Michael Ives

some things that i ate this week and a review of how they tasted

slapshot (starring Paul Newman): I was the coolest guy that ever lived and you were a hair stylist and the goalie in our love was from a foreign country and would yell at us and then the factory closed down which made everyone in town sad because people would soon be really poor and they would have to kill themselves, but it was okay because I was still really cool and this guy from Princeton was good at hockey even though he had dad issues and then the owner gave birth to three retards that liked to punch things so the team started winning again and I slept with the wife of the other team’s goalie and then someone said ‘Faggot’ and another guy said, “This one time I was in Florida and the snatch was crawling out my boobs.” And the guy from Princeton became in touch with his feminine body which made you raise your eyebrows and I raised my eyebrows and then we looked at each other long and hard and you said, “New York City,” and I said, “Minnesota,” and our love was still a goalie from a foreign country but it had grown into a shape that smelled like three retards born out the ass of a nation of absurdity that sometimes laughs when people say, “Faggot.”

the external combustion engine by Michael Ives: Some kids were in the park doing bad things. I yelled at them. You told me not to yell at them. There was something interesting in our shared thoughts, but the afternoon didn’t quite go as planned. I think you went into the movie business and I went into education. Someone either you knew or I knew got me a job at a school where someone I knew once went, but I think it was only temporary. The world is going to end. This makes me upset because I can’t do anything but watch it end and I wish that instead of doing this I was looking at you as you watched the whole thing end.

the box man by Kobo Abe: I was homeless or maybe you were homeless and at some point we decided to be naked and homeless together in a box, but another person wanted the box so you gave me some money and I gave the box to him, but he wasn’t who he said he was because someone had paid him to be them and they just wanted to smoke morphine all day so they kept paying him to be them so they didn’t have anything to do but smoke morphine and he was tired of being them so he decided he was going to be me which is why he made you pay me to be me and then I was no longer homeless and didn’t have to live in the small box but instead I lived in a really large box with you until you got tired of me and moved out of my large box.

babyfucker by Urs Allemann: A man was in a room that was the worst place to ever be and that man was me and maybe the room was me too but I was afraid to look at where I was even though you might have been in the room. I was very much in love with you or maybe you were on the balcony, but I just couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes because I was afraid I was doing the worst thing that a person could ever do and you would not be able to help me because I was touching the things that were bad to touch in the way I was touching them.


Roundup / 5 Comments
December 1st, 2010 / 1:05 pm