ToBS R1: Facebook status updates re: present MS word count vs. Alcoholism

Posted by @ 2:25 pm on November 30th, 2011

[Matchup #2 in Tournament of Bookshit]

OMG how I loathe the assbaitishness of your posts telling everyone how many words you’ve written. But I don’t know, maybe I should be like fucking thanking you, because by telling me how much you’ve written, I can be sure I will definitely never want to read what you publish when you finish it, if you finish it, since you seem so busy telling me how much you’ve written, and that takes time away from tweaking your shit. If you write 5,000 words, chances are that 4,950 of them are shit, and chances are even greater that the 50 you have left over are in the wrong order or something, and when you finally get those lined up right you will probably be able to lose half of those as well, so the word count of your status update itself turns out to have a higher word count than what you’ve really actually word doc-written, and it’s probably more interesting because at least your status update tells me how pathetic you are, something that whatever you’ve been word doc-writing happens to leave out, unforch.

Drinking rules, and I don’t believe in God. If drinking or getting high makes your short stint here on Earth an easier time to pass/place to be, then please make the time you have alive here fit you the snuggiest so you aren’t a dick/bitch to other people. If it takes you ingesting ten vodka tonics a night in order for you to not lash out at everyone and be an asshole every day, if three bottles of wine is what you need to not cry yourself to sleep every night, then you should drink all that shit. And then drink more. As long as you don’t start fucking up the lives of those around you with your weakness, it’s cool. But you must be able to handle your shit, otherwise I have no time for your shit. Same goes with drugs. Grow the fuck up.

Giancarlo Ditrapano

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WINNER: Alcoholism

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