August 25th, 2010 / 7:39 pm
Mean & Web Hype

Directions to forever

The top ten list just released [left] is almost identical as last year’s [right], except University of Massachusetts Amherst was dropped, replaced by Syracuse University. If you care about your future, the drive will take you approximately 4 hours and 23 minutes. If you have to cry in the car, please roll down the windows, as your tears will evaporate quicker. A good place to hide acid tabs should you be pulled over is under your eyelids. A good place to blow someone is America. The best way to get there:

University of Massachusetts
Amherst, MA 01003
1. Head west
492 ft
2. Turn right toward Commonwealth Ave
226 ft
3. Turn right toward Commonwealth Ave
492 ft
4. Turn left at Commonwealth Ave
0.3 mi
5. Take the 1st right onto Massachusetts Ave
0.1 mi
6. Continue onto N032
0.1 mi
7. Continue onto N Hadley Rd
0.3 mi
8. Merge onto MA-116 S via the ramp to I-91
1.9 mi
9. Turn right at MA-9 W/Russell St
4.7 mi
10. Turn left to merge onto I-91 S
12.9 mi
11. Take exit 14 toward I-90/Mass Pike/Boston/Albany Ny
0.5 mi
12. Merge onto W Springfield
0.4 mi
13. Take the I-90/Mass. Pike ramp to Boston/Albany Ny
0.2 mi
14. Keep right at the fork, follow signs for I-90 W/Albany and merge onto I-90 W

Entering New York
63.2 mi
15. Continue onto Ny St Thruway Berkshire Extd
5.9 mi
16. Continue onto Berkshire Ext Ny Thruway
0.8 mi
17. Take exit 22-61 to merge onto I-87 N toward I-90/Albany/Buffalo
14.1 mi
18. Continue onto Governor Thomas E. Dewey Thruway/New York State Thruway
1.3 mi
19. Merge onto I-90 W
127 mi
20. Take exit 34A to merge onto I-481 S toward Syracuse
3.6 mi
21. Take the exit onto I-690 W
4.8 mi
22. Take exit 13 for Townsend St toward Downtown
0.2 mi
23. Merge onto Browa St
30 ft
24. Turn left at N Townsend St
0.3 mi
25. Turn left at E Genesee St
0.4 mi
26. Turn right at Irving Ave
0.4 mi
27. Turn left at Waverly Ave
312 ft
28. Take the 1st right onto S Crouse Ave
266 ft
Syracuse University
900 S Crouse Ave
Syracuse, New York 13210

Interstate 90 will take you 127 miles west. Go ahead, play some Sufjan Stevens, we understand. For those of your short on time and medium on cash, here are some flight options:

Don’t spend too much on this MFA, is what Expedia might have said. The closest airport leaving Amherst is in Connecticut because life is complicated that way. Flights are leaving this Friday. There is little time to pack — just put your extra baggage in some larger baggage. Tentatively store all shoulder chips in a sock. Get rid of Against the Day, time to buy a real ottoman when you get to Syracuse. Before you arrive, you’ll need to slow the fuck down, dress like a lifeguard not prepared to enter water, and talk like this guy:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9ymaEgnRYM&feature=player_embedded

That was Seth Abramson, he came up with the list two years in a row. Expect this to happen every year until we outsource English to India (ironic, no?).

When you arrive Syracuse, you will then be greeted by George Saunders, the brave face of their faculty page. You may notice a blurriness in your peripheral vision; that is called “Looking at Guy Published in The New Yorker Envy.” It’s okay, ENVY+ EGO are the two ‘E’s in SUCCEED. You sorta subconsciously went to graduate school to escape ennui, and to meet more interesting and type-A personality people. Real life is the best dating website. This will be your boyfriend in three weeks:

He’s into capital-R Realism, except when it’s time to do laundry. You two exchange drafts, each opening a window on opposite ends of the house. He breaks up with you in 1.5 years, citing artistic differences. He writes a novella about you and you’re insulted it’s not longer (he never could commit). You finally get a cat, the MFA, move to [insert nearest metropolitan city], and send out CVs for the next two months until your savings run out. Borders is hiring. You join the “Inventory Process Team,” as what you presume to be an “Inventory Processor,” spending all day fingering the spines of books that your book should really be. It’s okay, really, there is a point to everything, like the tip of a shiny pristine sword →

148 Comments

  1. Matthew Simmons

      I also feel very strongly that MFA programs are not Law or Medical Schools. Seth and I have a lot in common.

  2. Amy

      Ahahaha, I may have just peed my pants. Thank you for this.

  3. Blake Butler

      i think its cute that Abramson wears the lifeguard sweater when he is coaching people to make the big decisions in their their lives

      or maybe PW made him wear it so it seemed more official

  4. marshall

      100 or more

  5. Zach

      jd1220

  6. Zach
  7. d

      100. (slight pause). Or more.

      “the best way I’ve ever found to explain why rankings are helpful… at best they are merely helpful…”

  8. Tim Horvath

      Those who were drowning were asked, very quickly, what factors they thought were most critical in order for them to be saved. The results were tallied on the spot: #1 Flotation device, #2 Availability of O2 and lack of immediate separation between breathers and non-breathers, #3 Reputation of Lifeguard. Other factors, such as “Learning how to swim” and “Having Michael Phelps’s cellphone number memorized” and “I’m gonna sue your ass, just get me out” were lower down in the list and thus factored out in the final number-crunching.

