September 7th, 2012 / 7:09 pm

How do you think you will die?


  1. Gene Morgan


  2. John Minichillo

      Wide awake.

  3. Bobby Dixon

      everyday i think of a new way i will die

  4. Matthew Simmons

      on ustream

  5. Stephen Tully Dierks
  6. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Struck by lightning while riding a giraffe in an open field.

  7. Donald Breckenridge

      Hooked up to a few machines in a cold hospital room that stinks of my own shit and stale piss with a view overlooking an empty parking lot.

  8. drew kalbach

      if only we could all be so lucky.

  9. A D Jameson

      How about struck by a giraffe while riding lightning?

  10. A D Jameson

      That would make a great blog.

      Update: I mean “blog.”

  11. A D Jameson

      And dreaming?

  12. A D Jameson


  13. A D Jameson

      I saw Moonrise Kingdom last night. And there’s a giraffe scene in that.

  14. ravi mangla

      tied to a railroad track

  15. A D Jameson

      If you’re lucky!

  16. A D Jameson

      I often think that I will get hit by a car, or a bus. Since I bike every day.

      Today, in fact, I almost got hit by some cars, while crossing Ashland (I was biking on Hubbard).

      I hate that biking is so dangerous, since I think it’s one of the best ways to get around (and is besides walking my primary means of doing so).

  17. A D Jameson

      God, I hope I don’t die in a hospital.

      Although maybe the hospitals of the future will be better?

      Who am I kidding they will be worse.

  18. Mel Bosworth

      clay pigeon.

  19. A D Jameson

      Being hit by one? Or you’ll be mistaken for one, and shot?

  20. reynard

      into a cartoon

  21. A D Jameson

      That’s hardly the worst fate. That’s how Wally Wood went.

  22. A D Jameson

      Is that how you get to be mod? How can I become mod?

  23. Scott Riley Irvine

      Pancreatic cancer, probably.

  24. A D Jameson

      C’mon folks—how, if you really think about it, will you really think you will die? For really realz?

      If you’re really honest, in time, a long time from now (I hope), when you die, many people can come back and look at this thread, compare your real obit to what you right now said.

      Then people will say that the internet had an important purpose.

  25. Trey

      suicide by 40

      age 40. although I was hoping that for a moment you would think I meant 40 oz

  26. kjtuyy

      horrifically. ps. best post ever. thank you a.d.

  27. reynard

      it was just the first thing i thought of, i don’t really care how i die

  28. postitbreakup

      alone bc no one can fucking stand to stay with me etc

  29. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Choking on my own dick

  30. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      My daughter shoots me in the back of my head because I am too obese to move from the couch.

  31. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Too many bumps of powdered gold

  32. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Murdered by a bunch of poor people who are jealous of my millions of dollars

  33. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Cum so hard all my intestines shoot out of me

  34. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Kill myself to save the lives of many

  35. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Heart attack at the Cheesecake Factory

  36. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Stick a radioactive rod up my dickhole

  37. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      To achieve an erection every single drop of blood from the rest of my body needs to travel to my penis and I suffer a stroke and heart attack at the same time

  38. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Someone murders me because they think I actually share the opinions expressed in a piece of writing of mine

  39. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Food poisoning from a Communion wafer

  40. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Murdered by a textbook that is jealous of my brain

  41. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Beaten to death by cops while sitting in the audience of America’s Funniest Home Videos

  42. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Poisoned while eating the shit out of a jellyfish’s asshole

  43. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      The same way Leto dies in God Emperor Dune

  44. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Auto-erotic asphyxiation but with barbed wire

  45. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Andrea Coates fucks em to death

  46. shaun gannon

      i dunno but i better take everybody around with me

  47. deadgod

      First thought: what the fuck do you mean, “die”?

      What have you heard?

  48. deadgod

      I don’t “think” I’m going to die, but if I die, I’m going to die broke. That’s a pretty good bet.

  49. Michael J Seidlinger

      I think I’ll die in a car accident. I’ve always been been a little autophobic and it has that effect on me, having to drive/commute every damn day. I really wish I could walk/bike everywhere. I really do. You’re lucky man.

  50. Craig Ronald Marchinkoski


  51. A D Jameson

      I realized at quite a young age that I hate cars and don’t ever want to own one. So I moved to a city so I could bike/walk/take transit everywhere. (Yes, I’m one of those people. And no I don’t hate drivers, I just hate the way we’ve transfigured this country so one has to drive just about everywhere. I grew up in that kind of a place. Also, I did end up owning a car for a while, when I lived in New Jersey.)

      I don’t know what I’ll do if I have to leave the city, though. Maybe buy a horse?

  52. A D Jameson

      Who’s em?

  53. A D Jameson

      Frank Tas, the Raptor, you will die many deaths.

