Web Hype
A Book Lover’s Guide to IKEA seating
Say what you will about cookie-cutter culture, IKEA offers affordable furniture that doesn’t smell like the 1970’s. When enjoying your favorite book, it’s important to be seated properly — or at least in a way that compliments your reading experience. Here is a guide to what to read, and in what chairs.
—
I.
Expensive couch
This is a really expensive leather couch, ideal for books which reflect the opulent lifestyle, like American Psycho and The Great Gatsby. We learn in literature that money is not good, like all the bad people are rich and all the good people are poor. I don’t think this is a healthy attitude — now there’s some artistic nobility to being unemployed. I know I’m not your dad, but “get a job.” If I were the guy in American Psycho, I would not “freak out” (murder, crying into voicemail, etc.) and just keep my kick-ass job and eat good filet mignon at lunch and have sex with a lot of models.
—
II.
Fluffy flower chair
This chair is perfect for either 19th century books authored by women, or books written by homosexual men. We recommend Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, Howard’s End by E.M. Forster, An Awkward Age by Henry James, Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh, and Light Boxes by Shane Jones (j/k). It’s funny (sad?) how people still make fun of others by calling them gay. One time, out of curiosity, I fellated a cucumber to see if I had good technique and suddenly wanted a salad. Enough gay talk, we all know literature is not gay (cough).
—
III.
Foldout couch
This fold-out couch is recommended for intense reading experiences which require reads into the night. These books are often called “tombs,” and generally read by neurotic and/or depressed men. Typical books of this nature are War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann, Gravity’s Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon, The Recognitions by William Gaddis, Infinite Jest by D.F. Wallace, Europe Central by William Vollman, and 2666 by Robert Bolano. When your eyes and brain can’t take it anymore, simply use your book as a pillow by inserting your nose into the spine. The next morning, you will feel 0.02% smarter.
—
IV.
Futurist Chair
This is a futurist looking chair which will compliment books about our future: Brave New World, 1984 (um, that’s ages ago, but still), Fahrenheit 451, The Road, etc. All books about the future are dystopian because nobody wants to read a predicable book about the future. Imagine a book called “2010” about a guy who goes to work everyday and drinks other people’s sodas in the fridge and drafts stories veiled in Microsoft Outlook as work-related emails, and craps as much as he can at work in order to deplete toilet paper, to “get back” at his employers for the low salary. That book would be boring, right? (Any publishers interested please email me.)
—
V.
Lame Chair
I was surprised to see this third-world type “lame chair” in IKEA’s catalog, but literature has always embraced ventures into the east and west. When straining your back on this “lame chair,” you’d do well to try out The Sheltering Sky by Paul Bowles, A Passage to India by E.M. Forster, Waiting for the Barbarians by J.M Coetzee, Life of Pi by Yann Martel, and What is the What by Dave Eggers. These books all deal with transcultural immersion and “outward experience”; too bad the chairs are sometimes lame.
—
VI.
Franzen Chair
This chair comes with Jonathan Franzen. Some important notes while assembling this chair: make sure you do it correctly the first time, no mistakes. If you screw up, Johathan Franzen will publish an article in The New Yorker about how people in America are dumb, using you as an example. He also might mention how he had this girlfriend who was a mechanical engineering grad student at MIT and how he made coffee in the morning, and how contemporary their relationship was, hanging out betwixt Cambridge and New York City. Also, you’ll make his day if you ask him to read from The Corrections to you. You’ll need to sit on his lap, and no — that’s not a mechanical pencil — he’s just happy to read to you.
—
This concludes our Book Lover’s Guide to IKEA seating. Remember, literature is a civilized sport; please read responsibly. And to our readers in Sweden, trevlig trä!
Tags: ikea chairs, jonathan franzen
jimmy chen, you have done it again.
tao lin / muumuu / new depressive internet literature – the Jules Chair. Sparse, uncomfortable, says both nothing and everything at the same time
http://bit.ly/YZMK2
maybe Paul Auster as well.
i don’t mind if you want to delete this comment if you feel it detracts from an otherwise funny post.
jimmy chen, you have done it again.
tao lin / muumuu / new depressive internet literature – the Jules Chair. Sparse, uncomfortable, says both nothing and everything at the same time
http://bit.ly/YZMK2
maybe Paul Auster as well.
i don’t mind if you want to delete this comment if you feel it detracts from an otherwise funny post.
My favorite post ever.
My favorite post ever.
Waiting for the Barbarians by J.M Coetzee deserves a better chair, Jimmy.
Maybe this one?
http://www.asianoffbeat.com/photos/magnetic_floating_sofa_kootouch_content_4051.jpg
Or, better yet, this one?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6gy-5UfMPqI/ScARYkf0wdI/AAAAAAAABdc/9PoxsYL8MB0/s400/sheepchair.jpg
Otherwise, an extraordinary post.
Waiting for the Barbarians by J.M Coetzee deserves a better chair, Jimmy.
Maybe this one?
http://www.asianoffbeat.com/photos/magnetic_floating_sofa_kootouch_content_4051.jpg
Or, better yet, this one?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6gy-5UfMPqI/ScARYkf0wdI/AAAAAAAABdc/9PoxsYL8MB0/s400/sheepchair.jpg
Otherwise, an extraordinary post.
SAL BANDO
No kidding
SAL BANDO
No kidding
Haha, well done.
[…] so, print this guide to Ikea furniture for booklovers to take with you. A sample: All books about the future are […]
Haha, well done.
“Imagine a book called “2010″ about a guy who goes to work everyday and drinks other people’s sodas in the fridge”
– sounds passively “dystopian”. I’d read it.
“Imagine a book called “2010″ about a guy who goes to work everyday and drinks other people’s sodas in the fridge”
– sounds passively “dystopian”. I’d read it.
