January 8th, 2012 / 12:59 pm

at a party guys…

Dumb fact guy

Brings 6 of beer has one left and takes it home with him guy

Has to phone girlfriend every four minutes guy

Guy who brings cheap jug of wine guy

Guy who gets pet drunk guy

Guy who turns everything into a bet guy

Doesn’t really want to go then dominates all conversations guy

Brings cheap 6 pack and you see him all night drinking Heinekens and Guinness guy

Let’s go out back and get high guy

Bum a smoke guy

Is this an open bar? guy

Way too old for this scene guy

Guy who just whips out his junk guy

Guy with hot, bored wife guy

Steal the silverware guy

Check the weather on phone and tell us the weather guy

Carries a gun to the party guy

Guy with guitar guy

Constantly gets laid guy

Profoundly depressed over break-up mopey guy

“When I was in Spain…” guy



  1. Bobby Dixon

      This inspired me to google, can dogs drink beer. 

      I used to live w/ a pit bull and would occasionally give her shot glasses of beer. She loved it. 

  2. Helen

      Sausage fest.

  3. John Evans

      guy who spent all day reading and wants to tell you about it guy

  4. Leapsloth14

      Somebody got my rat terrier really drunk at a party once. I wasn’t even at the party!

  5. deadgod

      guy at a sausage party who says ‘what a sausage party’ guy

  6. deadgod

      gal or guy who recognizes self on this list half a dozen times plus gal or guy

  7. Helen

      It’s all cool if we know it’s just going to be guys. But awkward for the one woman in the room (the hot bored wife, unless she is elsewhere).

  8. deadgod

      It was my first thought, too.  Frats can be ugly places – I’d say ugliness in them is more common than that there’s much, eh, constructive destruction going on.  Hotly bored wife might be loving things.

  9. lorian long

      guy who tries to fuck every girl in the room cuz he got called ‘faggot’ one too many times in high school guy

  10. lorian long

      guy who thinks the internet makes him famous guy

  11. Cremistress

      ‘oh yeah i know that guy’ guy

  12. Ethan

      guy named Guy guy

  13. John Evans

      guy or gal who just got out of the gym, no change no shower gal or guy

  14. AllTomorrow's

      Guy who invites you back to his house to take acid guy

      Guy who won’t shut the fuck up guy

      Guy who refers to himself in the third person (and therefore deserves to die) guy

      Guy who wears his shirt unbuttoned enough to see his chest hair even though it’s long past the 1970s guy

      Guy in a string band who drinks stout guy

      Guy with a book coming out from a prestigious contest and doesn’t talk about it because he’s so cool guy

      Guy (once a hopeless geek, now into martial arts [and still a hopeless geek]) into rough sex porn who went to Asia to find a girlfriend and somehow did and she’s gorgeous and you want to punch him in the face with a knife guy

      Guy who has a child and talks about going to bed by 9pm these days and won’t let you walk away guy

      Guy who gives you shots of something he carries around in his coat, writes poetry about working in a liquor store that makes you want to cry it’s so beautiful, shares his cigars, and is generally a good guy (and you wish there were more like him) guy

  15. joe

      Recently embarked on venture capital guy

      Guy who doesn’t walk away upon realizing the conversation which began “Are you still in school?” is going no further guy (you’re not walking away because you’ve carved out a nice niche for yourself in a corner and refuse to give it up)

      Guy who carves out a niche for himself in the corner and refuses to give it up guy


  16. Frank Tas, the Raptor

      Guy who won’t relinquish control of the iPod guy

      Guy who puts on In the Aeroplane Over the Sea and demands everyone start dancing and sing along to it guy

      Guy sitting on the couch looking bummed guy

      Guy who takes a terrible shit in the bathroom guy

      Guy who sweats too much guy

      Guy who says “Yeah!” and laughs at everything you say guy

      Guy who invites strangers on the street to the party guy

      Guy who talks really seriously about Eli Manning as an elite quarterback guy

      Guy who dinks the tops of other dudes’ beer bottles guy

      Guy who pisses on the floor at the end of the night guy

      Guy who puts money on beer pong games and takes it way too seriously guy

      Guy who came to the kegger on shrooms

  17. M. Kitchell

      really don’t miss living in a college town

  18. Jonathan Safran Foer

      Protip: there’s splooge in the flask

  19. Jonathan Safran Foer

      Guy who has to go to the emergency room at the end of the night

      Guy who pees in the dryer

      Guy who steals 

  20. juanpancake

      guy who is generous with his moonshine guy
      guy who is maybe not a guy guy
      guy who inexplicably and with great confidence starts rapping guy
      guy who enthusiastically greets every newcomer guy
      guy who brought his laptop guy
      guy who is preoccupied with the DUI situation guy
      guy who wants ppl to do a shot guy

  21. John Dowland

      Guy who spends the whole night talking earnestly to his best friend and no one else guy.

      Guy who puts on a movie but it’s too good to drunkenly make fun of so the whole room loses energy guy.

      Guy who takes his shirt off and dances even though you would never have expected it of him guy.

      Doesn’t normally go to these kinds of things guy.

      Card trick guy.

      Sleazy card trick guy.

      Awkward card trick guy.

  22. Jonathan Safran Foer

      Guy who yells a a racial epithet off the balcony

  23. Jdlovelace

      IPod guy!  Forgot about him

  24. s.c.u.b.a.

      Guy who only knows four stories and constantly repeats them guy.

      Won’t stop talking shop guy.

      Only talks to attractive gals then when he finds out they’re attached loses interest in an obvious and insulting way guy.

      BYO 40oz. guy.

      Spills loose tobacco all over the dining table guy.

      Guy who always wants to listen to Slayer guy.

      Guy who can only ever complain guy.

      Guy who somehow makes the best French Toast of all time at 3am in a stranger’s kitchen guy.

  25. trees

      guy who is gay who doesn’t understand what the fuck is going on at this stupid fucking straight-ass bro party guy

      (that would be me)