  9. jw veldhoen

      Sink or swim, lifeguard.

  10. joseph

      does he make this list on a volunteer basis or is it commissioned? i could probably find out this information if i looked harder but don’t feel like it.

  11. MFBomb

      Why does this guy care so much about MFA programs? More specifically, why would a writer waste so much of his time being the Internet’s foremost expert on MFA programs? What a waste of time and energy.

  12. Ridge

      A.: $

      Dude’s trying to capitalize with an MFA consulting business.

  13. Tesla

      MFBomb, I can only say what I’ve read and heard, but the guy seems to genuinely believe he’s helping applicants. Some of my friends who applied said his work was helpful, so I guess in some instances he has been. I thought it was the consulting thing too but apparently not, as it no longer exists. Or at least I can’t find it.

  14. Matthew Simmons

      I also feel very strongly that MFA programs are not Law or Medical Schools. Seth and I have a lot in common.

  15. reynard

      i tried to follow these directions and wound up never in neverland talking shit about a dismal sunset

  16. Amy

      Ahahaha, I may have just peed my pants. Thank you for this.

  17. MFBomb

      I found some of the info helpful. I don’t find the presentation of the info itself odd, more than his active attempt to be self-righteous and serious about it all…it’s information about a freaking art degree. It’s not THAT important in the grand scheme of things, certainly not important enough to get flustered about in countless troll posts (or essays).

      He seems like a pretty miserable guy.

  18. Tesla

      I don’t know.. I agree it’s not WW2, but I do think it’d be great if more programs gave students funding. But then again, I like passionate people who do unpopular things because of passion, and he does seem to be taking it to some powerful types and does seem to be a true believer. As to whether he’s miserable, no clue, I haven’t met him. But a friend of a friend said they met him and he was funny and down to earth. It’s third hand, though, so take it with a grain of salt. Maybe he is miserable, who knows.

  19. Blake Butler

      i think its cute that Abramson wears the lifeguard sweater when he is coaching people to make the big decisions in their their lives

      or maybe PW made him wear it so it seemed more official

  20. Guest

      100 or more

  21. Zach

      jd1220

  22. Zach
  23. Luke Johnson

      You’re gonna hit traffic on 481. Better to ride on 90 for about 10 more miles and then head down I-81 proper. But these are just the directions I’d use, merely helpful, and they may or may not apply to your individual circumstances….

  24. reynard

      btw slow the fuck down made me lose control of my lung air

  25. d

      100. (slight pause). Or more.

      “the best way I’ve ever found to explain why rankings are helpful… at best they are merely helpful…”

  26. Tim Horvath

      Those who were drowning were asked, very quickly, what factors they thought were most critical in order for them to be saved. The results were tallied on the spot: #1 Flotation device, #2 Availability of O2 and lack of immediate separation between breathers and non-breathers, #3 Reputation of Lifeguard. Other factors, such as “Learning how to swim” and “Having Michael Phelps’s cellphone number memorized” and “I’m gonna sue your ass, just get me out” were lower down in the list and thus factored out in the final number-crunching.

  27. jw veldhoen

      Sink or swim, lifeguard.

  28. joseph

      does he make this list on a volunteer basis or is it commissioned? i could probably find out this information if i looked harder but don’t feel like it.

  29. Guest

      Why does this guy care so much about MFA programs? More specifically, why would a writer waste so much of his time being the Internet’s foremost expert on MFA programs? What a waste of time and energy.

  30. Ridge

      A.: $

      Dude’s trying to capitalize with an MFA consulting business.

  31. Tesla

      MFBomb, I can only say what I’ve read and heard, but the guy seems to genuinely believe he’s helping applicants. Some of my friends who applied said his work was helpful, so I guess in some instances he has been. I thought it was the consulting thing too but apparently not, as it no longer exists. Or at least I can’t find it.

  32. reynard

      i tried to follow these directions and wound up never in neverland talking shit about a dismal sunset

  33. Guest

      I found some of the info helpful. I don’t find the presentation of the info itself odd, more than his active attempt to be self-righteous and serious about it all…it’s information about a freaking art degree. It’s not THAT important in the grand scheme of things, certainly not important enough to get flustered about in countless troll posts (or essays).

      He seems like a pretty miserable guy.

  34. Tesla

      I don’t know.. I agree it’s not WW2, but I do think it’d be great if more programs gave students funding. But then again, I like passionate people who do unpopular things because of passion, and he does seem to be taking it to some powerful types and does seem to be a true believer. As to whether he’s miserable, no clue, I haven’t met him. But a friend of a friend said they met him and he was funny and down to earth. It’s third hand, though, so take it with a grain of salt. Maybe he is miserable, who knows.

  35. Luke Johnson

      You’re gonna hit traffic on 481. Better to ride on 90 for about 10 more miles and then head down I-81 proper. But these are just the directions I’d use, merely helpful, and they may or may not apply to your individual circumstances….

  36. reynard

      btw slow the fuck down made me lose control of my lung air

  37. herocious

      funny and sad – the road to writerliness isn’t so exotic anymore.

