November 6th, 2008 / 8:50 pm
 Web Hype

HTML GIANT MARKETING CAMPAIGN

In effort to increase unique daily visitors (and I’m not talking about in-call escort services), HTML GIANT will be employing tactics used by the following masters of marketing. It is our hope to usurp these kings of literature/publishing.

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[To do list]: Become vegan, get ‘severely depressed,’ attract ‘emotionally traumatized’ ‘females’ to make t-shirts and short ‘films,’ strive towards a ‘detached yet ultimately life-affirming’ philosophy, decrease pain and suffering, change font to ‘helvetica.’

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[To do list]: Use exclamation points to convey enthusiasm! Sometimes three!!! And fragmented sentences. Like this. Use quirky/informal language to describe institutional matters: “we really like the internet, we even use our server as a lunch table, and we spilled fanta on it.”

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[To do list]: Help shape Malcolm Gladwell’s fro, send writers to France or the Middle East, advertise Prada and Chevron on the back cover, incinerate slush-pile daily, publish anal instead of annal, insert subscription postcards every other page.

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[To do list]: Google ourselves every day hoping to be mentioned on some blog.

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32 Comments

  1. November 7th, 2008 / 1:08 am tao—

      haha

  2. November 6th, 2008 / 9:08 pm tao—

      haha

  3. November 7th, 2008 / 1:11 am colin bassett—

      ha

  4. November 6th, 2008 / 9:11 pm colin bassett—

      ha

  5. November 7th, 2008 / 1:15 am Gene—

      hahaha

  6. November 6th, 2008 / 9:15 pm Gene—

      hahaha

  7. November 7th, 2008 / 1:16 am Matthew Simmons—
  8. November 6th, 2008 / 9:16 pm Matthew Simmons—
  9. November 7th, 2008 / 1:21 am Blake Butler—

      you just got promoted

  10. November 6th, 2008 / 9:21 pm Blake Butler—

      you just got promoted

  11. November 7th, 2008 / 1:31 am Matthew Simmons—

      Also in the New Yorker to do list: use umlauts on second o in cooperation.

  12. November 6th, 2008 / 9:31 pm Matthew Simmons—

      Also in the New Yorker to do list: use umlauts on second o in cooperation.

  13. November 7th, 2008 / 2:11 am ryan manning—

      hits are rising

  14. November 6th, 2008 / 10:11 pm ryan manning—

      hits are rising

  15. November 7th, 2008 / 2:50 am Mike—

      Post of the month.

  16. November 6th, 2008 / 10:50 pm Mike—

      Post of the month.

  17. November 7th, 2008 / 3:55 am Nick—

      ha, nice

  18. November 6th, 2008 / 11:55 pm Nick—

      ha, nice

  19. November 7th, 2008 / 1:41 pm aaron—

      I notice the word “cooperation” in just about every single issue because of that damn umlaut, and it drives me crazy every time.

  20. November 7th, 2008 / 9:41 am aaron—

      I notice the word “cooperation” in just about every single issue because of that damn umlaut, and it drives me crazy every time.

  21. November 7th, 2008 / 2:04 pm Justin Sirois—

      No Drudge Report header?
      — it’s the only website I read.

  22. November 7th, 2008 / 10:04 am Justin Sirois—

      No Drudge Report header?
      — it’s the only website I read.

  23. November 7th, 2008 / 11:39 am Molly Gaudry—

      Excellent!

  24. November 7th, 2008 / 3:39 pm Molly Gaudry—

      Excellent!

  25. November 7th, 2008 / 5:10 pm Adam R—

      Post of the year

  26. November 7th, 2008 / 1:10 pm Adam R—

      Post of the year

  27. November 7th, 2008 / 6:30 pm Jimmy Chen—

      thanks everyone. i’m putting this on my resume.

  28. November 7th, 2008 / 2:30 pm Jimmy Chen—

      thanks everyone. i’m putting this on my resume.

  29. November 10th, 2008 / 9:27 pm James—

      Brilliant.

  30. November 10th, 2008 / 5:27 pm James—

      Brilliant.

  31. November 11th, 2008 / 7:44 am James—

      also on TNY list: umlauts for words like “reëlecting”

  32. November 11th, 2008 / 3:44 am James—

      also on TNY list: umlauts for words like “reëlecting”