok Mather, i’ll bite. I wasn’t being totally literal when I talked about that directory that you seem bonered over. that seems pretty obvious.
but anyway, just for you i was trying to make a point about how stupid it is to complain about shit like submissions, because really it’s very very trivial, but if you have to whine about it, it might as well be even sided, because writers are just as criticisizable as editors are in this arena, if not more so. in fact, definitely more so. regardless, the idea is obviously not meant to be an actual database of writers who act like jackasses, because that would be huge and pointless, much like the act of whining about the practices of journals run by people who do it out of their volunteered time.
ok?
do you understand now?
I understood from the beginning. You were the one whining about the writers, not the other way around. But I sense a closure to the argument.
I understood from the beginning. You were the one whining about the writers, not the other way around. But I sense a closure to the argument.
[claps]
[claps]
I feel like pancakes. Who wants pancakes?
I feel like pancakes. Who wants pancakes?
(CLAPS)
(CLAPS)
pancakes are good…
pancakes are good…
as long as they are made from the fluffy heads of poetry editors.
as long as they are made from the fluffy heads of poetry editors.
[zzzzzzz]
[zzzzzzz]
well, there is that.
You’re sort of like Jean Valjean
well, there is that.
You’re sort of like Jean Valjean
except… for the most part, this is a small enough community that, granted, nobody outside this world has heard of the biggest name inside it, but chances are if Winston Winnerheimer sent me 42 stories, in 71 different emails, over the course of 5 seconds, then he probably also did something crazy to PANK or lamcol or whoever else.
except… for the most part, this is a small enough community that, granted, nobody outside this world has heard of the biggest name inside it, but chances are if Winston Winnerheimer sent me 42 stories, in 71 different emails, over the course of 5 seconds, then he probably also did something crazy to PANK or lamcol or whoever else.
Only cause i sing like a bird.
Only cause i sing like a bird.
im inclined to believe the validity of these statements.
im inclined to believe the validity of these statements.