  38. d

      This made me decide I am not totally opposed to the idea of applying to the Indiana University MFA writing program, but then I remembered that I don’t have an undergraduate degree.

  39. herocious

      funny and sad – the road to writerliness isn’t so exotic anymore.

  40. Matthew Simmons

      Hey, wait. Who the fuck is he looking at?

  41. d

      This made me decide I am not totally opposed to the idea of applying to the Indiana University MFA writing program, but then I remembered that I don’t have an undergraduate degree.

  42. Matthew Simmons

      Hey, wait. Who the fuck is he looking at?

  43. deadgod

      MFBomb, check the blogicle that Zach links us to, and you can see Abramson’s perspective on why we might “care so much about MFA programs”:

      The national network of MFA programs is well on its way to becoming the largest and best-funded patronage system for artists in the history of Art.

      Any “patronage system” is going to be a corruption magnet – which danger I take it Abramson is convinced he’s combating by way of exposure – .

      But we already subsidize a materially and ideologically substantial “patronage system” of fiscal-‘conservatism’ mills, reproductive organs of accumulation where people learn how insurance companies and hedge funds and stock brokers create jobs and create wealth and create reality. (They’re called ‘business schools’.)

      Since we have “patronage systems” for political-economic rationalization and parasitism on a grand scale, why not for writers? – even careerist bullshitters and untalented or uninspired writers? What Abramson says he’s doing is revealing whether this “patronage system” a) leads to financial trouble for its initiates after they graduate, and b) leads to jobs for those initiates after they graduate. Regardless of whether Abramson himself is inaccurate (or corrupt), his goals as a ranker make sense, eh?

  44. MFBomb

      deadgod, l

      It might help if you didn’t change my quote to fit something else. I never said “we” shouldn’t care–I said I wondered why one person would care SO much to the point that it seemingly takes over his life, or a significant portion of it.

      I don’t need a lecture on how MFA programs work, considering the fact that I have an MFA and am currently enrolled in a PhD CW program.

  45. MFBomb

      Or, rather, I assumed others would get my point, because we all know how insane he is when it comes to defending his positions.

  46. Tesla

      Fair to say, isn’t it, that we have absolutely no idea how this guy lives? I don’t get the psychoanalysis. When I look him up I see he’s published everywhere, has two books, a law degree and an MFA, is in a doctoral program, was a public defender, and I guess has plenty of other stuff going on too and he’s actually two years younger than me. The only person I ever met who met him said he was fine. In any case he’s a poet, and poets are eccentric and crazy as shit. Maybe this is the particular way a poet who’s also a lawyer is eccentric and fucking crazy? My point is, who really cares? You’re obsessing over this dude none of us know, which is beside the point of whether these RANKINGS are worth anything, which they may or may not be.

  47. Jennifer W.

      i second that

      sick of hearing about this guy. you don’t like him, don’t visit his blog or post stuff about him, jesus. and if you don’t like the rankings ignore them. again, get over it.

      jw

  48. MFBomb

      I’m sorry that you don’t get the “psychoanalysis” of 30,000 word troll posts written in Victorian periodic sentences, with a parenthetical in every other line.

  49. Tesla

      Why would I care how he writes? Or how often he uses parentheses? What does this have to do with anything? You lost me.

  50. deadgod

      MFBomb, I did not “change [your] quote” – what’s in the quotation marks is exactly what you wrote. You asked why “this guy care[s] so much”. One way to infer “this guy”‘s motives – and answer your question – would be to look at his perspective of his efforts in order to find what his audience might find useful in them – what he thinks is useful about them.

      You see? – re-addressing your question was a way of (provisionally) answering it: Abramson might “care” for the same reason(s) we – some of us – actually do.

      That you “don’t need a lecture” is belied by your charmingly meticulous reaction. However, you certainly did not get one from me.

      What you got was an analogy: American society supports many “patronage systems”, like one (of many) for Captains of Industry and their Fixers. Why not one for writers? (Which second term I take to have been Abramson’s premise: MFA programs can be cool.) Then you got the (provisional) answer to your question: Abramson spends his “time and energy” on this data mining because he’s passionately convinced that MFA programs should be cool (in particular ways a) and b)).

      Now you rephrase part of your question like so: “care SO much”. MFBomb, did you ask your question in the first place to think out loud, and to invite discussion by thinking out loud, about why and how to compare MFA programs?

      – or have you now twice spent your “time and energy” by displaying your superiority to Abramson in not wasting your “time and energy”??

  51. Roxane Gay

      There are MFA programs that will accept you without an undergrad degree. I know Iowa used to do it, though I do not know if they still do.

  52. MFBomb

      Dear deadgod,

      Admittedly, my initial post was of the “thinking-out-loud” variety and unclear, so I can understand your reaction. I was working under the assumption that most here already understand the difference between normal caring and caring so much that one has his name stored in Google alerts so that he can respond with a 10,000 word essay whenever someone critiques his methodology or latest argument about Columbia’s funding situation.