  54. kjtuyy

      cirrhosis of the liver

  55. William VanDenBerg

      I’m going with the safe bet: cancer! And if that doesn’t happen then good old fashioned madness.

  56. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Really really drunk version of me :)

  57. postitbreakup
  58. Michael J Seidlinger

      I, as well, despise how this country is designed in benefit of the car. I’ve only ever managed to live in areas where sprawl is a big problem. I hope to one day live deep in the city, any city, but preferably NY, or Portland, or somewhere.

  59. Michael J Seidlinger

      Buying a horse… hmm… I’ve seen stranger scenarios. At least the horse could double as a pet.

  60. A D Jameson

      We have a lot of work to do, rebuilding our country.

  61. A D Jameson

      Actually, I want a giant cat, like Llyan.

      Though in a pinch, I’d take the cheetah in Harold & Kumar.

  62. Michael J Seidlinger

      Yeah, tell me about it.

  63. NLY


  64. kjtuyy

      i want this thread to keep going until we reach the record high # of comments

  65. A D Jameson

      Me, too!

  66. A D Jameson

      So that answers this.

  67. A D Jameson

      I was wondering recently which HG threads have gotten the most comments. I don’t think there’s any easy way to search for that…?

  68. A D Jameson

      Anywhere in particular?

  69. A D Jameson


  70. A D Jameson

      The good news, I think, is that some folks are working on it. I think. I have a lot of hope, and not just the Obama kind. I think the next 10–20 years in the US are going to be pretty interesting.

  71. A D Jameson

      By die I mean die. Which also answers your second question?

  72. A D Jameson

      No, thank you, kjtuyy!

  73. garret travis

      love that song.

  74. deadgod

      ha ha a classic though everybody’s already an ex-parrot

      Was responding to “really think […] really think […] really realz”. Doubt that ‘death of oneself’ is thinkable except by analogy.

      It’s desperately painful to think of the annihilation of a person one loved who’s died and is dead, but that grief is, to me, a reasonable experience of the thought of that person’s non-existence (and not an evasion of that thought).

      One might also experience exhaustion as a doorway to personal non-existence, as a person suffering an illness or injury might quit consciously fighting it and retire from the effort. But still, ‘quitting’ is still an action one takes, and you ask about “think[ing] that [I] will die”, “die” meaning ‘extirpation of the condition for the possibility of acting at all’.

      In my view, I will die is, as it were, purely hypothetical.

  75. Mike James


  76. Mike James

      *Correction: By the sheer beauty of Mary Miller.

  77. kjtuyy

      i thought of a new possible way that i might die: serotonin syndrome. i would be interested in hearing about other people’s new/alternate possible ways that they might die.

  78. kjtuyy

      i thought of a new way: hypnic jerk

  79. kjtuyy

      restless legs aka willis-ekbom

  80. kjtuyy

      brown recluse spider bite

  81. Trey

      I start vomiting and just don’t stop

  82. A D Jameson

      You live in Illinois? I do, and people here are OBSESSED with brown recluse spiders. Because one was once seen here, once.

  83. A D Jameson

      Wild. I suffer from RLS myself. But mainly because I never stretch thoroughly enough, silly me.

  84. A D Jameson

      I threw up on Saturday, for the first time in over six years. I survived, though.

  85. A D Jameson

      I suppose I might die if my skin were to suddenly evaporate, or fall off. I’d overheat very quickly, I think. (The skin regulates body temperature, I think.)

  86. A D Jameson

      Alternately, I’d also die if my body suddenly became allergic to oxygen.

      Or if gravity stopped working on me, and me alone.

  87. A D Jameson

      This caused me to google Mary Miller.

  88. A D Jameson

      I survived, but only barely. I’ll try avoiding her in real life.

  89. A D Jameson

      I hope I don’t go that way. Seems horrible.

  90. A D Jameson

      I think that regardless of what we think and say about it, sooner or later, it’s gonna get us. And we won’t ever know what it was.

  91. kjtuyy

      no i live in toronto. i heard of the brown recluse while reading about necrosis on wikipedia

  92. Henry Fry

      I assume a drug addiction that will take route quietly in my mid forties.

  93. Flightless Bird

      Of a broken heart

  94. A D Jameson

      Well, if you’re good, I’ll mail you one.

  95. A D Jameson

      Almost 100 comments. Not counting this one.

  96. Trey

      you’ve got a ways to go:

      I’m not even sure that’s the one with the most comments. there was one about tao lin I vaguely remember getting a lot, although that’s hard to search for because a search for tao lin on htmlg returns a lot of posts.

      luv u tho tao

  97. A D Jameson

      Oh, I figured we’d come nowhere close!

      It seems to me people comment less these days at HG.

  98. Mike James
  99. A D Jameson

      I think it was the same MM. I looked for the author.

  100. kjtuyy

      i agree