[matchup #56 in Tournament of Bookshit]

Real talk. Facebook “like”ing this page would probably do more than releasing an anthology of contemporary poetry about it. And claiming that your writing is experimental and divorced from politics doesn’t just mean that you write white identity poetry. It is also an acknowledgement of poetry’s inability to affect change in contemporary America.

Additionally, The New Yorker published a long-form expository essay about Facebook-based political activism. The New Yorker has never published a long-form expository essay about poetry.

At first, it seemed so clear. The facts led this judge solidly in one direction. But then a close friend of mine brought to light a new and intriguing piece of research. It’s called the Penis Defense. In this six-page manuscript, the author lays out a whole new theory behind calling anything you write a manuscript.

The main crux of the defense is that the manuscript is a stand-in for the penis. Once I was sold on this conceit, all the other walls came down and it was obvious that calling anything you write a manuscript wins over Facebook-based political activism.

Calling my penis a manuscript is a really good way to constantly talk about my penis. Saying that my manuscript is larger than your manuscript is a really good way to say that my penis is larger than your penis. And saying I spent last weekend working on my manuscript, well, let’s stop there.

– D.W. Lichtenberg

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WINNER: calling anything you write a manuscript