June 12th, 2010 / 1:51 pm
Random

Words about words

My mom thinks Alzheimer’s is “old timer’s” because that’s the demographic.  When she says Blockbuster really quick it sounds like “black bastard,” though she rarely says it anymore because she’s given up on movies.  The word “that” in Chinese Mandurin is “nigga.” Salmon does not carry salmonella. I used to think “croque-madame” (a french ham and cheese sandwich with a sunny side up egg on top) was named that way — as supposed to the sans egg “croque-monsieur” — because women have eggs and men don’t, or that the egg looked like a breast; turns out the egg resembles a women’s hat, that’s all. In Lost Boys of Sudan, the african dudes newly arrived to the United States made soup out of crackers because crackers don’t have intructions. I witnessed a therapist at a physiatric ward ask a bunch of suicidal paitents “If you had only 24 hours to live, what would you do?” She was trying to get them to think about the good things in life, though it was misphrased. She played “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M and told us that is an example of how sad feelings are strong, and to be careful. (Don’t worry, I was not a patient there). Bastards are impossible, thanks to sperm. Asian massages are more than massages. Asian messages are more than messages. “Live as though you are already dead,” said some monk. I would, but I have to get groceries.

52 Comments

  1. Xtx

      On my first trip to China I thought the Chinese were whispering racial epithets as I kept hearing the word, “nigga”. Found out what it meant later.

      In Tagalog, the word for dog is “aso” which sounds like asshole.

  2. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      Love this.

      I think croque monsieurs do have egg, it’s just mixed up and coats the bread french toast-style.

  3. Andrew

      This is influencing me.

  4. James Yeh

      Hilarious. Also, I learned some new stuff. I, too, thought the croque-madame was feminine for the same reason, that women have eggs and men don’t.

  5. Xtx

      On my first trip to China I thought the Chinese were whispering racial epithets as I kept hearing the word, “nigga”. Found out what it meant later.

      In Tagalog, the word for dog is “aso” which sounds like asshole.

  6. gena

      this was beautifully written.

  7. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      Love this.

      I think croque monsieurs do have egg, it’s just mixed up and coats the bread french toast-style.

  8. Andrew

      This is influencing me.

  9. James Yeh

      Hilarious. Also, I learned some new stuff. I, too, thought the croque-madame was feminine for the same reason, that women have eggs and men don’t.

  10. uhhhhh

      no that’s french toast (“pain perdu” in the French); the translation here is “lost bread”, as the dish is intended as a means of culinary rescue for day-old “baguettes” &c.

  11. uhhhhh

      quotes intended as makeshift italicizing, also to separate translation from text

  12. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      Right, I just thought croque monsieur had ham, cheese and egg-friend bread. Looks like I am wrong though.

  13. mimi

      I thought pain perdu was called pain perdu because it’s easy to lose (or, rather, you lose) the bread in the bowl of egg/cream “batter”. Well, you lose sight of it. Not really. Who can lose a piece of bread (day old or not) in a bowl of whisked egg and cream?

      The egg/cream should have some cinnamon and/or nutmeg in it/floating on top. But I could be wrong. Maybe it _is_ to rescue day-old bread.

      Some of my happiest moments have been reading French recipes.

      Best croques in San Francisco? Absinthe on Hayes at Gough. Trust me.

      My new favorite punctuation? The / forward slash / to marry words.

  14. Eric Beeny

      Awesome…

  15. gena

      this was beautifully written.

  16. Jhon Baker

      the last line makes reading the rest (insert what you expect to read here) – not to say it is bad, it isn’t, the last line though makes it.

  17. uhhhhh

      no that’s french toast (“pain perdu” in the French); the translation here is “lost bread”, as the dish is intended as a means of culinary rescue for day-old “baguettes” &c.

  18. uhhhhh

      quotes intended as makeshift italicizing, also to separate translation from text

  19. Roxane

      When I was a child, there was a radio commercial that used to play in Haiti for Marianne butter that said, “Pas quittez yo pété sou nous.” Loosely translated it means, don’t let them get one over on us. In Kreyol, pété means to fart so my brother and I always thought they were saying, “Don’t let them fart on you.” We would laugh and laugh and our mom would look at us quite strangely.

  20. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      Right, I just thought croque monsieur had ham, cheese and egg-friend bread. Looks like I am wrong though.

  21. Tim

      I had a great prof in college who referred to Alzheimer’s as old timer’s. I thought, man, this joke is wearing out. Then I realized, this guy doesn’t know he’s even doing anything. Then I felt kind of sad for him. Then I thought, how do you, as a professional educator who talks about Alzheimer’s all the time, not know this difference?

      I also had a math teacher in middle school who said guesstimate so much that I had the same thought process.

