November 21st, 2008 / 2:46 pm
Web Hype
Stalking Sessions Revealed
Shane Jones wrote a post on his blog about who he thought had a job, who he thought didn’t, and who he didn’t know. It interested me a good deal, because I think we all passively ‘stalk’ one another without actually contacting each other. Of course, there are bloggers who become friends, but for the most part, we only have an abstract idea of people—abstractions which are enabled by this ‘virtual’ internet medium.
I thought it would be fun to tell you what I think I know about certain characters’ personal lives in this nearing incestuous lit blogosphere. One disclaimer: in writing this post, I have not done any research (i.e. checking their blogger profile for stats, etc.). The following information is solely based on my perception of these people based on aggregated passive stalking sessions via blogspot, flickr, facebook, etc. Again, these are all conjectures, except for when I state a fact.
Ryan Manning
I have a feeling Ryan either ‘gets a lot of chicks,’ or is a weird virgin. His relationships with females seem like they would be intense. He lives in Virginia and has a lot of time.
Brandon Scott Gorrell
Brandon lives in Seattle, and used to be a dork. Now he’s a hipster (I use this word neutrally) because his hair is shaped funny. He recently got a girlfriend, who I think is ‘hot,’ because when a man is very talented, he increases his chance of getting hot females. Brandon uses a PC.
Shane Jones
Shane posted an mpeg touring his house, in upstate NY. There was a cat, which is not surprising because Shane is sensitive. His blogroll is female only, and I think he’s making a political point. I think he probably has a girlfriend, and that he’s a considerate lover. He has some politically progressive job because right before the election, he had to go somewhere.
Blake Butler
Blake lives in Atlanta Georgia, which he’s always bitching about (people in the south are very vocal that they don’t like it there). I think he has a girlfriend. I haven’t seen any pictures of his room or home, but I have a feeling it’s a total mess.
Tao Lin
A lot of this everyone knows, because Tao is so open with his life: he lives in Brooklyn, is vegan, and works at a vegan café, I think. He used to live in Florida. As for his personal life, I think a lot of strange women are severely attracted to him, but I think it’s hard to get into a relationship with Tao because he’s a) very busy, and b) very intense.
Justin Taylor
I think Justin and Tao were roommates, or still are. I don’t know much about Justin, because he doesn’t blog (except at HTMLgiant) and his website just lists his projects. He exudes ‘intellectual.’
Ken Baumann
Ken is an actor. I’ve youtubed the show he’s on, about a teenage girl. I’ve also seen him in Audi commercials. Ken is ‘young’ and his tone is mature. I think he’s loaded, like has a big swimming pool that no one goes into.
Mark Baumer
Mark, of everydayyeah, used to live in Minnesota, and moved to LA. He helps edit Thieves Jargon. I don’t know anything about him other than that.
Aaron Burch/Elizabeth Ellen
I think they are married, or at least going out. I don’t know where they live, but I think it’s either Ohio, Indiana, or Iowa—like not in a big city. I know that they really like Bourbon and poker. I group Barry Graham with them because they know each other.
Barry Graham
Barry Graham could totally kick your ass, not because he has any martial arts skills, but just because he’s really large. Barry isn’t ‘artsy’ the way most people here are, and I like that.
Claudia Smith & Lydia Coupland
I group these two together because I think they are friends. Also, they are ‘the moms.’ A lot of their fiction involves being a mom.
Mazie Louise Montgomery
I know for a fact that’s not her real name, and anyone who was involved in the online lit world pre-2004 will recognize her real name, which I’m not going to disclose out of respect.
Mazie is obviously depressed. I think she has strange affairs with older men. She works at a library.
Zachary German
Zachary used to live in Pennsylvania and moved to Brooklyn because the former state could not contain his hipsterness. He’s gay and obsessed with food. He takes glamour shots with Ellen Frances, who is a NYC Warhol type of person who calls people she likes ‘geniuses.’ She is beautiful and I am sexually attracted to her.
Ellen Kennedy
I thought Ellen Kennedy and Elizabeth Ellen were the same people for the longest time because of the shared ‘Ellen.’ Ellen Kennedy is depressed and recently went ‘crazy,’ like literally institutionalized (she talks about it on her blog, so I don’t think I’m stepping on any toes.) She took ‘major ass’ pictures of forests for awhile, so I think the mental facility was in thick woods.
