December 1st, 2011 / 3:07 pm
 Contests

ToBS R1: Calling yrself editor-in-chief of online jrnl vs posting pics of other people’s books on facebook

[Matchup #7 in Tournament of Bookshit]

Why do you call yourself the editor-in-chief (or even the chief editor) of an online lit journal? This isn’t The New York Times. It’s a fart with a header. It’s a blogspot. You are the editor-in-chief of a blogspot. I hope you cite your role as editor-in-chief of the blogspot when you submit to other blogspots. I hope mad honeys come to your release party for the blogspot. I hope you get a lot of ass.

Lucky for you there is a literary action that is a shade lamer and that is…

Posting photos of other people’s shitty first books on fb with the caption “Look what came in the mail! Going to be a great weekend!”

No. It is not going to be a great weekend. We all know you only post these photos because you have an echapbook coming out (what even is that?) (stop sending emails about it) and you want others to do the same. They won’t. They won’t even follow you back on Twitter (yes, they know you are following them) (they get notifications like everybody else) (they just made a choice) (the choice was not to follow you).

If you were a honey, your fb photos of other people’s books might actually work. But you are a bro from Austin and you must accept yourself. Be still. Know. Be still and know that taking a photo of a book and posting it on fb is not the same as reading a book. And nobody who reads a book has a great weekend.

– Melissa Broder

– – –

WINNER: Calling yourself the editor-in-chief of an online journal

Tags: ,

26 Comments

  1. December 1st, 2011 / 3:30 pm barry—

      im back in the game… following this bracket so closely is lamer than every bookshit thing being judged, i realize this, and ive evaluated my life many times and judged it to be ridiculous. but nonetheless. thank you melissa for your sound judgement…

  2. December 1st, 2011 / 3:38 pm Mason Johnson—

      “It’s a fart with a header.”
      This actually endears me to a few more litjournals, I think.

  3. December 1st, 2011 / 3:41 pm Bobby Dixon—

      I won this round, but feel shamed in victory. 

  4. December 1st, 2011 / 3:47 pm Tim Jones-Yelvington—

      Melissa Broder, you are a mean and nasty and soulless soul and just because you are cynical with deadened insides and cannot have great weekends with books does not mean you need to fart all over our great weekends with books, some of us LIVE through reading our friends’ books which is to say some of us have LIVES and if you’re so intent on farting all over that than somebody should fart WITH A HEADER all over your face I mean really who died and made you the arbiter of people’s weekends and how great they are or are not, I mean, WHO ARE YOU, Melissa Broder, other than an unfeeling shrew, who do you think you are to tell me what to post on facebook, YOU AINT KNOW ME YOU AINT KNOW ME YOU AINT KNOW ME, forget you Melissa Broder you can go fart all over YOUR MOM’s editor and chief, edit THIS Melissa Broder I am so offended I could vomit and fart all over my desk at work and my cubicle would stank and it would all be YOUR FAULT Melissa Broder, the very existence of pain and suffering is your fault, Melissa Broder, and I am in pain and I am suffering and it is all BECAUSE OF YOU and I think this post is so vile and disgusting and satanic (MELISSA BRODER WORSHIPS SATAN) that I am never going to come here again, I am never ever going to read another post on htmlgiant EVER, and don’t you try and make me because I WON’T, I am leaving and DON’T YOU TRY TO STOP ME.

  5. December 1st, 2011 / 3:53 pm Lukas Novak—

      sadtrumpetnoise.wav

  6. December 1st, 2011 / 3:56 pm Melissa Broder—

      Please god deliver me a litblog fight.
      Could it happen here?
      Could it be true?
      Could it be happening?!

  7. December 1st, 2011 / 3:58 pm Ryan Call—

      amen

  8. December 1st, 2011 / 4:07 pm lorian long—

      ‘but you are a bro from austin and must accept yourself’

  9. December 1st, 2011 / 4:09 pm lorian long—

      i lost so long ago but idgaf these mean shits are good

  10. December 1st, 2011 / 4:18 pm Lincoln Michel—

      I sign everything

      Lincoln Michel
      TheLincoln Twitter account
      Founding Editor

  11. December 1st, 2011 / 4:20 pm Melissabroder—

      I know you charge for submissions too, you bitch.

  12. December 1st, 2011 / 4:25 pm JW—

      Oh my!

  13. December 1st, 2011 / 4:45 pm Melissabroder—

      Look what just came in the mail! Going to be a great weekend!

  14. December 1st, 2011 / 4:58 pm Tim Jones-Yelvington—

      sure, if ya wanna.

      kittycat POW.

  15. December 1st, 2011 / 5:03 pm Craig Ronald Marchinkoski—
  16. December 1st, 2011 / 5:08 pm M. Kitchell—

      this might be my favorite so far

  17. December 1st, 2011 / 5:12 pm Melissa Broder—

      that don’t look like no chapbook. that look like a pamphlet.

  18. December 1st, 2011 / 5:42 pm Madison Langston—

      the last sentence is amazing

  19. December 1st, 2011 / 5:54 pm Craig Ronald Marchinkoski—

      punch me till it’s published.
      closed fist. no bullshit. 
      my break just a broken jaw away.
      ‘money jus’ pour like rain’

  20. December 1st, 2011 / 6:13 pm Mark C—

      i’m not sure how i feel about this one. frank hilton once posted a photo where she was holding Xtx’s “normally special” in one hand and a dildo in the other. that was pretty trill.

  21. December 1st, 2011 / 6:36 pm Tim Jones-Yelvington—

      Lez make a Le Petite SCENE

  22. December 1st, 2011 / 8:21 pm marshall—

      bitter week

  23. December 2nd, 2011 / 3:28 pm Ray Rice—

      edgy, bro.

  24. December 2nd, 2011 / 3:37 pm Ray Rice—

      broder, i think i love you.

  25. December 5th, 2011 / 7:14 am Anonymous—

      phlpn.es/829r8s

  26. December 5th, 2011 / 7:34 am Anonymous—

      linkhide.com.ar/47632