March 5th, 2010 / 2:54 pm
Random

Scroll down to read this

Jack Kerouac was either stoned or zenned out when he wrote the entire manuscript of On the Road without paragraph breaks on a scroll (how he fed this through his typewriter still confuses me). Stream of consciousness is a nice conceit, one deserving to be hosted on a scroll, as long as toilet paper — the most imperative scroll of modern time — isn’t evoked. I remember reading a 1/4 way into On the Road and thinking “where is he going?” Dharma Bums was much better, especially for people in their late twenties who are living with their parents, a plight shared by the narrator.

Robert Rauschenberg’s Automobile Tire Print (1953) is a 100-ft. print of, um, a tire. He created it with John Cage, who no doubt was mumbling 4’3″ to himself while driving the car. In museums it’s displayed horizontally, mostly in part due to ceiling clearances probably, though this strikes me as a “western” way of seeing things: we read and write from left to right, and stuck on this earth without notions of above, we walk and drive horizontally. Rauschenberg is a more playful and earnest Warhol; his tire print traces the volition of our time — driving nowhere, from left to right.

I don’t know much about the Torah, except that it’s rules of Judaism. I don’t understand why Jews are the only white people who aren’t white; what the hell happened? I once looked up a list of common Jewish surnames and was like “holy shit I know a lot of Jews!” even including girls I had crushes on. I recently learned that Jews only date Jews; where was wikipedia when I was 17?

Okay, let’s talk about Asians. I feel like I can freely talk about Asians because I am. Asians read up and down in columns, as it’s easier to pivot your neck up and down as supposed to left and right. I may seem biased, but Asian ways are usually more logical than western ways. If you take a Chinese character written in calligraphy and zoom in, it looks like a Franz Kline. (I had a Greek friend who would argue with me about who invented what first, the Greeks or the Chinese. Stupid ass dunno that Gorillas invented everything.) Do you know what the Chinese character for “patience” is? A knife forever suspended above a heart. The heart looks like a heart; the knife a knife. And the character for “good”? A mother next to her child. I will admit the alphabet is more useful, but Chinese breaks my heart.

HTMLGIANT contributors have been instructed to insert “READ MORE >” breaks within a 1/3 of screen space out of consideration for the other posts; thus, a sort of “politics of page breaks,” where the longer it takes for a contributor to place a break, the more selfish he or she is deemed. It’s funny how so much time later, devoid of past sacred ties, we use the word “scroll” to describe the act of descending deep and deeper into a website page. Most mouse’s have a “scroll wheel” to help with our profane endeavors. My finger often gets so tired, running across the wheel blindly like a hairless guinea pig. If you’ve made it this far, I think you know what I mean. I worry about this post, for hogging so much “front page,” but I hope you understand the vertiginous verticality of this post is simply in aid to the point offered by its title.

64 Comments

  1. Glen Binger

      Damn… Good stuff, Jimmy!

  2. Glen Binger

      Damn… Good stuff, Jimmy!

  3. Jordan

      > stoned or zenned

      Benzedrined… like bedazzled but with extra zen

  4. Jordan

      > stoned or zenned

      Benzedrined… like bedazzled but with extra zen

  5. Le Ka Ka Ka Ka Line Uh

      You have perfected the art of the entertaining and enlightening blog post, Jimmy.

  6. Le Ka Ka Ka Ka Line Uh

      You have perfected the art of the entertaining and enlightening blog post, Jimmy.

  7. dave e

      My father was also quite pleased I did not marry another Jew. Ever see “The Jazz Singer”?

  8. dave e

      My father was also quite pleased I did not marry another Jew. Ever see “The Jazz Singer”?

  9. Ben White

      That’s because not all Jews are white (although the majority of the ones in America are). Go back far enough, many are from Israel, that place in the Middle East. And the Torah is also known as the neglected half of the Bible called the Old Testament. Of course there are also lots of other Jewish scrolls with other Jewish stuff on them.

      I think you are being facetious, and yet, for the readers…I feel compelled to provide.