Scott Garson
Scott Garson edits Wigleaf, and I think he’s a dad. I saw a picture of him with long hair (down to the butt) and it seems he used to be some Pynchon obsessed literary ‘freak,’ and now he’s more normal.
Mike Young
Mike used to live in Portland, and now lives in Massachusetts. He sings well and plays guitar, kinda of a Jeff Tweedy way. I think he’s an honest good guy who sometimes gets depressed. He likes taking road trips, in that Kerouac way.
Sam Pink
Sam Pink is not his real name. He mailed me a chapbook from Indiana, I think. I have a feeling he is older, maybe 32 or something. I think his fiction is ‘real’ in the sense that he is utterly alone and abandoned, but despite his 1st person narrator, he doesn’t act like an asshole. Sam Pink is probably a pervert.
Colin Bassett
Colin lives in Indiana I think. He takes a lot of pictures looking outside windows from inside, and I think that’s a concept for him. He’s very effeminate, but I think he’s straight. He’s very thin because he’s often too detached to eat. He goes to the library often. I think he’s single, but somehow not lonely. He seems mature.
Noah Cicero
Noah lives in Ohio, that is very apparent. Somehow he has a whole house to himself, where he just shouts into the camera all the time. I think Noah thinks he’s Dostoyevsky. He is into politics and speaks in a manner which is not consistent with his high intelligence.
Gene Morgan
Gene recently became a dad. I think he lives around Texas, only because he does the website for Nano, which is some university in Texas’ creative writing journal. Gene, Barry, and Noah are like the ‘men,’ in the sense that all the other males on this list are sort of effeminate, in a literary Rilke/Proust kind of way.
Matthew Savoca & Colin Bassett
I group these two because they are in Europe. Matthew is in Italy, and Colin is in UK—though Matthew is an American expatriate and Colin is actually English. They are both thin and talented. I suspect they both get chicks.
Molly Gaudry
Molly is ‘new’ to this scene. I think she’s either Asian, Hapa, or Southeast Asian (which is Asian I guess). For those who don’t know, Hapa is when you’re any percent Asian. Like if your great grand mother had sex with a man who was ¼ Thai, you’d be hapa.
Ryan Call
I haven’t really followed Ryan Call. I don’t know, it’s like ‘Call’ is a very boring last name and I unfairly assume that he’s boring. He publishes in great print journals and has an interesting sister. I wish his name was Ryan Louvet Mallester, then I would become obsessed.
Matthew Simmons
Matthew Simmons lives in Seattle, and I wonder if he knows Brandon. Matthew works at a bookstore and I imagine him having a lot of hair, especially on his face.
Catherine Lacey
I saw some footage of Catherine brushing her teeth in the subway (NYC), and I think it was either an ‘art project’ or she wanted to have interesting material to post on her blog. Her name is sexy. I think all the NYC people hang out, or at least go to readings together. I saw footage of their behavior ‘in public’ and felt that I would be irritated if I met them in person.
—
I hope nobody is offended, or thought that I was being sarcastic about them. I’ve just been a little obsessed about all of you.
There are still some who I am obsessed about, but I got too tired typing. If you weren’t included in this list, I’m not being elitist, I’m just tired and want you to know that I’m probably obsessed about you too.
Tags: personable, personnel, persons
Where is the post about Ellen Kennedy’s breakdown? I would like to read it.
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pr,
ellen deletes her blog every so often and restarts.
i often want to hug ellen and tell her i’m sorry men hurt people.
her post about her manic episode and incarceration is gone. she removed it.
it was very real. i can tell you that much.
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This was really fun to read. I found a Mike Young youtube video once where he was singing and playing a small guitar in a garage or something.
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yawn
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i read my entry and felt bored.
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Jereme- That’s a shame. I would love to have read it.
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Some things I think: Aaron and Ellen are in Ann Arbor michigan? Barry is I think around there also. I think there’s like a mini ’scene’ in ann arbor with matt bell and others. Mazie works as a teacher and has a daughter. I thought Molly was south korean? I don’t know why I thought that, it might not be right. I wondered before if sam pink’s name was real. That is interesting.
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darby,
have you ever met a north korean?
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Yes, Sam Pink. I love pseudonyms. I wish I had been smart and done that. FREEDOM!
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I almost wrote I thought molly was either north or south korean, than I thought, north korean?