“Franzen Chair.” Priceless.
“Franzen Chair.” Priceless.
[…] of IKEA, HTMLGIANT will tell you what to read in your IKEA chair (h/t to Bookslut). I’m surprised they […]
Indeed. I was enjoying this until I got to the Franzen chair, then I burst into laughter and almost spewed my scotch on the screen.
Indeed. I was enjoying this until I got to the Franzen chair, then I burst into laughter and almost spewed my scotch on the screen.
[…] 2009 Never mind that last post. Here’s the goods, via Jimmy Chen at HTMLGIANT, on “A Book Lover’s Guide to IKEA Seating“. I’m stealing excerpting my personal favorite: Franzen […]
Love it. I’m stealing the Franzen, you’re stealing it back.
Love it. I’m stealing the Franzen, you’re stealing it back.
very comprehensive
very comprehensive
[…] favoriten Bookshelf Porn listar snygga bokhyllelösningar; nu väger även HTMLGIANT in med en lista över vilka IKEA-möbler som lämpar sig för vilka böcker. Som amerikaner missar de givetvis t ex nöjet med att läsa svensk förortslitteratur hopkurad i […]
[…] chairs, broken down by the type of book one should read in them. […]
Where is the facebook button ? I need to spread this, it too good ! :D
Where is the facebook button ? I need to spread this, it too good ! :D
[…] you a fan of “American Psycho”? Then this IKEA leather couch is for […]
these are some good chairs
funny how much shit-talk franzen gets
these are some good chairs
funny how much shit-talk franzen gets
Re “tombs” – I believe you meant to type “tomes” instead. Tombs are where the bodies are buried; tomes are big, thick, heavy books like the ones you mentioned.
Re “tombs” – I believe you meant to type “tomes” instead. Tombs are where the bodies are buried; tomes are big, thick, heavy books like the ones you mentioned.
[…] 27, 2009 Filed under: Just Silly — miriamparker @ 5:42 pm I enjoyed this listing that coordinates chairs sold at Ikea with genres of books. Keep reading to the bottom for a relatively funny Jonathan Franzen […]
[…] Jimmy Chen offers up the most functional of Nordic furniture for your literary adventures. I owned the cheapest Ikea couch one could buy a few years ago, & when I sold it to some poor hipster living in a tiny apartment out by the airport, there was a butt groove on the left side so deep that any number of throw pillows stacked under could not replicate the couch’s original condition of leveled comfort. The kid’s initial offer was to pay me in PBRs, so I didn’t feel so bad… […]
I read the title and was a little afraid.
No matter which kind of furniture they had called “Ibsen”, I would have had to buy it.
I read the title and was a little afraid.
No matter which kind of furniture they had called “Ibsen”, I would have had to buy it.
[…] I need to sit down. And if I want to read while doing it, here’s HTMLGIANT’s guide to what type of IKEA sofa I should do it in. The last entry on the list is really, really funny. I won’t ruin it for you. Unfortunately […]
[…] A Book Lover’s Guide to IKEA seating can only lead to a renaming of all of IKEA’s sofas and chairs. (Ok. I’ll admit I’d probably look at seating named after Kjell Eriksson.) […]
[…] A Book Lover’s Guide to IKEA seating […]
What a great piece! This will change how I look at books and furniture forever!
What a great piece! This will change how I look at books and furniture forever!
I am sitting on my Crate-and-Barrel-Outlet, wood-framed, bottom-cushioned, back-cushion-less-(dog-destroyed), Ikea-throw-pillow-x7-(3@20″x20″, 4@26″x26″)-back-cushioned, dog-hair-covered couch, reading, alternately, “Nobody Belongs Here More Than You” by Miranda July and “By Grand Central Station I Sat Down and Wept” by Elizabeth Smart (not the girl from Utah, the other one), and doing the NYT crossword puzzles from 9/2/09 and 9/3/09. Am familiar with Hwy 24E. Love this post.
I am sitting on my Crate-and-Barrel-Outlet, wood-framed, bottom-cushioned, back-cushion-less-(dog-destroyed), Ikea-throw-pillow-x7-(3@20″x20″, 4@26″x26″)-back-cushioned, dog-hair-covered couch, reading, alternately, “Nobody Belongs Here More Than You” by Miranda July and “By Grand Central Station I Sat Down and Wept” by Elizabeth Smart (not the girl from Utah, the other one), and doing the NYT crossword puzzles from 9/2/09 and 9/3/09. Am familiar with Hwy 24E. Love this post.
[…] A book lover’s guide to IKEA seating – "This chair comes with Jonathan Franzen. Some important notes while assembling this chair: make sure you do it correctly the first time, no mistakes." Ha ha ha ha ha! […]
[…] 1903: Bjørnstjerne Bjørnson (Norway). Surprise! It took them two years to give this to a Scandinavian. Some have said Scandinavians have an unfair advantage in the Nobels, an accusation that wasn’t helped by the 2004 decision to award the chemistry Nobel to an IKEA chair. […]
[…] Oktober 2009 at 14:36 (Uncategorized) … könnt ihr hier […]
[…] And to whet your palate for the whimsical and literary, I bring you A Book Lover’s Guide to IKEA Seating. […]
[…] furniture to suit the book you’re reading. Jimmy Chen at HTMLGIANT offers a “Book Lover’s Guide to IKEA seating“–funny […]
Great set of furniture from IKEA. But you can also find other good furniture on other sites just in case you can’t find your desired furniture at IKEA.
Those chairs looks definitely awesome, especially the expensive couch which can be used by 4 to 6 people.
Nice addition to your home, especially the foldout couch.
I agree with that.
[…] Which books go with which Ikea chairs? Everyone knows that, surely: it’s always – and here I link to myself – the same […]