  10. Ben White

      That’s because not all Jews are white (although the majority of the ones in America are). Go back far enough, many are from Israel, that place in the Middle East. And the Torah is also known as the neglected half of the Bible called the Old Testament. Of course there are also lots of other Jewish scrolls with other Jewish stuff on them.

      I think you are being facetious, and yet, for the readers…I feel compelled to provide.

  11. david

      jews…

  12. david

      jews…

  13. Mike

      “I may seem biased, but Asian ways are usually more logical than western ways.”

      And yet–chopsticks.

  14. Mike

      “I may seem biased, but Asian ways are usually more logical than western ways.”

      And yet–chopsticks.

  15. Jimmy Chen

      thanks Lee

  16. Jimmy Chen

      thanks Lee

  17. Jimmy Chen

      didn’t mean to say “all jews are white,” but that “all white jews are not white.” sorry for the mix up, and yah, a little facetious

  18. Jimmy Chen

      didn’t mean to say “all jews are white,” but that “all white jews are not white.” sorry for the mix up, and yah, a little facetious

  19. Jimmy Chen

      chopsticks can do what a knife, fork, and (if you’re quick enough) a spoon can do. they also act as skewers and tongs. all chinese people need to cook and eat is a cleaver and a pair of chopsticks

  20. Jimmy Chen

      chopsticks can do what a knife, fork, and (if you’re quick enough) a spoon can do. they also act as skewers and tongs. all chinese people need to cook and eat is a cleaver and a pair of chopsticks

  21. anon

      Re Jews: My mother was adopted and her bio parents were European immigrants or something. I’ve occasionally fantasized about them being Jewish and me discovering the fact that I’m half-Jewish through one of those internet ‘genealogical DNA’ tests. Jews may be white but at least have a positive ethnic identity. I’d even settle for being a ‘redneck.’ (I missed being a ‘redneck’/’cracker’ by a few generations.) Rural/working-class white people seem to have a more ‘authentic’ ethnic identity than suburban/middle-class white people. I’m kind of jealous of my friends who grew up in small towns.

      Re “Do you know what the Chinese character for “patience” is? A knife forever suspended above a heart.”: That’s beautiful. Ha. I love that.

  22. anon

      Re Jews: My mother was adopted and her bio parents were European immigrants or something. I’ve occasionally fantasized about them being Jewish and me discovering the fact that I’m half-Jewish through one of those internet ‘genealogical DNA’ tests. Jews may be white but at least have a positive ethnic identity. I’d even settle for being a ‘redneck.’ (I missed being a ‘redneck’/’cracker’ by a few generations.) Rural/working-class white people seem to have a more ‘authentic’ ethnic identity than suburban/middle-class white people. I’m kind of jealous of my friends who grew up in small towns.

      Re “Do you know what the Chinese character for “patience” is? A knife forever suspended above a heart.”: That’s beautiful. Ha. I love that.

  23. davidpeak

      i think chopsticks are like manual transmissions. once you get used to them, you have much more control.

  24. davidpeak

      i think chopsticks are like manual transmissions. once you get used to them, you have much more control.

  25. Lincoln

      I like using chopsticks but they are totally illogical. They are like the only utensils in which the food has to be entirely designed around them.

      A knife/fork/spoon can basically work on any food at all. Cuisines that use chopsticks have to have the cooks use the knives and forks to cut everything in to small pieces that can be picked up with a chopstick and then other food has to be prepared in a way so that it clumps together (like sticky rice) or is a mushy consistency that can be broken easily but still stick together somewhat.

      Any Asian dish can be eaten (often more effectively) with a knife and fork. But no one is gonna be eating a big porterhouse and a baked potato with chopsticks.

      Sorry Jimmy, totally illogical cutlery.

  26. Lincoln

      I like using chopsticks but they are totally illogical. They are like the only utensils in which the food has to be entirely designed around them.

      A knife/fork/spoon can basically work on any food at all. Cuisines that use chopsticks have to have the cooks use the knives and forks to cut everything in to small pieces that can be picked up with a chopstick and then other food has to be prepared in a way so that it clumps together (like sticky rice) or is a mushy consistency that can be broken easily but still stick together somewhat.

      Any Asian dish can be eaten (often more effectively) with a knife and fork. But no one is gonna be eating a big porterhouse and a baked potato with chopsticks.