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Sometimes I do hang out with Kendra, Zachary, Justin and/or Tao, and if you met all of us I doubt you would be annoyed. First you would be uncomfortable & confused, but then you’d decide we aren’t so bad and we’d go to Counter and ask for more bread too many times and you’d realize we aren’t so bad, and that we’re maybe even fun to be around.
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Can you say “Korean”? Or is that a nono? Must one specify? Hmmm.
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that’s the exact conversation I was just having in my head pr.
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darby,
you won’t ever meet one. they don’t get to leave.
molly does not look korean to me.
her skin color is more cambodian or thai or even maybe filipino.
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I like stalking everyone.
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Just to prove we’re not all the same, I think Counter is stupid. I always beg for us not to have to go there and suggest like a million other places but nobody will go to them. The food at Counter is really good. As long as you like paying $14 for a “burger” made of wheat paste or whatever the hell vegan food’s made out of, plus like 3 french fries. the fries are really good too. the beer is all organic and costs like $8 a glass. there’s a bar down the street from my house that i like better- they will give you a can of Schmidt and a shot of Powers for $5. they don’t have any food at all.
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I’m aware north koreans can’t leave north korea, that’s what makes the ‘just say korean’ question interesting.
I’d be surprised if she were filipino, I’ve got filipino relatives and I don’t know, her face doesn’t say filipino to me. Thai maybe though, yeah.
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i am so upset
i am very clean
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darby:
you are right. how do you know this?
aaron is off getting an mfa in illinois though. he’s coming back, i hope.
mini “scene”.. ann arbor is the literary mecca of the mid west….
jimmy:
i aint that large, i dont think. maybe my neck. i boxed for a long time and i had to have it measured weekly. it fluctuated between 18.5 and 19 inches. depending on how many pounds i curled with my neck that week. i know no one cares about this.
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sam pink is matthew broderick
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why isn’t a clean blake a happy blake? i dont understand.
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what about kendra. are her tits really that size or is it all push up bra.
anyone seen them.
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barry,
if you have to ask, you have not been with many women. i don’t know. not trying to be mean.
darby,
i concur. her face does not look flip. i lived with flips for quite some time. i just said skin color. maybe burmese?
i know lots of koreans. not one has ever been offended by being called ‘korean’.
korean women are hot but they have large skulls.
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Push up bra or not, her tits looked nice and big to me.
Have fun at your reading, Barry. I wish I could be there.
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molly is south korean.
no i havent jereme. why? does it make you cool to sleep with lots of women?
ive been with my kids’ mother, thats all. am i not cool because of that?
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Vegan food breaks my heart. I want to write a murder mystery set in the raw food world.
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“people in the south are very vocal that they don’t like it there”
yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.
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i like this
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alicia:
then why dont they move
jimmy:
sam sent you something from indiana? thats funny. i think he had me send him something with an iowa address and something else with a massachussets address. sam is everywhere. he encompasses all things.
pr:
i’ll record the reading and put it on youtube,.. no i wont i dont have a video camera actually. wish you were there.
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ah, i think it was iowa.
sam pink is president of iowa writers workshop
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barry, you measure your neck lol
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I’m a little bummed about this sentence:
> Gene, Barry, and Noah are like the ‘men,’ in the sense that all the other males on this list are sort of effeminate, in a literary Rilke/Proust kind of way.
but otherwise, this was pretty great.
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barry,
i said i wasn’t being mean. i did not say i slept with women. just ‘be’ with women.
i am glad you are fond of your wife.
i was trying to not say something that could be interpreted as ‘mean’ by kendra.
no comment on her boobs. figure it out.
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aaron, i miscategorized you. you belong to the ‘men’ club. sorry, you ain’t rilke.
alicia, you’re in mississippi right? i lived in Starkville for a year.
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jimmy:
yeah i had to. i fought for 8 years. i fought light heavyweight, so i had to weigh between 178-185, and my trainer was obsessed with the thickness of ones neck in correlation to the sturdiness of their legs.
aaron is fem. ha.
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jereme -
im just fucking around man.
you never can tell anymore. ive seen some pretty weird shit. these 200 dollar bras can make a flat chested chick look like d. easily, and with only seeing them in a close up pic its hard to say definitively.
also, there is no wife. im not suitable for marriage.
