January 11th, 2012 / 9:23 am

salt water pepper spray shakers

a poem written by a bear by Tao Lin.

Bear Costume by Steven Miller, with bonus baby carrot.

From “Obliterating Animal Carcasses with Explosives,” a pamphlet issued by the Technology and Development Program of the U.S. Forest Service.

There are times when it is important to remove or obliterate an animal carcass from locations such as recreation areas where a carcass might attract bears, at a popular picnic area where the public might object, or along the sides of roads or trails. Explosives have successfully been used by qualified blasters to partially or totally obliterate large animal carcasses (horses, mules, moose, etc.). It is important to consider location, time of year, and size of the carcass when selecting the quantity and type of explosive to accomplish the obliteration task. The following instructions pertain to partial obliteration (dispersion) for a horse that weighs about 1,100 pounds. In this first example, urgency is not a factor-perhaps the public is not expected to visit the area for a few days, or perhaps bears will not be attracted to the carcass. In any case, in this example, dispersion is acceptable. Place three pounds of explosives under the carcass in four locations. The carcass can then be rolled onto the explosives if necessary. Place one pound of explosives in two locations on each leg. Use detonator cord to tie the explosives’ charges together. Horseshoes should be removed to minimize dangerous flying debris. In situations where total animal obliteration is necessary, it is advisable to double the amount of explosives used in the first example. Total obliteration might be preferred in situations where the public is expected in the area the next day, or where bears are particularly prolific. Carcasses that have been dispersed will generally be totally gone within a few days. Carcasses that have been obliterated will generally not show any trace of existence the next day.

The Bear (Jim Harrison)

When my propane ran out
when I was gone and the food
thawed in the freezer I grieved
over the five pounds of melted squid,
but then a big gaunt bear arrived
and feasted on the garbage, a few tentacles
left in the grass, purplish white worms.
O bear, now that you’ve tasted the ocean
I hope your dreamlife contains the whales
I’ve seen, that the one in the Humboldt current
basking on the surface who seemed to watch
the seabirds wheeling around her head.

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  1. Tessa

      don’t know if this was your intention but a TL poem w/ a Jim Harrison poem shows how weak a writer the former is

  2. lorian long

      “Bear,” she cried. “I love you. Pull my head off.” The bear did not, but her menstrual fever made him more assiduous. She was half afraid of him, but drunk and weak for danger. She took his thick fur that skidded in her hands, trying to get a grip on his loose hide, but when she went deeper into it she encountered further depth, her short nails slipped. 
      She cradled his big, furry, asymmetrical balls in her hands, she played with them, slipping them gently inside their cases as he licked. His prick did not come out of its long cartilaginous sheath. Never mind, she thought, I’m not asking for anything. I’m not obliged to anybody. I don’t care if I can’t turn you on, I just love you.

      –‘Bear’ by Marian Engel

  3. deadgod

      re:  a poem written by a bear

      “If they eliminate one sickness, others will crop up.  God is evil,” I said, astounded at my own words.  “A good God wouldn’t arrange it that wolves should devour lambs and cats should catch innocent mice.”

      “He is neither evil nor good,” Todros said.  “He doesn’t exist that’s all there is to it.  And nature doesn’t care about morality.”

      “Where did nature come from?”

      “Where did God come from?  Nature is here and we must come to terms with it and use its laws for the good of humanity.”

      “What about the animals?”

      “We can’t worry about the animals.”

      –Isaac Bashevis Singer, Love and Exile

  4. deadgod

      Exit, pursued by a bear.