      Sorry Jimmy, totally illogical cutlery.

  27. Gian

      This has nothing to do with the awesomeness of this post, but I heard Kerouc just taped the pages together afterwards.

  28. Lincoln

      Asians read up and down in columns, as it’s easier to pivot your neck up and down as supposed to left and right.

      Sorry, I’m in an argumentative mood. What is your rationale behind this? Humans, stretching back through history, have always existed in environments where the threats come from the sides, on a more or less horizontal plane, and not from above or below. I would think the human neck moves much easier side to side! Walking around swinging yoru head to look for things coming from both directions is something you do everyday. Walking around and looking up and down (say some tourist in New York) hurts your neck and is is kinda disorienting. Ever been to a metal show? Head banging fucks your neck up for days. Or maybe I”m just and old man.

  29. Gian

      This has nothing to do with the awesomeness of this post, but I heard Kerouc just taped the pages together afterwards.

  30. Lincoln

      Asians read up and down in columns, as it’s easier to pivot your neck up and down as supposed to left and right.

      Sorry, I’m in an argumentative mood. What is your rationale behind this? Humans, stretching back through history, have always existed in environments where the threats come from the sides, on a more or less horizontal plane, and not from above or below. I would think the human neck moves much easier side to side! Walking around swinging yoru head to look for things coming from both directions is something you do everyday. Walking around and looking up and down (say some tourist in New York) hurts your neck and is is kinda disorienting. Ever been to a metal show? Head banging fucks your neck up for days. Or maybe I”m just and old man.

  31. Ken Baumann

      Seconded!

  32. Ken Baumann

      Seconded!

  33. Lincoln

      I enjoyed the post though!

  34. Lincoln

      I enjoyed the post though!

  35. Sean

      Another kick ass Chen post.

  36. Sean

      Another kick ass Chen post.

  37. Jimmy Chen

      first off, i can’t believe we’re talking about chopsticks.

      but, a lot of it has to do with distance from food to mouth. with a plate and knife/fork/spoon, one has to bring the food up to their mouth; they waste a lot time traversing that distance. with chinese food, the person brings the bowl of rice (with food in it) directly to their mouth, and “shovels” the food into their face, using a similar motion of one whipping eggs. (no etiquette, it’s pure survival instinct). no time is wasted switching from knife to fork to spoon, light conversation, or traversing from table to face. put simply, a chinese person can eat at ~3x the rate of a westerner. and this is in large part due to chopsticks and a history of starvation.

  38. Jimmy Chen

      first off, i can’t believe we’re talking about chopsticks.

      but, a lot of it has to do with distance from food to mouth. with a plate and knife/fork/spoon, one has to bring the food up to their mouth; they waste a lot time traversing that distance. with chinese food, the person brings the bowl of rice (with food in it) directly to their mouth, and “shovels” the food into their face, using a similar motion of one whipping eggs. (no etiquette, it’s pure survival instinct). no time is wasted switching from knife to fork to spoon, light conversation, or traversing from table to face. put simply, a chinese person can eat at ~3x the rate of a westerner. and this is in large part due to chopsticks and a history of starvation.

  39. Lincoln

      Fair point, but I might submit you could shovel food effectively with a fork too and other cuisines that use chopsticks, like japanese food, don’t have the shovel protocol.

  40. Lincoln

      Fair point, but I might submit you could shovel food effectively with a fork too and other cuisines that use chopsticks, like japanese food, don’t have the shovel protocol.

  41. Jimmy Chen

      you’re introducing darwinism into this, words are not predators. i guess, for me, it’s just easier to nod ‘yes’ than shake ‘no.’ if people headbanged from left to right, they would paralyze themselves.

  42. Jimmy Chen

      you’re introducing darwinism into this, words are not predators. i guess, for me, it’s just easier to nod ‘yes’ than shake ‘no.’ if people headbanged from left to right, they would paralyze themselves.

  43. Jimmy Chen

      when shoveling with a fork, the metal is prone to scrape one’s teeth, causing a bitter metallic shrill taste. that is why chopsticks are wooden, at least ‘real’ chopsticks. as for the japanese, they do everything differently.

