Blog Awards

I am giving out awards for blogs because that’s the power that comes with being a contributor here, and I’m bored at work. The following awards are only for blogs, not websites. There have been complaints that we are too self-referential — and I guess this isn’t helping. Fortunately, I have a 50 dollar bottle of scotch at home waiting for me and I’m not that concerned with stuff.

…and the whiners are

AWARD FOR CONCEPTUAL EYESTRAIN

Daniel Spinks, Liquid Mermaid Habitat Substitute

AWARD FOR AVANT-GARDE DEADPAN NARCISSISM

Zachary German, every time a police officer gets shot i throw a party

AWARD FOR MOST LOYALTY TO A TEMPLATE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

Matthew Simmons, The Man Who Couldn’t Blog

AWARD FOR INSANE SCROLLING REQUIREMENT AND ACTUALLY INTERESTING CONTENT

Christopher Higgs, Bright Stupid Confetti

AWARD FOR LINKING EVERY JOURNAL IN EXISTENCE

Molly Gaudry, Green City News

AWARD FOR MOST INCITING AND ENTHRALLING STRANGE-TALK

Blake Butler, No One Does That

AWARD FOR ALWAYS BEING INFORMATIVE AND EMOTIONALLY CONTAINED

Matt Bell, Matt Bell

AWARD FOR MORE DAILY UNIQUE VISITORS THAN ALL THESE BLOGS COMBINED

Tao Lin, Reader of Depressing Books

AWARD FOR NOT PROVIDING LINKS TO YOUR OWN WRITING

Barry Graham, Why are you telling me this?

AWARD FOR ALWAYS HAVING SOME OPINION

Darby Larson, Darby Larson

AWARD FOR MOST FEMINIST BLOGROLL

Shane Jones, I Think You Are a Good Person

AWARD FOR MOST PROCLAMATIONS OF BEING DETACHED

Brandon Scott Gorell, My hair will defeat you

AWARD FOR BEING CRYPTIC, THEN DISAPPEARING

Ryan Manning, [variable] (this blog will disappear in 48 hrs)

AWARD FOR BEST BANNER

Kendra Malone, Tricoteuse

AWARD FOR BARELY VISIBLE FORMATTING

Ken Baumann, All art everywhere is free

AWARD FOR BEING CONSTANTLY AGITATED

Noah Cicero, The Outsider

AWARD FOR BEING ENGLISH AND HAVING COLORFUL FONTS

Crispin Best, We will all go simultaneous

AWARD FOR BEST SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION

Jimmy Chen, Embassy of Misguided Zen