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I find Aaron manly. Anyone giving it to Ellen has to be. I also like effeminate men, btw, as much as I like anybody. (Axl Rose in his makeup, shaking his ass like a stripper, all of the datsuns.. all at the same time…)In other words, it’s all in the details…
Barry had to measure his neck when boxing- probably did all sorts of wierd cool, boxing shit, too. Weighing yourself all the time, and so on.Man, I love Barry, but everyone knows that. I wish you did have a video camera. You totally should record it and put it on dogzplot or something. I would like that.
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I wear push up padded bras that make my tits look ten times bigger than they are.
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i like small boobs. so underrated.
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i love all women. i think all women are sexy for different reasons. small tits big tits, whatever. sometimes its their teeth or their smell or the way they say the word underbelly.
i like pale skin and freckles sometimes and sometimes i like bony girls whose ribs stick through their skin but on other days i like women with thick hips and a fake tan and desperate makeup.
i am blabbering now.
i liked boxing a lot. lots of weird shit.
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http://pshares.blogspot.com/2008/11/while-were-on-meme-train.html
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Texas is a nice place, and I would talk it up if the act of doing so didn’t make me sound like a sisterfucker.
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colin lives in st. louis and i thought he had a girlfriend
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sisterfucker
i like that adjective a lot
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barry,
i am in the process of thinking about moving out-of-state. i only just moved out of my parents’ house a year ago. (having a “real job” makes it easy to save up for a move, but hard to get up and leave.) i don’t know what blake’s problem is. he lives in/near a metropolis. (i bet he doesn’t have to drive a full hour to watch a movie in a movie theater.)
jimmy,
starkville, aye? that’s about an hour and 45 min drive from where i live. i sometimes go there to see my favorite little dj, the hooded deer. also, have a few friends going to school at msu.
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accidental meme…
let’s get drinks tonight…
we’ll take photos…
i’ll post them to my blog…
hi pshares!
xx
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i googled ryan louvet mallester
and google said:
did you mean: ryan louvet molester
go figure
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No swimming pool.
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May I express a little disappointment that you do not have a more elaborate fantasy about me? I mean, I have one about you, Jimmy.
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teenage girls will be preyed upon
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someone should do jimmy?
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colin bassett does live in st louis and does have a girlfriend. i think maybe you were thinkng of chris killen. he is english. also, you did colin twice…
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i forgot to say that this was entertaining, more people should do this, i want everyone to email me
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yeah, i read colin bassett the second time and my brain inserted the words chris killen
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This is hilarious! Where the hell was I when all this was going on? Anyway, thanks for including me. And, I concur with Ryan re: Jimmy.
Jimmy Chen lives in California and does something with computers. He’s obsessed with html codes. He is sensitive. He is private. He watches The Simpsons and reads Foucault, simultaneously, while puffing some of the H-boldt good stuff. He is some kind of Asian, and tall?
Darby is right, and Barry confirmed it: South Korean. And, to clear up any confusion, there are a number of North Korean refugees escaping from NK and winding up, via a crazy route, in South Korea. When they get there, they have no idea that this “other Korea” existed. They are mentally unfit, after their journeying, to work in the fast-paced metropolis that is South Korea, so the SK government houses many of them in rent-free high-rises. This has led to some South Korean grumbling, blaming government for taking more care of these “foreigners” than their own. Additionally, I was in South Korea during the tradeoff of fifty Northerners coming to the south and fifty Southerners going north. It was an emotional time in Korea. Anyway, here’s how I found out about the refugees: http://suyeonyun.com/work_2.php
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I should have mentioned this before: In her photography, it’s your job to identify the North Korean within the South Korean settings/backdrops.
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I guess this is a list of the new breed of poets. I guess I need to be on the look out for these writers. In the bunch maybe I have published two.
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Even the parts that aren’t true are truer than true.
Didi, maybe Jimmy Chen should guest edit an issue called The New Breed of Poets?
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I met Zachary’s girlfriend. She called me racist.
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I feel left out. But I shouldn’t. Because I’ve disappeared.
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HAPA is Hawaiian/Pacific Islander, not just just “part asian’, you idiot.
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I was Googling myself and I found this post.
I guess I do write a lot about mothering things.
I do think Lydia and I are friends, although we have never met.
Of those you have mentioned here I have met – Elizabeth Ellen, Aaron Burch, hmmm who else? Barry Graham and Matthew Simmons and Mike Young and Tao Lin.
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