  44. Jimmy Chen

      when shoveling with a fork, the metal is prone to scrape one’s teeth, causing a bitter metallic shrill taste. that is why chopsticks are wooden, at least ‘real’ chopsticks. as for the japanese, they do everything differently.

  45. Lincoln

      I rock out left to right! I think lots of people do. Head banging is just for the hair flying effect.

  46. Lincoln

      I rock out left to right! I think lots of people do. Head banging is just for the hair flying effect.

  47. david e

      I’m eating spaghetti right now with chopsticks. works well.

      vietnamese wife — what can you do

      she won’t change my mind on durian.

  48. david e

      I’m eating spaghetti right now with chopsticks. works well.

      vietnamese wife — what can you do

      she won’t change my mind on durian.

  49. htad

      well put. also, I just feel much cooler when I use chopsticks.

  50. htad

      well put. also, I just feel much cooler when I use chopsticks.

  51. htad

      sporks are better than everything

  52. htad

      sporks are better than everything

  53. Ryan Call

      pterodactyls.

  54. Ryan Call

      pterodactyls.

  55. David

      this was fantastic, jimmy, thanks

  56. David

      this was fantastic, jimmy, thanks

  57. Tim Horvath

      Really good post, Jimmy. In formative years I thoroughly imitated Kerouac and ran old-school computer paper through the typewriter, my own little pseudo-infinity. Did anyone else do this? I had no idea I was tapping into my Jewish heritage at the same time. Seeing On the Road on display in Lowell, Kerouac’s hometown, a couple of years ago in the long format was pretty dramatic. An utterly different experience from flipping the pages of a book. Sort of like the contemporary equivalent of following one of those medieval tapestries like the Bayeux, which wraps around a room and then some to tell its story. Felt almost like you could hitchhike along it.

  58. Tim Horvath

      Really good post, Jimmy. In formative years I thoroughly imitated Kerouac and ran old-school computer paper through the typewriter, my own little pseudo-infinity. Did anyone else do this? I had no idea I was tapping into my Jewish heritage at the same time. Seeing On the Road on display in Lowell, Kerouac’s hometown, a couple of years ago in the long format was pretty dramatic. An utterly different experience from flipping the pages of a book. Sort of like the contemporary equivalent of following one of those medieval tapestries like the Bayeux, which wraps around a room and then some to tell its story. Felt almost like you could hitchhike along it.

  59. ZZZZIPP

      NO GIAN, HE TAPED THEM TOGETHER AS HE WENT? IN ADVANCE. THAT’S WHAT ZZZZIPP HEARD

  60. ZZZZIPP

      NO GIAN, HE TAPED THEM TOGETHER AS HE WENT? IN ADVANCE. THAT’S WHAT ZZZZIPP HEARD

  61. Ben

      Oh, because everyone likes to be a minority. Makes you feel special and different inside.

  62. Ben

      Oh, because everyone likes to be a minority. Makes you feel special and different inside.

  63. Jhon Baker

      Jews are awesome – I am not Jewish, this happiness is not mine.
      Chopsticks make great table drumsticks after dinner, before dessert.
      i don’t move my head left to right when I read – I move my eyes. Left-right up, down. I move my eyes.
      Kerouac taped a lot of paper together beforehand and didn’t do anything that felt like stopping to him while typing except to get drunk, hitchhike and various things while not writing. He also write the book front to back 7 times in roll form.
      Asians are also awesome – I am not Asian, this happiness is not mine.
      people can also break their neck headbanging and I wish more would.

  64. Jhon Baker

      Jews are awesome – I am not Jewish, this happiness is not mine.
      Chopsticks make great table drumsticks after dinner, before dessert.
      i don’t move my head left to right when I read – I move my eyes. Left-right up, down. I move my eyes.
      Kerouac taped a lot of paper together beforehand and didn’t do anything that felt like stopping to him while typing except to get drunk, hitchhike and various things while not writing. He also write the book front to back 7 times in roll form.
      Asians are also awesome – I am not Asian, this happiness is not mine.
      people can also break their neck headbanging and I wish more would.