October 15th, 2008 / 2:48 pm
Random
Gene Morgan
Random
Other Internet Writers, I’m Sorry For Making Your Beard Pee Itself
I just thought I’d remind everyone else how weak their fucking beard is.
I’d feel sorry for you, but I’m too busy looking like I’ve written nine books on the NYT Bestseller List and gone on permanent tour with Michael Chabon and the HarperCollins All-Stars. So, fuck you.
I thought that picture was me for a second. I’ve been doing the beard thing for about a month now, also no haircuts. Seeing what happens.
I thought that picture was me for a second. I’ve been doing the beard thing for about a month now, also no haircuts. Seeing what happens.
I’ve always wanted really long hair, so I stopped myself from shaving it off this year.
dear jesus i suck
I’ve always wanted really long hair, so I stopped myself from shaving it off this year.
dear jesus i suck
i feel so awful
i feel so awful
i’m sorry for wrecking everyone so hard.
i’m sorry for wrecking everyone so hard.
i rock the beard. it is red.
your beard is kind of thin gene. stop trying to fit into society and let that bitch go wild until it eats your face.
19 year old coffe shop emo scenester indie chicks love that shit.
work it
i rock the beard. it is red.
your beard is kind of thin gene. stop trying to fit into society and let that bitch go wild until it eats your face.
19 year old coffe shop emo scenester indie chicks love that shit.
work it
gene has pretty lips
gene has pretty lips
when aaron burchs beard is out in full bloom it cant be fucked with. it is superior to other beards. it eats people and they are never found again, not even their teeth or bones.
when aaron burchs beard is out in full bloom it cant be fucked with. it is superior to other beards. it eats people and they are never found again, not even their teeth or bones.
you look like a hockey player, not the young attractive kind, but like the older players that are missing teeth and really get off on pounding other big men into large plastic walls.
you look like a hockey player, not the young attractive kind, but like the older players that are missing teeth and really get off on pounding other big men into large plastic walls.
Notice how awesome my triceps are.
I love pounding other big men into large plastic walls.
Notice how awesome my triceps are.
I love pounding other big men into large plastic walls.
ooh glamour shots are the best
ooh glamour shots are the best
my beard will defeat you
my beard will defeat you
I had a beard like that when I was twelve. Now I have a mane that demands control and attention by all who let it invade their site.
I had a beard like that when I was twelve. Now I have a mane that demands control and attention by all who let it invade their site.
“Beard Pee”
you may be the first person in the world to use this phrase
congratulations
now lets see you do the same thing with your pubic hair
then you will be a man, bitch
MAN BITCH!
“Beard Pee”
you may be the first person in the world to use this phrase
congratulations
now lets see you do the same thing with your pubic hair
then you will be a man, bitch
MAN BITCH!
What you idiots don’t get, is that my well groomed beard destroys the vomit strainer you’ve let grow over your double chin.
I come correct. You’d never see Burt Reynolds looking like ZZ Top.
Man beards are a higher caliber than freak beards.
What you idiots don’t get, is that my well groomed beard destroys the vomit strainer you’ve let grow over your double chin.
I come correct. You’d never see Burt Reynolds looking like ZZ Top.
Man beards are a higher caliber than freak beards.
‘man beards’ are kind of silly. A well groomed beard projects an image of effort, conformity and effiminacy. Preening is not typically associated with attributes of a ‘male’ and connotes a lack of self confidence.
‘freak beards’ are kind of silly too. The scraggle barbs and clumps of facial hair project an image of hopelessness, alienation and defeat. Men sporting this form of beard have little motivation in life and can often be found shopping at Wal Mart from 11am-8pm clothed in sweat pants. They are also known to wear anti-social tshirts at very innapropriate times. A fair example is the ‘freak beard’ male wearing the “SHIT HAPPENS’ tshirt at their daughters 8th birthday party.
Optimal beard is achieved when it is in full bloom but maintained to a certain degree. Utizling a beard trimmer with the highest guard can accomplish this goal in approximately 2 minutes a week.
The only motivation behind a beard is to attract young girls with daddy issues. Otherwise a beard should not be worn except in northern countries during the cold winter months.
‘man beards’ are kind of silly. A well groomed beard projects an image of effort, conformity and effiminacy. Preening is not typically associated with attributes of a ‘male’ and connotes a lack of self confidence.
‘freak beards’ are kind of silly too. The scraggle barbs and clumps of facial hair project an image of hopelessness, alienation and defeat. Men sporting this form of beard have little motivation in life and can often be found shopping at Wal Mart from 11am-8pm clothed in sweat pants. They are also known to wear anti-social tshirts at very innapropriate times. A fair example is the ‘freak beard’ male wearing the “SHIT HAPPENS’ tshirt at their daughters 8th birthday party.
Optimal beard is achieved when it is in full bloom but maintained to a certain degree. Utizling a beard trimmer with the highest guard can accomplish this goal in approximately 2 minutes a week.
The only motivation behind a beard is to attract young girls with daddy issues. Otherwise a beard should not be worn except in northern countries during the cold winter months.
All beards are not manly unless they have some gray. Witness the Clooney.
“Young girls with daddy issues,” I’m sure he gets those.
All beards are not manly unless they have some gray. Witness the Clooney.
“Young girls with daddy issues,” I’m sure he gets those.
If I could post a pic of my beard, you would all tremble in awe.
If I could post a pic of my beard, you would all tremble in awe.