      1) Yes, people should care.
      2) However, as a writer myself, I wonder how or why another writer would devote so much of his time and energy to this matter. Most people who are familiar with the literary blogosphere know what I’m talking about, given Seth’s prolific and obsessive posting habits when defending the MFA and his critics. It seems to extend beyond reasonable notions of “caring,” but perhaps you disagree. That’s cool. It’s not that important at the end of the day.
      3) As for your last point, no, I haven’t wasted much time and energy responding to this topic because I’m not emotionally invested in it and it took me all of three seconds to type it.

  53. deadgod

      Actually, how Abramson writes – in the senses both of style and quality – is something worth caring about. I mean: here we are, at a literature blog.

      If you go to Zach’s link, or google Abramson, you can see that Abramson does not “troll” – which I take to mean ‘post exclusively to provoke emotional reaction’. He gets into extended point-making – so? – and he has lots of enemies – not always a bad sign – . He’s also way into imposing accountability on MFA programs — not a direct interest of mine, but I love to read great writing, and I suppose those programs are sometimes enablers of people who can write beautifully.

      You know, maybe a helpful parameter in any evaluation of MFA programs would be whether they produce, or pass through them unmisshapen, readers who are comfortable with the grueling periods of, say, Dickens.

  54. deadgod

      Where were the ‘grapplers with anchors’ best served?

  55. deadgod

      Cross-posted, MFBomb.

      That’s fair enough – but, as Tesla and Jennifer say, why not leave X to her or his “obsessive posting habits”?

      What Abramson is – or claims to be – doing sounds right up your alley: sunshining on MFA programs that do or don’t deliver the extra-literary fruits they promise (or imply). If I can be indulged a one-imperative lecture: forget about the Guy as Crusader. What do you think of his (asserted) priorities and methods of investigation? Do you think about debt and work when you’ve done your final thesis?

  56. MFBomb

      Dear deadgod,

      Seth is free to pursue his “obsessive posting habits,” regardless of my posts on this thread.

      Best,

      MFBomb

  57. d

      My attempts to Google such programs have been unsuccessful so far.

  58. ?

      Seth is one of those common internet trolls who trolls not by posting posting exaggerated insults, but trying to overwhelm any salient critique with so much verbiage, filled to the brim with strawmen, red herrings and other fallacies and dishonest responses, so that any critique is simply lost in an impossibly long thread of words.

      Perhaps you could call that “Ogreing” instead of trolling.

  59. marshall

      damn

  60. Peter Jurmu

      Readers, you say. Don’t meet many of them ’round my MFA program. We’re too busy oiling our visiting writers’ backs to read whole books about ones neglected, but provided for.

  61. deadgod

      MFBomb, check the blogicle that Zach links us to, and you can see Abramson’s perspective on why we might “care so much about MFA programs”:

      The national network of MFA programs is well on its way to becoming the largest and best-funded patronage system for artists in the history of Art.

      Any “patronage system” is going to be a corruption magnet – which danger I take it Abramson is convinced he’s combating by way of exposure – .

      But we already subsidize a materially and ideologically substantial “patronage system” of fiscal-‘conservatism’ mills, reproductive organs of accumulation where people learn how insurance companies and hedge funds and stock brokers create jobs and create wealth and create reality. (They’re called ‘business schools’.)

      Since we have “patronage systems” for political-economic rationalization and parasitism on a grand scale, why not for writers? – even careerist bullshitters and untalented or uninspired writers? What Abramson says he’s doing is revealing whether this “patronage system” a) leads to financial trouble for its initiates after they graduate, and b) leads to jobs for those initiates after they graduate. Regardless of whether Abramson himself is inaccurate (or corrupt), his goals as a ranker make sense, eh?

  62. Guest

      deadgod, l

      It might help if you didn’t change my quote to fit something else. I never said “we” shouldn’t care–I said I wondered why one person would care SO much to the point that it seemingly takes over his life, or a significant portion of it.

      I don’t need a lecture on how MFA programs work, considering the fact that I have an MFA and am currently enrolled in a PhD CW program.

  63. Guest

      Or, rather, I assumed others would get my point, because we all know how insane he is when it comes to defending his positions.

  64. Tesla

      Fair to say, isn’t it, that we have absolutely no idea how this guy lives? I don’t get the psychoanalysis. When I look him up I see he’s published everywhere, has two books, a law degree and an MFA, is in a doctoral program, was a public defender, and I guess has plenty of other stuff going on too and he’s actually two years younger than me. The only person I ever met who met him said he was fine. In any case he’s a poet, and poets are eccentric and crazy as shit. Maybe this is the particular way a poet who’s also a lawyer is eccentric and fucking crazy? My point is, who really cares? You’re obsessing over this dude none of us know, which is beside the point of whether these RANKINGS are worth anything, which they may or may not be.

  65. Jennifer W.

      i second that

      sick of hearing about this guy. you don’t like him, don’t visit his blog or post stuff about him, jesus. and if you don’t like the rankings ignore them. again, get over it.

      jw

  66. Guest

      I’m sorry that you don’t get the “psychoanalysis” of 30,000 word troll posts written in Victorian periodic sentences, with a parenthetical in every other line.

  67. Tesla

      Why would I care how he writes? Or how often he uses parentheses? What does this have to do with anything? You lost me.