  22. mimi

      I thought pain perdu was called pain perdu because it’s easy to lose (or, rather, you lose) the bread in the bowl of egg/cream “batter”. Well, you lose sight of it. Not really. Who can lose a piece of bread (day old or not) in a bowl of whisked egg and cream?

      The egg/cream should have some cinnamon and/or nutmeg in it/floating on top. But I could be wrong. Maybe it _is_ to rescue day-old bread.

      Some of my happiest moments have been reading French recipes.

      Best croques in San Francisco? Absinthe on Hayes at Gough. Trust me.

      My new favorite punctuation? The / forward slash / to marry words.

  23. Eric Beeny

      Awesome…

  24. Jhon Baker

      the last line makes reading the rest (insert what you expect to read here) – not to say it is bad, it isn’t, the last line though makes it.

  25. Roxane

      When I was a child, there was a radio commercial that used to play in Haiti for Marianne butter that said, “Pas quittez yo pété sou nous.” Loosely translated it means, don’t let them get one over on us. In Kreyol, pété means to fart so my brother and I always thought they were saying, “Don’t let them fart on you.” We would laugh and laugh and our mom would look at us quite strangely.

  26. Tim

      I had a great prof in college who referred to Alzheimer’s as old timer’s. I thought, man, this joke is wearing out. Then I realized, this guy doesn’t know he’s even doing anything. Then I felt kind of sad for him. Then I thought, how do you, as a professional educator who talks about Alzheimer’s all the time, not know this difference?

      I also had a math teacher in middle school who said guesstimate so much that I had the same thought process.

  27. mimi

      Funny story, Roxane. I like that.
      The word zydeco (” ‘s haricots”) is from “les haricots sont pas sale’ ” which means “the beans aren’t salty” and “the beans aren’t salty because we are too poor to cook the beans with ham or bacon”, which adds saltiness & flavor.

  28. jereme

      HOLY FUCKING SHIT JIMMY CHEN.

      notepads are going to be needed. the dragon is back.

  29. mimi

      Gough is a street in San Francisco, a one-way street that starts at Bay St. and runs south to Market St.
      Gough starts with a hard G and rhymes with cough, not bough or dough or enough or rough or slough or though or through.

  30. sasha fletcher

      this is amazing. jimmy chen is amazing.

  31. sasha fletcher

      this is amazing. jimmy chen is amazing.

  32. sasha fletcher

      this is amazing. jimmy chen is amazing.

  33. mimi

      Funny story, Roxane. I like that.
      The word zydeco (” ‘s haricots”) is from “les haricots sont pas sale’ ” which means “the beans aren’t salty” and “the beans aren’t salty because we are too poor to cook the beans with ham or bacon”, which adds saltiness & flavor.

  34. jereme

      HOLY FUCKING SHIT JIMMY CHEN.

      notepads are going to be needed. the dragon is back.

  35. mimi

      Gough is a street in San Francisco, a one-way street that starts at Bay St. and runs south to Market St.
      Gough starts with a hard G and rhymes with cough, not bough or dough or enough or rough or slough or though or through.

  36. sasha fletcher

      this is amazing. jimmy chen is amazing.

  37. Catherine Lacey

      chen is on fire.

  38. Catherine Lacey

      chen is on fire.

  39. Catherine Lacey

      chen is on fire.

  40. Catherine Lacey

      chen is on fire.

  41. Corey

      This is hilarious! Love it.

  42. Corey

      This is hilarious! Love it.

  43. Corey

      This is hilarious! Love it.

  44. Caca Coup

      This is hilarious! Love it.

  45. Matthew Simmons

      I am certain I have had a croque monsieur with egg-fried bread, Tim.

  46. Matthew Simmons

      I am certain I have had a croque monsieur with egg-fried bread, Tim.

  47. Matthew Simmons

      I am certain I have had a croque monsieur with egg-fried bread, Tim.

  48. Bambi A.

      Oh wow. Until just now, I thought croque-madame was called that for the same reason.

      Several does not mean seven. (I used to argue w/ my brother about this.)

  49. Bambi A.

      Oh wow. Until just now, I thought croque-madame was called that for the same reason.

      Several does not mean seven. (I used to argue w/ my brother about this.)

  50. Bambi A.

      Oh wow. Until just now, I thought croque-madame was called that for the same reason.

      Several does not mean seven. (I used to argue w/ my brother about this.)

  51. Matthew Simmons

      I am certain I have had a croque monsieur with egg-fried bread, Tim.

  52. Bambi A.

      Oh wow. Until just now, I thought croque-madame was called that for the same reason.

      Several does not mean seven. (I used to argue w/ my brother about this.)