January 13th, 2010 / 2:00 pm
Behind the Scenes & Craft Notes

The five stages of publishing

Hey, writers! Where are you in the publishing process?

Denial: I think maybe I’ll write a novel. I have a really great idea for one. My friends think I’m a pretty good writer. I once got a rejection from The New Yorker that referred to the “obvious merit” of my fiction. Sure. I’ll write a novel and then send it to an agent!

Anger: No one is publishing me because they don’t understand how amazing my work is. They just don’t get it. Philistines. Agents won’t even look at my manuscript. The whole system is corrupt. You have to be one of those New York elites to get a book published. You have to be from money. You have to know people. You have to get an MFA. Publishing is a racket.

Bargaining: What the heck. I’ll go ahead and get an MFA. It might be fun to hang out with a bunch of writers like myself—people just trying to figure out how to get their work out for the world to see. It’ll be fun. I’ll learn some stuff about my craft. Maybe I’ll get into a huge argument in a workshop!

Depression: Even though I have an MFA, Knopf has not yet given me the big, Jonathan Safran Foer-esque, two-book deal. This sucks. Why have I been wasting my time? Publishers are only interested in turning people’s mildly funny conceptual blogs into books. Why the hell didn’t I just take a photo of my cat wearing a monocle, and then ask other people to submit photos of their cats wearing monocles to me? I’d have a book contract right now.

Acceptance: You know, it’s actually surprisingly easy for me to just do this myself. Maybe I’ll just start my own small press.

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49 Comments

  1. Jimmy Chen

      hah! this is very good Matthew

  2. Jimmy Chen

      hah! this is very good Matthew

  3. Shya

      Nice. After I got through the Depression stage I thought I was in the clear–Acceptance seemed within reach!–but I keep slipping back into Denial.

  4. Shya

      Nice. After I got through the Depression stage I thought I was in the clear–Acceptance seemed within reach!–but I keep slipping back into Denial.

  5. Lily

      damn. i think i’m still stuck in denial!

  6. Lily

      damn. i think i’m still stuck in denial!

  7. Amy Minton

      Hah hah! ha…ha….ha….h–….*sob.*

  8. Amy Minton

      Hah hah! ha…ha….ha….h–….*sob.*

  9. The Nervous Breakdown

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  10. alan

      nice one

  11. Mark C

      That’s about accurate.

  12. alan

      nice one

  13. Mark C

      That’s about accurate.

  14. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      I’ve done all these except the anger stage? Do you think I’m repressing something?

  15. Tim Jones-Yelvington

      I’ve done all these except the anger stage? Do you think I’m repressing something?

  16. danny b

      I’m in Denial, at least about my own writing, but I feel acceptance about anyone else’s.

  17. danny b

      I’m in Denial, at least about my own writing, but I feel acceptance about anyone else’s.

  18. Laura Ellen Scott

      This cat + monocle project is intriguing.

  19. Laura Ellen Scott

      This cat + monocle project is intriguing.

  20. Shya

      Don’t worry, Tim. I’ve got enough anger to go around.

  21. Shya

      Don’t worry, Tim. I’ve got enough anger to go around.

  22. thomas

      depression

  23. thomas

      depression

  24. Pete

      Yeah, great idea about the cats-with-monocles book, which I’m now officially stealing. Easy Street, here I come!

  25. Pete

      Yeah, great idea about the cats-with-monocles book, which I’m now officially stealing. Easy Street, here I come!

  26. Matthew Simmons

      I would suggest you call it “Classy, Classy Cats.”

  27. Matthew Simmons

      I would suggest you call it “Classy, Classy Cats.”

  28. Richard

      i’d be laughing even harder if it wasn’t so true…i flucuate between denail and bargaining, i think

  29. Richard

      i’d be laughing even harder if it wasn’t so true…i flucuate between denail and bargaining, i think

  30. Ken Baumann

      Enjoyed this. Thanks, Matthew.

  31. Ken Baumann

      Enjoyed this. Thanks, Matthew.

  32. Blake Butler

      nailed

  33. Blake Butler

      nailed

  34. jesusangelgarcia

      I’m in an amped-up mode of self-promo, can’t figure out if I’m a pimp or a hoe. But I did get the 1st excerpt of my 3xbad book published today in 3:AM – http://is.gd/6b0iP – is that acceptance? I want y’all to read it. Guess I’m just a pimpin’ hoe…

  35. jesusangelgarcia

      I’m in an amped-up mode of self-promo, can’t figure out if I’m a pimp or a hoe. But I did get the 1st excerpt of my 3xbad book published today in 3:AM – http://is.gd/6b0iP – is that acceptance? I want y’all to read it. Guess I’m just a pimpin’ hoe…

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  38. Fritz Bogott

      I write like I bake: Some batches go straight into the compost. Some are good enough to feed to people. The people willing to try the share-worthy batches generally either say “mmm” or else don’t comment at all. I try to use the mmm’s (a pretty imprecise form of criticism) to figure out what’s working and what isn’t. Then I bake another batch. There’s no point in getting too attached to any given batch: It’s either going to get composted or else it’s going to get eaten. Either way it’s gone. I figure eventually most batches will come out pretty good.

      I can see how I might get neurotic if I thought writing was for keeping rather than for eating. The kind of dough that keeps–you shellac it and put it in your shop window–is called pate morte. I guess the kind of writing you get attached to is–what–ecriture morte? None for me, thanks.

  39. Fritz Bogott

      I write like I bake: Some batches go straight into the compost. Some are good enough to feed to people. The people willing to try the share-worthy batches generally either say “mmm” or else don’t comment at all. I try to use the mmm’s (a pretty imprecise form of criticism) to figure out what’s working and what isn’t. Then I bake another batch. There’s no point in getting too attached to any given batch: It’s either going to get composted or else it’s going to get eaten. Either way it’s gone. I figure eventually most batches will come out pretty good.

      I can see how I might get neurotic if I thought writing was for keeping rather than for eating. The kind of dough that keeps–you shellac it and put it in your shop window–is called pate morte. I guess the kind of writing you get attached to is–what–ecriture morte? None for me, thanks.

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  44. Susan

      I think, having had a book contract cancelled a year and a half after signing, that I am the one who died and went to heaven, only after I saw the light, I got shoved off the cloud.

  45. Susan

      I think, having had a book contract cancelled a year and a half after signing, that I am the one who died and went to heaven, only after I saw the light, I got shoved off the cloud.

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  47. vicky lim

      that seems like a better idea: spend money on a small press vs. an MFA: yeah! yeah!

  48. v.

      that seems like a better idea: spend money on a small press vs. an MFA: yeah! yeah!

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