  68. deadgod

      MFBomb, I did not “change [your] quote” – what’s in the quotation marks is exactly what you wrote. You asked why “this guy care[s] so much”. One way to infer “this guy”‘s motives – and answer your question – would be to look at his perspective of his efforts in order to find what his audience might find useful in them – what he thinks is useful about them.

      You see? – re-addressing your question was a way of (provisionally) answering it: Abramson might “care” for the same reason(s) we – some of us – actually do.

      That you “don’t need a lecture” is belied by your charmingly meticulous reaction. However, you certainly did not get one from me.

      What you got was an analogy: American society supports many “patronage systems”, like one (of many) for Captains of Industry and their Fixers. Why not one for writers? (Which second term I take to have been Abramson’s premise: MFA programs can be cool.) Then you got the (provisional) answer to your question: Abramson spends his “time and energy” on this data mining because he’s passionately convinced that MFA programs should be cool (in particular ways a) and b)).

      Now you rephrase part of your question like so: “care SO much”. MFBomb, did you ask your question in the first place to think out loud, and to invite discussion by thinking out loud, about why and how to compare MFA programs?

      – or have you now twice spent your “time and energy” by displaying your superiority to Abramson in not wasting your “time and energy”??

  69. Roxane Gay

      There are MFA programs that will accept you without an undergrad degree. I know Iowa used to do it, though I do not know if they still do.

  70. Guest

      Dear deadgod,

      Admittedly, my initial post was of the “thinking-out-loud” variety and unclear, so I can understand your reaction. I was working under the assumption that most here already understand the difference between normal caring and caring so much that one has his name stored in Google alerts so that he can respond with a 10,000 word essay whenever someone critiques his methodology or latest argument about Columbia’s funding situation.

      1) Yes, people should care.
      2) However, as a writer myself, I wonder how or why another writer would devote so much of his time and energy to this matter. Most people who are familiar with the literary blogosphere know what I’m talking about, given Seth’s prolific and obsessive posting habits when defending the MFA and his critics. It seems to extend beyond reasonable notions of “caring,” but perhaps you disagree. That’s cool. It’s not that important at the end of the day.
      3) As for your last point, no, I haven’t wasted much time and energy responding to this topic because I’m not emotionally invested in it and it took me all of three seconds to type it.

  71. deadgod

      Actually, how Abramson writes – in the senses both of style and quality – is something worth caring about. I mean: here we are, at a literature blog.

      If you go to Zach’s link, or google Abramson, you can see that Abramson does not “troll” – which I take to mean ‘post exclusively to provoke emotional reaction’. He gets into extended point-making – so? – and he has lots of enemies – not always a bad sign – . He’s also way into imposing accountability on MFA programs — not a direct interest of mine, but I love to read great writing, and I suppose those programs are sometimes enablers of people who can write beautifully.

      You know, maybe a helpful parameter in any evaluation of MFA programs would be whether they produce, or pass through them unmisshapen, readers who are comfortable with the grueling periods of, say, Dickens.

  72. deadgod

      Where were the ‘grapplers with anchors’ best served?

  73. deadgod

      Cross-posted, MFBomb.

      That’s fair enough – but, as Tesla and Jennifer say, why not leave X to her or his “obsessive posting habits”?

      What Abramson is – or claims to be – doing sounds right up your alley: sunshining on MFA programs that do or don’t deliver the extra-literary fruits they promise (or imply). If I can be indulged a one-imperative lecture: forget about the Guy as Crusader. What do you think of his (asserted) priorities and methods of investigation? Do you think about debt and work when you’ve done your final thesis?

  74. MFBomb

      Dude, you obviously haven’t followed him much online. As ? points out below, SA often employs logorrhea and filibuster to bully those who disagree with his positions.

  75. Guest

      Dear deadgod,

      Seth is free to pursue his “obsessive posting habits,” regardless of my posts on this thread.

      Best,

      MFBomb

  76. d

      My attempts to Google such programs have been unsuccessful so far.

  77. Old Fart

      “Ogreing” — I like it.

  78. ?

      Seth is one of those common internet trolls who trolls not by posting posting exaggerated insults, but trying to overwhelm any salient critique with so much verbiage, filled to the brim with strawmen, red herrings and other fallacies and dishonest responses, so that any critique is simply lost in an impossibly long thread of words.

      Perhaps you could call that “Ogreing” instead of trolling.

  79. Guest

      damn

  80. Peter Jurmu

      Readers, you say. Don’t meet many of them ’round my MFA program. We’re too busy oiling our visiting writers’ backs to read whole books about ones neglected, but provided for.

  81. Pemulis

      YOU…have just been Jurmu’d.

  82. Guest

      Dude, you obviously haven’t followed him much online. As ? points out below, SA often employs logorrhea and filibuster to bully those who disagree with his positions.

  83. James Yeh

      “Ogreing” — I like it.

  84. Pemulis

      YOU…have just been Jurmu’d.

  85. deadgod

      “–[…] Here are some questions I set myself: Is a chair finely made tragic or comic? Is the portrait of Mona Lisa good if I desire to see it? Is the bust of Sir Philip Crampton lyrical, epical or dramatic? Can excrement or a child or a louse be a work of art? If not, why not?

      –Why not indeed, said Lynch, laughing.

