PIG Tuesdays for all!

june 19

is the 170th day of the year-io and 170 year-ios ago Ambrose Bierce is begetted, a man so like a book, both celebrated and ignored (like a book) and so (like a book) smelling of glue or music or a mattress and heavily into time manipulation, its expansion, compression, irrelevance of, etc. and 170 year-ios ago we get poet Sidney Lanier (go Lanier High, go ‘the castle,” the graduates of said high school, the alumni/alumna officially known not as graduates but as “Poets” [factoid!]; for example, Bart Starr [a man so square as to once fine a Green Bay Packer defensive end $1,000 for munching a fucking hotdog on the bench during an exhibition game] or Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald, a horrible driver [she would tell people that she “deintestined” cars while wrecking them] and great beauty [always a subjective term, though scientific studies have pretty much shown we animals find symmetry aesthetically pleasing {Scientists say that the preference for symmetry is a highly evolved trait seen in many different animals. For both men and women, greater symmetry predicted a larger number of past sex partners.

Female swallows, for example, prefer males with longer and more symmetric tails, while female zebra finches mate with males with symmetrically colored leg bands.}] who, when at high school age in sultry [and fire-ant fucked!] Montgomery, Alabama, was known to be addicted to something called “a dope,” a mixture of Coca Cola spiked with an aromatic mixture of ammonia [oddly, these days the same ingredients can be used in a not dissimilar way to manipulate a whole other type of “coke”], which made her loopy and hungry and eventually a quick trip to Chris’s for a hotdog [legendary hangout of a very drunk Hank Williams], etc.) PIG, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite. IN’ARDS, n. The stomach, heart, soul and other bowels. INDIGESTION, n. A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind (all definitions via The Devil’s Dictionary). Burp.

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June 19th, 2012 / 3:24 pm