I’m probably not the right person to be talking about the G-spot; the only G that I ever found was during Scrabble, and I lost that game to a girl. I suppose men, in general, fare less well in many regards, especially concerning the subconscious manual inadequacies brought upon by Apple’s latest technology. Apple’s genius is making unnecessary things seem imperative. I often feel deprived for not having the internet in my pocket.

As the diagram shows, a man rubs away — perplexed by a complicated system — until he gets a response. This, of course, is a metaphor: our notion of self-worth as mediated by sexual prowess (in adolescence) and consumerist savvy (in adulthood). Someone is always telling us that if we could just do this one thing — fuck, posses (respectively) — then we’d be happy. I’m not against Apple, I just think they propagate an unexamined idea of “efficiency.”

Just look at the line waiting to get in the MAC store before the glass doors open. It’s like church, only more expensive. The men enter looking excited yet pensive, hoping that they’ll know what button does what.