      If a man hacking in fury at a block of wood, Stephen continued, Make there an image of a cow, is that image a work of art? If not, why not?

      –That’s a lovely one, said Lynch, laughing again. That has the true scholastic stink.”

  86. Peter Jurmu

      — We had better go, Dixon — said Stephen in warning. — He has gone to complain. —

  87. deadgod

      “–[…] Here are some questions I set myself: Is a chair finely made tragic or comic? Is the portrait of Mona Lisa good if I desire to see it? Is the bust of Sir Philip Crampton lyrical, epical or dramatic? Can excrement or a child or a louse be a work of art? If not, why not?

      –Why not indeed, said Lynch, laughing.

      If a man hacking in fury at a block of wood, Stephen continued, Make there an image of a cow, is that image a work of art? If not, why not?

      –That’s a lovely one, said Lynch, laughing again. That has the true scholastic stink.”

  88. deadgod

      Sparky googling, Peter. ALERT (the following is from the Anonymous Nerd Gang): I think that that edition’s end-quote dashes are not accurate.

      –As for that, Stephen said in polite parenthesis, we are all animals. I also am an animal.

  89. King Kong Bundy

      Who would win in a fight: Seth or Tao?

  90. Peter Jurmu

      You mistake the 1994 Dover Thrift for the 1916-1922 Huebsch available on Book Search, but I doubt anyway that Dover’s the definitive. But to be honest I did have to flip through it for about two minutes until I found the passage you quoted. Which is kind of like using Google, I guess.

  91. Peter Jurmu

      — We had better go, Dixon — said Stephen in warning. — He has gone to complain. —

  92. amy

      “like a lifeguard not prepared to enter water” just made my day, man.

      i don’t really know about whether he’s corrupt or miserable or whatever. he just looks like kind of a dork in a lifeguard sweatshirt who’s passionate about an improbable subject.

      don’t have much to say about this except my friend gave me a copy of his book (haven’t looked at any of his web materials at all) three years ago and it comforted me to see funding offers / statistics plainly laid out. in that way, the book paved the way for my conviction that i could only apply to free schools and get in somewhere, and i appreciated that.

  93. deadgod

      Sparky googling, Peter. ALERT (the following is from the Anonymous Nerd Gang): I think that that edition’s end-quote dashes are not accurate.

      –As for that, Stephen said in polite parenthesis, we are all animals. I also am an animal.

  94. King Kong Bundy

      Who would win in a fight: Seth or Tao?

  95. Peter Jurmu

      You mistake the 1994 Dover Thrift for the 1916-1922 Huebsch available on Book Search, but I doubt anyway that Dover’s the definitive. But to be honest I did have to flip through it for about two minutes until I found the passage you quoted. Which is kind of like using Google, I guess.

  96. amy

      “like a lifeguard not prepared to enter water” just made my day, man.

      i don’t really know about whether he’s corrupt or miserable or whatever. he just looks like kind of a dork in a lifeguard sweatshirt who’s passionate about an improbable subject.

      don’t have much to say about this except my friend gave me a copy of his book (haven’t looked at any of his web materials at all) three years ago and it comforted me to see funding offers / statistics plainly laid out. in that way, the book paved the way for my conviction that i could only apply to free schools and get in somewhere, and i appreciated that.

  97. deadgod

      Two minutes”? Jurmu’d again. Anyway, googlagog is faster and more compendious than any page-flipping – it had been a semi-honest compliment.

      [Anonymous Nerd Gang ALERT; also, True Scholastic Stink ALERT]: I think that italicized, capital “m” in my first quotation is erroneous.

      It’s a great pleasure, even at scan/search speed, to read such sentences as Joyce’s, isn’t it?

      –It is called a tundish in Lower Drumcondra, said Stephen, laughing, where they speak the best English.

  98. mimi

      – Tell us, Dedalus, do you kiss your mother every night before you go to bed?
      Stephen answered:
      – I do.
      Wells turned to the other fellows and said:
      -O, I say, here’s a fellow says he kisses his mother every night before he goes to bed.
      The other fellows stopped their game and turned round, laughing.
      Stephen blushed under their eyes and said:
      – I do not.
      Wells said:
      -O, I say, here’s a fellow says he doesn’t kiss his mother before he goes to bed.
      They all laughed. Stephen tried to laugh with them. He felt his whole body hot and confused in a moment. What was the right answer to the question? He had given two and still Wells laughed.
      (page-flipped)

      * * * * *

      13 April: That tundish has been on my mind for a long time. I looked it up and find it is English and good old blunt English too. Damn the dean of studies and his funnel! What did he come here for to teach us his own language or to learn it from us? Damn him one way or the other!
      (page-flipped)

  99. deadgod

      Tag team: Seth + Tao vs. Franzenstein + W(h)einer.

      Battle royale? To be added to the MFA required-course load?

  100. Steven Augustine

      Damn you Anonymous Nerd Gang and your “pretentious” interest in Literature it took longer than a few afternoons to write… !!! I am typing with anger in the voice of The People!!!

  101. mimi

      “What was the right answer to the question? He had given two and still…..”

