October 20th, 2009 / 6:35 pm
Web Hype

Sommelier Says: “Dan”

SommelierIn a recent comment thread about anonymous comments, one “Dan” (his quotes) says, of HTMLGIANT:

Every one on this websites is assholes and gives Tao Lin handjobs and is “rich middle class kids” and doesnt now shit about good writing if it punched them.111 you guys also are incestuous and publish only your friends’ writing regardless of merit 11111!!11

Sommelier Says: We suspect either English is not Dan’s first language, or he was on the receiving end of some type of job while composing this comment. Coming off strong with “assholes,” one is reminded of the straight-forward Cabernet; soon he offers supple textures with a descriptive narrative of manual relief, followed by a cultural indictment of an abstract group of people (never mind the “rich middle-class” oxymoron). At first, I thought Dan meant that “a hundred and eleven” of us were incestuous (pretty ample gene pool, what you talking about?) but realized the “111” were simply rushed exclamation points sans the shift key — must be his quivering colon. Dan’s post-laxative rant reeks of prune juice as he makes a mad rush to the toilet. And you thought purple rain was an album.

48 Comments

  1. Sabra

      Oh…this one yanked my funny bone pret-ty hard1111

      Props on the PR, Jimmy.

  2. Sabra

      Oh…this one yanked my funny bone pret-ty hard1111

      Props on the PR, Jimmy.

  3. daniel bailey

      i bet it was dan brown.

  4. daniel bailey

      i bet it was dan brown.

  5. gena

      or…..dan bailey! WAS IT YOU?!

  6. gena

      or…..dan bailey! WAS IT YOU?!

  7. mimi

      1111 is the new OMG

  8. mimi

      1111 is the new OMG

  9. cobweb

      I think Dan’s comment was a parody in the first place.

  10. cobweb

      I think Dan’s comment was a parody in the first place.

  11. cher

      d-uh

  12. cher

      d-uh

  13. Justin Taylor

      i like “rich middle class” as a descriptive. What does that even mean? Grow some fucking Marxism, Dan. If you’re going to go the uninformed class-indictment route, at least be clear about who it is we’re hanging with the guts of the last priest, etc.

  14. Justin Taylor

      i like “rich middle class” as a descriptive. What does that even mean? Grow some fucking Marxism, Dan. If you’re going to go the uninformed class-indictment route, at least be clear about who it is we’re hanging with the guts of the last priest, etc.

  15. cobweb

      Oh

  16. cobweb

      Oh

  17. cher

      The last priest? I just stole you shit to name my next lame poem.

  18. cher

      The last priest? I just stole you shit to name my next lame poem.

  19. Ross Brighton

      Nah – it was my Black Metal song.

  20. Ross Brighton

      Nah – it was my Black Metal song.

  21. Justin Taylor

      it wasn’t me it was Marx, but all best from both of us-

  22. Justin Taylor

      it wasn’t me it was Marx, but all best from both of us-

  23. marco

      Diderot

  24. marco

      Diderot

  25. marco

      But best known as a joyful line in popular Italian anarchic songs:

      Colle budella dell’ultimo prete,
      Colle budella dell’ultimo prete,
      strozzeremo l’ultimo re

  26. marco

      But best known as a joyful line in popular Italian anarchic songs:

      Colle budella dell’ultimo prete,
      Colle budella dell’ultimo prete,
      strozzeremo l’ultimo re

  27. Nathan Tyree

      “Grow some fucking Marxism, Dan.” may be the best thing I’ve ever heard. I’m going to start saying this to people every day

  28. Nathan Tyree

      “Grow some fucking Marxism, Dan.” may be the best thing I’ve ever heard. I’m going to start saying this to people every day

  29. Vaughan Simons

      I notice that ‘Dan’, the original commenter’, is not only obsessed with class, but he’s also hung up on incest.

      Must be British. Welsh, probably. In fact, I think I saw him getting married to his sister last week.

      If anyone wants a lecture on the class system, come to London. I’ll drop you off in the depths of Tower Hamlets and pick you up again (if you get out alive) when you get to St Johns Wood.

