yo yo yo everybody! how’s everyone doing! sweet, just trying to look less insecure by arguing on the internet!?  aw yeah! well, here’s another random interview. david peak emailed me after i posted about doing interviews. we finna be democratic! keep emailing me and i will keep interviewing.  (INTERVIEW AFTER BREAK Y’ALL!+BONUS HEIDEGGER REFERENCE!)

1. in terms of being fucking sweet, how fucking sweet is it to be david peak and can you provide examples of a compelling nature?

Like most people who spend a lot of time hanging out on the internet, I’ve developed a triple-consciousness. I’m not only concerned with how I view myself and how others view me, but I’m also concerned with how others view my internet-self. This carries over into real life. Sometimes I go to a bar and order a PBR in the bottle. And if they don’t have it I’ll turn to whoever is next to me and exclaim loudly, “You believe this?” I make sure I’m loud enough so the bartender can hear me. Then I order something classy that’s hard to pronounce. Something German or wheaty. It can get complicated sometimes.

2. what is the last book that made you cry and what kind of crying was it? was it the “tears are just coming out of my face now and they feel warm on my lifeless face” or maybe “little adolescent bitchass crying where you keep hiccuping”? do tell.

I read Jack Ketchum’s Off Season and cried when all the cannibal children got killed. I don’t approve of children getting killed. It was more of a crying with my over-inflated sense of thinking that children are the future than it was being bitchass. But I’m that too. Is this a trick question? Are you going to reword this so I look racist?

3. what was the worst thing you’ve ever done to your mother or other valued/unvalued family member and do you regret it or would you do it again?

This is a hard question. I guess I embarrassed my dad when I was little because I was bad at sports. But I kept signing up to play them because there was lots of pressure to be good at sports. I think that probably embarrassed my dad.

4. is it ok to eat the nutrigrain bar i found smashed paper-thin at the bottom of my backpack? and how should i do it? should i just like, funnel the crumbs into my open mouth or what? what i ask you.

Yes. And make sure you do it on the bus. And make sure that when you spill the crumbs on the person next to you they get a good view of all the roaches in your bag. I’m always worried that someone’s roaches are going to crawl into my bag on the bus. I’ve seen it happen before. The world is an ugly place.

5. why is it that sometimes i look around and feel terrified because everything that i thought made me feel good doesn’t make any sense anymore and will i be sent back to the psychiatric hospital at hinsdale hospital because i feel violent lately?

You feel terrified because lots of things are terrifying. You feel violent because good clean people can get roaches just from riding the bus. But at least Hinsdale is clean. They probably have clean facilities, right? And lots of girls who are cutters.

6. is it better to be a gaywad or a butthole and why? what characterizes a gaywad and what characterizes a butthole?

I was going to make a joke about being how buttholes are people who don’t write often and frequently get rusty. Then I deleted it. Then I wrote it again and now I’m sticking with it. A gaywad is someone who spends a lot of time hanging out on the internet. I’m a gaywad. So are lots of other people. But it’s not as bad as being a bag of dicks. Bags of dicks are the worst. Bags of dicks are the people who post complaints in writers rejection forums.

7. is there a way to avoid the heideggarian sense of the inauthentic or are we doomed to appeasing the they-self with repeated violations of dasein in which we grow in and as a tradition?

I’m not sure about this. I went to art school and did well so I don’t know much about anything. But it seems to me that the furthest we can grow is to write long unbroken sentences unpunctuated heavy with sarcasm about being scared. It’s the internet after all. We’re all scared of something. It’s okay to be scared and to tell people that you’re scared. I guess everyone needs to grow up a little and embrace that.

I’m never sure if I’ve had fun or not. When I look back on it.