  102. ZZZZIPP

      MIMI DID YOU KNOW THAT ZZZZIPP FIRST TURNED INTO A PHOTON READING THAT BOOK AND IT WAS EXCEEDINGLY DIFFICULT TO GET OUT

  103. deadgod

      STEPHEN

      (Eagerly.) Tell me the word, mother, if you know now. The word known to all men.

  104. mimi

      ZZZZZIPPPPY-
      Not a bad place to be stuck IMHO.

  105. mimi

      sob

      (as in ‘this makes me want to cry’, not as in ‘i think you are a son-of-a-…..’)

  106. mimi

      ZZZIIIIIPPPPPPPY-
      I replied to you in the wrong place.
      Above.
      So get your photon ass up there and read it!

  107. Steven Augustine

      Dammit damn elitists… I am telling you… I am the authentic Voice of the People… stop…. stop….

  108. d

      Well, the only one I can find is Bard College in New York.

  109. deadgod

      Two minutes”? Jurmu’d again. Anyway, googlagog is faster and more compendious than any page-flipping – it had been a semi-honest compliment.

      [Anonymous Nerd Gang ALERT; also, True Scholastic Stink ALERT]: I think that italicized, capital “m” in my first quotation is erroneous.

      It’s a great pleasure, even at scan/search speed, to read such sentences as Joyce’s, isn’t it?

      –It is called a tundish in Lower Drumcondra, said Stephen, laughing, where they speak the best English.

  110. ZZZZIPP

      MIMI WHERE SHOULD ZZZZZIPP REPLY TO IT HERE OR THERE OR SOMEWHERE ELSE ENTIRELY?

  111. mimi

      – Tell us, Dedalus, do you kiss your mother every night before you go to bed?
      Stephen answered:
      – I do.
      Wells turned to the other fellows and said:
      -O, I say, here’s a fellow says he kisses his mother every night before he goes to bed.
      The other fellows stopped their game and turned round, laughing.
      Stephen blushed under their eyes and said:
      – I do not.
      Wells said:
      -O, I say, here’s a fellow says he doesn’t kiss his mother before he goes to bed.
      They all laughed. Stephen tried to laugh with them. He felt his whole body hot and confused in a moment. What was the right answer to the question? He had given two and still Wells laughed.
      (page-flipped)

      * * * * *

      13 April: That tundish has been on my mind for a long time. I looked it up and find it is English and good old blunt English too. Damn the dean of studies and his funnel! What did he come here for to teach us his own language or to learn it from us? Damn him one way or the other!
      (page-flipped)

  112. deadgod

      Tag team: Seth + Tao vs. Franzenstein + W(h)einer.

      Battle royale? To be added to the MFA required-course load?

  113. Steven Augustine

      Damn you Anonymous Nerd Gang and your “pretentious” interest in Literature it took longer than a few afternoons to write… !!! I am typing with anger in the voice of The People!!!

  114. mimi

      “What was the right answer to the question? He had given two and still…..”

  115. ZZZZIPP

      MIMI DID YOU KNOW THAT ZZZZIPP FIRST TURNED INTO A PHOTON READING THAT BOOK AND IT WAS EXCEEDINGLY DIFFICULT TO GET OUT

  116. deadgod

      STEPHEN

      (Eagerly.) Tell me the word, mother, if you know now. The word known to all men.

  117. mimi

      ZZZZZIPPPPY-
      Not a bad place to be stuck IMHO.

  118. mimi

      sob

      (as in ‘this makes me want to cry’, not as in ‘i think you are a son-of-a-…..’)

  119. King Kong Bundy

      My bad. They’re both pussies.

  120. mimi

      ZZZIIIIIPPPPPPPY-
      I replied to you in the wrong place.
      Above.
      So get your photon ass up there and read it!

  121. Steven Augustine

      Dammit damn elitists… I am telling you… I am the authentic Voice of the People… stop…. stop….

  122. Nikolai

      While it is a plausible to express a dislike for Tao’s writing, I believe that to call both Seth and Tao ‘pussies’ signifies that you do not belong here, friend. It also signifies that you are not acquainted with the art of ‘creating a dialogue’, as you do not back up yr claim or provide a comment that will advance the continuing conversation, opting to ‘call out’ the two of them under a shitty pseudonym which is, to most, ‘trolling’ and a characteristic of a conventional ‘pussy’. I like Tao’s writing, though in no way am I ‘obsessed’ with his work or continually fascinated by his ‘shtick’. Unless you can prove otherwise, have you written six published works? Are you doing anything for the literary world today? Oh, that’s right, I forgot about yr passion for writing comments that are barely better than what I type with my left hand while masturbating. Save yr breath next time.

  123. d

      Well, the only one I can find is Bard College in New York.

  124. ZZZZIPP

      MIMI WHERE SHOULD ZZZZZIPP REPLY TO IT HERE OR THERE OR SOMEWHERE ELSE ENTIRELY?

  125. mimi

      ZZIPPER – HERE would be fine, if there’s something else you want to say

  126. Justin RM

      Nikolai,
      What puzzles me is your willingness to type out “you” but that you refrain from committing to “your.” Moreover, “yr” seems like a horrible abbreviation; it sounds like you’re saying “yer.” When you said: “Save yr breath next time,” I read it as if you were a peg-legged pirate. One that has braved many storms at sea–and bravely. But the thing is, I don’t think you’re a pirate. I don’t know man, I’m not so sure I can buy it, this “yr” thing.

