October 10th, 2011 / 7:07 pm

I’m going to liveblog whatever baseball game is happening now between the tigers and the rangers until my computer runs out of batteries, right now it is at 33%

A job I’d like to have and think I’d be good at is writing the script for the announcers for baseball video games.  One thing I’d innovate the shit out of is to write bits/segments/whatever that have nothing to do with the game that’s going on.  In this way it’d be like watching a real baseball game.  I’d have the announcers talk about things that happened to them on the way to the stadium and like their kids and shit.  I haven’t played a video game in years and I don’t know if I’ve ever played a baseball video game.

Baseball is incredible to me.  It’s all mediated.  There’s a bat and a glove.  The only person who really touches the ball is the pitcher and then he’s a pitcher throwing a tiny ball into a tiny space.  The whole thing seems impossible to me.  Other sports seem more feasible except for golf.

Wow there are 3 mascot versions of real people racing around the stadium.  They are Davy Crockett, Lincoln, and someone else.  Their heads are fucking huge and they are scowling it doesn’t look like fun at all.

Imagine if David Foster Wallace wrote that book about baseball instead of tennis.  Just imagine, don’t comment.  I hope no one comments on this.  I think more and more that is an ideal I work towards in social media/blogging.  It’s easy to get everyone pissed or write something that everyone will pat my back and congratulate, but it’s kind of fun to write something that goes completely unnoticed.  Or like something that is good and I can acknowledge it as good but it doesn’t demand my concrete interaction in any way.  That is perfection to me.  That’s like how books are.

Oh here comes the manager.  Someone might have just scored while I wasn’t paying attention.  It would be funny if there was a man on first and the runner and the first base coach switched places so the coach was running and the player was just standing there doing whatever.

The announcer just said “now they’re playing the Munster’s theme song” and the other guys was like “bro that’s Addams family…” — that’s the kind of shit that needs to be in video games.  Sometimes I feel like I could make everything better if I were just in charge of everything.

Have you ever seen those photos of broken bats flying into the stands?  I’m going to see if I can find one, they’re really funny sometimes.

I mean you hope no one gets hurt but it’s also like “damn is that Michael J. Fox?” and “what the fuck is in that guy’s mouth, could that be his tongue?”

The score is 3 to 2.  Detroit is winning.  Good for them.  Did GW Bush really own the Rangers?  How’d he do that?  Does he even like baseball?

I got Sam Pink’s novel in the mail today, just like 30 mins. ago.  It’s called “The No Hellos Diet”.  I think it would be funny if he called his next novel “Just a Few Hellos Diet” or like “The Three Hellos Diet” although I have a feeling I won’t think that’s funny in two hours.

Damn the tigers just got out of some sort of situation.  The pitcher was totally psyched and they showed him being totally psyched in slow motion as they went to commercial.  The Fox Sports theme song makes me think of oreos!  I wonder how much longer TVs are going to be as we know them.

Today is Columbus day? are we really still celebrating that?  You’d think they’d just drop it already.  I found my copy of “A People’s History of the United States” from sophomore year of high school and it was full of retarded annotations like “good” and “yes”.  I think that’s why I don’t write in books anymore, I just embarrass myself later on.


  1. Trey

      a friend of mine was explaining today that she was really pumped for class to be over so she could go shopping. apparently jo-ann fabric was having a “columbus day fabric sale”?

  2. deadgod

      Every fielder touches the ball when she or he throws it, buddy.  I’m pretty sure I have this right–they don’t wear gloves on their throwing hands because, as yet, no material translates the feel of the ball to the fingers well enough for the thrower to control the throw as she or he wants to.  For the same reason, quarterbacks are the only players on cold days who have one hand – the throwing hand – ungloved.

      How ’bout that slam, eh?  –and after they’d edged back from an identical bases-loaded, no-outs cliff in the bottom of the ninth.

  3. A D Jameson

      Today is Columbus Day. A friend of mine had the day off because Christmas will be on a Saturday this year and they won’t get that off and so her workplace gave her this day off. (Her and everyone else who works there.)

  4. David Fishkind

      quite an account AJ! don delillo wrote a book about baseball that is pretty long but yeah, not gonna talk about david foster wallace. except that hey, i was talking about the supposedly fun cruise essay with my parents tonight at dinner and about american culture and dfw’s reflection of society and about how he killed himself right before i was going to apply to pomona. i only actually applied to go to school at nyu, but i think you know that. you’re a good friend, i miss you. remember poems for the alcs. did we get drunk? i think we didn’t but remember that time you got drunk at awp. i mean, i wasn’t there, but i heard it was quite an experience. i think if i have money i’ll go to the one in chicago this year, that’s where it is right? if so, i think i’ll go if you let me stay in your mom’s house. i mean, if i have to pay for a hotel or some sort of housing, i’m out, but i guess i could always ask cassandra troyan or like steve roggenbuck, but i bet a bunch of people are going to ask him and i don’t even really know him. cassandra would probably say yes though. if it’s not in chicago i’m probably not going. maybe my girlfriend will come but let’s not count on it because it’s really not all that exciting or fun is it? i’m in my parent’s apartment rental thing in berlin listening to bonnie prince billy. i think my dad is setting up a skype account. i bought a bottle of maker’s mark a few days ago but i haven’t opened it yet i had a mojito for dinner but i’m not drunk. my wisdom tooth really hurts and it’s actually making my throat hurt so i took 2 ibuprofen

  5. This Is Not A Comment

      “I hope no one comments on this.  I think more and more that is an ideal I
      work towards in social media/blogging.  It’s easy to get everyone
      pissed or write something that everyone will pat my back and
      congratulate, but it’s kind of fun to write something that goes
      completely unnoticed.”

      Every heard of a diary? Posting this on a website, publishing it so that everyone can see it, is kind of like standing in the middle of the street with a bullhorn and shouting that everyone should “just keep moving along, don’t pay any attention to me.” You’re trying to have it both ways. And it’s ironic, but it’s just self-defeating, man. If you don’t people to comment or react to your work, then save the space for someone who does.

  6. Anonymous

      ‘save the space’ hehe

      like there’s limited space or something


  7. grand ball game

      longtime listener first time caller but
      this is my favorite thing right now.