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October 10th, 2011 / 7:07 pm
Random

I’m going to liveblog whatever baseball game is happening now between the tigers and the rangers until my computer runs out of batteries, right now it is at 33%

A job I’d like to have and think I’d be good at is writing the script for the announcers for baseball video games.  One thing I’d innovate the shit out of is to write bits/segments/whatever that have nothing to do with the game that’s going on.  In this way it’d be like watching a real baseball game.  I’d have the announcers talk about things that happened to them on the way to the stadium and like their kids and shit.  I haven’t played a video game in years and I don’t know if I’ve ever played a baseball video game.

Baseball is incredible to me.  It’s all mediated.  There’s a bat and a glove.  The only person who really touches the ball is the pitcher and then he’s a pitcher throwing a tiny ball into a tiny space.  The whole thing seems impossible to me.  Other sports seem more feasible except for golf.

Wow there are 3 mascot versions of real people racing around the stadium.  They are Davy Crockett, Lincoln, and someone else.  Their heads are fucking huge and they are scowling it doesn’t look like fun at all.

Imagine if David Foster Wallace wrote that book about baseball instead of tennis.  Just imagine, don’t comment.  I hope no one comments on this.  I think more and more that is an ideal I work towards in social media/blogging.  It’s easy to get everyone pissed or write something that everyone will pat my back and congratulate, but it’s kind of fun to write something that goes completely unnoticed.  Or like something that is good and I can acknowledge it as good but it doesn’t demand my concrete interaction in any way.  That is perfection to me.  That’s like how books are.

Oh here comes the manager.  Someone might have just scored while I wasn’t paying attention.  It would be funny if there was a man on first and the runner and the first base coach switched places so the coach was running and the player was just standing there doing whatever.

The announcer just said “now they’re playing the Munster’s theme song” and the other guys was like “bro that’s Addams family…” — that’s the kind of shit that needs to be in video games.  Sometimes I feel like I could make everything better if I were just in charge of everything.

Have you ever seen those photos of broken bats flying into the stands?  I’m going to see if I can find one, they’re really funny sometimes.

I mean you hope no one gets hurt but it’s also like “damn is that Michael J. Fox?” and “what the fuck is in that guy’s mouth, could that be his tongue?”

The score is 3 to 2.  Detroit is winning.  Good for them.  Did GW Bush really own the Rangers?  How’d he do that?  Does he even like baseball?

I got Sam Pink’s novel in the mail today, just like 30 mins. ago.  It’s called “The No Hellos Diet”.  I think it would be funny if he called his next novel “Just a Few Hellos Diet” or like “The Three Hellos Diet” although I have a feeling I won’t think that’s funny in two hours.

Damn the tigers just got out of some sort of situation.  The pitcher was totally psyched and they showed him being totally psyched in slow motion as they went to commercial.  The Fox Sports theme song makes me think of oreos!  I wonder how much longer TVs are going to be as we know them.

Today is Columbus day? are we really still celebrating that?  You’d think they’d just drop it already.  I found my copy of “A People’s History of the United States” from sophomore year of high school and it was full of retarded annotations like “good” and “yes”.  I think that’s why I don’t write in books anymore, I just embarrass myself later on.