  30. Vaughan Simons

      I notice that ‘Dan’, the original commenter’, is not only obsessed with class, but he’s also hung up on incest.

      Must be British. Welsh, probably. In fact, I think I saw him getting married to his sister last week.

      If anyone wants a lecture on the class system, come to London. I’ll drop you off in the depths of Tower Hamlets and pick you up again (if you get out alive) when you get to St Johns Wood.

  31. "Dan"

      “Perhaps you should change the name of the site to Performing Fellatio on Tao Lin”
      “upper-middle class white guys with coddled lives talking about meaningless bullshit”
      “You are all good at publicity and the circle jerk of self-promotion”


      (breakroom, jereme, sullenberger)

  32. "Dan"

      “Perhaps you should change the name of the site to Performing Fellatio on Tao Lin”
      “upper-middle class white guys with coddled lives talking about meaningless bullshit”
      “You are all good at publicity and the circle jerk of self-promotion”


      (breakroom, jereme, sullenberger)

  33. Craig Davis

      Anti-Welsh sentiment once again rears its ugly head at htmlgiant. Jesus. And with a name like “Vaughan”, too. I think somebody’s a self-hating taffy…

  34. Craig Davis

      Anti-Welsh sentiment once again rears its ugly head at htmlgiant. Jesus. And with a name like “Vaughan”, too. I think somebody’s a self-hating taffy…

  35. Vaughan Simons

      Craig – “once again?” I’ve seen many favourite topics on HTMLGIANT, but I must confess the stream of anti-Welsh sentiment passed me by. I’ll go back and read the archives.

      Also. I’m called Vaughan after a dead Welsh biker friend of my father’s. Nothing to do with me.

      Also. I like Dylan Thomas. Though I don’t know him personally.

      P.S. There’ll be a welcome in the hillside.

  36. Vaughan Simons

      Craig – “once again?” I’ve seen many favourite topics on HTMLGIANT, but I must confess the stream of anti-Welsh sentiment passed me by. I’ll go back and read the archives.

      Also. I’m called Vaughan after a dead Welsh biker friend of my father’s. Nothing to do with me.

      Also. I like Dylan Thomas. Though I don’t know him personally.

      P.S. There’ll be a welcome in the hillside.

  37. Nathan Tyree

      Hey, My mother’s family was Welsh, and while we may be drunks we tend to be quite creative and interesting

  38. Nathan Tyree

      I knew Dylan Thomas. I got pissed with Dylan Thomas. You, sir, are no Dylan Thomas !

      ; )

  39. Nathan Tyree

      Hey, My mother’s family was Welsh, and while we may be drunks we tend to be quite creative and interesting

  40. Nathan Tyree

      I knew Dylan Thomas. I got pissed with Dylan Thomas. You, sir, are no Dylan Thomas !

      ; )

  41. jereme

      dylan was the man.

  42. jereme

      dylan was the man.

  43. jereme

      dude maybe in your crummy country there is this huge anti-welsh movement or something but seriously you think htmlg is bashing welsh people on a consistent basis?

      uh no. leave your tiny little bubble you call “reality” and join the rest of us on earth.

  44. jereme

      dude maybe in your crummy country there is this huge anti-welsh movement or something but seriously you think htmlg is bashing welsh people on a consistent basis?

      uh no. leave your tiny little bubble you call “reality” and join the rest of us on earth.

  45. jereme

      the middle class of america is what i would consider “rich” or “well off”.

      you don’t agree?

  46. jereme

      the middle class of america is what i would consider “rich” or “well off”.

      you don’t agree?

  47. jereme

      so how come this sommelier says doesn’t get such a great response like the last one?

      i mean where is catherine et al with their smug comments?

      i guess they don’t know dan well enough to be passive aggressive towards him.

  48. jereme

      so how come this sommelier says doesn’t get such a great response like the last one?

      i mean where is catherine et al with their smug comments?

      i guess they don’t know dan well enough to be passive aggressive towards him.