I am giving out awards for blogs because that’s the power that comes with being a contributor here, and I’m bored at work. The following awards are only for blogs, not websites. There have been complaints that we are too self-referential — and I guess this isn’t helping. Fortunately, I have a 50 dollar bottle of scotch at home waiting for me and I’m not that concerned with stuff.

…and the whiners are

AWARD FOR CONCEPTUAL EYESTRAIN

Daniel Spinks, Liquid Mermaid Habitat Substitute

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AWARD FOR AVANT-GARDE DEADPAN NARCISSISM

Zachary German, every time a police officer gets shot i throw a party

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AWARD FOR MOST LOYALTY TO A TEMPLATE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

Matthew Simmons, The Man Who Couldn’t Blog

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AWARD FOR INSANE SCROLLING REQUIREMENT AND ACTUALLY INTERESTING CONTENT

Christopher Higgs, Bright Stupid Confetti

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AWARD FOR LINKING EVERY JOURNAL IN EXISTENCE

Molly Gaudry, Green City News

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AWARD FOR MOST INCITING AND ENTHRALLING STRANGE-TALK

Blake Butler, No One Does That

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AWARD FOR ALWAYS BEING INFORMATIVE AND EMOTIONALLY CONTAINED

Matt Bell, Matt Bell

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AWARD FOR MORE DAILY UNIQUE VISITORS THAN ALL THESE BLOGS COMBINED

Tao Lin, Reader of Depressing Books

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AWARD FOR NOT PROVIDING LINKS TO YOUR OWN WRITING

Barry Graham, Why are you telling me this?

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AWARD FOR ALWAYS HAVING SOME OPINION

Darby Larson, Darby Larson

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AWARD FOR MOST FEMINIST BLOGROLL

Shane Jones, I Think You Are a Good Person

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AWARD FOR MOST PROCLAMATIONS OF BEING DETACHED

Brandon Scott Gorell, My hair will defeat you

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AWARD FOR BEING CRYPTIC, THEN DISAPPEARING

Ryan Manning, [variable] (this blog will disappear in 48 hrs)

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AWARD FOR BEST BANNER

Kendra Malone, Tricoteuse

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AWARD FOR BARELY VISIBLE FORMATTING

Ken Baumann, All art everywhere is free

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AWARD FOR BEING CONSTANTLY AGITATED

Noah Cicero, The Outsider

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AWARD FOR BEING ENGLISH AND HAVING COLORFUL FONTS

Crispin Best, We will all go simultaneous

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AWARD FOR BEST SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION

Jimmy Chen, Embassy of Misguided Zen

Tags: blog awards