      Also, if it were a prerequisite to have published works before anyone was permitted to write [critical] comments on HTMLGIANT would you have been able to say anything? I don’t know man, I’d ease up on that too. I mean, I’m not defending KKB’s comment, I’m just saying, I don’t know man.

  127. King Kong Bundy

      My bad. They’re both pussies.

  128. Trey

      if you masturbate with your left hand you can type with your right. plus it keeps things interesting. variety is the spice of life etc.

  129. Nikolai

      @ Justin RM, duly noted.

      I realize my comment was a bit harsh. My apologies.

  130. Nikolai

      While it is a plausible to express a dislike for Tao’s writing, I believe that to call both Seth and Tao ‘pussies’ signifies that you do not belong here, friend. It also signifies that you are not acquainted with the art of ‘creating a dialogue’, as you do not back up yr claim or provide a comment that will advance the continuing conversation, opting to ‘call out’ the two of them under a shitty pseudonym which is, to most, ‘trolling’ and a characteristic of a conventional ‘pussy’. I like Tao’s writing, though in no way am I ‘obsessed’ with his work or continually fascinated by his ‘shtick’. Unless you can prove otherwise, have you written six published works? Are you doing anything for the literary world today? Oh, that’s right, I forgot about yr passion for writing comments that are barely better than what I type with my left hand while masturbating. Save yr breath next time.

  131. mimi

      ZZIPPER – HERE would be fine, if there’s something else you want to say

  132. Owen Kaelin

      Justin: I prefer to imagine that everyone who uses “yr” is making a conscious tribute/nod to Sonic Youth, who were doing it way back in 1983.

      However, “ur”… I have a little more trouble appreciating.

  133. Justin RM

      Nikolai,
      What puzzles me is your willingness to type out “you” but that you refrain from committing to “your.” Moreover, “yr” seems like a horrible abbreviation; it sounds like you’re saying “yer.” When you said: “Save yr breath next time,” I read it as if you were a peg-legged pirate. One that has braved many storms at sea–and bravely. But the thing is, I don’t think you’re a pirate. I don’t know man, I’m not so sure I can buy it, this “yr” thing.

      Also, if it were a prerequisite to have published works before anyone was permitted to write [critical] comments on HTMLGIANT would you have been able to say anything? I don’t know man, I’d ease up on that too. I mean, I’m not defending KKB’s comment, I’m just saying, I don’t know man.

  134. Trey

      if you masturbate with your left hand you can type with your right. plus it keeps things interesting. variety is the spice of life etc.

  135. Nikolai

      @ Justin RM, duly noted.

      I realize my comment was a bit harsh. My apologies.

  136. Owen Kaelin

      Justin: I prefer to imagine that everyone who uses “yr” is making a conscious tribute/nod to Sonic Youth, who were doing it way back in 1983.

      However, “ur”… I have a little more trouble appreciating.

  137. ZZZZIPP

      IT IS AN EXCELLENT PLACE TO BE STUCK MIMI. BUT ALL LABYRINTHS ARE DANGEROUS AS WELL AS STIMULATING.

  138. mimi

      I once spend dangerously too much time in a vast corn maze in Wisconsin. It wasn’t because I got ‘lost’ – there’s plenty of room to shoulder through the stalks and get out by heading steadfastly in one direction (toward the sound of County T). It was that it was so hot (July sun) that I thought I might pass out from the heat.

      And I once spent way too much of a pleasant afternoon in the hedge maze at Hampton Court. In that case, I really couldn’t find my way out.

  139. mimi

      *spent

  140. ZZZZIPP

      IT IS AN EXCELLENT PLACE TO BE STUCK MIMI. BUT ALL LABYRINTHS ARE DANGEROUS AS WELL AS STIMULATING.

  141. mimi

      I once spend dangerously too much time in a vast corn maze in Wisconsin. It wasn’t because I got ‘lost’ – there’s plenty of room to shoulder through the stalks and get out by heading steadfastly in one direction (toward the sound of County T). It was that it was so hot (July sun) that I thought I might pass out from the heat.

      And I once spent way too much of a pleasant afternoon in the hedge maze at Hampton Court. In that case, I really couldn’t find my way out.

  142. mimi

      *spent

  143. aka aja

      a corn maze
      jesus

  144. The Answer

      Most probably would, espc. at a private school. You’d have to ask, as this is the sort of thing they might not want to publicize. BA then MFA might be easier and cheaper in the long run.

  145. aka aja

      a corn maze
      jesus

  146. The Answer

      Most probably would, espc. at a private school. You’d have to ask, as this is the sort of thing they might not want to publicize. BA then MFA might be easier and cheaper in the long run.

  147. ZZZZIPP

      IT IS ZZZZZIPP’S GOAL TO BECOME LOST IN A MAZE LIKE THE ONE YOU WERE LOST IN AT HAMPTON COURT

  148. ZZZZIPP

      IT IS ZZZZZIPP’S GOAL TO BECOME LOST IN A MAZE LIKE THE ONE YOU WERE LOST IN AT HAMPTON COURT